


Love Twists Me Around

by SaucyWench



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Accidental Drug Use, Attempted Sexual Assault, BDSM, Consensual Non-Consent, Domestic Violence, Dubious Consent, Edgeplay, Gaslighting, Homophobic Language, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Sexual Content, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, bottom!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-06
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-07 16:53:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 48
Words: 96,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1122241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaucyWench/pseuds/SaucyWench
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean thought he was getting everything he ever dreamed about.  He didn't realize his dream would become a nightmare.  He never thought something like this would happen to him.  He should be able to do something to fix it, since it is his fault anyway.  Isn't it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

For the first time in quite a while, Dean felt content.  The morning rush was over, and there was a lull in customers, so he leaned back against the counter, took a deep breath of the smells of coffee and pastries, and just stopped for a moment to appreciate that his life was not too bad right now.  He had a job he enjoyed, friends he could count on, his coworkers were all friendly and kind people, he was able to pay his bills, and he had no reason to expect anything unpleasant popping up in his life that he couldn't handle.  All in all, it was not a bad life. 

Granted, there was always room for improvement.  He knew some people looked down on him because he was a barista at a locally owned small mom-and-pop coffee shop.  Sure, he wasn't saving lives like a doctor, but the customers that came in each day acted like he was every bit as important.  It made Dean feel better knowing that he could help someone else get a good start to their day with a good cup of coffee and a cheerful smile.  A lot of his customers were doctors and nurses from the nearby hospital, so who knows?  Maybe he actually was indirectly helping to save a life, even if it was only by keeping a surgeon awake with a double shot of espresso. 

The main complaint he had was that he had no one to share his life with.  Sure, he had dates here and there.  He even had a friend with benefits to take care of the physical aspects of things.  He just wanted more, someone that he could share his thoughts and feelings with, someone he could spend time with just talking and holding hands, or maybe go to a movie or check out a new restaurant.  Dean wanted more than just heavy breathing and frantic fumbling in the dark, then leaving to go home alone after it was over.  He wanted someone he could snuggle with after sex, wake up with in the mornings, have breakfast together and laugh.  He wanted to be a part of a couple, complete with inside jokes, messy hair, and morning breath.  He was tired of getting looks from the nosy old lady that lived across the hall while he did the walk of shame, trying to sneak back into his apartment before the entire building noticed.  He was an adult, for heaven's sake, he shouldn't have to feel like a guilty teenager trying not to get caught after curfew. 

Dean's attention was abruptly drawn back to the present when the bell on the door rang, announcing a customer.  He put on his professional ‘how can I help you’ smile and stepped up to the counter.  Then he was promptly tongue tied, faced with a man who was absolutely gorgeous.  The man had to be close to six feet tall, with light brown eyes and dark hair pulled back in a small pony tail.  Dean could tell it was curly though, since the attempt to tame it was not entirely successful, judging by the wisps that had escaped their confinement.   With a quick glance, he also saw broad shoulders and long legs.  When he looked back to the man’s face and saw the small smile and one quirked eyebrow, he knew he had been busted checking out the other man. 

With a blush, Dean made sure to keep eye contact and asked the stranger for his order.  The man’s smile just widened and he asked for a cinnamon latte.  Dean got to work making it, but his naturally friendly personality quickly overcame his embarrassment. 

“I don’t think I have seen you around before,” Dean said.  “Are you new to the neighborhood?”

“Yep, I just moved into a new apartment a few blocks away.  Plus I have a job interview today at the hospital.  So I imagine you will be seeing a lot more of me.”  He stuck out his hand and introduced himself.  “I am Aidan, by the way.” 

“Uh, hi, I’m Dean.”  He quickly wiped his hands on a clean cloth, and then shook Aidan’s hand.  He popped a lid on the coffee cup, and handed it over.  “On the house.  Consider it a ‘welcome to the neighborhood and good luck with the interview’ gift.”  He was rewarded with a grin that warmed him like a ray of sunshine.  “Knock ‘em dead!  You will have to come back and let me know how it goes.” 

“It is a deal!  See you later, Dean.”  Aidan walked out, but not before throwing one last smile over his shoulder.

After the door shut with another jangle of the bell, his coworker Adam popped out from the storage room.  “Honestly, Dean.  A man that hot practically drooled on you and you still didn’t ask him out?  I am disappointed in you.”

Dean shot the smaller man an incredulous look.  “Were you back there spying on me?” 

“Actually I was sneaking a peek at tall, dark, and dreamy.  You just happened to be in the way.”   He dodged the half-hearted attempt of a swat that Dean aimed in his direction.  “Seriously, if he comes back, you should ask him out.”

“I doubt he will come back today.  Besides, if he gets the job, he probably has someone to celebrate with.  And if he doesn’t get the job, I doubt he will feel like going out.”  Dean sighed, “Maybe he will come back in the morning or some other time though.  I don’t think he was drooling on me, as you put it, but he seems nice.” 

Adam just laughed.  “Okay, maybe not drooling.  He was definitely interested, though.  Trust me on that.” 

Dean gave Adam a pointed look and asked, “Don’t you have something productive to do?  Find something to clean at least.  Quit meddling in my love life.” 

Adam headed back to the store room, calling over his shoulder, “You have to actually have some sort of love life before I can meddle in it, Deano.  That booty call of yours doesn’t count.  He is just using you and you know it.”

Dean sighed and looked at the closed door.  Maybe Aidan would come back sometime for another coffee.  Meanwhile, a daydream about a sunny smile, dark curls, and broad shoulders never hurt anyone.   

 

***

 

A few hours later, Dean was sweeping the floor, trying to clean up for the next shift.  He heard the bell on the door chime, and looked up to see Aidan.  The man had taken his hair down out of his pony tail, and curls were everywhere, it seemed.  Aidan was also wearing the biggest smile Dean had ever seen, and he couldn’t help but smile back. 

“I got the job!”  Aidan threw his arms around Dean in a bear hug, and rocked him back and forth in excitement.  Dean was surprised, but the taller man’s enthusiasm was contagious, so he returned the hug.  “I start Monday!  I even got the salary and the shift I wanted!”  He released Dean, did a twirl, and finished with a fist pump and wriggle of his hips that Dean found adorably sexy. 

“Congratulations!”  Dean asked, “What will you be doing?”

“I'm a nurse,” Aidan explained.  “They want me working in the emergency room.  Lots of nurses don’t like that, since it can be so stressful.  I don’t mind, though.  I guess I am one of those people that do well under pressure.” 

Dean walked back around to the other side of the counter.  “Well, let me get you a congratulatory coffee then.  Cinnamon latte, right?”

Aidan leaned over the counter and propped himself up on his elbows.  “I have a better idea.  How about you join me later tonight for a congratulatory drink instead?  You can show me where there is a good bar in the neighborhood.  I’d hate to have to be that guy celebrating by himself, so please say yes.”  He batted his eyelashes and gave Dean a winsome pout.

Dean couldn’t help but laugh.  “I am off tomorrow, so that sounds good to me.  How about around eight?  It will give me time to take a shower and wash off the coffee smell.”  He grabbed a pen and leaned down on the counter to write his phone number on a napkin. 

Aidan leaned down beside him, and sniffed at his hair.  Teasingly he said, “You already smell good enough to eat, but if you insist, eight sounds fine to me.”  He grabbed the napkin and made his way to the door.  “I will text you in a bit, and we can figure out where to meet, yeah?”

“Yeah, good.”  Dean knew he had a blush and a stupid smile on his face, and probably looked like a sap.  He just couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment.  He stood like that staring at the door as it closed behind Aidan.  He was already wracking his brain, trying to think if he had anything clean to wear that didn’t make it look like he was trying too hard. 

Adam came charging out of the back with a loud whoop.  “You have a DATE!  And you didn’t even have to ask him!”  With a grin, he made the same fist pump hip wriggle gesture Aidan had made.  “Where are you going to go?  Are you going to take him to dinner first?  There is that new tapas place down in the warehouse district, maybe you could give that a try.  No, wait!  What about that Italian place, it is supposed to be really romantic!  Just don’t go to the Mexican place, they have live mariachi music tonight and you won’t be able to hear each other talk.” 

Dean just grinned at Adam, letting him babble on until he started to wind down.  Sometimes Dean thought that this is what it would be like if puppies could talk.  All noise and excitement until suddenly the energy was gone.  He half expected Adam to go curl up in a corner somewhere to take a nap. 

“Right now, we just agreed on a drink.  I’d rather not try dinner just yet.  What if we don’t like each other?  What if he thinks I am boring?  I don’t want us to be stuck with each other trying to make small talk until the meal is over.  At least with just drinks, we can cut it short if it isn’t working out.”  Dean sighed as he remembered his last date.  He had been stuck at the table for over an hour with a man who chewed with his mouth open and talked about cheese all night.  Dean enjoyed cheese, sure, but not enough to be able to talk about it and how it is made in excruciating detail.  After hearing about bacteria, mold, aging, and different types of milk, he hadn’t been able to even think about eating cheese for weeks. 

Suddenly serious, Adam grabbed Dean’s shoulders.  Looking Dean up and down, he advised him, “Be sure to wear that forest green button down shirt, and the black skinny jeans you have.  The shirt makes your eyes stand out more and looks good with your blonde hair.”

Amused, Dean wondered, “Why the black jeans?”

“They look like they were specifically made to show off your ass.  And for the love of all that is holy, do NOT wear white socks.  Wear the black loafers.”  Adam shot him a dubious look.  “Do you want me to come over and help you get dressed?” 

“No!  Jeez, Adam!  I am not completely incompetent!  I think I can get dressed by myself, thank you very much.”  Seeing the hurt on Adam’s face, he relented a little.  “I do appreciate the advice though.  And if it makes you happy, that is probably what I will wind up wearing tonight.  So thank you.” 

Adam rewarded him with a brilliant smile.  “You know I just want to see you happy, Deano.  You are my best friend.  You deserve someone good in your life.  Who knows?  Maybe this guy will be the one.” 

Dean laughed as he took off his apron and clocked out.  “So far all I know about him is his first name, he is a nurse, and he likes cinnamon lattes.  I don’t think I will start planning the wedding just yet.”

“Well, if you ever want to play doctor, at least he already has the scrubs for it!”  Adam ducked the rag that Dean threw at him.  The sound of Adam’s laughter followed him out the door, and Dean figured that there were worse ways to end a workday. 

He didn’t live far away, so usually walked to work.  Cutting through the parking lot, he heard someone call his name.  He turned to see his friend Richard waving at him.  “I am running late, but I just wanted to know if we are still on for this Friday?” Richard yelled across the lot. 

“Of course we are!” Dean yelled back.  “You don’t think I would miss a chance to take your money, do you?”  A few of them got together every other Friday night to play poker.  They usually ended up talking and drinking beer more than actually playing cards, but they had fun and enjoyed the company.  With a wave of acknowledgement, Richard headed into the coffee shop. 

Dean made it home and was just kicking off his shoes when he heard his phone chirp, indicating a text. 

<< I know this makes me sound like a teenage girl, but I don’t have any idea what to wear.  Are we going anywhere with a dress code or something?  What are you wearing?  Aidan >>

Dean couldn’t help but smile as he replied.  << I am wearing a button down and jeans.  Whatever you wear will be fine, I am sure. >> 

<< I just don’t want to look too awkward.  I have to admit, it has been a while since I have gone on a date.   I may be out of practice.  >>

Dean just laughed at that.  << Could have fooled me.  I am hopping into the shower.  Think about what you want to do tonight and I will see if I can come up with a suitable place when I get out. >>

He didn’t even realize he was still smiling until he got shampoo in his mouth.  He spluttered a bit, but it still didn’t wipe the smile from his face. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

After a few more texts back and forth, Dean and Aidan settled on a piano bar not too far away from the coffee shop where Dean worked.  Neither one of them had been there before, but Dean had heard good things about it from his friends.  He was there before Aidan, and was able to grab a table.  When he saw Aidan walk in, he stood up to wave him over.  Dean made a mental note to thank Adam for the fashion advice when he noticed Aidan glance at his jeans with a look of appreciation. 

They got settled and placed a drink order with the waitress, and Dean looked around.  It was still early, so there were not too many people there yet.  The piano sat alone in a spotlight on a dais, too small to really be called a stage.  The building was long and somewhat narrow, but the entire wall behind the piano was covered in mirrors, making the bar look much larger than it actually was.  There was recorded music playing until the piano player took the stage, but for now it was still quiet enough to be able to hold a conversation.  Looking around, Dean noticed the clientele varied from a group of young men who looked like they could be in a college fraternity to a couple who looked to be in their sixties and very much in love, holding hands and whispering to each other.  Aidan followed his gaze, and his face softened with a wistful smile. 

“I love seeing couples like that,” he confided to Dean.  “It makes me feel like there is hope for the rest of us.  I like to imagine that they were high school sweethearts, and have loved each other like that forever, and always will.”

Dean studied his face while he was still looking at the older couple.  Aidan looked back and caught him at it, and shot Dean an inquisitive look.  Dean blushed, but explained, “I just didn’t think of you as a hopeless romantic.  I think it is sweet, that’s all.” 

“Hopeless?”  Aidan laughed.  “I think I prefer to think of myself as a hopeful romantic, not hopeless.”  Dean laughed at this, and Aidan leaned forward and ran a fingertip down the side of his face.  “There they are!  Those dimples of yours should be registered as a deadly weapon.  They probably cause men and women to swoon at your feet on a regular basis.” 

Dean blushed, and was still trying to reply, stammering when the waitress came back with their drinks.  Aidan paid over Dean’s objections, and bought a round to be sent to the elderly couple while he was at it.  He was rewarded with smiles and waves from the couple, and then returned his attention to Dean. 

“So tell me, aside from having killer dimples, and making an extraordinary cup of coffee, what do you do, Dean? Do you have any hobbies? How about any secret kinky fetishes?  Wait, no, don’t answer that last one.  It might be more fun to discover that on my own.”  He shot Dean a dramatic leer, waggling his eyebrows. 

With a laugh, Dean gave Aidan a small shrug.  Somewhat embarrassed, he confessed, “My life is fairly boring.  I go to work, go home, play poker with my friends sometimes, and dabble a bit with photography.  That is about it.  Sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t have a leather gimp suit hanging in the closet, or a hidden dungeon.” 

Aidan shot him a mock pout, saying, “Oh well, it is never too late to learn!”  The bar was starting to get crowded, so he scooted his seat closer to Dean.  “Tell me more about your photography, though.  What sort of things do you photograph?”

“Pretty much anything that gets my attention.  I also set things up sometimes, or get people to model for me.  I like trying to get people to see things differently.  Even if someone doesn’t like the picture, if I can make them stop and think about it, I consider it a success.”  Dean realized he was starting to babble, so embarrassed, he tried to shrug it off.  “It is just something I enjoy doing, that’s all.”  He kept his gaze on the table, playing with the napkin. 

“Hey.”  Aidan waited until Dean looked at him.  “You enjoy it, and sound passionate about it.  Never be ashamed for being passionate about something.  Not with me.  Okay?”  He waited until he got a smile and a nod from Dean, and then threw his arm around the blonde’s shoulders.  He directed Dean’s attention to the mirror running along the wall.  “Besides, it is too bad you didn’t bring a camera with you tonight.  We make a cute couple, even if I do say so myself.  Don’t you think? Oh!  Wait a second!”  Aiden asked a woman at the next table if she would take their picture, passing over his phone when she agreed. 

They quickly posed, and she snapped a couple of shots of them before handing the phone back with a smile.    Dean and Aidan leaned close together so they could both see the picture.  Dean was smiling at the camera, dimples on display, leaning into Aidan, tucked under the arm that was around his shoulders.  Aidan’s attention was focused on Dean, beaming that bright smile, brunette curls untamed and falling over one eye, with a mischievous look on his face like he was about to deliver the punch line of a dirty joke. 

Aidan took his phone back, and sent the picture to Dean’s phone, exclaiming, “There!  Now we both have a record of our first date.”  He raised his glass and gave Dean a nod.  “To first dates, new beginnings, and fresh starts.”  Dean returned the gesture, and they both finished their drinks. 

Dean looked around for their waitress, but the bar had gotten considerably more crowded since they arrived.  It was standing room only now, and the waitress was nowhere to be seen.  “Why don’t you stay and save our seats while I go grab another round from the bar?” Aidan started to object, but Dean insisted it was his turn to buy. 

Dean made his way through the crowd, trying to get close enough to the bar to be seen by one of the staff.  Most of the time his height didn’t bother him, but he had to admit that in situations like this, it would have been nice to be tall enough to be seen over the other people.  With a sigh, he waited, hoping he could get a little closer to the bar and be able to get his drinks soon.  He was enjoying spending time and chatting with Aidan and was anxious to get back to his date.

He was concentrating on trying to catch the bartender’s eye, and was not paying a whole lot of attention to the other people around him.  So when he felt a hand press into the small of his back, just at the top of the swell of his butt, it took him by surprise.  He let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like a startled squeak, even though it was not very manly of him.  He turned to glare at the owner of the hand.  It happened to be one of the frat boys he had noticed earlier.  Dean tried to edge away, but the crowd was heavy enough by the bar that he really had nowhere to go.  Matters just got worse when another one of the frat boys pressed against him from the other side, sandwiching him between the two men. 

Dean tried to twist away, but the first man wrapped both of his arms around Dean’s waist, holding him in place.  Trying not to show that he was intimidated, he said in a firm voice, “Get your hands off of me.  I am here with someone, and even if I wasn’t, you wouldn’t stand a chance.” 

The second man ran a hand through Dean’s hair, laughing when Dean jerked away.  “Looks like your date ditched you, cutie.  So it seems like your evening just opened up.  Relax, we are just being friendly.” 

Throwing a glance back at his table, he saw another party taking his seat.  Aidan was nowhere to be seen.  With a sinking heart, he wondered if Aidan thought he was willingly being pawed at by these drunken idiots.  Maybe the date wasn’t going as well as he had thought, and Aidan took the opportunity to quietly sneak out.  The thought hurt.  Regardless, right now he had his hands full, trying to extricate himself from something that had the potential to turn into a nasty situation. 

“Thanks, but no thanks.  I am leaving.”  He tried to pry the arms from around his waist, but the idiot wasn’t making it easy.  Then the other man grabbed his hair again, making a fist and pulling his head to the side. 

“That works for us.  We will just walk you outside.”  His hair was released, but his wrist was grabbed with an iron grip.  The two men started pushing and tugging him toward the back exit.  Dean felt the first stirring of panic uncurl in his chest.  He knew that he absolutely didn’t want to be outside and alone with these two men, no matter what.  He turned and shouted at the bartender, calling for help, but the noise level in the club had risen, it was crowded, everyone was yelling at the bartender, and no one noticed him in all the din.  He jerked against the hand holding his wrist, but was unable to get free.  He was able to drive his elbow into the stomach of the man behind him hard enough to make his grip on Dean’s waist loosen a bit, but before Dean could try to get away, the man grabbed his crotch roughly. 

“Look, we just want to have a little fun, so relax and enjoy it!  But if you hurt me again, I promise you won’t like it.”  The hand on his crotch tightened to the point of pain, making Dean whimper.  Dean considered just screaming his head off, but quickly changed his mind when the hand clamped down harder.  “Do it,” the man hissed into his ear.  “I said you wouldn’t enjoy it, but I sure as hell will.  So just give me an excuse to hurt you.” 

The next few moments were a blur of pain and noise, glimpses of people that were not paying any attention to the small man sandwiched between the two large jocks.  Dean couldn’t believe this was happening. Suddenly he felt a rush of cool air, and heard a bang of a door slamming, cutting off the noise from inside the bar.  He just had a chance to see that he was in the alley beside the dumpster, and it was deserted.  Then he was thrown against the wall, hitting his head hard and having the breath knocked out of him.  Suddenly a heavy body was pressed against him, hands on either side of his face, someone trying to kiss him while he gritted his teeth and refused to open his mouth.   

“Oh, I like it when they fight back,” the man holding him said with a laugh, and then he bit the side of Dean’s neck hard enough to make the blonde cry out in pain.  Dean struggled, but was still dazed from hitting his head, and he just couldn’t find any leverage to push the larger man away.  He was still in a state of disbelief and shock.  This couldn’t be happening.

The man pressed his forearm against Dean’s throat, making it difficult for him to breathe.  As he struggled and black spots started to swim across his vision, it dimly registered that suddenly the music from the bar seemed much louder, then he heard a door slam, followed by crashing noises and a voice cursing.  Suddenly the man pressing him into the wall was gone.  All he could do was sink to the ground, gasping for air and trying not to pass out. Dean closed his eyes and put his head between his knees. He didn’t even notice all the noise until it was gone and silence fell. 

He heard footsteps and opened his eyes to see a pair of feet in front of him.  Suddenly the person attached to those feet crouched down in front of him.  He flinched back until he realized it was Aidan.  Aidan’s nose was bleeding, one of his eyes was already starting to swell, and the knuckles on both of his hands were bleeding as well.  Still, what struck Dean the most was that this was the only time Dean had seen him without any kind of smile at all.  All he could do was sit there and stare stupidly. 

“Dean?  Can you hear me?”  Aidan leaned a little closer, but still tried to avoid crowding him.  “Can you look at me for a second?  You hit your head pretty hard.”  Aidan looked at Dean’s pupils, still not touching him or crowding him. 

Dean tried to talk, but his throat was too sore, so he ended up just whispering, “I thought you had left.  I looked back at the table and you were gone.” 

Aidan started to reach out for Dean’s hand, but then thought better of it.  “I would never leave you.  I saw those two jerks start grabbing at you, so I tried to get to you to help.  I couldn’t make it through the crowd in time.  I am so, so sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.” 

Dean lightly grabbed one of Aidan’s hands by the fingertips, bringing it closer to inspect the bleeding.  “What happened?  Where did they go?” 

“They got what they deserved, and decided not to stick around. Too bad, since I was not done with them.” A vicious look quickly passed across Aidan’s face, so unfamiliar and foreign to the man’s usual sunny disposition that Dean was not even sure if he actually saw it.  It was replaced with a look of concern when Dean rubbed at his throat.  “Is it okay if I touch you?  I just want to see the back of your head, alright?” 

Dean nodded and leaned forward so the other man could inspect it.  He winced and sucked his breath in with a hiss when Aidan poked at the tender area, then leaned back against the wall when he was finished. 

“Turnabout is fair play.  My turn.”  He took Aidan’s hands and gingerly inspected them.  Then he gently tilted Aidan’s face so he could see it better in the light.  “It looks like you took a few hard knocks yourself.  Maybe you should go to the hospital and see if your nose is broken.” 

“Nah, it isn’t.  I’ve had a broken nose before, this will be fine.  Just a bit of ice and it will be as good as new.  I am still concerned about the hit you took to the head, however.” 

Dean chuckled, but then winced as his throat pained him.  “I should be fine.  After all, I had a nurse examine me.”  He started to stand up, and Aidan quickly stood up and helped him.  He gave the taller man an apologetic look.  “This is not exactly how I imagined our date.  I am sorry about all this.” 

Aidan made a choked noise, and then asked, “Look... is it okay if I just hug you?  I just…. I just need to know you are alright, and you are going to be fine.  Okay?”

Dean smiled and nodded his agreement.  Suddenly he found himself wrapped in trembling arms, being held tightly. 

Aidan was whispering to him, “I was so worried I wouldn’t get out here in time.  I was so scared about what they might do to you.  Please don’t apologize to me. None of this was your fault.  When I came out here and saw what they were doing, I wanted to kill them.  I just saw red.  Please, please forgive me for not making it out here sooner.  I am so sorry.”

Dean didn’t know how badly he needed that hug until he felt himself relaxing into Aidan’s arms.  He buried his face into the other man’s chest, smelling soap and faint cologne and something that was just distinctly Aidan.  He felt warm and safe, and listening to Aidan’s whispers brought tears to his eyes. 

Without letting go, Dean said, “I have a deal for you.  I won’t apologize any more if you quit apologizing too.  Neither one of us is to blame.  Let’s leave the blame with the assholes where it belongs, okay?” 

Aidan made a noise of agreement that was half laugh, half sob, and completely relieved.  He pressed a gentle kiss against Dean’s temple, and then stepped back.  He looked down and seemed to notice how he looked for the first time.  “I am a mess!  I need to wash up and change clothes.  Look, I know this was a disaster, but I am concerned about you being alone after taking that knock to the head.  Since you don’t want to go to the hospital, why don’t you come home with me?  My sofa pulls out into a bed, I have a change of clothes you can use, and I promise not to be a letch.  I’ll even throw in some French toast in the morning to sweeten the deal.” 

Dean just stared at him for a minute, wondering how he managed to have such a sweet, caring, handsome man be interested in him.

“Uh, well… I mean, of course you don’t have to.  If you have someone else who will stay with you, a friend or someone, we can call them… or something…”  Aidan shuffled his feet and looked uncertain. 

Dean couldn’t help but laugh.  “I’d love to go home with you.  You sold me with the French toast.  I was just thinking that it isn’t every day that I get to go on a first date to a new place with a handsome man, get attacked in an alley, then get offered breakfast by my knight in shining armor.” 

“More like your knight in scruffy blue jeans.  Sorry I can’t sweep you away on my white horse, but he is on vacation in Bermuda. Shall we?”  Aidan held out the crook of his arm. 

Dean laced his arm through Aidan’s and told him, “Lead on, Sir Lancelot.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all the support and kind comments! It makes me happy to know that others enjoy reading this.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean was glad that Aidan’s apartment was not too far away.  He was also relieved that it was on the bottom floor.  He didn’t think he was up to climbing flights of stairs.  Now that the fear and adrenaline were starting to wear off, he could feel all the aches and pains from being thrown around in the alley.  He was already dreading tomorrow, knowing he would be sore. 

Aidan unlocked his door, and ushered Dean inside.  “It isn’t much yet, but it is home.  I could use a cup of tea, how about you?”  He got Dean situated on the couch, and then headed off, presumably to the kitchen.

Dean glanced around, struck by how empty the apartment seemed.  There was the couch and a couple of armchairs, a coffee table, and an entertainment system in the room where he was.  Television, stereo, Xbox, games and DVDs were stacked on the shelves.  Craning his head, he saw a dinette set in a breakfast nook.   However, the walls were bare.  No paintings were hanging anywhere.  There were no pictures of people propped up on tables.  The apartment seemed completely impersonal.  Anyone could have lived here.  Well, Aidan did say he had just moved in, Dean rationalized.  Maybe he hasn’t had time to completely unpack. 

Aidan returned with a couple of towels and a small stack of clothes.  “I thought you might want to take a shower.  The tea should be ready by the time you are done.”  Dean just silently nodded and followed Aidan’s directions to the bathroom, oblivious to the concerned look the taller man gave him. 

Once in the shower, Dean hissed, feeling the water sting on abrasions he didn’t even know he had.  He washed off as quickly as he was able, and tried to dry off gently to avoid even more pain.  He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, and froze, stunned at the sight.  He had a bruise blossoming on the side of his face, and another one on his ribs.  He didn’t even remember getting those.  He remembered being thrown into the wall, which accounted for the scrapes on his back, and the lump on his head.  He also remembered getting bitten, and he saw the imprint of teeth on his neck.  Shuddering, he turned away from the mirror, avoiding looking at himself again.  He didn’t even want to think about what else might have happened if Aidan had not come after him.  He quickly dressed, trying to not think about anything at all.

He grabbed his dirty clothes, and went back into the living room.  He felt a little ridiculous wearing the taller man’s clothes, like a child playing dress up.  At least the sweatpants had a drawstring at the waist so they wouldn’t just fall completely off. 

Aidan jumped up and took his dirty clothes and set them aside.  “Feel better?”

Dean nodded, but added, “I am just sore.”  He also felt cold, and shivered just a bit.  Aidan noticed, and led him back to the couch, wrapping him in a blanket.  Dean was settled in with a few aspirin, a hot cup of tea, a sandwich, and the remote control on the coffee table in front of him.

He stared at this assortment for a moment, until Aidan handed him a bag of frozen peas.  “Stick those on the back of your head.  It will help with the swelling.”  Silently, Dean obeyed.  “I am going to take a shower and clean up myself.  Will you be okay while I do that?”  Dean just nodded.  “Well, I will leave the door open.  If you need anything at all, just yell, okay?”  Shooting Dean another concerned look, he disappeared into the bathroom. 

Dean heard the water start running, and a small smile crossed his face thinking of Aidan naked in the shower.  Then he thought of the blood on Aidan’s face and hands.  Dean dropped the bag of peas and buried his face in his hands.  He hunched down into the blanket, but was still shivering.  He felt like he would never be warm again. 

He was still like that when Aidan came out of the bathroom.  He didn’t even notice until the brunette sat on the couch beside him, and then he just stared at Aidan with wide eyes.  He didn’t even know he was crying until he felt a tear track down the side of his nose. 

“Do you want to call someone?  Would you feel better if a friend came to get you?  I think you are a little bit in shock, and the reaction is starting to set in.  Do you want to go to the hospital?  Or we could call the police.  Tell me what you want, and we will make it happen, all right?”  Aidan was using a soothing voice, like he was trying to talk a scared cat down from a tree.  That mental image made Dean snort. 

“Can we just try to forget it happened?  I guess I am just shook up because I started thinking of what might have happened to either one of us.  I want to forget it ever happened.”  Dean took a deep breath, trying to calm down a bit.  After a moment, he looked at Aidan, and in a small voice asked, “Can I just have a hug?”

Aidan just replied by opening his arms wide, with a bright smile.  Dean flung himself against the other man, burying his face against Aidan’s neck, clutching at his shirt.  Aidan wrapped his arms tightly around Dean, then made a few adjustments, and leaned back so Dean could lie on his chest.  He held the smaller man close, making soft, soothing motions down one of Dean’s legs. 

Dean wriggled, trying to get even closer.  This was warmth.  This was safety.  Aidan wouldn’t let anything happen to him.  Dean finally started to relax and quit trembling.  He sighed, and just enjoyed the smell and feel of being wrapped up in Aidan.  “You make me feel better,“ he confessed in a whisper as he started to doze off. 

Dean didn’t see the dark look on Aidan’s face.  He didn’t hear Aidan’s whispered reply, either.  “As long as you are mine, no one else will ever lay another finger on you.”  He certainly didn’t hear the note of possession in Aidan’s voice.  Dean only dimly registered the arms tightening around him almost to the point of pain, but they relaxed as soon as he squirmed a bit. 

***

The first thing Dean noticed when he woke up was warmth.  The second thing was the broad chest he had his head on and the rest of the hard body he seemed to be stretched out on top of.  After that he noticed pain.  His entire body hurt, but some areas were worse than others.  The back of his head was throbbing.  Everything came back to him in a rush, and he raised his head with a groan.  He was greeted by an amused smile and twinkling brown eyes. 

“Sleeping beauty finally awakens!”  Aidan exclaimed.  “About time too, I was starting to try to figure out how I was going to be able to pry you off of me.” 

Dean grumbled something that might have been in English, and started to climb off of Aidan.  Aidan grabbed him before he could get too far, and gave him a light kiss on the forehead.  “Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy having you there.  But if I don’t get to a bathroom soon, things are going to get embarrassing. “  He let Dean finish moving to the other end of the couch, then went to the bathroom and took care of his morning routine. 

He came back to the living room, seeing Dean was still sitting like a lump wrapped in the blanket.  Aidan dropped a kiss on top of Dean’s head, and informed him the bathroom was all his. 

Dean shot Aidan a dirty look, and groused at him, “Don’t tell me you are one of _those_ people.” 

Aidan looked puzzled and asked, “What people?”

“ _Morning people_ ,” Dean spat, like it was a horrible curse.  He huddled deeper into the blanket, looking pitiful and grumpy. 

“Wait a second,” Aidan wondered, “don’t you have to be at the coffee shop really early when you are working?” 

“Well, yeah, but the difference is we actually have coffee there.  Coffee makes any morning better.  The best part of my job is all the coffee I can drink.”

“I have already promised French toast.  I think I can manage to make some coffee to go along with it.”  He just laughed at Dean’s hopeful look.  “Give me a few minutes, and I’ll see what I can come up with.”

Aidan got to work in the kitchen while Dean shuffled off to the bathroom. 

Looking in the mirror, Dean figured it could have been worse.  He had faint bruising on his neck, and the bite mark was still visible.  There was still a knot on the back of his head, but that was hidden by his hair.  Everything else was minor, or covered by his clothing.  He didn’t have a toothbrush, so used a bit of Aidan’s toothpaste on his finger, took care of the other morning necessities, and wandered back to the living room.  He wrapped himself back in the blanket, and slumped on one end of the couch.  He was debating to himself if it would be too terribly rude of him to fall back asleep when a cup of coffee was thrust in front of his face. 

Dean grabbed it, then held it to his nose and took a deep whiff.  “You are obviously an angel sent from heaven.  Thank you.” 

“I have cream and sugar if you need it,” Aidan offered.

“And ruin a perfectly good cup of coffee?  Never!”

“Well, remember that angel sentiment, because I want to look at that knot on your head.  I imagine it hurts.”  Dean leaned forward and tilted his head a bit.  Aidan ran gentle fingers over his skull, but it still caused him to wince in pain.   “Okay, now look at me.  Good.  Now follow my finger with just your eyes, don’t turn your head.  Look back at me?”  Aidan just sat there for a moment, staring into Dean’s eyes.  “Your response is normal, and I still don’t think you have a concussion.  I think you just have a nasty bruise, but you should be fine.  You also have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.”  Slowly, giving Dean time to react, he leaned forward until he pressed a gentle kiss against Dean’s lips.  He pulled back a bit to gauge Dean’s reaction, but after just a moment Dean followed him, getting another soft kiss.  They both pulled back, and just smiled at each other. 

Suddenly a look of panic flashed across Aidan’s face, and he leaped from the couch and ran into the kitchen.  Hearing a clang and muttered cursing, Dean followed.  He couldn’t help but grin when he saw the charred mess Aidan was trying to scrape into the trash.  In disgust, Aidan just gave up and threw the whole mess, pan and all, into the garbage.  He gave Dean a sheepish look.  “Looks like I may have to owe you on the French toast.” 

Dean stepped closer and took one of Aidan’s hands, bringing it up to look at the bruised and scraped knuckles.  Then he lightly traced a finger over the bruise on Aidan’s face.  “All in all, I think I am the one that owes you.”  He laid a gentle kiss on the back of Aidan’s hand.  He pulled Aidan even closer, until they were chest to chest, then went on tiptoe to press a kiss against the taller man’s jaw.  When he felt Aidan’s arms wrap around his waist, he leaned in and licked the taller man’s bottom lip.  Dean gasped when Aidan kissed him, gently at first, then ardently deepening the kiss, holding him close. 

With a groan, Aidan broke the kiss, and stepped back.  Dean took a step forward, following him on instinct, but was stopped when Aidan grabbed his shoulders and held him at arm’s length.  Dean watched as Aidan looked at the ground and visibly struggled to get a hold on his passion. 

Finally he looked back up at the blonde, and saw the hurt on Dean’s face.  All Dean could think was that Aidan didn’t want him because of last night, that he was soiled, tainted in some way, damaged, and Aidan could see all that flashing across the smaller man’s face.  Dean tried to pull away, but Aidan tightened his grip, refusing to let him go.  Humiliated, Dean just looked at the ground, and struggled not to cry. 

“Dean.  Look at me.  Please Dean?”  When Dean looked up at him, Aidan made sure to show every bit of lust, wanting, longing, and hunger on his face.  “I want you.  I want you so bad it hurts.  I have wanted you from the first moment I saw you wearing that apron and making my coffee.  I want to take you to bed and listen to the sounds you make as I make you mine.  Understand?”

Dumbstruck, Dean could only nod his head, lips parted, panting a little with the mental image all that conjured up.  He tried to take a step towards Aidan, but again was held away at arm’s length. 

“What I do not want is to rush things like this,” Aidan continued to explain with a serious expression.  “I do not want you in my bed out of some misguided sense of gratitude. I want to see where this thing between us might go.  I want you to make love to me.  I don’t want you to fuck your hero.  When we go to bed together, I want it to be just you and me, no bad memories of anyone else.  Do you understand that too?”  

Dean searched his face for a moment, then nodded his understanding.  He wanted to see what the possibilities were with this curly haired man, and he agreed that taking it slow might be best, however much his libido might disagree at the moment. 

He was rewarded with one of Aidan’s blinding smiles.  “Good!  Now, since I ruined breakfast, how about we swing by your place so you can get some clothes, then we go out for brunch?  I might not be able to deliver the French toast, but I can at least make sure you get fed.”   

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: There is mention of the results of off screen violence in this chapter.

The day went by all too swiftly.  After a quick stop by Dean’s apartment, they had brunch, teasing each other that neither one of them ordered French toast.  They lingered long enough to start getting glares from the waiter, so they decided to walk around a bit.  They ended up at a park, sitting on a bench, watching kids feed the ducks and hassled parents trying to control hyper toddlers.

After Dean’s phone chirped with five texts within five minutes, he sighed and apologized to Aidan.  “I hate to be that guy who messes with his phone on a date, but I better answer those.  It is Adam, and since he hasn’t heard from me he probably thinks you murdered me and buried me in a ditch somewhere.” 

Dean was busy typing out a text, looking down at his phone.  So he missed Aidan narrowing his eyes.  Dean didn’t see Aidan make the effort to relax.  He just heard Aidan ask in a neutral tone, “Who is Adam?”

When Dean glanced up to reply, all he saw was a pleasant smile and a look of curiosity from Aidan.  “Adam works with me, and he is my best friend.  If you keep going to the coffee shop I am sure you will eventually run into him.”  His phone chirped again, and he read with a grin, “Or maybe sooner.  He wants to know if you will join us for poker night tomorrow.  It is at his place this time.  We usually rotate locations, and then whoever is not hosting brings snacks and drinks.  We just play for change and bragging rights.  Mostly it is an excuse to get together every couple of weeks.  Say you will come, or I will have Adam nagging me all day at work tomorrow.”

“Well, we can’t have that,” Aidan said with a laugh.  “I’d love to come, but I don’t know much about poker.” 

“Don’t tell anyone else that, they will be like sharks with blood in the water.  To be perfectly honest, none of us are exactly fantastic card players.  Let everyone get a few drinks in them first, and then you will be just fine.”  Dean reached up and brushed an unruly curl out of Aidan’s face. 

They stayed at the park, talking about nothing and everything, until after the sun had set.  Finally they agreed it was time to go, since Dean had work early in the morning.  Aidan walked Dean back to his place, and gave him a passionate kiss at the door.  They broke apart with a laugh when they heard a muffled “harrumph” come from the apartment across the hall. 

“I think we scandalized your neighbor,” Aidan whispered, nibbling on Dean’s earlobe.

“Keep that up, and we will scandalize her a lot more.”  Dean pulled back with a sigh of regret.  “Unless you’d like to come inside?”

“I better not.  You have work tomorrow, I need to do laundry, and I need a good night’s sleep if I am going to get fleeced at poker tomorrow by your friends.”  He laid a last gentle kiss on Dean’s nose, and then started walking backwards down the hall.  “Text me tomorrow when you get off work, yeah?  Let me know what I need to bring.” 

Dean nodded, then slipped inside and closed the door behind him.  True, the date had gotten off to a rough start last night, but today had been pretty close to perfect.  He knew he was still wearing a goofy smile, but he just didn’t care. 

***

Later that night in bed, Dean just couldn’t relax.  He tossed and turned, but sleep still eluded him.  Finally he grabbed his phone and sent a text to Aidan.

<< Can’t sleep. U still up? >>

He waited, but there was no reply.  He figured the other man must have already been asleep.  After all, Aidan probably could not have gotten much rest on his couch last night with Dean draped over him.  Dean hugged a pillow to his chest, and finally fell asleep while thinking of strong arms and a broad chest.

***

Adam was already there when Dean made it to work in the morning.  He came out of the tiny room they used as an office, calling out a cheerful hello.  Dean turned to greet the other man as he was slipping on his apron, and heard Adam gasp.

“Dear God!  What did that monster do to you?  Are you okay?  What happened?   I swear I will have Richard and Graham kill that bastard!”  Adam fluttered around Dean, arms flailing, looking like he didn’t know if he should hug Dean, or pat him on the shoulder, or maybe just burst into tears. 

Dean sighed, and tried to reassure his friend.  “Aidan didn’t do this.  As a matter of fact, he probably saved me from a lot worse.”  He explained what happened while they went through the usual morning routine.  By the time he was done, the shop was ready to open, and Adam had a dreamy look on his face. 

“That is so romantic!  Please tell me you plan on jumping his bones at the first opportunity!”  Dean shot him a dirty look, but Adam grinned, unrepentant.  “At least tell me he agreed to come to poker tonight?”

“Yes, he will be coming.  Don’t do anything weird trying to hook us up, either.  We agreed to take things sort of slow and see where they go.” 

“Does this mean I get to give him the ‘what are your intentions’ talk?”  Adam rubbed his hands together with a gleeful look. 

“No!  Just behave!”  Dean groaned at the expression on Adam’s face.  His idea of behaving was much different from Adam’s idea.  He figured he would be lucky if no acts of public indecency were committed during the evening.  Thankfully he was saved by the bell, literally, as it chimed on the door signaling the arrival of a customer. 

Later in the day, on his break, Dean checked his phone and found a message from Aidan.  <<  Sorry.  Fell asleep with phone in other room.  We still on for tonight? >>

He sent a text back.  <<  Yep.  Meet at my place at 7?  >>

He started to put his phone away, but it chirped almost immediately after he sent the text.  <<  CU then.  Look forward to it!  >>

He tucked his phone back into his pocket, but didn’t bother to try and hide his smile. 

***

Dean heard the knock on his door at five minutes until seven.  He opened the door to see Aidan standing there holding two green reusable bags.  He let the taller man in, greeting him with a kiss and shooting a questioning look at the bags. 

“You mentioned we were supposed to bring something, and to let the other people drink before we played cards.  I didn’t know what anyone would want, so I tried to cover my bases.”  He showed Dean the contents.  One bag held two six packs of some microbrewery craft beer.  The other bag held a bottle of gin, a bottle of whiskey, and two bottles of wine.  “Is this okay?”

Dean grinned at him, saying, “At this rate you won’t have to play cards.  Just wait for everyone to pass out and you can just take the money and run.”  When Aidan laughed at that, Dean noticed the bruise along the side of his jaw.  He felt a flash of guilt that Aidan had gotten hurt more badly than he had realized, but wanted to just forget the entire thing ever happened. 

Dean quickly gathered up the snacks he had prepared (eggs stuffed with chicken salad) and they headed out.  Adam lived nearby, so they decided to just walk.  Aidan grumbled good naturedly about feeling like a pack mule, and they joked the rest of the way there.  They were still gently teasing each other when they knocked on Adam’s door. 

Adam flung open the door, and yelled, “YOU!” in Aidan’s direction.  Then he grabbed the taller man in a tight hug, saying, “Thank you!  Dean told me what happened!  I don’t even want to think about what might have happened if you hadn’t been there!” 

Nonplussed, Aidan just stood there awkwardly with his hands full.  “Um, my pleasure?”  He shot Dean a look, silently pleading for help. 

Dean just grinned at him.  “Meet Adam.  He can be a bit dramatic sometimes.  Adam, quit groping my date and let us in, will you?” 

Adam shot Dean a disdainful look.  “Honey, if you think this is groping, you have a lot to learn.”  Still, he released Aidan and grabbed one of the bags, peering inside.  “Oh good, whiskey!  Maybe we can get Jimmy drunk enough for the rest of us to have a chance to win for a change.” 

“Not bloody likely!”  A voice called from somewhere inside the house.  Adam just rolled his eyes and headed back into the house, leaving Dean and Aidan to follow along. 

Aidan whispered to Dean, “Are all your friends like Adam?”

Dean whispered back, “Of course not.  Some of them are much crazier.”  He led Aidan inside, grinning at the taller man. 

Adam came back and latched on to Aidan’s arm.  Dean grabbed the other bag from Aidan, and veered off into the kitchen, while Adam dragged him into the living room. 

“Everyone, this is Aidan!  Introductions!  The man with the amazing eyes on the couch is Richard.  Graham is the buff bald one next to him.  Jimmy is the one over there in the hat.”  Each man waved in turn as his name was called out. 

Richard got up and walked over to Aidan, offering a hand to shake.  “So, you are the hero of the hour!  Adam told us what happened.  Dean is lucky you were there.” 

Aidan shook the older man’s hand, stammering a bit trying to come up with a reply.  Thankfully, Dean rescued him by appearing at his elbow. 

“Seriously, people, can we not talk about it?  I’d rather just forget it ever happened, thank you very much.”  Dean frowned at Richard.

“You can’t stop your friends from caring about you, Deano,” Richard replied mildly.  Dean huffed, but allowed Richard to tilt his head to the side and inspect the faint bruising on his throat, gently tracing the marks with a fingertip.  “We can drop it, but maybe you need to talk to someone about it sometime.  You know we are here if you need us.” 

Dean felt Aidan’s hand press into the small of his back, and he leaned into the touch.  “I know Rich, and thank you.  I’m okay though.”  He turned to Aidan, asking what he wanted to drink. 

Everyone got their drinks, and settled at the dining table.  When Aidan confessed he didn’t know how to play poker, there were a few comments about fresh meat, and a rather confusing explanation with everyone trying to talk at once.  Finally Dean just told him they could share a hand while he learned.  This resulted in Dean sitting close to Aidan, leaning back against the brunette’s chest. 

Aidan leaned down and whispered, “I like this game already.”

“I like it too,” Jimmy said with an impish grin.  “You can keep him distracted while we take his money.” 

After about an hour of bawdy jokes, rowdy shouting, and one rather heated discussion about Jimmy’s dealing technique, Aidan was no closer to figuring out how to play.  He was perfectly content with that, since Dean was still leaning on him, and the rest of the group treated him as if he had always been there. 

Dean grabbed Aidan’s empty glass, and his own empty beer bottle, and got up, asking if anyone else wanted anything from the kitchen.  The others shouted out requests for more snacks and drinks, and Dean sauntered off into the kitchen, joking about needing to fortify the troops. 

Suddenly there was a loud crash, and everyone jumped.  Aidan was out of his chair in a flash, dashing into the kitchen.  He saw Dean standing stricken, broken glass at his feet, staring at the television which had been left on.  Aidan felt the other men crowd behind him, asking questions, but he only had eyes for Dean. 

Dean stepped closer to the television, shock on his face, saying, “It’s them.  It is the guys who attacked me.”  Everyone fell silent at that, and Adam grabbed the remote to turn up the volume. 

“Both men are still in the hospital, one in serious condition, the other in critical condition.  The police say the weapon was a lead pipe, which was found at the scene of the assault.  They were unable to get a description of the assailant, and there were no security cameras in the alley where the attack occurred.”  The talking head droned on, and pictures of the two men flashed on the screen again.  No one was listening anymore, instead focusing on Dean, who had covered his face with his hands.  Graham took the remote from Adam and turned the television off. 

Aidan grasped Dean’s elbow and gently led him away from the broken glass, over to the couch.  He sat down and pulled Dean into his arms.  Dean went willingly, and clung to the taller man with a sob.  Neither of them noticed the other men exchanging glances.  Aidan just murmured soothing noises, and rubbed circles on Dean’s back. 

Richard grabbed a broom and started sweeping up the glass.  Adam sat on the floor by Dean’s feet, wrapping a hand around Dean’s ankle.  Jimmy sat on the end of the couch by Dean, putting a supporting hand on his shoulder.  Graham just stood with his arms crossed, frowning at the dark television.  

After a moment, Dean took a shuddering breath, and then raised his head to look at Aidan.  “Do you think we should go to the police?”

Before Aidan could reply, Graham barked out, “Absolutely not.”

Dean gave him a shocked look.  “Someone tried to beat them to death with a pipe, Graham!  They are in the hospital!”

In a gentler tone, Graham replied, “You both look like you got into a bar fight.  These men attacked you in that alley where they were found.  If you go and try to tell the police, what do you think is going to happen?  You would be lucky if they didn’t arrest you on the spot.” 

Adam nodded and looked up at Dean.  “He’s right.  You can’t go tell them now.” 

Looking around, seeing that Jimmy and Richard also agreed with Graham, Dean slumped back against Aidan’s chest.  Aidan held him close and murmured to him, “It isn’t your fault, Dean.  They must have messed with the wrong guy.” 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

After some quiet discussion, it was decided that Adam would cover Dean’s shift at work tomorrow.  Since he was already scheduled to be off Sunday, that would give him the rest of the weekend off.   Adam offered to let Dean stay with him for the night, but Aidan said he would keep Dean company. 

On the way out, Dean gave Adam a hug, whispering, “Sorry I ruined poker night.” 

Jimmy came up behind Dean and wrapped his arms around both of the other men.  “Nonsense.  You ruined nothing.” 

Richard and Graham exchanged an amused look, then Richard grabbed Aidan, pulling him into the circle, while Graham yelled, “Group hug!”  They all ended up in a tight tangle, with Dean laughing in the middle while Adam elbowed Graham, complaining about not being able to breathe.  After a moment they all stepped back, but the tension that had been in the room was gone. 

Graham wrapped his big hands around the sides of Dean’s face, and gently bumped foreheads with him.  “You can call me if you need anything.  Day or night, any time, no matter what, you can call and I will be there.  You know that, right?” 

Dean nodded.  “I know, and thank you.  You guys are the best friends I could have.”  After a quick hug, Dean turned away to tell the other men goodbye.  He missed the look Graham leveled at Aidan.  Aidan caught it, however, and gave the large man a sunny smile.  After the door closed behind the two younger men, Graham just stood there, frowning at it. 

Richard stepped up next to him, and bumped his shoulder against Graham.  “What’s the matter?” he quietly asked. 

Still frowning, Graham replied, “I don’t know.  There is something I can’t put my finger on.  Does it seem like Dean is relying on this new fellow a bit too much, too soon?” 

Matching Graham’s frown, Richard thought about it.  “Maybe.  It has been a traumatic couple of days for them though.  And he does seem to care about Dean.”    

Adam called, “You two are like a couple of broody old hens.  Well, the chick has left the nest, and I for one hope he at least gets laid tonight.  So cheers to them both.”  He raised his glass and drained it.

The two older men exchanged a smile, and then joined their friends back at the table.

***

On the walk back to his apartment, Dean was subdued.  He responded to Aidan, but the joking mood of earlier was gone.  After a few attempts to draw him out, Aidan respected his mood and just walked next to him in silence. 

Dean let Aidan into his apartment and led him to the couch.  When his offer of a drink was declined, he gave Aidan a sheepish look.  “You don’t have to stay here with me, you know.  I promise I am not usually such a damsel in distress.”

“Are you kidding?  I promised Adam I wouldn’t leave you alone.”  Aidan feigned a look of horror.  “I’d hate to see what he would do to me if I broke a promise.”  He pulled the blonde in for a hug, assuring him, “Everyone is entitled to have damsel in distress moments.  It is pretty much a life requirement.” 

Dean chuckled and looked up at him.  “Plus you get a chance to play the hero.” 

With a modest shrug, Aidan admitted, “Well, there is that.”  He leaned down and dropped a light kiss on Dean’s nose, then dipped his head and pressed a chaste kiss on his mouth.  He pulled back, only to see blue eyes darken.  Dean grabbed the side of his head, chasing another kiss that was anything but chaste.  Both men were breathing heavily when they pulled back, just staring at each other for a moment. 

Suddenly Dean swung a leg over Aidan, sliding to straddle the taller man’s lap.  Running his hand through dark curls, he nipped and licked at Aidan’s neck.  Aidan pulled him closer for a moment, and then put a hand on the other man’s chest, gently pushing him back a bit.  Dean ground his hips down, causing Aidan to wrap one arm around his waist and groan. 

Aidan leaned back, and in a shaky voice, said, “Jesus, Dean.  My self-control does have a limit, and we are quickly reaching it.  So if you want to stop this, then maybe we should just watch a movie or something.”

In reply, Dean gently lifted the hand Aidan had pressed against his chest.  He laid a kiss on the palm, and then sucked first one, then two fingers into his mouth, curling his tongue around them.  He pulled them out of his mouth and rubbed his lips across the tips.  Looking Aidan in the eyes, he whispered, “Please?” 

Aidan’s arm tightening around his waist was the only warning he had before the man exploded into motion.  The next thing he knew, his shirt was off and he was on his back on the couch.  Aidan was between his legs, grinding his hips against him, running a wet tongue down the side of his neck. 

Dean whimpered and tugged at Aidan’s shirt, wanting it off, wanting to feel skin.  Aidan pushed himself up, jerking the shirt over his head, and then quickly fell back down to cover the smaller man’s body, mouth to mouth and chest to chest. 

All Dean knew was Aidan, his scent, his taste, his lips.  The rest of their clothes quickly wound up on the floor with their shirts.  Dean felt a hot, hard length press against his own.  Aidan wrapped one of his hands around them both, causing Dean to gasp and buck his hips up into the grip.  He reached down and gripped Aidan’s hand with his own, watching dark eyes flutter shut.  Dean threw his head back, losing himself to warmth, motion, until he came with a shudder.  Just when the sensation was starting to become too much, he felt Aidan find his own release. 

Both men just lay there panting for a minute.  Finally Aidan rose up and asked, “Are you ok?”

Dean started snickering.  He couldn’t help it.  Aidan’s confused look only made him laugh harder.  “I feel like a teenager!”

Aidan looked at him, blonde hair tousled, lips red and swollen, covered in a sticky mess, and laughing like a loon.  He started to chuckle too.  “Please just don’t tell me that I have to hurry and leave before your mum comes home.” 

That sent them both into hysterics.  Eventually they calmed down, grinning at each other, still in each other’s arms.  Aidan leaned down to kiss Dean again, but after a moment was pushed back. 

“Sorry love, but this couch isn’t the most comfortable thing for this.  Plus if we don’t get cleaned up we are going to be kind of gross.” 

***

After a quick shower, they curled up in bed together, lying face to face.  This time their bout started with laughter when Aidan found that Dean was ticklish.  Soon after, Dean was gasping for another reason, melting under Aidan’s talented fingers and mouth.  His back arched when Aidan finally slid inside him, feeling like warm silk.  It was when Aidan held him close, still deep inside him, and murmured “You are _mine_ ” into his ear, Dean came undone with a cry. 

This time they just cleaned up with a towel Aidan grabbed from the bathroom.  Dean would probably have been content to just pass out, but the other man nudged at him until he cooperated.  He still felt boneless and unwilling to move. 

Finally, they settled back down in bed.  Dean lay on his side, and Aidan spooned against his back.  He grabbed a hand and pulled it to his chest, wrapping an arm around himself, and hummed contentedly.  As he was dozing off, he murmured, “You take such good care of me.”

He felt Aidan nuzzle against the back of his neck and whisper “Always” against his skin.  When he fell asleep, he was surrounded by the warmth, smell, and feel, everything Aidan. 

***

When he woke, he was sprawled on top of Aidan.  The other man was already awake, carding his fingers through Dean’s hair.  Dean looked at him with bleary eyes, and received a sunny smile. 

“Good grief.  You _are_ a morning person.”  Dean rolled over with a groan and buried his face in the pillows.  Aidan just laughed and scooted over to snuggle up to him.  He laughed again when Dean’s stomach let out a gurgling complaint. 

“Tell me where things are, and I will start breakfast.  I will even make you some coffee.”  He traced patterns on Dean’s back with a fingertip as he made the offer. 

Dean looked at him with raised eyebrows.  “No thanks.  I have seen you try to cook.  I like my pans.”  He laid there another minute, until his stomach growled again.  With a sigh, he heaved himself out of bed and staggered in the direction of the kitchen. 

***

They spent the rest of the weekend together, only venturing out once to run by Aidan’s place to pick up a change of clothes, and to swing by the store for a few things.  Sunday night came, and Aidan went home to get things ready for his new job in the morning.  Dean picked the apartment up some, did a load of dishes, and wound up slumped on the couch.  The place felt too quiet without Aidan there.  He toyed with his phone for a minute, debating on sending a text.  He decided it would make him appear too clingy, and set the phone down with a sigh. 

Later, as he was getting ready for bed, he heard his phone chirp, signaling a message.  It was a picture of Aidan lying in bed, one hand behind his head.  << Bed seems too big and cold.  Miss U.  >>

He replied with a grin.  <<  Don’t you work early tomorrow?  Go 2 sleep!  >>

<< No pic back?  </3 >>

Dean took a quick snapshot of himself, and sent it to the other man. 

<<  I get off at 3.  Dinner tomorrow?  >>

<< Sure.  G’nite.  >>

***

The next morning, Adam took one look at Dean’s face, and let out a loud whoop.  Dean couldn’t help but laugh as the small man started dancing around, singing Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky.”

“You just don’t stop, do you?”  He tried to ignore Adam’s antics, but it was difficult.  Finally he said, “Yes, I did.  Now, can you quit so we can get to work?”

Adam pestered him for details off and on throughout the day, but Dean just smiled and shook his head.  Finally Adam dropped it, but not without pouting a bit for show.  When he clocked out for the day, he asked if Dean would be seeing Aidan again.  Dean confirmed they had a dinner date. 

Uncharacteristically solemn for a moment, Adam said, “Good.  He seems like a nice guy, and I can tell he is into you.  Maybe this will lead to something real, you know?”  Still, it was Adam, so he added, “But I still want some details, lover boy.”  He gave Dean a gentle punch in the arm, then darted out the door. 

***

Aidan came by Dean’s apartment when he got off work.  And again, the next day.  Without either one of them quite realizing it, it became a routine.  Within a couple of weeks, they both had clothes left at the other’s apartment, and they were spending almost every night together.  Dean would do the cooking, claiming that Aidan was not allowed to make a grilled cheese sandwich without adult supervision.  Aidan would grouse, claiming that how was he supposed to know cheese would actually catch on fire, and it was only that one time.  Still, he would handle the clean up after dinner.  They went to the next poker night at Richard’s place, and Aidan still couldn’t figure out how to play, so Dean just used him as a recliner and they were both happy with it. 

One night, watching Aidan laugh at some corny old movie on television, it occurred to him that they were a couple.  All his friends just assumed that they would be showing up together, that it was Dean and Aidan now, no longer just Dean alone.  Before he could think about it, he blurted out, “I love you.”

Aidan turned to face him, and he felt a blush climb across his face.  Aidan just smiled at him, and told him, “Good, because I feel like I have loved you forever.”  Aidan leaned forward to kiss him, movie forgotten. 

Dean allowed the man to push him back, unable to keep a smile from his face.  His life was just about perfect, he thought to himself.  Or at least it would be if he had a more comfortable couch. 


	6. Chapter 6

Aidan wanted to try a new restaurant on the other side of town.  They both had the day off tomorrow, so Dean agreed.  Aidan drove, and they both enjoyed the short trip, discussing inconsequential things. 

They got seated and were browsing the menus when the waitress came up and asked for their drink orders.  When Dean looked up at her, she squealed out his name and bent down to give him a hug.  He automatically returned it, wracking his brain, trying to figure out who this woman was.  He was drawing a blank until, thankfully, she introduced herself to Aidan, adding that she and Dean had dated in high school.  Glad that he could place her now, he gave her a bright smile.  He asked for a glass of wine, but Aidan quietly asked for just water.  She went to get their drinks, promising to be right back. 

Dean shot Aidan a questioning look, and Aidan told him, “I am driving, remember?”  He reached across the table to take Dean’s hand.  Dean held on for a minute, but then pulled away when the woman returned with their drinks so she could place them on the table.  He missed the look of anger that flashed on Aidan’s face. 

The restaurant was not very busy, and she kept coming back to the table, chatting and catching up with Dean.  He tried to keep these exchanges brief, because he barely remembered her and he wanted to enjoy his meal with Aidan.  He kept trying to think of things to send her away.  As a result, he had three glasses of wine, and a dessert he didn’t really want.  Still, he managed to learn she was now married, with two children, had dropped out of college, and a bunch of details about people from high school that he didn’t really remember.  As they were leaving, she gave him a slip of paper with her email address on it, insisting they stay in touch, and that he come to the next reunion.  He stuck it in his pocket and promptly forgot about it. 

Aidan was already in the car, waiting on him.  Dean hopped in, and sighed, saying, “Well, that was awkward, wasn’t it?”  Aidan didn’t even look at him, just threw the car into gear and took off.  They rode back to Aidan’s place in silence. 

Dean was feeling a bit muzzy from the wine, and went to change into a pair of sweats.  Aidan went straight to the kitchen, grabbing a glass and a bottle of scotch.  He threw back the first drink before he even left the room, taking the bottle with him to the armchair in front of the television.  He grabbed the remote, aimlessly flipping channels, gulping another drink. 

Dean waited in the bedroom for a few minutes, and then padded to the doorway.  He watched Aidan for a moment, and said, “I am going to bed.  Are you coming?”

Pouring another drink, Aidan replied in a low voice, “Do you want me to?”

Frustrated, Dean asked him, “What is wrong with you?”

He jumped when Aidan’s glass burst against the wall next to him.  Wide eyed, he looked at the scotch dripping down the wall, until he was unexpectedly pushed back into the bedroom.

“What is wrong with me?”  Aidan was furious.  “I had to sit there all night watching you eye fuck that bitch!  I am _humiliated_ , that is what is wrong with me.”  He jerked Dean’s pants up from the floor, pulling out the slip of paper with the email address on it.  “Here, you don’t want to lose this,” he spat, throwing it at Dean. 

Confused, Dean just watched the small ball of paper bounce off his chest.  “What are you even talking about?”  Aidan’s face suddenly filled his vision, harsh hands clamping down on his shoulders. 

“I am talking about you flirting with your old flame all night when you refused to even hold my hand!”  Aidan was shouting into his face now.  “You just sat there eating up the attention, and didn’t even introduce me!  You couldn’t even bother to say you were there on a date, like you were ashamed of me!”

Dean was angry too by this point, and he shoved the brunette away from him.  “I didn’t even remember who she was!” 

Aidan came back at him with a vengeance, pushing him back.  “Oh, so you just fuck them and forget them?”  Another shove came to Dean’s chest, making him stumble.  “Is that what you are planning on doing to me?”  Another shove and he felt the bed against the back of his legs.  “I don’t think so.”  One more push and he was down on the bed, Aidan on top of him, one hand on his wrists pinning him down, the other hand jerking at the band of the sweats he had on. 

It was rough and harsh, no lube except for Aidan’s spit.  He didn’t use a condom.  Love had nothing to do with it.  It was about claiming and possession and ownership.  Still, Dean felt himself responding.  Aidan tangled one hand in his hair, growling into his mouth, “You are mine!”  He jerked Dean’s head back, demanding, “ _Say it!”_   When Dean came, he was gasping out “Yours!” over and over, like a mantra. 

After, Aidan curled around him, spooning against his back.  Pressing kisses to his shoulder, Aidan whispered, “I am sorry.  I love you so much.  It just hurt me so badly when you didn’t acknowledge me at all, while you were smiling and talking to her.  Please don’t do that again, okay?” 

Dean found himself agreeing and apologizing.  When he finally fell asleep that night, it was as usual, surrounded by everything Aidan. 

***

When Dean woke up the next morning, the glass had been cleaned up, the wall scrubbed, and the small ball of paper was gone.  Aidan came into the room, dressed, holding cups of takeout coffee and a box of doughnuts. 

Seeing Dean was awake, he handed him a cup of coffee, simply saying, “I couldn’t sleep.”

The sheet slipped down when Dean sat up to drink, exposing the bruises on his shoulders.  Aidan traced them with a finger, looking mournful, and whispered, “I am sorry.” 

Dean leaned forward and kissed him, telling him, “It was my fault.  I love you.”

Aidan took the coffee from his hands with a smile, setting it aside, pressing him back into the bed. “I love you too.”

They didn’t discuss it any further. 

***

The rest of the day, Aidan treated Dean like something precious, made of glass, coddling him and catering to him.  Dean wanted Thai food for lunch.  Aidan made a face, but they went anyway.  Later, they went by Dean’s apartment so he could grab a camera, and went back to the park where they had spent that first day together.  Dean took pictures of ducks and flowers and a toddler throwing a tantrum, and Aidan, Aidan, Aidan. 

At one point Aidan claimed it wasn’t fair, and convinced Dean to hand him the camera.  Suddenly Dean felt awkward, scrutinized, unsure what to do with his hands.  He was always on the other side of the lens.  Most of the pictures showed him looking down, or away, with his hands in his pockets or over his face.  Finally Aidan made him sit down on a bench, and they talked for a few minutes.  Dean looked away, and Aidan said, “I love you.”  When Dean looked back, he snapped a picture.  It showed him looking directly at the camera, a soft smile on his face, dimples flashing. 

Back at his place, he printed it out and gave it to Aidan.  The taller man looked at it for a minute, and then placed it on the table, claiming to prefer the real thing.  Still, later he got a frame for it, and it ended up hanging on a wall in Aidan’s apartment.  If anyone remarked on it, he just said it reminded him of one of his favorite days.  If he noticed that Dean avoided looking at it, he never mentioned it. 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Google:  
> As part of new age spiritually, Peace Lilies are thought to harmonize conflicts and heal negative places, people and relationships. They are thought to protect individuals and cleanse the air of harmful toxins and radiation from electronics such as televisions and microwaves. Feng Shui practitioners also use them to help balance energy in a room.

The next day at work, Adam was more effervescent than usual.  He started talking as soon as Dean walked in the door.  He had been chatting with some new guy online, and they were meeting tonight.  Dean just let him babble on, not paying a whole lot of attention.  Suddenly he realized Adam was staring at him. 

“Are you okay, Deano?  You are being awfully quiet.”  Adam looked at him with concern. 

Dean gave a half-hearted shrug.  “Aidan and I got into a fight.”  He summed up the scene at the restaurant in a few terse sentences, leaving out anything that happened once they got home. 

Adam listened with a frown.  “I hate to say it, but I agree with Aidan.  If I had to sit and watch my boyfriend talk to his high school sweetheart, and not even mention me at all, I would have been upset too.” 

Dean turned away, sighing, “I guess so.  It just wasn’t fun.”

“Fighting never is.”  Adam chuckled, asking, “Did you at least have make-up sex?” 

Adam couldn’t see the wince Dean gave as he replied, “Yeah.”

“Then it’s all good, right?”  Adam went into the small office. 

“Right,” Dean murmured.

***

Days passed.  The next poker night was at Jimmy’s house.  They always played out in the garage, because his wife claimed that too much testosterone in one room was overwhelming.  She still came out to greet each of them, giving everyone a hug. 

Aidan tried his luck with a few hands, but lost every time.  Finally he gave up, and slipped behind Dean with a laugh, saying he was happy with his role of “official armchair.”  Dean leaned back against him with a smile, accepting an arm around his waist with the same loving disregard as it was given. 

When asked about his latest adventure in dating, Adam grimaced.  “He was a gym rat who was too busy looking at himself to see anything else.  When he couldn’t find a mirror, the man used his phone.  Vain doesn’t begin to describe him.”  Aidan reached over to give the small man a consoling pat on the back.  “Maybe I should come and hang out with you at the hospital for lunch.  You could introduce me to the single doctors!”  Aidan laughed, and no one noticed the slight tremor in Dean’s hands as he dealt the next hand. 

***

One night, Aidan said he wanted to try something new.  After a bit of discussion, Dean found himself with his hands tied to the headboard, a couple of Aidan’s ties around his wrists, arms stretched wide. 

Aidan checked the ties again.  “Are they too tight?”

Dean experimentally tugged a bit, shaking his head.  He was nervous about this, mouth dry, and didn’t even try to talk. 

“Tell me if you need out, okay?  I just want you to enjoy this.”  Dean just nodded, looking up at him.  Aidan chuckled and pressed a kiss to his forehead.  “Relax, love.” 

Dean watched everything done to him.  He started out tense, then loose and responsive as Aidan worshiped him with hands and lips.  Aidan did everything he asked, and later demanded.  Even though he was bound helpless to the bed, he felt powerful, in charge.  This time, when he came, sweat dripping down his face, thrusting up into Aidan’s mouth, he growled out, “ _Yours”_ in a voice he didn’t recognize as his own. 

After, he curled into Aidan, pressing against the taller man’s chest.  Aidan held him tight, whispering endearments.  He inspected Dean’s wrists, frowning at the red marks he found.  “We need to find something else to use besides the ties.  I don’t like the idea of cutting off your circulation.”  Dean found himself agreeing. 

***

One day Aidan came to Dean’s place to find him frowning over a letter. 

“They want to raise my rent ten percent when my lease is up!” 

Aidan hugged him, saying, “That seems a bit steep, doesn’t it?”

Dean relaxed into the hug.  “It has only been three percent until now.  They say they are adding new air conditioners, and property tax increased again.” 

“So, move in with me.”  He released Dean to look at him.  “I have plenty of room, and you could use the spare bedroom for your photography stuff.”  Dean just stared at him, wordless.  Aidan laughed, hugging him again.  “Don’t answer yet.  It is just an idea.  Think about it.” 

***

At the end of the month, they threw a pizza party, promising food and beer once everything was moved to Aidan’s apartment.  Jimmy brought his family, children carting small things down the stairs to the rental truck, his wife taking charge.  Graham, Richard, and Adam were helping too.  Adam complained that he was promised beer.  Dean pointed out there was a reason the beer was at Aidan’s place, and poked him for being lazy. 

On one trip back up the stairs, the door across the way cracked open, one eye peering out at Dean.  He smiled at her, and apologized for the noise.  “Wait!” she demanded.  The door shut for a moment, then reopened.  “Here.”  She shoved a pot into Dean’s arms, and started to close the door again. 

“What is this?”  Dean saw waxy leaves and beautiful white flowers. 

“Peace lily.  Supposed to be good luck, purifies the air.  Hard to kill.”  With that, the door slammed shut again. 

“Thank you!”  He just heard retreating footsteps and a muffled harrumph.  With a laugh he took his new plant down to the truck, carefully placing it on the floorboards.  Aidan just gave it a bemused look when he learned who it came from. 

Eventually the apartment was empty except for the couch.  Graham, Richard, and Dean stood staring at it.  Adam was laying on it, pretending to faint. 

“Throw it away,” Graham stated.  “It’s ugly.”  Richard nodded. 

Adam raised his head to offer his opinion.  “It is also kind of lumpy.  How old is this thing?”

Dean shrugged.  “I got it at a garage sale.” 

Adam rolled off of it.  “Ugh!  You never told me that!  Who knows what has happened on this couch!”  Dean grinned at him, and Adam walked away.  “Nope, I don’t want to know!  God, I think I need a shower now.  You could have told me I was lying in your former wet spot!” 

Graham and Richard both gave the couch a dubious look. 

“Oh please,” Dean laughed at them.  “Like I don’t know what happens on your furniture.” 

The two older men looked at each other.  Richard blushed bright red, and Graham grinned, unrepentant.  Adam stuck his fingers in his ears and started chanting nonsense. 

Jimmy came marching back in the room.  “I sent the wife and kids off to get their own pizza.  You don’t have the money to feed that hungry horde.  Is this it, then?”  He started to sit down on the couch. 

“NO!”  Adam, Richard, and Graham all yelled at him.  Jimmy jerked back upright like he had been shot.  Dean started laughing so hard he had to bend over and try to catch his breath. 

In the end, Dean and Aidan were forced to carry out the cushions before anyone else would touch it.  Graham and Richard carried the body of the couch, and the whole thing was left out by the dumpster. 

Dean looked at it for a moment, taking Aidan’s hand.  “I am sort of going to miss it.”  Aidan pulled him close, kissing him. 

“I want to point out that you are making out by a _dumpster,”_ Adam exclaimed loudly.  “There is probably a rat in there.  Or something dead.  Or a dead rat.”  Dean just kissed Aidan harder.  “Ugh.  Too gross.  I need some hand sanitizer.” 

They broke apart, smiling at each other.  When they walked away, Dean took Aidan’s hand and didn’t look back. 

***

Later that night, when everyone had eaten and gone home, Dean pulled Aidan to the couch.  _Their_ couch now.  “We haven’t christened this one yet,” he explained with a smile. 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

A package arrived in the mail.  Aidan handed it to Dean to open.  Inside were two sets of leather cuffs, one for wrists and one for ankles.  They were black, wide, and lined with sheepskin.  They each had a small brass padlock and several O-rings.  There were also four leather leads to tie them off.  In the bottom of the box was a blindfold and ball gag. 

Dean and Aidan inspected them together.  Aidan pushed a stray curl out of his eyes and asked Dean, “Well, what do you think?”

With a grin, Dean replied, “I don’t think I will be getting out of these too easily.   They look like they cost a fortune though.” 

“They were a little pricey, but they will probably outlast us.  We can have them as a reminder when we are old and decrepit.”  He took one and laid it against Dean’s wrist, then shrugged.  “I thought the black would look good against your skin.  I was right.” 

Later, he was on top of Aidan, wrists secured behind his back, blindfold on.  He rocked his hips, but couldn’t find the exact angle he needed.  Almost, but not quite.  “Aidan, touch me, please.” 

“Not yet.”  Aidan bucked his hips, causing Dean to throw his head back and gasp.  “God, Dean, you are so gorgeous like this.”  Dean rocked back harder, and he heard a noise.  That was a noise he would recognize anywhere, blindfold or not.  It was the shutter sound of his camera.  He froze.

“Aidan?” 

Aidan thrust his hips up again, commanding him, “Don’t stop!” 

Dean heard the shutter click again.  “Aidan, wait…”

Suddenly both of Aidan’s hands were on his hips, moving him.  “Don’t stop, Dean.  I put it down.  Don’t stop!” 

After, Aidan was wrapped around him, inspecting his wrists.  Seemingly satisfied, he held the blonde to him. 

Dean pulled back a little to look him in the eyes.  “You took my picture.”

“Yep.”  Aidan pressed a kiss on him. 

“Don’t you think that is something we should discuss and agree on?”

“I wanted to be able to show you how beautiful you are.”  He kissed Dean again.  “We can delete them, but I want you to at least look at them first.”

Dean looked.  It was him from the waist up, head thrown back, black blindfold contrasting starkly with his blonde hair and fair skin.  It wasn’t as bad as he feared.  He grudgingly allowed Aidan to print out a copy of one, on the promise it never be shown to anyone.  Aidan promised with a kiss.  “No worries.  I don’t want anyone else to see you like that anyway.  It is only for me.”

***

Dean had been having a bad day.  Aidan wanted to go see some band playing at a bar a few blocks away.  He allowed himself to be talked into it.  They got there and were able to get a table.  The place quickly filled up, and Dean started to relax and enjoy the evening. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and someone said, “Dean?”  He was looking at Aidan, so he saw the man’s eyes narrow and darken at whoever was behind him.  It suddenly pissed Dean off. 

Glancing behind him, he recognized the owner of the hand immediately.  His former friend with benefits.  “Orlando!”  He stood, and deliberately turned his back on Aidan to give his friend a big hug.  They chatted for a minute before he turned back.  “This is Aidan.”  Dean didn’t miss the look shot in his direction.  Not my boyfriend Aidan.  Not the guy I am living with Aidan.  Only Aidan. 

Orlando was there alone to see the band.  Dean insisted he join them at their table.  He waved to the waitress to order another round, chatting with Orlando, ignoring Aidan.  Under his smile, he was seething, furious at Aidan.  Still, he laughed with Orlando, putting a hand on his shoulder to lean in and talk to him, or bumping their thighs together under the table. 

Usually he was a light drinker, stopping at two or three at the most.  Tonight, every time Aidan ordered a drink, Dean did too.  By the time the band was done, he realized he was past tipsy and well on the way to drunk.  Suddenly he was tired, fed up with everything.  He just wanted to go home and go to bed. 

He and Orlando spilled out of the club, Aidan trailing along behind.  He gave his friend a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek.  “It was really good to see you, Orli.  Stay in touch, okay?”

The lanky man peered at Dean, concerned.  “Are you going to be okay to get home?  I can give you a ride if you want.” 

Aidan stepped up, taking Dean’s arm in a vise-like grip.  “We live close by.  I will make sure he gets home.”  Seeing the smile Aidan gave Orlando, Dean realized the game he was playing might be dangerous.  Oblivious, Orlando waved and walked off.  Dean felt a flash of guilt. 

“Aidan…” Dean tried to talk to him.  Aidan just dropped his arm and walked away.  Angry again, he clenched his jaw and followed behind.  He didn’t try to talk any more, and they walked home in sullen silence.    

Once home, he went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water.  He chugged half of it hoping to forestall a massive hangover in the morning.  When he went into the bedroom, Aidan was already there, laying the restraints out on the bed.  Without looking up, in a quiet voice he told Dean to get undressed. 

Dean wanted to say so many things.  I am sorry.  I love you.  I had a bad day.  Let’s talk about it.  Don’t be jealous.  Instead, he heard himself say, “Fuck you.” 

Aidan nodded like he had said something profound.  In that same low voice, he told Dean, “If you don’t take your clothes off, they are going to be ruined.  Your choice.” 

Dean kicked off his shoes and looked at him for a moment.  Enough was enough, he thought.  He turned to go into the living room. 

He only made it two steps before there was one hand in his hair and one grabbing the back of his shirt.  He was jerked back and thrown on the bed.  Aidan sat on his chest, pinning one arm with a knee while he fastened the restraint around the other arm.  He quickly had Dean tied down spread eagle on the bed.  Then he got up and left the room. 

Cursing, Dean jerked at the bonds, then looked closer.  Aidan had used the small padlocks.  There wasn’t even a chance of unbuckling one of them. 

Aidan came back into the room carrying a knife from the kitchen.  “I warned you that your clothes would be ruined.  Now hold still.”  Dean froze as Aidan placed the knife between his shirt and skin, carefully cutting the cloth away.  The knife barely nicked his chest, and he jumped.  “Don’t move.”  Aidan was still talking in that quiet voice, but Dean could see his face.   His jaw was tight, and his eyes were so dark they were almost black.  He cut away the rest of Dean’s clothing, and then tugged it away from him to create a pile of rags on the floor. 

Aidan straddled Dean’s hips.  He bent and kissed the tiny mark the knife had made.  Then he started trailing the flat of the blade across Dean’s chest, down his stomach.  Using that hushed voice, he asked, “Are you tired of me already?  Would it make you happy if I brought someone else in here to fuck you?”

Dean could feel his heart in his throat.  He was afraid to breathe.  He whispered, “Aidan?”

Startled dark eyes flashed up to meet his.  Aidan looked like he had been woken from a trance.  He looked at the knife, and then dropped it.  It hit the floor with a clatter.  Like the noise had been some sort of signal, the storm Dean had seen in Aidan’s eyes broke, and washed Dean away. 

Aidan came twice before he let Dean come.  He would push Dean to the edge, almost there, then pull him back.  Dean tried demanding, then asking, and was begging by the time he came.  Right before, Aidan asked him, “Mine?”  Dean agreed, yes, please, yours, anything.  He came with a sob. 

After, with Aidan curled around him, Dean couldn’t quit trembling.  In a shaky voice, he told Aidan he was sorry he had been such an ass tonight.  He fell asleep with Aidan whispering apologies and words of love against his skin like a prayer.

***

The next day at work, Dean felt like he had been run over by a truck.  He took some aspirin before he left the house, but was still walking with a limp.  He was sore, hung over, and tired.  He ached in muscles he didn’t even know he had.

Adam took one look at him, and said, “Deano, you look like hell.” 

“Wow, Adam. Thanks.” 

He got a grin in return.  “Sorry mate.  Want to talk about it?”

Dean looked at the ground for a minute, and then sighed.  “I don’t think Aidan and I are good for each other.” 

“Stop right there.”  Adam’s voice was firm.  “Dean, you are overthinking things.  You do this with every relationship you have ever had.  Aidan loves you, everyone can see that.  I am your best friend, and I am telling you now, don’t ruin this.  Aidan is one of the best things that has happened to you.”

Stricken, he stared at Adam.  He knew Aidan loved him.  He loved Aidan, too.  He didn’t know if it was healthy for either one of them.  He thought back to his behavior of the night before.  Drinking so much.  Flirting with Orlando.  Acting like a jerk.  Not even trying to talk to Aidan.  What was wrong with him?

He nodded at Adam.  “You are right.  Maybe I need to try harder.”  Suddenly he couldn’t breathe.  “Excuse me.”  He walked quickly to the bathroom.  He locked the door behind him, then just leaned on the wall.  He sagged there for a minute.  He washed his face, avoiding looking in the mirror.  Then he went back to work. 

***

When he got home, Aidan ran him a hot bath.  As he was soaking in the tub, Aidan brought him a glass of wine, and then washed his hair.  After he got out and dried off, he was treated to a massage and dinner in bed.  When they made love, he was sore, but he bit his lip and buried his face in the brunette’s neck. 

Later, lying down with Aidan pressed against his back, he said, “I was thinking maybe we should quit drinking.” 

Aidan propped himself up on an elbow to look at Dean.  “What brought this on?”

“We seem to argue when we drink too much.”  Dean shrugged. 

“Okay.  Then we will quit drinking.”  He rearranged himself back around Dean. 

Dean sighed, relieved.  That would fix things.  He was sure of it.  Aidan loved him and he didn’t want to ruin it.  He fell asleep surrounded by Aidan. 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Dean started scouring the internet for recipes.  At least once a week, he would cook something new.  Aidan teased him gently about it, but they both enjoyed those meals together.  Some of the recipes were better than others.  The only one that was a total disaster was some chorizo, pumpkin, and bean soup thing.  Aidan tasted it, and was manfully trying to eat it without grimacing.  Dean pretended to enjoy it for as long as he could.  Finally he couldn’t eat one more bite, and took his bowl and dumped it out.  Aidan jumped up, said thank God, and ordered a pizza. 

Of course they had disagreements, but nothing that left Dean sore and limping.  There was one argument where they didn’t talk to each other for almost twenty-four hours.  Eventually they both apologized, and then the makeup sex was spectacular.  Over time, Dean felt a knot inside him start to relax.  It was like he lost a tension he didn’t even know he was carrying. 

Graham clapped Aidan on the back one poker night.  “I don’t know what you are doing, but keep it up.  He is practically glowing.”  Aidan and Dean both turned bright red, much to their friends’ delight.  Later, Adam just pushed them out of the way when he caught them kissing in the kitchen, telling them that it was unsanitary and to get a room.  When they chose to go home early that night, they received some teasing, and one ribald comment from Jimmy.

One night they were lying in bed, and Aidan said, in a voice that was trying to be casual, “So, I was thinking…. Maybe we should start looking for a house.” 

Dean turned and looked at him in surprise.  “You want to buy a house?”

“Well, we are spending a lot on rent here.  We could probably spend the same amount on a house payment.  Maybe find a place with a yard or something.  We could look around in the neighborhood where Richard lives.”

“You want to buy a house by Richard?”  Dean was starting to feel sort of stupid, but this had come out of the blue. 

Aidan just smiled at his confusion.  “I want _us_ to think about getting a house.  And not one right by Richard.  That would be weird.  We can look online though and see what is for sale.”

“Don’t we need a down payment or a loan or something?  How do these things work?” 

“I have no idea.  I have never bought a house.”  Aidan laughed.  “We can look that up too.  The internet can tell you how to do anything.”

“But… I don’t have the money to buy a house, Aidan.” 

“I do.  It is just something to think about right now, anyway.”

Dean rolled over and Aidan spooned against his back.  After a couple of minutes, Dean said, “Well, it would need to have a nice kitchen.” 

He felt Aidan’s breath warm against his back.  “I’ll buy you any kitchen you want, love.” 

***

They looked online and learned magic words like escrow and mortgage.  They read about real estate agents, loan rates, and appraisals.  In the end, Dean just shook his head and told Aidan to take care of the details of everything.  At dinner, Aidan would talk about equity, credit checks, and inspections. 

One day he handed Dean his laptop.  “Here are some of the homes that are in our price range.  What do you think?”

Dean clicked through a few, not too terribly impressed.  Most of them looked like the typical cookie cutter house in a suburban neighborhood.  You had your choice of one or two stories, and a few different floor plans, but aside from that they were all the same.  He clicked again, shrugging at Aidan.  He was starting to think maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

The next house, however, made his mouth go dry.  It looked like something out of a gothic fairytale, with a small front yard, wrap around porch, grey brick, and white trim.  Like a castle done in miniature, there were peaked roofs, with two stories, and a widow’s walk.  Other pictures showed a large backyard with a privacy fence.  He scrolled down and saw pictures of rooms, fireplaces, and a cellar. 

Aidan glanced to see what was getting Dean’s attention.  “I saw that one too.  The agent told me it is up for sale because the previous owner passed away.  His kids just want to unload it.  What do you think?” 

“Maybe we could go look at it?”  Dean kept scrolling through pictures, thinking something must be wrong with it. 

Aidan smiled at him.  “Anything you want.” 

***

A few months later, after more paperwork than he cared to remember, two arguments with Aidan, a swirl of lawyers, brokers, inspectors, and banks, and one hysterical phone call to Adam, Aidan handed Dean a key.   

“I think I am in shock.  Tell me again, we bought a house.”  Dean hugged Aidan, leaning into the taller man. 

“Dean, we bought a house.”  Aidan murmured into his hair.  “I think I am in shock too.  I feel like there should be more to it than just getting a key after all that paperwork.” 

“What did you expect, a marching band?”  Dean looked up at him, smiling.  “I can think of a way for us to celebrate.”  He slid down to his knees, still smiling. 

***

Adam sank to the floor with a groan.  “When did you two accumulate all this _junk_?”  He leaned against a box. 

Dean, Aidan, and Richard wilted to the floor by Adam.  Jimmy was somewhere in the house, chasing down his kids who had decided to play hide and seek.  He was stomping around, growling like a monster, ignoring the giggles that were coming from closets and behind doors.  The sounds made Dean grin.  Graham was standing there, looking as fresh as he did that morning.  Dean figured it would take an iceberg to make Graham sink. 

“Look at it this way: we bought the house, so we won’t have to move all this junk again,” Aidan said.  He pointed at Dean.  “Besides, most of it is his junk.” 

“Hey!  It is not!” 

Aidan wordlessly pointed to a box labeled ‘Dean’s stuff.’ 

“Oh please, one box,” Dean huffed. 

Adam pointed to another one that said ‘Dean’s camera equipment, fragile!’  “Two boxes.” 

Graham piped up, “At least four in this room alone.  I can go count in the others if you like.”  He grinned at Dean. 

Dean laughed in reply.  “Okay, I admit, I am a packrat.  Aidan is right, though, at least we won’t have to do this again.”  He smiled at Aidan, taking the other man’s hand. 

A group of children thundered down the hall, sounding like a stampede, and ran into the backyard.  Jimmy flopped down on the ground next to Adam.  “There isn’t anything in the backyard that they can set on fire or kill, is there?” 

Dean had to laugh at Aidan’s expression of mild alarm.  “No,” he answered, “it is just grass out there right now.” 

Aidan shot him a look.  “Grass can burn, Dean.” 

Adam lazily waved a hand.  “You are insured.  Besides, they are just rowdy, not arsonists.” 

Jimmy just laid there and groaned.  “Next time, can we do this on a day when I am not taking care of the kids?  And wasn’t I promised food?” 

***

Later, when everyone had left, Aidan was picking up paper plates and pizza boxes.  “How can such small people make such a mess?”  He wondered. 

“And I’m sure you were a pristine child,” Dean remarked mildly. 

“Of course,” Aidan replied with a grin.  “I was a perfect angel.” 

“I just bet.”  Dean looked around and heaved a sigh.  “This is going to take forever to put away and organize.” 

Aidan came up and pressed himself against Dean’s back, wrapping his arms around the smaller man.  “I think it can wait until tomorrow, don’t you?” 

Dean shot him a smirk over one shoulder.  “We still have to put the beds together.” 

Aidan nibbled his ear, whispering, “There is always the couch.  Welcome home.” 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

One day Aidan casually suggested they go and check out a club he had read about.  Dean had started to catch on about that oh-so-casual tone, and it made him curious, and a little cautious.

“What kind of club?”

“They have dancing there.”  Aidan fidgeted. 

“So like a house music type of thing?  Aren’t we a little old for the rave scene?”

“Old!  We are not old!  And it isn’t a rave!  It is a club.” 

“But what _type_ of club?”

“Like a private club, I think.”  Aidan rubbed his forehead like he was getting a headache. 

“Where did you find out about this private club?  If it is private, are you sure we can get in?”

“Dean.  Stop.  Do you want to go out tonight?”  Aidan was starting to look like he was having second thoughts.

“I suppose we can.”  Dean shrugged.  How much trouble could they get into in a club?  He decided not to think too hard about that, or he wouldn’t want to go.  Actually, if he thought too much about it, he might never leave the house again.

“Why don’t you wear that black shirt you have?”

“What?  Why?”

“Because I like the way you look in it.”

“You never cared what I looked like before.  Or are you trying to tell me that you think I am a slob?”  Dean, wearing a shirt with bleach stains and pants that had seen better days, grinned at him. 

Aidan just groaned and put his head in his hands. 

***

That night, Dean was in his black shirt, and Aidan drove them to the club.  Dean was still full of questions, but Aidan just told him that he had never been either, so they would find out the answers together.  When they pulled up, Dean shot the building a suspicious glance.

“Is this the right place?  It looks like the back of a bowling alley.” 

Aidan looked unsure, but replied, “This is the address.  Let’s go see.” 

Dean felt more assured after they got closer to the door, and he could hear the music playing.  At least they were at the correct building. 

They stepped into a small entryway where a clerk was waiting.  As Aidan was paying an exorbitant cover charge, the clerk asked if they needed a locker. 

“A locker?  Why do we need a locker?”

The clerk asked, “Have you ever been here before?”

“Nope,” Aidan replied.  “First time for both of us.” 

The clerk broke into a wide grin.  Welcoming them, he gave them both a couple of tickets for free drinks, and a sheet of paper with a map printed on it.  “The show starts in about an hour, so you have time to look around a little.  If you have any questions, attendants are in the locker room, and we have people circulating on the floor.  Just look for someone in a black and white shirt that says staff.”

They thanked him, and Aidan took Dean’s hand and led him into the club.  Dean let him lead while he tried to read his map.  “Does this say Jacuzzi room?  And exercise room?  Aidan, is this a dance club or a gym?”

From what he could see, it looked like any typical club.  Bar along one wall, dance floor in the middle, some pop tune blaring. 

Aidan threw one of his sunny smiles over his shoulder.  “I never said it was a dance club.  I said it was a private club.  Let’s go grab a drink and walk around.”  He led the way to the bar. 

They both got a drink, and Aidan grabbed Dean’s free hand again.  Dean was starting to feel a bit like a toddler, and Aidan’s hand was getting sweaty.  Still, he let the taller man lead him through the club while he tried to look around.  Aidan pushed through a door, and they were suddenly in the locker room. 

A friendly attendant was willing to offer suggestions, since they didn’t need a locker.  With a glance at his watch, he said, “I suggest you go to the stage area and try and find a table.  The show starts in about 45 minutes, and soon it will be standing room only.”  He pointed the way to the stage and gave them a smile farewell. 

“Aidan, what show is this?  A band?”  Dean was still trying to figure out what was going on. 

Aidan looked like he was about to crawl out of own skin, he seemed so nervous.  Before they left the locker room, he stopped and faced Dean.  “I don’t know if it is a band.  I didn’t know there was some sort of show tonight.  Dean, do you trust me?”

“Yes….”  At this point, Dean was starting to get nervous himself.  Aidan gave him a quick kiss and another one of those smiles, and they walked through the door. 

There was some industrial rock music thumping, and the room was dimly lit.  It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but once they did, his mouth fell open.  Aidan still had him by the wrist, and was leading them toward the tables that surrounded the stage.  Dean balked at that, so he detoured to a taller table by the wall. 

“Why didn’t you tell me that this was a _fetish_ club?” Dean hissed in a whisper once they set down their drinks. 

“I didn’t know, exactly.  Is that what they are called?”  Aidan looked innocently at him. 

“Don’t look at me like that!  I would have told you what they were called, if you had told me what the place was!”  Dean was trying not to openly stare at people in various stages of undress.  He failed spectacularly when he caught a glimpse of a man in a leather harness and nothing else.  He blushed and quickly looked away when the man smiled at him. 

He was clinging to Aidan’s hand, and he figured his was sweaty by now too.  He looked at the map, noticing the names of some of the other rooms.  They made a bit more sense now that he knew what type of club it was.  “What’s the recovery room?  Do they do some sort of surgery here too?” 

Aidan and Dean exchanged a perturbed look.  A woman at the next table overheard, however, and leaned over a bit to tell them it was just a quiet place to rest and relax if you needed it.  Dean valiantly managed not to stare at the piercings in her nipples. 

Dean edged closer to Aidan, dropping his voice.  “Seriously, Aidan, I don’t know if I am comfortable being here.” 

Looking around, Aidan told him, “Let’s just finish our drinks.  If you’re still uncomfortable, we can leave then, alright?”

A voice behind Dean said, “At least stay for the show.”  Dean jumped, then turned around, leaning his back against Aidan. 

A man in one of the staff shirts was standing there.  He extended his hand. “I’m Luke.  First time here?”

Aidan shook it, and introduced himself and Dean.  “Yeah, we haven’t been here before.” 

“First timers tend to get a little wide eyed, sometimes.”

Dean felt wide eyed, alright.  He felt like if he got any more wide eyed, his eyes would fall out of the sockets and roll away. 

Luke gave Dean an appraising look from toes up to his face.  Dean wasn’t sure if he should be insulted or flattered.  He felt Aidan sneak an arm around his waist, and he leaned into the touch.  He thought to himself with some amusement that he had just been thoroughly eye fucked. 

Gesturing to Dean, Luke asked Aidan, “Is this one yours?”

Aidan pulled Dean closer until he was almost sitting on his lap, and nodded.  

“Mind if I take a taste?”  Luke was still talking to Aidan, like he had asked if he could have some of his fries. 

Dean winced, but instead of the rude remark he was expecting, Aidan asked, “Define taste.”  Dean shot him an incredulous look. 

“A kiss, mouth to mouth, no body contact,” Luke said, in a matter of fact tone. 

Aidan paused for a second, but then said, “Agreed.”  Dean was gaping at Aidan by this point.  Aidan saw him, and  shrugged.  “When in Rome…”

“Dean?”  Dean turned his attention back to the man standing in front of him.  “Do you consent?  No one does anything here without consent.  If someone tries, tell one of the staff.  They will be banned, so people are usually very careful about making sure everything is agreeable to all parties involved.  And no hard feelings if you don’t want to kiss me.” 

Dean was not sure what to say.  It was not a matter of not wanting to kiss Luke.  The man was very handsome.  It was a matter of kissing another man in front of his boyfriend.  Luke just stood there waiting patiently. 

Aidan leaned forward a bit and murmured in Dean’s ear.  “Go ahead, love.  Kiss him.”   When Dean looked back at him, he merely nodded. 

Looking back at Luke, Dean figured what the hell.  He nodded at the man.  Luke smiled, stepped closer, and tilted Dean’s face up with one finger on his chin.  He started softly, and then deepened the kiss when there were no objections.  Dean could feel Aidan’s arm tighten around his waist.  Aside from that, he was lost in the kiss. 

They broke apart, and true to his word, Luke just let his hand drop as he stepped back.  He looked at Aidan wrapped around Dean with a smile. 

“I would ask if you shared, but you seem a bit too territorial to share well.  Anyway, nice to have met you.  Enjoy the show.”  With a wave goodbye, he disappeared back into the crowd. 

Dean turned to Aidan, wanting to gauge his reaction.  To his surprise, the other man looked thoughtful.  Aidan caught the look and just shrugged.  “I told you to kiss him.  That seems to be the thing to do here.” 

Dean looked around.  “I don’t see him making out with anyone else.” 

Aidan pulled him closer and nuzzled his neck.  “That’s because no one else is as handsome as you are.  Besides, watching that was kind of a turn on.” 

Before Dean could reply, the lights dimmed, and a spotlight hit the stage.  A woman stood there, dressed in what could only be described as a dominatrix outfit.  She began strapping the man in the leather harness to a device that looked like it belonged in a dungeon somewhere. 

“I guess we are staying for the show,” Dean whispered.  Aidan nodded his agreement. 

Dean thought that this was probably the weirdest night of his life.  Then he noticed the interest on Aidan’s face as the dominatrix started swinging a flogger.  He silently amended that with a ‘so far.’  He couldn’t help but grin when he noticed the restrained man had cuffs exactly like his. 

***

That night, he found himself in those cuffs, wrists restrained behind his back, while he was on his knees in front of Aidan.  Aidan tangled his hands in Dean’s hair, and tugged. 

“Open your eyes and look at me.”  Dean complied, and willingly opened his mouth for the other man.  “It was definitely a turn on watching you kiss that guy.  But you are still mine.”  Aidan groaned and thrust forward when Dean hummed his agreement. 

Later, Aidan made him gargle with warm salt water because his voice was so hoarse.  Dean didn’t mind, though. 

As they spooned in bed, Dean said, “Next time, how about a little warning before you spring something like a night at a fetish club on me?” 

Aidan laughed softly.  “I didn’t know it was a fetish club, exactly.  Besides, would you have gone?”

“Probably not.”  Dean thought for a moment.  “Make that definitely not.” 

“Well, at least we can cross it off our bucket list.”

Remembering the avid interest with which Aidan had watched the show, Dean wondered if that would be the last he heard of it. 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

The next poker night was at Aidan and Dean’s house.  Dean had been itching to try his new barbeque pit, so he was outside trying to decide if he had enough charcoal in it.  Aidan came out, bringing Dean a drink. 

“Adam called, and he is bringing a date.  He also wants to know if he should bring a fire extinguisher.”  Aidan grinned at Dean’s look.  “I told him to go ahead and come around to the backyard.  He’s running late.” 

“At this rate we are going to be eating at midnight.  Hand me those woodchips.”  Dean liberally sprinkled wood on top of the coals.  “I have no idea what I am doing.” 

“We can look it up online real quick.”  Aidan headed back inside to grab his laptop. 

In the end, Dean relinquished control of the grill to Graham and Jimmy.  Dean stood to one side, watching closely.  Richard and Aidan came out of the house, carrying a cooler full of ice and drinks between them.  They set it down by the patio table, and Aidan came and slung an arm over Dean’s shoulders. 

“Are you learning to cook raw meat over an open flame like a proper caveman, love?”  Aidan laughed at the look of concentration on Dean’s face. 

“Hey, don’t knock it.  It is a time honored tradition to get together, drink beer, and burn things,” Jimmy teased. 

Graham made a disgruntled noise.  “You may be burning things.  _I_ am cooking delicious grilled salmon.” 

“This is why I am making burgers.  Yuck.”  Jimmy and Graham continued to jibe at each other. 

Dean felt Aidan stiffen beside him with a muttered, “You have got to be shitting me.” 

Adam was coming into the yard through the side gate.  “We have arrived!” he announced unnecessarily.  “Guys, meet Luke.”  Dean felt his eye twitch. 

Adam deposited the salad he was carrying on the table, and started to introduce Luke to the other men.  Aidan and Dean looked at each other with apprehension. 

Adam stopped in front of them with Luke in tow.  “And this is Dean and Aidan.” 

Luke just stuck his hand out and said, “Pleasure to meet you.”

They both muttered some response as they shook his hand.  All Dean could think was that maybe the man had forgotten about that club visit and shared kiss.  He felt mollified until he realized that he was remembering the kiss, even if Luke had forgotten.  Was it that unmemorable?  Maybe Luke really did go around kissing everyone.  He felt a flash of resentment, and then got exasperated with the whole situation.  Dean grabbed the salad from the table, mumbling something about sticking it in the fridge, and fled into the house. 

After dinner, they were playing poker.  Aidan was sticking more drinks in the cooler, but everyone else was in the game.  Luke had endured the jokes about fresh meat and new money good naturedly.  Dean had a straight, the best hand he had seen all night.  When he got the opportunity, he raised the bet. 

“Too rich for me,” Luke said, and folded.  He got up and wandered over to the cooler to grab another drink. 

The others called, except for Richard who raised the bet again.  Dean studied him for a minute, but the man had a perfect poker face, composed and giving away nothing.  Jimmy called, but Graham and Adam folded.  Dean tapped the table for a second, and thought that even if Richard and Jimmy had decent hands, his was probably better.  He raised the bet again. 

Jimmy folded at that.  Dean and Richard studied each other.  Jimmy said, “It looks like Aidan and Luke are getting along.”  Dean’s eye gave another twitch.  He glanced over and caught both of the men looking in his direction.  Hastily, he looked back at his cards. 

“I’m glad,” Adam said.  “I kind of like this one.  Maybe I will keep him.”  Dean’s eye twitched again. 

Richard called the bet, and Dean and Richard both showed their cards.  A straight was a good hand, but Richard flipped over a full house. 

“Sorry Deano,” the tall man said as he was collecting his winnings.  “You lose.”  He heard Aidan and Luke laugh together, and his eye twitched again.  Dean wondered if it was possible to suddenly develop a nervous tic. 

Dean decided he needed a break, and headed into the kitchen.  He was leaning on the counter when he heard someone come in.  He saw it was Luke, and he straightened up.  “Oh, hey, did you need something?”

Luke stopped and crossed his arms.  “I’d like it if you would quit looking at me like you expect me to start brandishing an axe at any second.” 

Dean frowned at him.  “Excuse me?”

“You keep looking at me like you are terrified.”  Luke sighed, and took a step closer.  “Honestly Dean, give me some credit for having a bit more discretion than to just blurt out where I first met you.  If you keep looking so spooked, however, your friends are going to want to know why you are scared of me.” 

“I am not scared of you!  Not exactly.”  Dean leaned back down on the counter.  “This is awkward, isn’t it?”

“It is only as awkward as you make it.  I won’t be telling anyone about the club, or our kiss.” 

Dean felt a flash of exhilaration that Luke remembered their kiss, immediately followed by guilt.  He shouldn’t be happy about that, in fact it would probably be better to pretend it never happened. How would he even mention that to Adam, anyway?  I made out with your new boyfriend before I knew you liked him, but it is okay since Aidan was watching?  Dean didn’t think so.  “Yeah, I won’t be talking about it either.  Let’s just forget about it.” 

With a smile, Luke told him, “Oh, I won’t forget.  I just won’t talk about it.  Well, unless you and Aidan want to talk.  Also, Adam thinks I am a bartender at a club.  I haven’t quite introduced him to all that yet.”  With a small wave, Luke went back outside. 

Dean was thinking about the conversation as he grabbed a bottle of water.  He was drinking when he thought of Luke’s parting comment.  He had a flash of Adam – fastidious, fussy, sweet Adam, who had refused to sit on Dean’s old couch once he discovered it had been previously used – and thought of Adam in the fetish club.  Dean thought that there wouldn’t be enough hand sanitizer in the world for that.  He nearly choked on his water.   

***

After everyone left, Aidan and Dean curled up on the couch together.  Aidan looked at Dean and said, “Well, that was strange.” 

“Strange and sort of awkward.”  Dean nodded in agreement. 

“Did Luke get a chance to talk to you?  He said he was going to try.” 

Dean repeated the conversation in the kitchen.  “He said he hasn’t told Adam about all his, uh, proclivities yet.  Wait…. _yet?_   Does this mean he and Adam are…?”

Aidan looked at him with a grin.  “Are you sure you want the answer to that question?”

“Nope.  That is an answer I definitely do not want.”  Dean looked a little green at the thought.  “Adam has almost no filter on his mouth though.  If they do anything, I will probably wind up hearing about it anyway.”  He buried his face against Aidan’s chest. 

Aidan just chuckled.  “Poor love.  Let’s go to bed.  Maybe I can come up with something so you have a story to swap with him.”  Dean poked him, but got off the couch. 


	12. Chapter 12

Adam and Luke seemed to be getting along fine.  Soon they were showing up together everywhere, and going places with Aidan and Dean.  Adam insisted on calling these ‘couple dates,’ to everyone’s amusement.  Aidan and Luke became fast friends.  Dean decided he was going to pretend that the night at the club never even happened.  If he happened to catch Aidan and Luke both looking at him speculatively, dark heads bent together like conspirators, he ignored it. 

One poker night, over at Graham’s house, Dean found Adam listlessly picking at the label on his beer bottle.  He sat down and bumped his shoulder into the smaller man.  “What’s wrong?”

Adam looked downcast.  “I don’t know if Luke and I are going to work out.”

Dean was surprised.  “He seems to really like you.  I thought you liked him.  Did something happen?”

Adam blushed.  “Not exactly.  He just wants to try some new things, and I don’t know if it is something I can handle.” 

“Oh?”  Adam blushed harder.  “ _Oh._ Well.  Uh, is it something you can compromise on, maybe?”  Dean was blushing by this time too. 

“Maybe.  I told him I would think about it.”

Dean figured that spontaneous human combustion probably started with blushes like the one on his face, but Adam was just as red.  “Is it really a deal breaker?  I mean, if you can’t do it, or compromise, do you have to split up?”

In a low voice, Adam replied, “I guess not, but if it is something he needs, and I can’t do it, will it be fair to him?”

Almost involuntarily, Adam and Dean both glanced over to Luke, standing beside Aidan.  Aidan caught it, and looked back at Dean with a questioning look of his own.  Dean just made a small ‘not now’ gesture and returned his attention back to Adam. 

Dean studied Adam’s face for a second.  “Why don’t you let Luke decide if it is fair to him or not?  Compromise where you can, and see if it will be enough.”

Adam nodded, and then gently punched Dean in the arm.  “Look at you!  Giving relationship advice and being all wise and stuff!  That wasn’t something I’d ever thought I’d see.  Especially the part about being wise.”

“I don’t know why.  You have called me a wise-ass more than once.”  The two men grinned at each other, and then returned to the party.

***

Later in bed, as Aidan spooned against Dean’s back, he asked, “Is Adam okay?  He looked down at the card game earlier.”

Dean explained, “I guess Luke discussed some stuff with him.  He didn’t know if he could do it.  He was talking about breaking up with Luke.”

Aidan stilled behind him.  “He would break it off because he didn’t want to do something in the bedroom?”

Dean shrugged.  “I told him to try to talk to Luke, and compromise.  I don’t know if he is going to try anything or not.”  He noticed how quiet Aidan had become.  “Are you okay?  You know if they break up, no one will object if you stay friends with Luke.” 

Aidan gave a wan smile.  “Yeah, I know.”  Still, he clung to Dean even in sleep. 

***

One day Aidan and Dean got into an argument.  They kept sniping at each other, until eventually they were shouting.  Suddenly Aidan stepped back.

“I can’t do this right now.  I am going to Luke’s place.”  Aidan grabbed his keys, and was gone. 

Dean was still upset.  He went into the backyard, and decided he was going to put in a flower bed.  He worked off a lot of his anger by digging, but still wasn’t happy.  He was standing there, trying to figure out how big he wanted the flower bed, when Aidan came out of the house carrying a bottle of water.  Wordlessly, he handed it to Dean, then stood next to him, looking at the dirt bed. 

Dean said quietly, “You know that we have to work things out sometimes, right?  You can’t just walk away every time we have a disagreement.” 

Just as quietly, Aidan replied, “I know.  I just don’t want to lose my temper.”  He turned to look at Dean.  “I love you.” 

Dean sighed.  “I love you too.  I’m going to go take a shower.  Why don’t you start supper?”

Aidan looked relieved.  They held hands walking back into the house.

***

Dean was restless and wanted to go out.    Aidan took some persuading, but eventually said yes.  They ended up at some bar that had a guy playing blues on a guitar. 

After a moment of watching Aidan, Dean leaned over.  “Are you okay?  You have seemed awfully tense lately.” 

Without looking at him, Aidan answered, “I’m fine.  It’s nothing.”  He quickly finished his beer and signaled the waitress for another.  

Dean suddenly felt that knot of tension back in his stomach.  With a sinking heart, he got the car keys from Aidan.  This may turn out to be a long night. 

Aidan just got more sullen with every drink he ordered.  After he finished his third one, Dean asked him if he was ready to go. 

“What, leave now?  Just when we are having so much fun?”  Aidan waved to the waitress for another beer.  “You wanted to go out.  Well, we are out.  We are doing exactly what you wanted.” 

Dean sighed and told him, “You could have just said no, you know.  We didn’t have to come out tonight.” 

Aidan shot him a poisonous look.  “I came because I want to make you happy.”  Aidan pointedly looked away, and watched the guitar player. 

“This isn’t doing it.”  Dean frowned at him.  “I wanted to have fun.  This isn’t it.  Let’s just go home.” 

“Fine.  After I am done with my drink.”  Except one drink turned into three more.  Finally, Aidan asked Dean if he was ready to go. 

By this point, Dean was frustrated and angry too.  Without saying a word, he got up and left the bar. 

When they got home, Dean threw the keys on the table and headed into the kitchen.  He was still upset.  He didn’t even know what was wrong with Aidan. 

Aidan came in, opened the refrigerator, and grabbed another beer.  He caught the look Dean leveled his way, and raised the bottle.  “Cheers,” he spat out sarcastically, taking a drink.

Trying to keep a neutral voice, Dean said, “I thought we agreed to quit drinking so much.”

Aidan threw the bottle into the sink, and Dean winced at the sound of breaking glass.  “No, Dean, _you_ decided, and I agreed with you.  Again, I was trying to keep you happy!”

“What is the matter with you?”  Dean was sick of this.  He was angry and tired. 

Aidan stared at him for a long moment.  Then he said, “I am going to Luke’s place.”  He reached out, grabbed the keys, and turned to go out of the kitchen. 

“After all you drank tonight?  Like hell you are!”  Dean caught up to him and grabbed his wrist, pulling the brunette to a halt.  He was furious that Aidan would try to pull this now.

Aidan reflexively jerked away, and spun and backhanded Dean across the face.  They both froze.  That moment of time seemed to stretch forever.  Aidan stared at Dean, eyes wide, face stricken, and looked horrified.  He opened his mouth to say something. 

Before Aidan could make a sound, Dean’s temper snapped.  “You hit like a girl,” he spat contemptuously. 

The next thing he knew, his back was hitting the wall.  Aidan held him there with one hand on his throat.  His other hand was drawn back in a fist, preparing for a punch.  The thought flit across Dean’s mind, even like this Aidan was beautiful:  dark eyes flashing, brows drawn down low, lip curled back. 

All he could do was gasp and watch as Aidan’s fist came towards him.  Dean flinched away when that fist crashed into the wall beside his head.  Suddenly Aidan’s body was pressed against him, pinning him in place. 

“I was trying to walk away!  I was trying to avoid a fight like I have been for days!”  Aidan snarled in his face, and slammed Dean back against the wall again.  “Shit, Dean, do you _want_ me to hurt you?”  He leaned back against Dean, and whispered, “I love you.  I don’t want to argue.  Will you please go with me to Luke’s?”

In a shaking voice, Dean said, “It’s late.  Why don’t we just go to bed?”

Aidan stepped away from Dean, saying, “Let me call him.  If he says it is okay, will you go with me?”  Dean nodded.  Aidan pulled out his phone, and spoke a few terse words.  Then he handed the phone to Dean. 

Luke’s voice came through.  “You and Aidan are more than welcome to come over.  Are you okay?  Is Aidan?”  Dean assured him they were both fine, and agreed to drive Aidan over. 


	13. Chapter 13

During the drive, neither one of them said a word.  They got to Luke’s and he opened the door to invite them in.  Aidan stormed inside, still in a temper.  Dean followed along behind him silently.  Luke motioned for them to have a seat.  Dean sat in a chair, but Aidan started pacing.  Luke sat on the couch, watching Aidan, waiting for someone to say something. 

Aidan ran his hands through his hair, making curls go everywhere.  Finally he stopped pacing, and sat next to Luke.  “Will you please talk to Dean for me?”

Luke searched his face.  “Are you sure?”  Aidan nodded, and then slumped back on the couch.  Luke turned to face Dean.  “You know Aidan and I have become close.  Well, we’ve been talking some about you and your relationship.” 

Dean wasn’t surprised.  He knew they would be discussing it.  Still, he was surprised by how much the thought hurt.  He stood up.  “You know what?  I don’t want to hear it.  Talk about whatever you want.  I’m going home.  I’ll come pick Aidan up in the morning.” 

He almost made it out of the room when something hit the back of his legs.  The next thing he knew, he was on his knees, one arm drawn up behind his back.  An arm wrapped around his neck and he was startled to realize that it was Luke behind him, not Aidan. 

“What the hell, Luke?”  Dean stopped talking when the arm around his neck tightened briefly. 

“Aidan, sit back down.  I am not hurting him.  Your boy and I are just chatting.”  Dean was facing away from Aidan, but he heard a weight hit the cushions.  He started to say something but stopped with a splutter when that arm threatened to choke him again.  Luke released the hold on Dean’s wrist, but wrapped another heavy arm around his waist, pulling him back.  He ended up sitting between Luke’s legs, his back pressed against the man’s chest.

“Dean, you may not want to hear this, but you _need_ to listen.  Are you listening to me?”  Another flex of that arm around his neck, and Dean nodded.  Luke continued, “You are living with a Dom who has control issues and a jealous streak a mile wide.  He has been trying to control all that for you.  It has been coming out in ways that make him abusive and violent.  Meanwhile, you have been acting like an oblivious little shit.”  Aidan started to say something, but Luke snapped out, “Shut up, Aidan.  You wanted me to talk to him, and I am.”  When Aidan fell silent, Dean was suddenly glad he was facing away.  Dean wasn’t sure what expression was on his face at the moment.  He closed his eyes.

Luke continued in a softer voice, “Aidan is not getting his needs met.  He has been reluctant to approach you about this problem, because he’s worried you will run away screaming.  I’ve explained to him that you are both adults.  You have to talk to each other, though.”  During this speech, Luke had relaxed his grip until he was not holding Dean in place anymore.  He hugged Dean to him.  “He’s afraid he is going to lose it and accidentally hurt you.  _Seriously_ hurt you.  You need to talk to him and see if you can come to some kind of middle ground.  See if you can find a solution that won’t break you both.”

Dean opened his eyes, and saw Aidan standing there.  Tears glittered on his lashes, and his eyes were wide.  He stared at Dean for a few seconds, then whispered, “Say something, Dean.”

Dean had no idea what to say.  So he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.  “Since I have met you, I have been thrown around more than ever before in my life.” 

Luke snorted in his ear.  Aidan just stood there.  Finally, he whispered, “Do you hate me?”

Dean scowled at him.  “No, you idiot.  I love you.” 

Aidan dropped to his knees with a small sob, and kissed Dean hard.  They ended up intertwined in a tangle of limbs in Luke’s lap.  Aidan rested against him, pressing him into Luke.  Since no one else seemed inclined to move, Dean made an effort to relax. 

After a minute, Dean murmured, “I have no idea about any of this stuff.  I mean… well, what do we do?”  He looked at Aidan. 

Aidan shrugged.  “I don’t have a lot of practical knowledge about how to do things either.  Most of the videos I found online were not exactly educational.  Luke offered to give us a hand if we need it.” 

Dean glanced over his shoulder.  “A hand with what?” he asked Luke.

Luke laughed.  “Mainly keeping you idiots from killing each other until you figure things out.” 

Dean pulled away a bit.  “Wait.  Figure what things out, exactly?”

Luke pushed at Aidan, trying to make him move.  “The specifics are up to you.  Let me show you something.”

After getting untangled, Luke led Aidan and Dean to his basement. 

Dean looked around with wide eyes.  “You are like a sexy perverted Batman.”  He didn’t realize he had said that aloud until the other men started laughing.  He blushed.

“I am using that for my costume next Halloween.”  Luke grinned at Dean. 

Dean just flapped his hand at Luke, then turned and ventured farther.  He ran a finger across a leather seat.  “Where did you get all this stuff?”

“I built most of it.  Some of it is repurposed from other things.”  Luke pointed to the thing Dean was standing by.  “That used to be a weight bench.”

Dean risked a glance at Aidan.  Aidan was looking at the ground, but looked up when Dean murmured his name.  Dean was struck by the hunger in his gaze.  Throat suddenly tight, Dean looked away, wandering farther into the basement, away from Aidan.  He could still feel the other man’s eyes on him as he walked.  Luke followed him, but Aidan stayed by the door, looking back down at the ground.

Suddenly Dean was overwhelmed.  “But… what if I can’t?” he stammered.

“Can’t what?”

Dean waved his arms around.  “Can’t do any of this!  This is… I don’t…  I was not prepared for any of this!” 

Luke caught Dean’s hands and held them.  “I am not asking you to do all this.  Aidan isn’t asking it either.  He told me that you two have played with restraints.  Isn’t there anything else you might be curious about?”

Dean stared at Aidan while Aidan studiously looked at the floor.  Curious, yes, but not curious enough to actively pursue the subject.  Wracking his brain, he tried to come up with something.  Suddenly he remembered the night at the club, and the look on Aidan’s face during the show.  “A flogger?”  He heard the uncertainty in his voice.  “A flogger.”  Aidan’s head whipped up in shock, then the look of heat he gave Dean nearly made the blonde melt. 

Luke led Dean back to Aidan, and told them to wait there.  He disappeared for a second, and then returned with a flogger.  Dean silently wondered why he was surprised as he watched him pass it to Aidan.  The man built his own dungeon.  Of course he has a flogger.

Aidan looked mesmerized as he turned it around to look at it.  Dean just watched as Luke pointed out that it was made from leather and was lightweight.  Aidan ran the falls though his fingers and grinned at Dean.  Dean was hoping he had not made a huge mistake. 

The grin vanished when Luke took it back.  “Have you ever even used one of these before?”

Aidan smirked.  “How hard can it be?”

Luke lashed out fast with the flogger, hitting Aidan’s thigh.  Aidan yelped, and Dean took the chance to smirk this time. 

Luke was less than amused by it all.  “It can be hard, and it can hurt.  If you don’t know what you are doing, or if you hit in the wrong place, you can damage your partner.  Your partner trusts you to do this without doing permanent damage.”  Luke turned to Dean.  “And he trusts you to tell him if you need something.  If it is too much, or overwhelming, or if a restraint is too tight, you have to let your partner know.”  He saw they were both paying attention.  “This is not one-sided.  Both of you have to enjoy it or it won’t work.” 

Dean and Aidan stared at each other for a moment.  Aidan looked back at Luke, and simply said, “Show me.”

So Dean wound up sitting on the former weight bench, watching as Aidan leaned against the wall, and Luke tried to show him how to use the flogger.  After getting hit for the fourth time and still not having a clue, Aidan pushed away from the wall, frustrated. “I can’t see what you are doing when you are hitting my back.  Use Dean.”

“Wait, what?”  Dean wondered if he was maybe having a strange dream.  This surely couldn’t be his reality anymore.  “Use me for what?”

“A crash test dummy, what else?”  Aidan grinned at him. 

Luke huffed, “I am just going to show him how to use the flogger.  Will you help?”

Dean figured that this was as good a place to start as any.  “Sure.  Where do you want me?”

Luke looked at him for a second.  “Wait, I am not feeling it.  Lose the shoes, and your shirt.”

“My shoes? Why?” 

Luke flicked his wrist and the flogger snapped beside Dean’s hip.  “Because I said so.”  Dean saw the look on his face, and decided to quit asking questions.  He pulled off his shirt, then kicked off his shoes.  Feeling strangely more vulnerable, he padded over to the two taller men.  He felt a flutter in his stomach and couldn’t figure out if it was fear or anticipation.

Luke turned him to face the wall, adjusting Dean’s hands and feet until he was leaning against it, spread eagled.  “Stay on the wall, Dean.  Don’t move.”  Fear, that time the flutter was definitely fear.  Dean nodded, mouth dry.  He resisted an urge to just bolt for the door.

Luke beckoned to Aidan.  “Look.  These are safe places to hit with a flogger.”  With a fingertip, Luke traced Dean’s upper back.  “This area is safe.”  Hands suddenly spread across his buttocks then ran down the back of his thighs.  “This is too.  There isn’t a lot you can damage here if something goes wrong.”  Aidan made a sound of agreement. 

“Don’t hit here with anything, though.”  That fingertip traced Dean’s lower back, and he broke out in gooseflesh.  “You don’t want to damage his kidneys.”  The fingertip ran across the nape of Dean’s neck, and he closed his eyes.  “Never hit anyone in the head or neck.  You’re a nurse, so if something goes badly at least you know first aid.” 

Dean’s eyes popped back open.  “I’ll need first aid?” 

A soothing hand ran down his back.  “Shh, Dean, no you won’t.  It is just a precaution.  Accidents can happen.”  Dean closed his eyes again, but his breathing was coming a little faster. 

Luke rested a hand between Dean’s shoulder blades as he spoke to Aidan, talking about the length of the falls on the flogger, and weight, and angle.  Dean concentrated on that warm hand until his breathing evened out.  He started to relax, letting the other men’s voices become just noise.  It was almost hypnotic. 

The hand shifted and curled around his hip.  Luke’s voice was soft in his ear, asking, “Ready, Dean?”  He just nodded. 

The warmth vanished.  Dean waited a long moment, hearing them murmuring something behind him.  Then there was a snap, and a quick stinging pain.  He jumped, but more in surprise than pain.  He had expected it to hurt more. 

“Dean?”  Aidan’s voice sounded anxious.  “Are you okay?”

Dean opened his eyes and started to turn to answer, but Luke’s hand on the back of his neck stopped him.  “No, Dean.  Stay there.”  Dean nodded and closed his eyes again.

“This is part of that trust thing, Aidan,” Luke said, keeping his hand on Dean’s neck.  “Trust him to tell you if it isn’t okay.  Besides, look at him.”  He heard rustling, but Dean didn’t open his eyes.  He just enjoyed that warm hand, and the relaxation.  “If you keep questioning everything, you’ll ruin it for him.  Not to mention you will be too nervous to enjoy it too.”  Luke ran the hand up and down Dean’s back.  “What is his safeword?”

“We don’t have one.”  Aidan sounded sheepish. 

The warm hand was suddenly gone.  For the first time, Dean heard anger in Luke’s voice.  “What do you mean, you don’t have a safeword?”

“All we did was the cuffs…”

“Really?  That’s all?  How would you like it if I tied you down so you couldn’t get away, then did whatever I wanted, and you had no way to let me know if you really liked it or not?”  Luke’s voice sounded deadly now, and Dean became concerned.  “You and I are going to have a talk later.”  There was a thud, and Dean opened his eyes and began to turn around. 

Suddenly the hand was back on his neck.  “No, Dean.  Stay on the wall.  I won’t tell you again.  If you need to stop, just say the word red, okay?  Red is your safeword.” 

Dean hummed an acknowledgement.  Luke just ran his hand up and down Dean’s back.  Dean relaxed into the touch and closed his eyes again.  When Luke finally spoke again, all the anger was gone, and his voice was soft and steady.  “Ready?”  Dean nodded, and the warmth moved away.

Silence for a long moment, then a crack, and another stinging pain.  Dean gasped.  A beat, then again, a crack and stinging pain.  It started happening in a rhythm, four times, then six, then Dean lost count.  The sting became steady, and then became a burn.  He dropped his head, arching his back up to meet it.  He consoled himself with the idea that he could say the word and stop this, but rejected the idea.  He agreed to do this, he was going to see it through.  The rhythm never faltered.  Dean thought of Luke with the flogger, Aidan watching them both, and started to grow hard.  He leaned against the wall harder.  He found himself panting, fingers pressed against the wall like he was trying to dig through it.  Still, the rhythm continued.  Dean moaned, and suddenly it was over. 

Dean felt arms around his waist, pulling him back.  He was focused on staying on the wall, and resisted until Luke’s voice registered on him.  “Come here, Dean, I’ve got you.”  Eyes still closed, he turned and fell into Luke’s arms.  They ended up sitting on the floor, both of them breathing hard.  Dean began to shiver as Luke ran his hands up and down his back.  Luke was making some soothing sounds, and all Dean could do was cling to him.  Dimly, he was aware of voices talking. 

He opened his eyes and saw Aidan, who looked anxious and was holding a juice box.  “Are you okay, love?” he breathed.

Dean nodded.  “I feel drunk.”  He was light headed and dizzy.  Warm hands ran across his back again, and he shuddered.  He closed his eyes and laid his head against Luke’s chest.  “When did my life get so weird?” he whispered. 

Luke murmured, “Is it a bad kind of weird?”  Dean shook his head no, then yes, then shrugged.  Luke just laughed.  “You ready to go see Aidan?  I am going to fix the guest room for you.” 

Dean nodded, and found himself being passed to another lap.  That worked for him, since he doubted he could walk straight yet.  He wrapped his arms around Aidan, pressing his face into his lover’s neck.  Suddenly he felt like crying.

Aidan held him close, whispering, “That was amazing, Dean.  Thank you.”  Aidan dipped his head down and gave Dean a long, tender kiss.  They stayed like that for a while longer, Aidan giving Dean sips from the juice until it was gone.  Finally Dean felt able to walk up the stairs, and they went to bed.


	14. Chapter 14

When Dean woke up, he was alone, and for a moment had no idea where he was.  Then he remembered last night.  He groaned and buried his head back under the covers.  Did that actually happen?  He just lay there, thinking about it all. 

Was it really that bad?  Dean experimentally rolled his shoulders.  There was a little tightness, but it wasn’t painful.  Could he do this on a regular basis?  He remembered how ardent Aidan had been when they went to bed, and flushed.  He didn’t know about an everyday type of thing, but maybe he could get used to this once in a while.  He’d have to discuss it with Aidan, and see what the other man expected. 

It was mid-afternoon by the time he got dressed and wandered into the kitchen.  Aidan and Luke were sitting at the table talking, and looked up and smiled when he entered the room.  Seeing them there together, he thought of last night again and reddened. 

Aidan got up and gave him a light kiss.  “Turn around, I want to see your back,” he demanded. 

“Can it wait until I have had coffee?” 

“No.  Turn around.”  Aidan spun him, and lifted his shirt. 

Dean figured that if he shut up and bore it, he would get coffee faster.  He sighed, but let Aidan inspect him.  He heard Luke come up to look too, and rolled his eyes. 

“See?” Luke said.  “I told you, he is fine.  It didn’t even break the skin.”

“I just wanted to make sure he is okay,” Aidan fussed.

“ _He_ is right here, and would really like a cup of coffee,” Dean grumbled. 

Eventually Dean got his coffee, and was sitting at the table, thinking while the other men talked.  It caught his attention when he heard Luke say his name. 

“You and Dean can go as my guests,” he was explaining to Aidan.  “See if anything interesting catches your eye.”

Aidan was agreeing.  “Is there a dress code or something?”

Dean was lost.  “Dress code for what?  Go where?”

Amused, Luke told him, “There is a party coming up.  I’m inviting you.”

Dean just hummed noncommittally.  He could get all the details from Aidan later.

***

“A _what_ party?”  Dean was incredulous. 

“Basically a fetish party.  Kind of like that club, only at a private home,” Aidan said pragmatically, like they got invitations to such events every day. 

They were curled up on their couch, watching television.  Dean turned to look at Aidan.  “Do you want to go?”

Aidan replied without looking at Dean, in that casual tone he tried to affect, “I thought we could go and see what it was.  I mean, if you want to go too.” 

“I thought we were going to try being open and talking to each other more.” Dean poked at Aidan, tickling him. 

Squirming, Aidan avoided the tickling.  “Okay, then yes, I want to go.  At least once, to see what it is like.”

“Okay,” Dean readily agreed.  “Then we’ll go see what it is like.”  He was rewarded with one of Aidan’s blinding smiles.

***

Dean had had enough of this day.  He had been late to work that morning, because he lost his keys again.  Then right before the lunch rush, the water was shut off due to a burst water main.  It took them almost an hour to get it back on.  Then to top it all off, there was construction, and the drive home had taken twice as long as it normally does. 

Once he finally got home, he glared at the empty foyer.  The first chance he got, he was going to buy a table to put in there, so he could keep his keys on it.  Then he sighed.  He knew he was being ridiculous.  Still, it was frustrating. 

Aidan was already home, watching television.  Dean sat next to him on the couch with a huff.  He dropped his keys on the coffee table, making a mental note of where they were. 

Aidan looked at him with sympathy.  “Bad day?”

Dean just nodded.  Aidan opened his arms, and Dean wound up laying on him.  Aidan ran soothing hands up and down his back. 

“You have been awfully stressed lately,” Aidan observed.  “Want to talk about it?”

Dean shrugged.  “It seems like everything happens all at once.  Work was crazy today, then having to deal with traffic sucks.  I miss being able to walk to work.” 

Aidan continued to stroke his back.  “You know,” he mused, “you don’t have to keep working at the coffee shop if you don’t want to.” 

Dean raised his head to look at Aidan.  “Quit my job?” 

Aidan hummed in agreement.  “I make enough money at the hospital, you could quit if you want.” 

Dean sat up, pulling away from Aidan.  “And do what?  Be a housewife?  Start watching soap operas?”  He was starting to get indignant. 

Aidan shot him an amused look.  “As fetching as you might look wearing pearls and petticoats, I was thinking you could focus more on your photography.  You haven’t been doing much with it since we moved here.  And you have the room for a studio in the house, if you like.” 

Dean had to laugh at the idea of being dressed like a housewife from the 50s.  “I don’t think I would make a very good June Cleaver.  And I like my job, usually.”

“I just want you to be happy, you know.”  Aidan nuzzled against his neck. 

“I know.”

***

Dean walked in to see Aidan absorbed in something on the computer.  When Aidan saw Dean, he jumped and looked guilty, and hastily minimized the browser.  Dean grinned, and came over to sit in Aidan’s lap.  “Did I catch you looking at porn?”

“It isn’t porn!  I was just looking at a few things!”  Aidan was blushing and trying to push Dean away. 

Dean reached over and brought the browser back up.  He looked, and saw it was an online store.  Looking closer, he saw that Aidan had been looking at nipple clamps.  He raised an eyebrow at Aidan, who turned even redder and looked away. 

Dean looked at the selection for a long moment, and then tapped the screen.  “What about these?” he asked Aidan.

Aidan looked up in surprise.  “Really?”

“Yeah,” Dean nodded. 

Aidan added them to the cart, and then gave Dean a scorching kiss.  “I’ve been looking at some other things too.”  

***

The next poker night was at Adam’s place.  Dean was helping him get stuff from the kitchen. 

“You seem to be more relaxed.  How are things with Luke?  Did you find a compromise?”  Dean asked.  He was curious how much Luke might have told Adam about everything.  He tried very hard not to think of his best friend in Luke’s dungeon. 

“You could say that.  There are a few things I am willing to go along with, and he can do the other stuff with other people as long as no sex is involved.”  Adam made a face.  “There are just some things I am not ever going to enjoy.  And some stuff I don’t even want to try.”

Dean was dying to ask questions.  Did Adam know about the club?  What things did he mean?  He didn’t want to pry, but he still wanted to know.  The curiosity must have shown on his face, because Adam laughed at him.  “Oh, no.  Don’t get that look.  You didn’t share details with me, remember?  ‘Quid pro quo, Clarice.’” 

“Well, you aren’t serving fava beans or a nice Chianti, so let’s skip the detail talk.”  Dean gave the smaller man a one armed hug.  “I’m glad you are happy.”

“What about you?” Adam wondered.  “You seem to be getting along with Aidan better.  You both seem a little more content.”

“I decided to take my own advice.  We are trying to compromise more, and communicate better.” 

“Good.  I am glad to see you happy too, Deano.”

Luke and Aidan laughed at something in the other room.  Dean and Adam exchanged a fond look, then went to go find out what was so funny. 

***

Later that night, Dean was gasping, on his back with Aidan above him.  Aidan gave an experimental tug to the chain running between the new nipple clamps on Dean as he thrust forward.

“Aidan!  More, harder, please!”  Dean panted.

Aidan stilled, instead.  He pinned down Dean’s hands and watched the blonde writhe.  “I love seeing you like this.  I love _you._ ”

“Love you too, now move!”

Aidan gave a small laugh, and then acquiesced.

After, Aidan was spooned around Dean.  Dean asked him, “The party is this weekend, right?  Are we supposed to bring anything?”

“Luke said he will take care of that.  All we have to bring is ourselves, and any toys we might want to play with while we are there.  He is also bringing some stuff and said we can borrow it.”  Aidan nuzzled the back of his neck. 

“What is the proper attire for a fetish party?”  Dean grabbed Aidan’s hand and wrapped his arm around his chest. 

“Pretty much anything you want to wear.  Or nothing.  The guy throwing it lives on the edge of town with no close neighbors.  Will you wear the cuffs?”

Dean was surprised.  “The leather cuffs?”

“Yeah.  I just think it would be sexy to know you have them on, and that I have the keys.” 

Dean thought about it for a moment.  “How about we bring them, and I can see if I want to put them on when we get there.  I don’t know how I feel about just driving around with them on.  What if we have a car wreck or something?”

“Deal.”

They were both happy with that compromise. 


	15. Chapter 15

That weekend, Dean found himself in the backseat of Luke’s car, headed out to the party.  Aidan had the cuffs in a backpack.  Luke brought a duffle bag, but declined to say what was in it.  Dean wondered if Luke brought the flogger.  He also wondered if he could talk the man into using it, or loaning it to Aidan.  He couldn’t deny he enjoyed the one time it had happened. 

Aidan hadn’t mentioned trying a flogger himself, yet.  Dean didn’t know if it was something he wanted to do, even.  He made a mental note to ask about it.  That was a talk they needed to have sooner rather than later. 

Aidan’s leg was jigging up and down.  Dean felt slightly relieved that he wasn’t the only nervous one in the car.  Luke hadn’t been much reassurance.  When asked what to expect, he merely replied that it was like any other party, only with more sex. 

When they finally pulled up to the old farmhouse, Dean was surprised by how many people were there.  There had to be at least twenty cars parked along the driveway.  There were a few people standing to one side of the house, smoking cigarettes.  Dean could see others sitting on the wide porch, and people were going around to the backyard.  Everyone was in various stages of undress, from fully clothed to completely naked.  One woman was tiptoeing though the grass wearing nothing but a dog collar while she smoked.  Dean wondered where she kept her lighter.

“Dean?  Do you want to try wearing your cuffs?”  Aidan shook the backpack a bit, making the items inside rattle.  “You can leave your clothes on if you want.”

Since the idea of walking around naked except for the cuffs hadn’t occurred to him, Dean was a bit startled.  He didn’t think he was ready for that.  He didn’t know if he would ever be ready for that.  Still, he agreed to wear the cuffs, and allowed Aidan to put them on his wrists and ankles.  Aidan used the tiny padlocks, and stuck the keys on a chain around his neck.  Dean felt a little self-conscious, but quickly got used to the weight, and Aidan looked happy. 

Luke led the way to the house, ushering Dean and Aidan inside.  The place was huge, with vaulted ceilings, and several rooms.  Dean soon found himself in a giant kitchen.  Luke found the man he was searching for, it seemed, and dropped his duffle bag to give the guy a big hug. 

They quit hugging, but didn’t exactly break apart.  The man clung to Luke like ivy.  “Lee, meet Aidan and Dean.”

“Ooh, the ones you told me about?  Welcome!  I’m a hugger,” the man warned, then wrapped himself first around Aidan, then around Dean.  He paused for a moment to admire Dean’s cuffs, then insisted on showing them around.  He hooked a finger though one of Dean’s wrist cuffs and led him off, Aidan trailing behind. 

Of course he led them to the basement.  Dean was wondering if everyone had dungeons in the basement.  And here he had been considering putting in a wine rack, how terribly gauche of him. 

After a quick tour around the various apparatuses, Lee led the way out a set of steps that led outside.  There were more people out there, and Lee introduced them to several, but Dean forgot the names that were rattled off almost as soon as he heard them.  A walkway took them to a guest house.  Lee stopped at the door instead of taking them inside, and softly tapped on it. 

“If the door is closed out here, knock.” Lee explained, “Usually the people playing in there are into doing things a bit more extreme than most of the others are comfortable with seeing.”  Aidan and Dean exchanged a bemused glance.  They just walked through a dungeon that was in active use.  What was considered too extreme?  When there was no swift reply, Lee led them away.  “Actually, on second thought, stay away from that building.  You two don’t need to go in there yet.” 

He led the way around the side of the house, back to the front door.  He pointed out the “cuddle puddle” which was a room full of pillows and bean bags, and the recovery room, telling them that no sex was allowed in those two rooms, or the kitchen.  Dean guessed the other areas were fair game. 

Finally they came full circle, and found Luke again.  Lee went directly to him, and clung to him again.  “I brought your new pets back,” Lee sighed into Luke’s ear.  Luke draped an arm around Lee’s shoulders.  Aidan looked a bit irritated at being called Luke’s pet.  “Let’s go sit down?”  Lee led the way to the living room. 

After a while, Dean was disappointed and getting a little bored.  This was like any party he had been to, except for the nudity.  People were standing around chatting, talking about work or family or pets.  One guy was showing pictures of his daughter’s prom.  Dean didn’t know what he was expecting, but this was not it.  He leaned over and quietly told Aidan he was going to get a drink.  Aidan just gave him a kiss and asked if he would bring one back. 

Dean decided to look around first.  He peeked into the cuddle puddle room, but it was exactly like it sounded, a bunch of people just cuddled up on the cushions.  He decided to check the next room when he heard a squeal followed by laughter. 

Looking in, he saw a woman lying on a table.  There were a few people standing around her.  One man was holding something in his hand that looked like a glowing rod plugged into a suitcase.  He lightly trailed the tip of the rod over the woman’s bare back, and she squealed again.  Curious, Dean edged closer.  One of the men standing by the table noticed, and made space for him to join them.  He watched for a few minutes, and then quietly asked the man next to him, “What’s this?”

The man holding the rod heard him, and answered, “A violet wand.  Are you new here?  I don’t remember seeing you before.”  Dean introduced himself, and admitted he was new. 

The woman lying on the table sat up.  “Here, try it!” she insisted.  “It doesn’t hurt.  Come here!”  Dean found himself sitting on the table next to her. 

The man holding the wand fiddled with knobs on the case.  “I am turning it down some.  Hold out your arm?”

Dean did, and nervously watched as the man lightly ran the wand along the inside of his arm.  He relaxed, and said, “I can barely feel anything.  It tingles.” 

“Here then.”  The man turned a knob, and then ran it along Dean’s arm again.  He laughed when Dean flinched a bit. 

Dean looked at the woman next to him.  “You’re right, it doesn’t hurt.  It’s weird.”

Laughing, she took the wand from the man and ran it down Dean’s spine.  He couldn’t help but arch his back and shiver.  Surprised, he laughed with her.  The man adjusted the dial again, and this time she ran it along Dean’s collarbone.  His eyes rolled back and his breath caught.  She hummed appreciatively when she noticed the reaction.  Dean decided it might be time to move on.  She playfully pouted until he explained his boyfriend was waiting for a drink.  She laughed again and waved at him, saying, “Well, if you want to be punished, at least you are in the right house!”

He left them to it, and went to the kitchen.  Someone gave him a slice of homemade zucchini bread, and he grabbed a couple of drinks.  He went and sat back by Aidan, handing him a drink and sharing the bread.  Aidan leaned over and whispered, “Are you okay?  You look flushed.”  Dean nodded.  He saw Lee and Luke exchange a knowing glance. 

After chatting a bit, Dean decided he didn’t come to this party to sit on the couch and socialize.  “We are going to go look around a bit.”  Dean jumped up, grabbing Aidan’s hand.  He led the way to the basement. 

Walking around, they paused to watch different people.  Here, one woman was spanking another.  There, a woman was dripping wax on a man.  Farther down, a man was using a riding crop on someone.  Dean watched this for a moment, then leaned over and whispered, “Maybe we should see about getting one of those.”  Aidan smiled at him, but agreed. 

Eventually Dean stopped in front of a giant wooden X mounted on a frame.  He murmured to Aidan, “This looks promising.”  They inspected it together.  The idea of being restrained on it made things tighten low in Dean’s stomach.   This time the flutter he felt was definitely anticipation.  He asked, “Didn’t Luke bring a bag of things?”

Aidan looked a little nervous.  “Yeah.  I know he brought the flogger.  I don’t know if I am good enough to use it though.” 

Dean gave him a coy look.  “Do you want to practice?”  He laughed at the look of surprise on Aidan’s face, but kissed him when he saw the desire that followed.  “Let’s go find Luke.”  Dean led the way out of the basement.


	16. Chapter 16

Dean found himself back in front of the wooden X, with Aidan, Luke and Lee in a semicircle around him.  Luke dropped his bag on the floor, and the three men crouched to rummage around in it.  Without looking up, Luke instructed Dean to take off his shirt and shoes. 

“What is it with you and shoes?  Do you have a foot fetish?” Dean wondered as he removed them. 

Lee asked Luke, “Does he always question you?”

“He isn’t mine, or he would be gagged already.”  Luke gave Lee a smile, and said, “Although, I like them to be sassy sometimes.”  Dean saw the look the two men shared, and wondered if this was who Luke was playing with when Adam didn’t want to participate. 

Dean soon found himself fastened to the X, chest pressed against the wood, bare back to the room.  He tugged against the restraints, and the thought that he could not get away made his breath quicken a bit. 

He peeked over his shoulder and saw Aidan playing with the flogger.  Luke pointed out the easiest way to hold it, adjusting Aidan’s grip.  Dean suddenly thought of a golf instructor and had to look away to stifle a laugh.  He didn’t think anyone would appreciate it if he got a fit of the giggles right now.  He concentrated on his breathing to calm himself.

Aidan came up close, and whispered, “Ready?”  Dean glanced back at him and nodded.  Aidan stepped out of his field of vision, and Dean closed his eyes and tried to ready himself for the blow. 

Except the blow didn’t come.  Instead, Aidan lightly dragged the falls of the flogger over the top of Dean’s foot.  Startled, Dean jumped and tried to jerk his foot back.  Of course that got him nowhere.  He looked over his shoulder again.  Aidan frowned, and went to rummage in the bag again.  He came back and slipped a blindfold over Dean’s eyes.  “Better,” Aidan murmured. 

Aidan pressed against Dean’s back, wrapping his hands around Dean’s wrists.  He ran his fingernails down the inside of Dean’s arms, down across his ribs.  Dean couldn’t suppress a shiver.  Aidan chuckled softly and grabbed him by the hips, pulling him backward just a bit, letting Dean feel how excited this made him.  Dean arched into that hot stiffness, and Aidan pushed against him.  Twining a hand into Dean’s hair, he pulled the blonde’s head back until his back bowed and he was taut against the restraints, then bit him on the neck gently.  “Mine,” Aidan murmured into his ear, then released him and stepped back.  Dean sagged against the wood. 

Dean felt Aidan’s fingers trail down his back, toying with the waistband of his jeans for a moment, then running across his hip, and down one leg.  He had a moment of regret that he still had his pants on.  The hand roughly grabbed his ass, and then vanished.

He heard the snap of the flogger before the sting registered.  Dean gasped, and pulled against the cuffs briefly.  Another light sting, then Aidan was back against him.  He held Dean’s hips, grinding against him for a moment, then used his tongue to soothe the stinging.  He licked one wet swipe up Dean’s back, and was gone again. 

This time, the falls of the flogger didn’t land quite right.  There was no snap and sting.  Again, the blow was off, and Dean whimpered, frustrated.  He heard Aidan mutter a curse behind him. 

Luke’s voice came, “Wait, Aidan, like this, remember?”  A pause, long enough for Dean to start to wonder what was going on. 

“Can you show me again?”  Aidan sounded almost as dissatisfied as Dean was feeling. 

“Sure.  Now watch.  You ready, Dean?” Luke asked.  Dean nodded. 

Before he was even finished nodding, the snap and sting came.  That was exactly what Dean wanted.  When the next slash of the flogger came, he moaned.  Thinking of Aidan watching him jerk against the restraints, knowing he couldn’t get away, he grew hard.  The rhythm of slap and sting kept on.  Dean rolled his hips, trying to find some relief, but the wood was too high and there was nothing.  When the rhythm stopped, he whined. 

Aidan was against his back again.  He pulled Dean against him, running his hands along the outside of the smaller man’s hips, and down the front of his thighs.  Dean tried to turn into the touch, but Aidan just kept teasing him.  “Aidan, more, please,” he whispered.

Aidan vanished again.  Dean’s breath was heaving at this point.  Lee’s voice barely registered on him.

“Look, you can do it this way as well.  May I?”  Dean didn’t know if Lee was asking him or Aidan, but he nodded. 

This time the bite of the flogger came on his inner thigh, up high.  Dean cried out, as much in surprise as anything.  Immediately there was a sting against his hip, then at the bottom of his buttock along the crease.  A pause, then more rapid fire stings across his shoulders.  Another pause, then several swift blows in the middle of his back.  Dean was glad for the restraints, otherwise he might have fallen over.  When it stopped, he just leaned against the wood, trying to catch his breath. 

He heard them talking behind him, but was beyond caring.  Suddenly Aidan was against him again.  A hand on his face turned him, and Aidan was kissing him.  “You are unbelievably hot, love.  I am going to try again.” 

Again, there was the slap and sting.  Aidan didn’t have a pattern, strokes were unpredictable, making Dean writhe.  This was almost too much.  Without his sight, it felt like everything was magnified.  He could heard Aidan breathing, and other people moving around.  He wondered if anyone was watching them, like they had watched others earlier.  He couldn’t stop his hips from bucking at the idea, even though he didn’t know if he found it shameful or not.  A part of him wondered how the same flogger could feel so different when wielded by three different men.  The sting came across his side, on his ribs, and he gasped.  Why didn’t they have a flogger?  Right then Dean wanted to order a dozen of them, in different sizes and materials.  He arched his back, feeling the tight ache in his skin. 

Suddenly, instead of a snap, there was a loud crack and a harsh burn across one shoulder.  He winced, and heard Luke utter a muted curse.  

Aidan’s voice was close.  He sounded panicked.  “Sorry, Dean!  Sorry!  Are you alright?”  Dean felt the bonds loosened first on his ankles, then his wrists.  With a shaking hand, he pushed the blindfold off.  He was still trying to catch his breath.  He blinked a few times, trying to bring his vision back into focus. 

First he saw Aidan, hovering and looking concerned.  Luke was behind him, and Lee was by Luke.  Dean smiled at Aidan and told him, “I need to sit down.”  He ended up in Aidan’s lap on the floor.

Aidan kept anxiously running his hands over Dean’s back.  Luke sighed, “Relax, Aidan.  That is why you are using a light flogger.  You can’t do a whole lot of damage if you screw up.” 

Aidan’s hands didn’t stop.  “He’s _bleeding_ , Luke.”

“You barely broke the skin.  At most, tomorrow he will have a pretty welt, then it will be gone.  Quit acting like you nearly killed him.”  Luke sounded exasperated.

In a slurred voice, Dean told Aidan, “I’m fine.  Don’t worry about me.  You okay?”  He heard a muffled cry from somewhere, and added, “Maybe we can get out of the basement.”

With a little assistance, Dean found himself curled up on a cushion with Aidan in the recovery room.  It was dim and quiet and he had a soda.  Aidan’s arms were wrapped around him, he still felt like he was floating, and had never been so relaxed in his life.  He still had the cuffs on, and his shirt and shoes had been stuck in Luke’s bag for safekeeping.

“Why do I feel drunk after all that?”  Dean wondered aloud.

A woman answered from another cushion.  “It’s called sub-space.  Endorphins and all that kind of stuff cause it.  You feel dizzy and out of it, right?”  Dean agreed, and she went on.  “Yeah, sub-space.  You might get really depressed within a day or two.  It is normal, it happens.  Make sure he eats something with protein, and a multi-vitamin won’t hurt,” she added to Aidan.  She passed over a brownie, telling Dean, “Sugar will help.  Eat this and drink your soda.”

Luke came in to check on them and see if they were almost ready to go.  Dean still felt dizzy, but was able to walk with a little help.  They stopped to say goodbye to Lee, and he gave all of them a big hug.  He invited them to return for the next party.  Dean agreed quickly, getting a laugh out of the other men.  Lee hugged him again, whispering, “Thank you, that was fun,” in his ear.  Aidan pulled Dean a little closer to him and wrapped an arm around his waist. 

Dean thought about that possessive arm with amusement.  Aidan didn’t have problems with Lee touching him earlier. 

Aidan helped him out to the car, and got him settled.  Dean was just looking forward to getting home and hopefully getting Aidan naked. 

Later, Dean’s wrists were fastened together.  He was on his stomach, Aidan pressed hard against his back.  Aidan’s arms were wrapped around his neck.  With every thrust, Aidan told him how sexy he was, how hot he looked tied down, how amazing it was to watch him get flogged.  When he came, Aidan bit the welt on his shoulder.

After, Aidan was spooned around Dean, holding him close.  Dean was still feeling like he was floating.  Aidan ran gentle fingers across his back.

“I thought I had really hurt you,” the brunette murmured. 

The light fingers brought a faint sting back.  “Nah, it is fine.  By tomorrow the marks will probably be gone.”

“I saw the blood and kind of freaked out,” Aidan said in a quiet confession.

“Yeah, I noticed.”  Dean nestled closer to Aidan.  “It’s okay.”

Quieter still, Aidan said, “I freaked out because I liked it.”

Dean wasn’t sure what to say to that.  “Oh?”

“I liked seeing the mark, and the blood, and knowing that I did that.  I wanted to do it again.  I still do.”  Aidan kissed the back of Dean’s neck, and then was silent.

Dean listened to Aidan’s breathing even out.  He had already done a lot of things for this man that he loved.  Admittedly, he enjoyed some of them.  Still, he wondered how much farther he would be willing to go.  Eventually he fell asleep, surrounded by the smell, feel, everything Aidan.

 


	17. Chapter 17

Dean decided to swing by the bookstore after work.  He lost track of time browsing.  When he got back to the car, the light blinking on his phone caught his attention, and he realized he had left it in the car.  He checked and saw he had missed three calls from Aidan, but no new voicemails.  He figured if it had been important Aidan would have at least sent a text, so he drove home. 

When he walked in the house, Aidan was slumped on the couch.  “Where have you been?” the brunette asked. 

“I went to the bookstore,” Dean replied, deciding to ignore the sullen tone.  He pulled out his books and sat down.  He started thumbing through the book on photography he had bought. 

Aidan pulled Dean closer.  “Sorry, love.  I was just worried, and I couldn’t reach you.”  He dropped a kiss on Dean’s forehead. 

“I forgot my phone in the car.”

“Try and keep it on you next time, okay?”

“Okay.”

***

Sitting on the couch with Aidan’s feet in his lap, Dean said, “You know, we have been playing around, but you haven’t really told me yet what you want to do.”  Aidan sent him a questioning look, and he clarified, “In bed, I mean.”

Aidan shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I like what we have been doing.”  He turned back to the television. 

Dean lightly tugged one of Aidan’s toes to get his attention.  “Okay then, tell me one of your fantasies.”

After thinking for a minute, Aidan said, “Being rough, I guess.”  He didn’t look at Dean as he spoke. 

“Okay then.  Define being rough.”

Staring at his feet like he had never seen them before, in a low voice Aidan replied, “Just sort of overpowering you, seeing you helpless.”

Dean was starting to feel like he was pulling teeth.  “What would you want to do, though?”  When Aidan didn’t reply for a long time, Dean sighed.  “We can’t really discuss acting out a fantasy if you refuse to discuss the fantasy.”

Aidan glanced at Dean, but quickly looked away again, saying, “What do you mean, act out?”

Dean eased out from under Aidan’s feet, and crawled up the man’s legs until he was able to give him a kiss.  “I mean that maybe we can see about making a fantasy come true once in a while.”

Aidan studied Dean’s face for a minute.  “A lot of people would be nervous if I told them I wanted to see them ravished.”

With a laugh, Dean replied, “I am not a lot of people.”

The laugh turned into a startled squeak when Aidan grabbed him around the waist and flipped them, pinning the smaller man beneath him.  “And I’m glad for that,” he growled, lowering his head to kiss Dean. 

Later that night, Aidan was curled around Dean, and said, “Did you mean it?  About acting out my fantasy, I mean.”

Dean nodded.  “Of course.  We could see about doing it one day.”

Nuzzling into the back of Dean’s neck, Aidan asked, “What if I wanted to surprise you?  What if I just did it?”

Sleepily Dean replied, “I trust you.”  He barely registered Aidan’s tight squeeze as he dozed off.

***

The next poker night was at Richard’s home.  When Dean looked at Richard, he always expected the shy man to have something like a wine and cheese selection, maybe with some classical music playing softly in the background.  It always caused a mild cognitive dissonance when Dean walked into the house to find rap music thumping.  Graham and Richard were bickering over the music choice, as usual.  Sometimes Dean thought Richard played the rap just to annoy the larger man. 

While they were playing cards, Jimmy asked Dean, “The old lady and I have an anniversary coming up.  Would you do a portrait of us?  She’s been talking about getting one done for a while.  I thought it would be a fun thing to do.”

“Does she know you call her the old lady?” Adam interjected.

“No,” Jimmy replied, “and if you tell her, I will be forced to kill you and dump your body in a river.”

Adam just grinned.

Laughing, Dean answered, “Sure, just let me know when.” 

When they got home, Dean told Aidan he was going to make one of the spare rooms into a small studio.  Aidan told him, “Whatever you want, love,” and gave him a kiss.  “I was thinking about doing something with the basement.  Luke is going to come over and help me measure it out.”

“I guess you aren’t talking about a wine rack.”

Aidan laughed, “No, definitely not a wine rack.”

***

Aidan had been teasing him all night.  Dean felt like he was about to explode.  Finally, Aidan kissed him, and slowly entered him.  Dean wrapped his arms around his lover, eyes closed, and just enjoyed it.  He didn’t even notice Aidan’s hand on his throat until suddenly it was hard to breathe. 

Dean’s eyes popped open and he grabbed Aidan’s wrist.  “Aidan?  What….” He gasped out. 

Aidan kissed him, but didn’t stop anything he was doing.  “Shh, trust me,” he whispered into Dean’s mouth.  Dean tugged on his wrist, and the hand clamped down harder for a few seconds.  By the time Aidan loosened his grip a bit, Dean was seeing black spots. 

Dean could breathe again, but not well.  Aidan held him hard enough to constrict the blood flow, and it was hard to think.  His arms felt heavy, but he clung to Aidan.  When Dean came, Aidan briefly flexed that hand again until he couldn’t breathe at all.  Then Aidan let go of his throat and thrust harder until he found his own release, whispering “Mine” into Dean’s ear. 

After, Aidan lay flat on his back and pulled Dean close to rest on his chest.  He dropped a kiss on top of Dean’s head, telling him, “That was fantastic.  Thank you, love.”

Dean didn’t know what to think.  “It was… unexpected.  What if something had gone wrong?”

Pulling Dean closer, hugging him tight, Aidan asked, “Don’t you trust me?”

There was only one answer Dean could give to that, really.  “Of course I do.”

***

Jimmy brought his wife over, and they posed for a few pictures in Dean’s new studio.  Dean reviewed the pictures quickly, and hated the stiff poses and artificial smiles.  So, he asked them to go outside for a while.  He ended up taking several pictures, but his favorite was Jimmy handing her a small flower he had picked from Dean’s flowerbed.  They were looking into each other’s eyes and had forgotten about Dean for a moment.  You could practically feel the love radiate from them. 

Dean was reviewing the portraits later when Aidan came in.  After looking at a few of them, he tapped the screen and told Dean, “That one is the best one, I think.”

Dean smiled up at him.  “That is the one I picked too.”

“You are good at this, love.  You could do it on a professional basis.”  With that, Aidan wandered back into the living room. 

***

Luke called after dinner.  Aidan spoke to him briefly, and then covered the phone with one hand while he asked Dean, “Lee is having another party.  Do we want to go?”

“Sure,” Dean replied.  He felt that little flutter of anticipation in his stomach again. 

After he got off the phone, Aidan said, “Luke asked if we could make a snack to take along.  If not, he is just going to grab a bag of cookies from the store or something.”

“What?  We aren’t taking store bought cookies.”  Thinking of the homemade treats he had eaten at the previous party, Dean got up and went in search of a cookbook.  “I need to go shopping.”

Aidan gave him a fond smile.  “Maybe I should buy you those pearls after all.”

“Only if you get me an apron to go with them.”

***

A package arrived, and Aidan handed it to Dean to open.  When he looked inside, Dean saw two different floggers and something he didn’t recognize.  He picked up the floggers first.  One was similar to the one Luke had.  The other one was much heavier and made out of latex.  Dean set them aside and picked up the mystery object.  “What’s this?”

Aidan gave him a kiss, and replied, “How about I show you?”

Shortly after that, Dean found himself on his knees on the floor, hands cuffed behind him.  The new toy turned out to be a prostate stimulator with a remote control, which Aidan was holding in one hand.  The other hand was tangled in Dean’s hair, holding him steady.  Aidan was thrusting shallowly into Dean’s mouth.  Aidan flipped a switch, increasing the intensity, and Dean moaned. 

Aidan released Dean’s hair and took a step back.  Dean couldn’t even speak.  He just stayed there and panted.  Aidan flicked the switch again, and Dean cried out. 

“You are the so beautiful like this, love, I could watch you all day,” Aidan watched Dean a few moments longer, and then asked, “What do you want?”

“You, Aidan, please, I want to come,” Dean could barely think. 

Aidan bent over and kissed him.  “Ask nicely.” 

Dean asked.  Before it was over, he begged.

Later, while they were cuddling, Aidan asked him if he enjoyed it. 

“It was certainly intense,” Dean replied.  “It was fun but I don’t think I could take too much of it.”

“I liked watching you.  I wonder how long you could handle it,” Aidan mused.  “We should get you a plug that you could wear all day.” 

“I can’t imagine I would get much done if we did that,” Dean laughed. 

Aidan pulled him closer.  “It’s an idea anyway.”

***

At the anniversary party, everyone was watching Jimmy and his wife open presents.  Aidan was leaning against a wall, with Dean in front of him. 

Aidan leaned forward and whispered into Dean’s ear, “Maybe we should think about getting married one day.”

Dean was taken completely by surprise.  “I… what?”

Aidan laughed softly.  “Don’t look so stunned, love.  Save that for when I actually propose.  It’s just something to think about, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

That weekend, Dean found himself in the backseat of Luke’s car once again.  This time he had a plate of lemon bars and a loaf of banana nut bread with him.  Aidan had a backpack that held Dean’s cuffs and the floggers.  Luke had his duffle bag again, full of who knew what. 

When they pulled up, Aidan fastened the cuffs on Dean’s wrists and ankles, then hung the keys on a chain around his neck, like last time.  Aidan acted like he loved the idea of having those keys.  Dean just hoped he didn’t lose them somewhere. 

Lee gave them all a big hug, and cooed over Dean’s baked goods.  After he placed them on a counter set up for snacks, he asked Aidan, “Are we going to get to play with your boy again?” 

Aidan replied, “Maybe.  I think I will try it alone this time though.  You could watch.”  He slung an arm around Dean’s shoulders.  Dean saw that Lee took note of the arm, too.

He wasn’t sure if he was offended or not, since he was the boy in question.  Maybe it was an etiquette thing, to ask the more dominant partner.  He’d have to remember to ask Luke about it later.  He had to roll his eyes at that.  What had his life become that he was wondering about such things?  Still, when he saw Aidan laugh at something one of the other men said, he had to say it wasn’t a bad life.

They settled on the couch in the living room, chatting for a while.  Lee was clinging to Luke again.  Dean decided to grab a drink, and offered to bring something back for the others.  On the way to the kitchen he took a detour.  He wound up in the room with the man and the violet wand. 

This time there was a man on the table, instead of the giggly woman.  The man with the wand saw Dean and gave him a small nod.  Dean waved back, and stood to one side to watch for a few minutes.  If the glow of the wand was any indication, the power was turned up very high. 

After a while, Dean gave a wave goodbye and went to the kitchen.  He stayed in there for a while, chatting with a few other people, and getting compliments on his lemon bars.  He was tasting someone’s gluten free pumpkin bread when Aidan hurried into the kitchen, looking frazzled. 

Pulling Dean off to one side, he said, “There’s been a bad wreck involving a bus.  I don’t know all the details but the hospital is calling in everyone who works in the ER.  I’m sorry, but I have to go.  It is only for a few hours at the most, though.”

“Where is Luke?” Dean asked.

“Luke is staying here until I get done.  He’s letting me take his car.”  Aidan ran his hands through his hair again. 

“I can stay here too, then,” Dean decided.

“Are you sure?” At Dean’s nod he gave him a hug.  “I’m so sorry, love.  I’ll be back as soon as I can.  Stick with Luke, okay?”  After a quick kiss, Aidan was gone. 

It wasn’t until about fifteen minutes later that Dean realized Aidan still had the keys around his neck.  Dean figured he was planning on wearing the cuffs for a while this evening anyway.  He could just remove them when Aidan came back.  He went back to the living room to find Luke.  Of course Lee was still wrapped around him like a limpet.  He checked in, and let them know he was going to wander around a bit. 

He wound up in the basement.  He stopped for a few minutes, watching a woman wrap a thread around a man’s hands, wondering what she was doing.  Dean grinned when she told the man not to break the thread, and then started to tickle him.  That’s a special kind of torture in itself.  He walked past a few other couples or trios, and one quartet, all doing different things. 

Eventually he came to the door leading outside.  Dean found himself in the backyard.  He followed the walkway, not really having a destination in mind, just meandering.  When he looked up, he was out by the guest house.  The door was open. 

He remembered what Lee had said about the door.  Lee had just said to knock if it was shut, that people did extreme things out here.  Dean wanted to know what was considered too extreme for someone to do in a dungeon in front of other people. 

He went to the doorway and glanced inside.  There were a few people milling around, sharing a flask of something.  Dean saw a table with towels draped across it in the middle of the room.  There was a smaller table next to it, also covered with a towel.  He stepped inside, and a man turned to face him. 

“Well, hello.  You’re new here.”  The man smiled at him, and looked him up and down.  “Come to play, or just watch?”

Dean returned the smile.  “Just watching today.”

“We don’t get a lot of people who want to watch.”  He took the flask, and offered it to Dean.

Dean thanked him and took a swig.  It was some sort of overly sweet liquor that he couldn’t identify.  He took another big swig, and passed it back.

“You are welcome to stick around as long as you want.”  The man reached over and tapped one of Dean’s wrist cuffs.  “If you want to play, I’m sure you can find a willing partner.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.” 

The man turned away, and Dean went to stand by the wall.  He had no idea what to expect.  He watched as people started to take seats.  Two of them went to stand by the table, and the man who gave him the drink went to shut the door.

Before the door shut, Luke pushed his way inside.  Dean saw him and waved.  With a look of relief, Luke came to stand by him.

“I was looking all over for you.  I promised Aidan I’d keep an eye on you.  What are you doing out here?  Let’s go.”  Luke turned around, but the man Dean had spoken with was standing there. 

“Luke!  Long time no see, friend!  I had heard you found a new beau who was making you go vanilla.  What are you doing here?”

“We were just leaving,” Luke clenched his jaw and took Dean’s arm.

Dean balked at this, saying, “They said I could watch.  I’d like to stay.”  He gently tugged his arm free.

“Yeah, Luke, he’d like to stay.  Is he yours?”

“He came with me.”  To Dean he said, “Do you know what you are going to be watching?”

Dean shook his head no as the other man said, “It looks like he isn’t yours.  Let him stay if he wants.  You’re welcome to stay as well.”  With that he turned away and went to find a seat.

Dean leaned back against the wall.  Luke came to stand by him.  Someone called out a greeting, and Luke returned it with a wave.   He whispered to Dean, “They do crazy things out here.  I think we should leave.”

Looking around, Dean whispered back, “I want to watch.  It looks like a lot of them know you.”

“I used to spend a lot of time out here.”  Luke was staring at the table.  “If you’re staying, I am too.”

Dean turned away and watched as a woman helped a man onto the table.  The man lay on his side, wearing nothing but a pair of boxer-briefs.  The woman uncovered the smaller table to reveal an assortment of different surgical instruments.  The only one Dean could identify offhand was a scalpel.  There were also a bunch of needles and a spray bottle full of liquid. 

The woman picked up the bottle and sprayed a mist across the man’s thigh.  After a moment, the smell of alcohol reached Dean.  He watched, mesmerized, as she picked up one of the instruments and started to scrape it across the man’s leg.  The man closed his eyes and made a small noise, but didn’t move.  As he watched, he realized she was making a pattern on the leg by scraping away the skin. 

Dean turned to Luke, about to tell him that he was ready to go, that he didn’t want to watch this.  Before he could say anything, he was struck by the sheer hunger on Luke’s face.  Luke’s remark about spending time out here finally registered.  The taller man had been out here as a participant, not just chatting.  Luke was really enjoying this. 

Luke glanced at Dean, and quickly brought his expression under control.  “Are you ready to go yet?” he whispered.  Dean nodded.  They quietly slipped out the door. 

Once he got a few steps away from the door, Dean stopped to take a deep breath.  He asked Luke, “Is that your thing?”

Luke nodded.  “Yeah.  Well, it used to be.  I don’t go out there much anymore.”

“Why not?”  Dean was curious.

“Nothing they do is safe or sane, and half the time it isn’t even consensual.  When they started adding drugs to the mix, I quit.  Plus it isn’t something Adam will even consider.”  Luke stared at the closed door.

Dean felt nauseous.  A wave of dizziness washed over him, and he swayed a bit.  He thought he would feel better if he could get a drink of water.  He started to walk to the main house, and staggered. 

Luke caught his arm, preventing him from falling.  “Dean?  Are you okay?”

Another wave of dizziness, and then it felt like he was standing in a patch of sunlight.  He started to sweat, and felt like his shirt was choking him.  He pulled his arm free, and jerked the shirt off over his head.  That felt a lot better.

Luke grabbed his arm again.  “Dean, look at me.”  Dean turned his head, and it made him stagger again.  “Did you take something?”

Dean watched Luke’s mouth move.  It was fascinating.  He stepped a bit closer to get a better look.  “Your mouth is beautiful.  Say something else.  Is it hot out here?  I need a drink.  I am so thirsty.”

Luke wrapped his hands around Dean’s face, peering in his eyes.  “Did they give you a pill or something, Dean?”

Dean shook his head no, and then laughed when everything looked blurry.  “No pills.  I’m thirsty though.  They have drinks inside.  Let’s go get some!”  Luke stopped him before he could walk away.

“Dean.”  Luke said in a calm tone, “Did you eat or drink anything out there?”

“Yeah, I drank the booze.  It was gross though.  Can I have some water?”

Luke cursed under his breath.  He took Dean’s hand and led him around to the side of the house, then made him sit down.  “Stay here, okay?  I will bring you something to drink if you just stay here and wait for it.”

Dean agreed to stay, and Luke went back in the house.  Dean looked at the grass.  Why had he never noticed how perfect each blade of grass really was?  He lay down to get a closer look.  He was still hot, and the grass felt cool on his skin. 

A bottle of water was thrust into his face.  He sat up and took a long swallow. 

Lee crouched down, looking at Dean.  “Hey, Dean.  How do you feel?”

“Hot.  You have lovely sideburns.”  He reached up and stroked the side of Lee’s face. 

“Those bastards dosed him!” Luke spat.  “One of these days they are going to kill someone, Lee!  I don’t even want to think what they might have done if I hadn’t gotten him out of there.  You need to get rid of them.” 

In a loud whisper, Dean confided to Lee, “I think Luke is mad.  He has nice lips.  Is Aidan back yet?  I want to go home and take a shower.  It’s too hot out here.”  He lay back down in the grass.  Lee stood up and pinched the bridge of his nose.

To Luke, Lee said, “Grab your things.  I’ll take you home.  Can he stay with you until Aidan is off?  I don’t think he should be alone.”  Luke agreed, and went to get the bags.  Lee crouched back down.  “Dean, I’m sorry.  I didn’t know you would even go in there, much less that they would give you anything.”

Dean thought he could see every individual hair on Lee’s head.  He wondered if he could count them.  He reached over and rubbed Lee’s face again.  “I’m okay.  Just still hot, and everything looks weird.”  Lee patted his shoulder, and he moaned and leaned into the touch.  “Your hand feels so good!”

Luke came back, and they got Dean into Lee’s car.  The motion of the car made Dean dizzy again, so he laid down in the backseat.  He heard the two men talking in the front, but didn’t care what they were saying. 

It seemed like they were in the car forever, but eventually stopped at Luke’s house.  As they were getting out, Dean stopped.  “I have to go back!  Aidan expects me to be at Lee’s!”

“I sent him a text,” Luke soothed.  “He knows you are here.  Come on inside, and he will be here when he can get away.”

Once they got inside, Dean kicked off his shoes.  In another loud whisper, he told Lee, “I think Luke has a foot fetish.  He likes bare feet.”

Amused, Lee told Luke, “Have fun with that one.  I have to get back.”  Then he was gone. 


	19. Chapter 19

Dean was restless.  It felt like someone had replaced his blood with carbonated water, all bubbling.  He asked if he could turn on the stereo, and Luke told him to go ahead.  When he found a tune he liked, he started dancing.  He was lost in the sound until Luke’s voice intruded. 

“Dean, drink this.”  Luke held a bottle of water.  “I don’t want you to get dehydrated or something.”

The words barely registered on Dean.  He was too busy staring at Luke’s mouth.  He took a step closer to the taller man.  “I like your mouth.  You kissed me once.” 

Stammering a little, Luke replied, “Yes, yes I did.  Now drink this, please.”

Dean edged a little closer.  “Didn’t you like kissing me?”

“What? Why do you ask that?”

“You haven’t tried to kiss me again.”  Dean edged closer still. 

“Because you are living with Aidan,” Luke reminded him.  He stuck the bottle into Dean’s hand.  “Now drink.”

“Aidan said you could kiss me.  I’ll drink it if you give me a kiss.”  Dean tilted his face up expectantly. 

“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” Luke sounded exasperated.  “If I kiss you, will you drink all of it?”  When Dean agreed, Luke gave him a swift peck. 

“No.  That doesn’t count.  It wasn’t a real kiss.”  Dean tried to hand the water back. 

“Are you always this persistent?  Fine,” huffed Luke.  He leaned down and gently kissed Dean. 

Dean moaned.  Those lips felt so good, cool and soft against his oversensitive skin.  He stepped into Luke, wrapping his arms around the taller man.  He moaned again when Luke embraced him.  He deepened the kiss, until Luke finally pulled away. 

“There, now drink your water.”  Luke sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. 

Dean drank, standing there listening to the music.  The knock on the door didn’t even register.  Dimly, he heard voices, but didn’t care what they were saying.  A hand on his shoulder got his attention. 

“Aidan!”  Dean threw himself at the man, giving him a big hug.  “I missed you!  I’m glad you’re back.”

“I missed you too, love.  How do you feel?  Are you cold?”  Aidan looked him with concern. 

Dean only now realized he was shivering.  “I’m not cold.  Feels like my skin might crawl away though.”  He clung to Aidan.

“You were supposed to be watching him,” Aidan said to Luke in an angry tone.

“He isn’t a child,” was Luke’s retort.  “What was I supposed to do?  Sit on him?”

“Why is everyone so angry?” Dean wondered aloud.  “Don’t be angry.  I love you, and I want you to be happy.”  Dean started peppering Aidan’s face with small kisses. 

“I am not mad at you, love.”  Aidan hugged him. 

“I don’t want anyone mad at anybody.”  Dean grabbed the two men by the hands, and led them to the couch.  After he made them both sit down, he straddled Aidan’s lap.  He tugged on Luke’s arm until his hand was on Aidan’s shoulder.  “There.  Now be friends again.”  He bent his head and started to nibble on Aidan’s neck.  He sighed when Aidan pulled him closer.  Soon he got tired of sitting there though.  He felt like he had too much energy and needed to burn it off.  He got up and went back to listening to the music.

He heard them talking, and was happy that they were no longer angry.  He paid them no more attention until he saw them standing side by side in front of him. 

“Look at him, Aidan,” Luke was saying.  “He is still high.  I don’t know if he can even consent to anything.”

“Consent to what?”  Dean wondered.

Aidan started to say something, but Luke interrupted.  “No, Aidan.  I want to hear it from him before I agree to do this.”  Talking to Dean, Luke said, “Aidan told me you agreed to act out one of his fantasies.”  Dean agreed, and Luke went on, “Do you remember what it was?”

“He wants to see me helpless, overpowered, and ravished.  He’s going to surprise me.  He’s also supposed to buy me a pearl necklace and an apron.”  He gave Aidan a smile.   Aidan didn’t smile back, looking serious. 

“Aidan wants me to hurt you while he watches,” Luke said bluntly.  Aidan nodded agreement, still looking at Dean.

Dean thought of the flogger, and felt heat rush over his body.  “Okay.”  He took Aidan’s hand.

Luke seemed surprised, and asked, “You are willing to let me do all that?  I want you to be sure.”

“You are going to hurt me while Aidan watches.  I said okay, I’m willing.”  Aidan gave him a smile at last.  Dean kissed him, glad he was happy.  “Are we going to do it right now?”

“Let me think for a minute.”  Luke walked away. 

Aidan pulled him in for a hug.  “I think it is so hot that you are willing to go along with this, love,” the taller man murmured into his hair.  “I love you.”

“I love you too.”  Dean kissed him and got lost in the sensation.  He was breathless when they broke apart. 

Luke came back over to them.  “Tell me again, Dean.  I want to make sure you are completely on board with this.”

“I said yes, Luke.  Did you need me to sign something in blood?”  Dean laughed at the look he got.

“And you, Aidan?  Are you one hundred percent sure you want me to do this?  I don’t want to do it then have you get pissed at me.”  Luke looked concerned.

“It was my idea, remember?”  Aidan replied wryly.  “It’s different when I am there and participating, anyway.”

Luke paced back and forth for a few minutes.  Finally he stopped and said, “Fine.  I’ll do it.  Take him to the basement and get ready.  I’ll be down in a minute.”  Without looking at either of them, he walked off.

Dean watched him go, and then gave Aidan a questioning look.  Aidan shrugged, and said, “I guess he is just nervous.  Honestly I think he has wanted to do something like this for a while.  That’s one reason I asked him.”  He took Dean by the hand and led him to the stairs. 

“He doesn’t need to be nervous,” Dean said. 

“I am surprised you’re not _more_ nervous, actually.  I expected you to be at least a little reluctant.”  Aidan seemed nervous too.

“Why?  I love you.  I trust Luke.  I want you to be happy.  It isn’t like you are going to kill me.”  Dean didn’t understand why they were getting so worked up.  They had all done this together before. 

Aidan grabbed his backpack from where it was laying on the floor.  Dean heard him say something, but was too busy concentrating on getting down the stairs while he was still so dizzy to pay attention to the words.

When he finally navigated the stairs, Dean looked around.  “Where do you want me?”

“I guess on the cross?  Luke didn’t say.”

Dean trotted over to it and waited for Aidan.  He watched as Aidan pulled out the gag and blindfold from the backpack.  “If Luke is a perverted Batman, you are a kinky boy scout.  You came prepared.  I didn’t know you brought those.”

“I want you to wear both of them.  Give me a kiss first though?”  Aidan embraced him, kissing him deeply.  When they finished, they stood for a moment, holding each other.  “Thank you for this, love.”

Dean nodded with his face pressed against Aidan’s neck.  “I would do anything for you.  I want you to be happy.”

Aidan pulled back to look at Dean.  “Are you sure about this?  Last chance to back out.”

Dean just scoffed and stepped up to the cross.  “I’m ready when you are.”

“Wait, “Aidan gestured, “take off your pants too.”

With a shrug Dean took them off, and stood there completely naked.  His skin was still sensitive, and it felt so much better to be undressed. 

Aidan turned him around to face the cross, and fastened him to it.  When he was restrained, Aidan slipped the blindfold over his eyes.  Dean turned his head for another kiss, and then Aidan slid the ball of the gag into his mouth. 

“You are the most unbelievable thing that has ever happened to me, love,” Aidan rumbled in his ear.  He nibbled Dean’s earlobe then stepped back.

Dean heard footsteps, and then music came on from somewhere close by.  He was glad for the sound.  His sense of time was off, and it seemed like he had already been restrained there for a long time.  He tugged at the cuffs, and wondered what he would do if they forgot about him.  He couldn’t help but feel a curl of anxiety go through his chest at the idea.  He told himself that Aidan wouldn’t do that, neither would Luke. 

The music also masked the sounds of anything else.  It startled him when he felt a hand tangle in his hair and pull his head back.  Aidan growled into his ear, “You are still _mine,_ ” and bit his neck hard enough to make him whimper.  Aidan ran a hand down Dean’s back.  It suddenly made him feel very vulnerable, to be tied down and naked, unable to talk or see, when the other man was still completely dressed and touching him. 

The hand was gone, and Dean had no choice but to wait.  He listened to the music, and tried to focus on his breathing.  He was unable to concentrate though, and found himself tensing up.  He tried to relax, but then forgot if he had heard one song or two, and how long were the songs, maybe he had been down here for a long time, where was Aidan?  His skin felt overheated, and he was very aware of the cuffs, the taste of the gag, and the light pressure over his eyes.

With no warning, there came the familiar snap, then sting on his back, right between the shoulder blades.  He jerked, sucking in a quick breath.  Another sting and he moaned.  The next sting came across the back of his thigh, and made him squirm.  The stings kept coming, not in any particular rhythm or pattern, until Dean was breathless.  Finally, they stopped, and he leaned against the cool wood.

A hand traced over his ass, then slid between the cleft of his cheeks.  He tried to lean back into the touch, but it was gone as fast as it came.  A sting hit on the crease between his buttock and thigh, then again.  It kept hitting in the same place until the sting became a burn, and the burn started to become unbearable.  Dean tugged against his bonds, trying to move, or get away, anything to make it stop or at least move to a different place, but the blows kept coming.  He couldn’t help himself, he was squirming and whining.  With one last hard blow, it finally stopped. 

Dean sagged forward, letting the cuffs hold his arms up while he tried to catch his breath.  Suddenly a crack sounded, and a line of pain burst across his ass.  It was sharp and intense and nothing like the flogger.  He jerked upright, and another came, then another.  He lost count of the strikes, and it felt like his skin was on fire.  He could feel the blindfold dampening from his tears.  He was biting down on the gag, but couldn’t stop making small, helpless sounding whimpers.  Finally it stopped.  A hand roughly grabbed his ass, and he couldn’t stop himself from making a small cry that was muffled by the gag. 

He felt the restraints holding his ankles to the cross release, then his wrists.  He would have fallen if harsh hands hadn’t grabbed his arms, jerking him backwards, then pushing him a few steps.  He stumbled, and was pushed again.  He fell, and found himself on a mat on the floor.  Those hands flipped him over onto his back. 

The warmth of a body covered him, and he felt his arms jerked up above his head.  His wrists were restrained, and he felt a knee slip between his legs.  He let his legs fall open, and felt a weight settle between them, grinding against him.  He was startled when he realized that it was not Aidan on top of him.  It was Luke. 

Dean jerked against the restraints, and made a noise.  Luke just pressed against him harder, holding him in place with one hand on his hip and one in his hair.  Dean whined, and Luke sat up, still between his legs.  Luke started using his mouth, then his fingers, and soon Dean was whining for a different reason.  Dean writhed, and Luke put a hand back on his hips to keep him from bucking up.  Every time Dean came close to release, Luke would stop.  Eventually Dean was covered in sweat and sobbing. 

Dimly Dean registered Luke’s weight against him again.  Luke pushed one of Dean’s legs up, and then paused.  Dean heard Aidan say, “Do it,” in a deep voice.  Luke entered him in one hard thrust, and he threw his head back.  Luke held him pinned down, and he couldn’t move.  He was begging incoherently through the gag, but Luke still didn’t let him come.  Finally, with one last hard thrust, he felt Luke find his own release.  He whimpered when Luke withdrew, and moved away. 

A weight settled back against him, and a hand jerked the blindfold away.  Dean blinked a few times and Aidan came into focus.  Aidan roughly grabbed his jaw, and demanded, “Look at me!” as he slowly entered Dean.  Dean shuddered, but kept his eyes locked with Aidan’s.  When he came, it was with a shout.  When Aidan came, he snarled “mine” and bit Dean’s shoulder hard. 

Aidan carefully pulled off the gag, and Luke released his wrists.  Dean curled up on his side, aching all over.  Aidan lay down in front of him, pulling him in for a hug.  Luke rubbed his sore shoulders, warm against his back.  Sandwiched between the two men, Dean couldn’t quit trembling.  He didn’t realize he was crying until Aidan wiped a tear away.  He sniffled, and felt Luke flinch. 

“Are you okay, Dean?  Are you hurt?”  The anxiety was palpable in Luke’s voice.  Aidan had gone still and stiff beside him.

Dean nodded, and then said, “I am sore, but I am okay.”  He wanted to reassure the other men.  “I’m just a little overwhelmed, I think.”  Dean didn’t say that he had not been expecting most of what happened.  It was his fault that he didn’t make things clear.  He was relieved when he felt both of them relax. 

Later, Dean went to take a shower while Luke and Aidan were fixing a snack.  He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror:  eyes red, marks on his face from the pressure of the gag, hair a mess, bruises already forming, wrists raw from pulling against the cuffs for so long, pupils still huge from whatever had been in that flask.  He stared for a moment, then turned away and made an effort to not look again.


	20. Chapter 20

The next morning, Dean woke up on the couch.  He was confused until he recalled that he was still at Luke’s.  He hadn’t been able to sleep the night before, so was watching television.  He must have dozed off.  He realized he was wearing Luke’s bathrobe, but didn’t remember putting it on.  There was a lot he didn’t remember about last night.  There was also too much that he did remember.

He sat up with a groan.  He felt horrible.  He was stiff and sore, and felt hung over.  He sat there for a minute, trying to muster enough energy to go get a drink.  The smell of coffee finally motivated him. 

When he made it into the kitchen, Luke was already there, cooking something.  Dean sat down gingerly at the table.  Luke handed him a cup of coffee, and went back to the stove. 

After a few sips, Dean asked, “Aidan isn’t up yet?  Usually he is a morning person.”

“Aidan had to go to work,” Luke replied.  “We decided to let you sleep.  He should be back soon though.  How do you feel?”

“Like I got hit by a truck and left for dead.  Remind me not to drink from strange flasks.”

Luke grimaced and said, “I’m sorry about that.  If it is any consolation, Lee banned them from his parties from now on.”

Dean thought about it for a minute, and then asked, “If you hadn’t taken me out of there, what would have happened?”

Quietly Luke answered, “I’m not too sure.”  He slid a plate of pancakes in front of Dean.  “Probably talked you into doing something you wouldn’t have done otherwise.”

Dean cringed.  He remembered enough of last night to know that had happened anyway.  Had he really begged Luke for a kiss?  He was too embarrassed to ask about it.  He didn’t even want to think about it. 

Luke held out three pills in his hand.  Dean made no move to take them, and eyed them with mistrust. 

“They are safe, I swear.”  Luke showed him two bottles.  “One is a vitamin, and the others are painkillers.  They will help.”  Dean took them, and Luke added, “You might want to take a hot bath.  It’ll help with some of the aches.”

Dean picked at his pancakes.  He wasn’t really hungry.  He still felt light headed and dizzy.  He didn’t know if that was an aftereffect of the drug, or everything else that had happened.  He shifted in his seat, because even sitting here too long was hurting.  Without looking up, he asked, “That wasn’t all a flogger, was it?”

“No.  Some of it was a cane.”  Luke eyed him, adding, “You need to let me or Aidan look at you.  If the skin’s broken, I have a cream to put on it.”

“I’m sure it’s fine.  Do you know where my clothes are?”

“On the counter in the bathroom.”

Dean thanked him, and went to take a bath.  He caught a glimpse of his reflection.  The bruises on his arms and shoulders could be hidden with clothing.  The bruises on his jaw and throat would be very visible, however.  He wondered how he got those.  When he had a flash of Aidan above him, grabbing his face, he closed his eyes and turned away from the mirror. 

***

When they got home, Aidan insisted on inspecting him.  Dean found himself lying naked on the bed, on his stomach.  Aidan was running gentle hands down his back, across his buttocks, and down his legs.  It was soothing, but now and again a sore spot would make him wince. 

“You have some pretty spectacular bruises, love.”  Aidan started rubbing on his shoulders.  “Are you still stiff?”

“Yeah, a little.”  After a minute, Dean quietly said, “When you said you wanted to see me ravished, I kind of thought it would be you doing the ravishing.”

Aidan didn’t stop the massage.  “I thought you liked Luke.”

“I do like Luke.  I just wasn’t expecting… well, any of that.”

“You agreed to it, though.  What were you expecting?”

Dean’s mind was racing.  Had he agreed to all of that?  He couldn’t really remember.  “I guess maybe I misunderstood.”

“It was hot as hell to watch.  Thank you for doing it.  I’m glad you enjoyed it too.”  Aidan leaned over and kissed the bruise on Dean’s shoulder.  Dean turned his head away to hide his face.

When they went to bed that night, Aidan moved closer and started kissing him.  Dean tried to pull back.  “I’m still sore.”

“I’ll be gentle, then,” Aidan was insistent.

“I can use my hands or my mouth if you want.”  Dean tried to scoot away, but Aidan followed him across the sheets.

“I need to be in you,” Aidan murmured, pushing Dean onto his stomach. 

After, Aidan was spooned against him, whispering, “I am so lucky to have you.  I love you.”

“I love you too.”  It took Dean a long time to fall asleep.

***

The next poker night was at their home.  Dean was back outside, giving the barbeque pit another attempt.  Graham and Jimmy were offering advice, and some of it was actually helpful.  Dean couldn’t help but look up when he heard Aidan and Luke laughing together. 

Adam bumped his shoulder into Dean.  “You seem nervous.  Is something wrong?”

Dean looked at his friend, and had an urge to confess everything.  He quickly squelched that idea.  “I guess I am just hungry.”

He did horribly when they played cards.  Aidan was behind him in his usual spot.  Luke was sitting next to him, with Adam on his other side.  He just couldn’t concentrate.  He was trying to control his face, but Richard kept shooting him concerned looks.  Finally he said he had to check on the coals, and went back outside. 

After a few minutes, Graham and Richard joined him.  They all stood in silence, staring at the last of the dying embers.  From inside, they heard Jimmy say something, followed by a burst of laughter. 

Eventually, Richard said, “You know you can talk to us about anything, right?”

Dean didn’t look up.  He sighed, “I know.  I don’t know what I did to deserve friends like you.”

“It was probably something horrible in a past life,” Graham teased.  “Still, you can come to us if you need something, yeah?  Even if it is just a shoulder to cry on.”

“Thanks, guys.”  They stood out there a moment more, and then went back inside.

Later that night, when everyone had gone, Aidan handed him a narrow box.  “Surprise!”

When he looked inside, lying on a bed of cotton was a necklace.  It was a string of small gold cups.  Nestled inside each cup was a black pearl.  Dean stared at it for a moment.

Aidan watched him anxiously.  “Do you like it?”  Dean nodded, wordless.  “The jeweler said the pearls are from Tahiti.  Want me to put it on you?”  He took the necklace out of the box, and fastened it around Dean’s neck.  With a smile, Aidan said, “I thought the gold would suit you.  It looks good.”

Dean touched it, feeling the slight irregularities in the pearls, the metal warming quickly against his skin.  “I didn’t actually expect you to get me a pearl necklace.  Thank you.”  He leaned forward and gave Aidan a kiss. 

When they went to bed, he was on top of Aidan, wearing nothing but the necklace.  His eyes were shut tight, concentrating on the sensation of Aidan inside him.  “Touch me, Aidan, please.”

“Kiss me first.”  Dean bent down, and Aidan breathed against his lips, “You are stunning, love.”

After, Aidan told him, “Luke said we are invited out to Lee’s for dinner.  I told him we would go.”

Dean sat up to look at Aidan.  “You didn’t check with me about it.”

“It’s only dinner, not a party or anything.”  Aidan kissed Dean’s nose.  “It will just be the four of us, no one else.  He feels bad about what happened.”

Dean lay back down, letting Aidan curl around him.  He didn’t know if he found the idea of being alone with Lee, Luke and Aidan reassuring.  He touched the necklace, telling himself he was being silly.  Aidan loved him, and Luke was his friend.  Lee wasn’t a bad guy.  They were not going to do anything to him. 

When he finally fell asleep, he was surrounded by Aidan. 

***

Yet again, Dean found himself in Luke’s backseat, headed to Lee’s house.  There was some relief in noting that there was no backpack or duffle bag.

Lee came outside to welcome them.  He gave everyone a hug, then held Dean by the shoulders, looking him up and down. 

“I’m so sorry about what happened, Dean,” Lee said.  “I’ve told them they are no longer welcome here.  Please say you forgive me.”

Uncomfortable, Dean muttered, “It wasn’t your fault, there is nothing to forgive.”

Lee hugged him again.  “I allowed them to play their little games here, even when I knew drugs were involved.  So yes, it is my responsibility too.”  Dean waved off the apology.  “Well, enough of the mea culpa!  Who wants a drink?”

Dean found himself led into the house, Lee clinging to his arm.  He hoped that it wasn’t going to be a continuous thing for the night, remembering how the tall man always hung on Luke.  Once he accepted a glass of sangria, though, Lee relinquished his arm. 

Dean started to relax, and wound up enjoying himself.  Lee had made a huge dish of paella, and gave Dean the recipe.  Lee drew him into conversation, and he found himself talking about his photography.  Dean hadn’t talked to Lee a lot before, and was somewhat surprised to find a sharp mind under the handsome exterior.

After dinner, he wound up on the loveseat tucked under Aidan’s arm.  He and Lee were talking about gardening, the types of flowers that would thrive in their location, and the best things to use to conserve water. 

Lee told him, “You’ll have to come see my flowers when they start to bloom.  I have a bed of red spider lilies that are phenomenal.”  He sighed, saying, “I’m relieved you came back here at all.  I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had refused.  Please say you will come back to another party.” 

The last thing Dean wanted to do was come to another party, but with Lee looking at him like a puppy expecting to be whipped, he couldn’t say that.  He forced a smile, and told Lee, “Of course we will come.  Just let us know when.”

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Lee reached over and patted his knee.

Dean completely missed the smile Aidan and Luke exchanged. 

***

At work, Adam seemed subdued.  Dean asked him what was wrong.

“Luke and I had a talk last night.”  Adam picked at a dishcloth.  “He told me he had sex with someone else.”

Dean’s stomach dropped.  He couldn’t think of anything to say, wondering if Adam knew what happened.  All he could manage was a faint, “Oh?”

“He said it was a one-time thing, that he was acting out a fantasy.”  Adam wrung the dishcloth and started wiping down the counters.  “He said it wasn’t something I’d be willing to do, probably.  I knew he had different tastes when I started dating him.”

After working in silence for a moment, Dean asked, “Were you able to get it worked out, then?”

Adam smiled and said, “Yeah.  We basically made an outline of what I am willing to try, and things I am not willing to do at all.  I told him that if I am unwilling, he can do it with someone else.”

Dean gaped at him.  “You told him to go have sex with other people?”

“Well, I’d prefer if it was just one or two people.  I’m not sure how I would feel if he went around slutting it up,” Adam laughed.  “Luke said that it probably won’t happen again, anyway.”

“ _Probably?”_  Dean realized his mouth was hanging open, and shut it with a snap. 

“I told him that if I get a chance to act out a fantasy, I am doing it, though.”

“Do I even want to know?” Dean wondered.

With a grin, Adam said, “You know that customer we have that looks like David Tennant?”

Dean groaned and rubbed his forehead.  He was definitely getting a headache.

Adam glanced at him, “Are you okay?  You look pale.”

“I’m fine,” Dean muttered.  “I’m going to go grab some more cups.”  Unable to handle any more of this conversation, he fled to the storeroom.

When he got home, Aidan and Luke were doing something in the basement.  From the sounds of it, they were building something.  He called out a greeting, but decided not to go down there.  Instead, he went to his studio.  He told himself he was not hiding. 

He came out to grab a drink, and both men were in the kitchen.  He gave Aidan a kiss and greeted Luke.

“Hey, I have something for you,” Luke tossed him a bag. 

Dean opened it and pulled out an apron.  It was black, and blue lettering spelled out ‘The spice must flow.'  It struck him as funny, and he wound up getting a fit of the giggles, until he was breathlessly leaning against the counter, trying not to fall over. 

Aidan and Luke exchanged a grin, but obviously didn’t think it was quite that funny.  When Dean got himself under control, Luke asked, “Does that mean you like it?”

Still smiling, Dean answered, “I love it.  Thanks.”  He gave Luke a hug and invited him to stay for dinner. 


	21. Chapter 21

After talking about it with Aidan, and thinking it over for a while, then talking it over with his friends, Dean put in his resignation.  He was scared, and excited, and sad because he would miss seeing Adam every day.  Still, everyone encouraged him.  Adam was his biggest cheerleader, claiming he would be able to tell everyone he knew Dean before he became a famous photographer.  Even his regular customers offered well wishes and moral support.  One went a step further, and wanted him to take portraits on her granddaughter’s first birthday.

Aidan supported him every step of the way.  “Is it going to make you happy, love?” he kept asking.  When Dean admitted that yes, it would, then Aidan simply told him to do what he thought was right.

Of course, it wasn’t all smooth sailing.  One day Dean wound up over at Graham’s house in tears, panicking over the idea that no one would care about his stupid hobby, much less want him to take pictures, and he wasn’t an artist, and was an idiot for thinking he could do this.  Graham let him get it all out of his system and calm down, and then they went over Dean’s business plan.  Richard silently provided copious amounts of tea and the occasional pat on the back.  Eventually Graham sat back and looked at Dean, and told him, “You’ve thought of just about everything.  You can do this.”

Dean took some samples of his portfolio and left them at a modeling school.  By the end of the week, he had four appointments.  He did the portraits for his former customer’s granddaughter, and that got him two more referrals.  

Sitting with his feet in Aidan’s lap one evening, he took a deep breath, and said with some astonishment, “I think this might actually work.”

Aidan just kept rubbing Dean’s feet.  “Of course it will work.  Don’t sound so surprised.”

Dean poked him in the stomach with a toe.  “You always thought I could do it, didn’t you?”

Aidan gave him one of those blinding smiles, saying, “There was never any doubt in my mind.”

***

Dean didn’t recognize the number that showed on his cell phone, so he answered with a cautious greeting.  It turned out to be Lee.

“I got your number from Aidan.  I hope that’s okay.”

What could Dean say to that?  “Yeah, that’s fine.  What can I do for you?”

“I’m calling to let you know I’m having another party.  I wanted to invite you myself, and tell you again that those guys won’t be here.  It’ll be perfectly safe.  Please say you’ll come?”

Dean was wishing Lee had just sent a text like everyone else.  How could he refuse that pleading tone?  He could have ignored a text.  “I have to check with Aidan….” He tried to put Lee off.

“I already let him know, and he said to check with you.  Please?  If you want, I won’t leave your side all night long.”

With some alarm, Dean hurried to say, “No no, that’s not necessary!”

“So will we see you there?  Are you coming with Luke again?”

He was starting to feel a little like Aidan had thrown him under the bus on this one.  “Sure.  We will be there.”

“Good!”

Later, Dean told Aidan about the conversation.

Aidan pulled him close for a hug.  “What did you say?”

“I told him yes, that we’d go.”

Aidan squeezed him tight.  “I’m glad.  He still feels guilty.”

With a shrug, Dean said, “He shouldn’t.  It really wasn’t his fault.”

That night, Dean woke up from a nightmare, gasping and sweaty.  He couldn’t remember what it had been about.  Aidan mumbled something and patted his back, then pulled him closer.  Dean fell back asleep with Aidan’s breath ghosting across the back of his neck.

***

They invited Luke and Adam over for dinner.  Dean was wearing a new apron that was black and said ‘Come to the dark side, we have cookies.’  Adam started laughing when he saw it. 

Lightly punching Dean in the shoulder, he said, “Look at you!  Being all domestic!”

With a smug look, Dean told him, “You are just jealous of my geeky aprons and elite cooking skills.”

“I have to admit, your cooking has improved over the years.”  Adam snagged a few olives from the salad. 

Aidan embraced Dean from behind, dropping a kiss on the back of his neck.  “Good thing too,” he said.  “If someone around here didn’t know how to cook, we’d all starve.”

Turning, Dean kissed Aidan.  “Ah, I see how it is, then,” he said with a smile.  “You just want me to be your kitchen slave.”

“Get back to work, slave!”  Aidan slapped Dean on the rear. 

“Don’t forget the kitchen slave has access to all the sharp knives.”  He handed Aidan the bowl of salad, instructing him to set it on the table.  Luke was given the plates to set out. 

Adam stayed in the kitchen with Dean.  He caught Dean up on all the gossip from the coffee shop, and they chatted for a while.  Finally dinner was ready, and they carried it out to the table, joining Aidan and Luke. 

***

Another package came in the mail.  Aidan opened it, and told Dean he would show him what it was later. 

That night, Dean found himself gagged and tied down spread eagled.  Aidan had put the nipple clamps and prostate stimulator to good use, and Dean was writhing with need.  Aidan reached over and grabbed the box, and pulled out a cock ring.  He slipped it on Dean, and sat back with a smile. 

All Dean could do was look on helplessly as Aidan worked himself open.  Wide eyed, he watched as Aidan lowered himself down on Dean.  They both groaned when Aidan finally seated himself fully.

Aidan usually didn’t like to bottom, so they rarely did this.  With everything else, that tight heat was almost too much for Dean.  He threw his head back, moaning.  His release was stopped by the ring around him, however.  Frantic, he looked up at Aidan.

“Surprise,” Aidan said with a smirk.  Dean whimpered, and Aidan suddenly looked concerned.  “Is it too much?  Do you want me to stop?”

Dean furiously shook his head no, and bucked his hips up for emphasis.  It caused them both to gasp.  Aidan chuckled, and slowly started to move. 

Watching every move Aidan made, Dean was overwrought.  When Aidan came across his stomach and chest, he groaned.  Aidan eased off of him and sat beside him on the bed. 

“Poor baby.  Are you ready to come now?”  Aidan slipped the ring off of him, and started using his hands.  Dean was so keyed up that he came within minutes, unable to even make a sound, eyes rolling back in his head.

After cleaning up a bit, Dean was lying across Aidan’s chest, spent.  Aidan was mindlessly playing with his hair. 

“I take it you enjoyed that?” Aidan asked.  Wordlessly, Dean nodded.  He wasn’t even sure he could talk yet.  He could hear the smile in Aidan’s voice.  “Good.  I love you.”  Dean just hugged him tight.

***

Dean was doing the engagement photos for a couple.  Aidan had the day off of work, so went along to help.  The couple wanted something different, so they wound up at a carnival that was set up by the lake.  It took a little bit of bribery and a lot of talking, but eventually Dean was granted access to some of the rides.  The best picture was of the couple kissing at the top of the Ferris wheel, the water in the background.  The couple seemed thrilled with all of the shots. 

Aidan was a little less thrilled.  “The next time you decide to climb on the outside of a Ferris wheel, warn me ahead of time, okay love?” He was pale and sweaty. 

Dean gave him a hug.  “It wasn’t even up that high.  At the most, I might have broken an arm.”  He laughed at the look Aidan gave him.  “Alright.  No climbing Ferris wheels without prior warning.”

Aidan mumbled, “At least the carnival isn’t here all the time.”

While he was reviewing the shots in the studio, Aidan watched over his shoulder.  In his ‘trying too hard to be casual’ voice, he asked Dean, “Did you ever think about what I mentioned before?”

Only paying half attention, Dean asked, “What was it you mentioned?”

“That we should get married.”

That grabbed his attention quickly.  “What brought this up?” Dean asked.

“Just seeing how happy they are, and how happy Jimmy is with his wife.  I am already happy with you, and I want to be able to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Turning to face Aidan, Dean asked, “Are you proposing?”

Looking a little sheepish, Aidan replied, “Not exactly.  Maybe this is a pre-proposal?  If you think it is a good idea, maybe we could look at some rings together?”

“It doesn’t hurt to look, I guess,” Dean smiled up at Aidan.

With a big smile, Aidan bent down to kiss Dean.  “No, it doesn’t hurt at all.”


	22. Chapter 22

Aidan and Dean spent some time looking around, and after doing some good natured bickering, they both decided that a traditional engagement ring wouldn’t suit either one of them.  In the end, they decided they would both wear tungsten claddagh rings.  The symbolism representing love, loyalty, and friendship appealed to both of them.  The hands, crown, and heart were etched on the ring, along with a Celtic knot pattern.  It was understated, but still obvious.  They skipped a big announcement, wanting to keep things somewhat quiet. They didn’t do anything, really, but decide to be engaged. 

***

Dean went out to lunch with Adam.  They were discussing which movie they wanted to go see, when Adam grabbed Dean’s hand, demanding, “What’s this?”

“Aidan and I decided to get engaged.”  Dean was nonchalant about the whole thing.

Adam, on the other hand, was extremely excited.  “ _Engaged?_ How can you just get engaged and not tell anyone?”

“We didn’t tell anyone because we didn’t want a huge fuss,” Dean replied with some amusement. 

“If you can’t have a fuss over an engagement, then when can you?”  Adam still had a death grip on Dean’s hand, inspecting the ring.  Suddenly he dropped it, staring at Dean.  “This means you are going to have a _wedding!_ ”

“That’s generally the order of these things, yes.  We were thinking of something very simple and small, though.  So don’t get that look on your face.”

Adam looked like he was already making plans.  “Oh, we can have so much fun with this though!”  He started listing things Dean would need to do, like find a caterer, florist, bakery, and where was he getting the invitations anyway?

Dean just let him babble for a few minutes before interrupting.  “There is something important I need you to do for me.”

Eager to help, Adam wiggled in his seat, thrilled.  “Name it!”

“Be my best man.  We are having something small, true, but it would mean a lot to me if you stood up there with me.”

Suddenly serious, Adam replied, “Of course I will.  You are my best friend, Deano.  You deserve the best of everything.”  Breaking out in a wide grin, he was enthusiastic again.  “I can’t believe you are getting _married!_ ”

***

They went to Lee’s party.  Luke had his duffle bag, and Aidan brought his backpack.  Dean declined wearing the cuffs though, and Aidan didn’t push it.  Dean was nervous about the whole situation.  He had made a peach cobbler, and found himself clutching the pan like it was some sort of shield.

Lee greeted them all with hugs, as usual.  Dean went to the kitchen to drop off the cobbler, and got sidetracked by someone asking for help in setting out plates.  Before he knew it, he was in a discussion with a few others about cooking tips and techniques.  He ended up exchanging email addresses with them so they could do a recipe exchange.  One woman wanted him to do portraits, and they discussed that for a while. 

Aidan came to check on him a few times.  Lee and Luke both came too, on the pretense of getting a drink or a snack.  Dean didn’t mind.  He found it oddly reassuring that they were all keeping an eye on him to insure his well-being. 

Eventually he decided to walk around a bit.  He greeted several people who he was starting to recognize.  He avoided the basement but went outside.  He was relieved to see that the guest house door was wide open, and the building was empty. 

Dean wound up back on the couch, sandwiched between Aidan and Luke.  They chatted with Lee and other people as they came in and out of the room.  All in all, Dean enjoyed himself.  As they were leaving, he found himself agreeing to come back for another party.

***

The next poker night was at Jimmy’s house.  His wife greeted Dean and Aidan at the door, as usual, and told them to go on through to the garage.  When they opened the door, they were met with a loud yell of “SURPRISE!”  Jimmy’s kids pelted them with confetti. 

While Aidan was picking confetti out of his mouth, Adam came and got him and Dean both in a giant bear hug.  “You seriously didn’t think you could just quietly get engaged and no one would do anything, right?”

Amused, Dean answered, “Well, we could hope.  I should have known better with you lot.”

Everyone had to hug and congratulate them, and stop to admire the rings.  One of Jimmy’s children made them paper crowns, and insisted they wear them.  Someone had gotten a cake that had one of those realistic photos on it of Dean and Aidan smiling at each other.  Dean didn’t even know where that picture had come from. 

Graham was trying to get another drink, but was being circled by a group of small children playing tag and trying to use him to hide behind.  Eventually he just picked a child up under each arm and hauled them out into the yard.  Then of course, every other child wanted to be carried around, screaming with delight. 

Once all the small ones were carted out, Graham flopped into a chair.  “When did you get all these kids, Jimmy?  I could have sworn you didn’t have this many the last time we were here.”

“Oh, they aren’t all mine.  The neighborhood youngsters tend to wander in too.”  He shooed an older child out, asking him to watch the small ones. 

They all tried to settle down to a card game.  Still, everyone was full of high spirits, questions about wedding plans, and not paying a whole lot of attention.  In the end, they decided to go out into the yard and play a game of touch football with the children.  That evolved into a game which was ‘see how far someone can run with a group of kids clinging to them’ but everyone was having too much fun to worry about silly things like rules or scoring.

Eventually the children were all called back home, leaving the men sprawled all over the yard.  They were worn out, but content. 

Luke was sitting by where Aidan was laying with his head in Dean’s lap.  “Congratulations, you two.  Have you set a date or anything yet?”

“Not yet, but we are thinking something simple.  It isn’t like we need a lot of planning for that.”  Aidan sat up, grabbing Luke’s arm.  “Hey!  You should be my best man!”

“Really?”  Luke seemed surprised.

“Either that or a bridesmaid, and those dresses are always hideous.” Aidan grinned at him.  “Yes, really.”

“Then I’d love to do it!  Just let me know when and where.”  Luke seemed pleased.

***

That night, back at home, Dean told Aidan, “You realize that if we don’t get some sort of idea in place, Adam is going to take over wedding plans.  Then we might wind up with a Bridezilla situation on our hands.”

“I thought you said you wanted something simple?”

“I do.”  Dean mused, “Remember the park where we spent the day after our first date?”

Aidan nuzzled his neck and nodded.

“They have a botanical garden.  There is an area in there devoted to different types of roses.  I was thinking that would be a good place.”

“That sounds perfect.  When did you want to do it?”  Aidan started nibbling on Dean’s ear.

With a laugh, Dean turned to kiss Aidan.  “Well, before the roses quit blooming, for sure.”  He pressed Aidan back into the couch.

***

After what seemed like no time at all, Dean found himself in a suit standing in front of a huge rose bush, holding Aidan’s hand.  He was just hoping he didn’t pass out.  Aidan’s hand was decidedly sweaty, so he felt a little better knowing he wasn’t the only one who was nervous.  He repeated the vows after the officiant without even really being aware of what he was saying.  Suddenly it was over.  He and Aidan just grinned at each other for a minute, until Adam poked him in the back, hissing, “Kiss him already!” in a loud whisper.

They had the reception in the garden clubhouse.  It was simple, as far as things go.  They decided that decorating with flowers would be redundant since they were in the middle of a garden.  The clubhouse had windows on all sides and was surrounded by butterfly bushes.  Butterflies and bees were lazily flitting between the bright flowers. 

Instead of having a photographer, they had given everyone a camera.  Dean knew it would be a lot of work to sort through all the pictures, but he was looking forward to it.  The guest list had seemed to expand almost until the day of the wedding.  Of course there was Richard and Graham, Luke and Adam, Jimmy and his wife and their entire brood of children.  Several of Aidan’s friends from work were there with their plus ones.  Lee was there with his date.  Dean’s friends from the coffee shop were there. 

They had agreed to have snacks instead of an actual meal.  They also decided to add an ice cream sundae bar, and everyone was having fun with that, especially the children.  Dean watched one toddler run past, face smeared with chocolate and clutching a brownie, and almost felt sorry for the parents who would have to deal with the aftermath of all the sugar. 

They had a small wedding cake, which of course they smeared everywhere after they cut it.  They had dancing, a bar, and lots of champagne.  Dean found himself sitting at a table alone, stealing a moment to get off his feet and catch his breath.  Watching Aidan laugh, seeing all his friends together having a good time, listening to the children run around squealing excitedly, he thought that even though it was small and inexpensive, the wedding had been perfect. 

Adam plopped heavily into the seat next to Dean, handing him a glass of wine.  “My feet are killing me!”

Laughing, Dean told him, “Then sit down for a minute and quit dancing.  By the way, you do a cute Cupid Shuffle.”

“What can I say, I am adorable.  It’s a burden,” Adam grinned cheekily.  “It’s been a good party.  I still can’t believe you got married!”

“Neither can I, honestly.  It seems unreal.”  Dean watched Aidan dancing with a small girl, and marveled at the idea of having a husband.  He twirled the rings on his finger.  He and Aidan had decided to just add a simple band to the claddagh rings they already wore. 

Eventually it was time for Aidan and Dean to leave.  They got pelted with birdseed instead of rice, and the children were blowing bubbles.  Laughing and holding hands, they finally made it to the car.

Once they got home, Aidan pulled out two bottles of champagne from the backseat.  Dean laughed and pulled out two slices of wedding cake. 

“I figured that since we didn’t get much of a chance to enjoy it, we could have our own little celebration,” Dean explained.

Aidan started to reach for a plate, but Dean pulled it away.  “Actually, I have plans for the cake.  After all, we couldn’t smear it _everywhere_ in front of our guests.  Don’t you want to get out of your suit?”  With a flirtatious look, Dean carried the plates to the bedroom.  Aidan quickly followed, carrying one of the bottles. 


	23. Chapter 23

Aidan and Luke had been working in the basement for a while.  Dean was basically just avoiding it, letting them do what they wanted.  Often, the house was filled with the smell of fresh wood or paint, and the sounds of hammering and construction. 

Finally, Aidan asked Dean to come and see, claiming they were finished for now.  He looked around while Aidan and Luke watched him.  Some things he could identify, while others were unfamiliar.  Everything looked well made, and it was obvious the men had put a lot of time and effort into it.  He said as much.

Aidan came up behind him, hugging him.  “So do you like it?”

“Well, what I recognize, sure.”  Dean pointed to something, and asked, “What’s this, though?  Is that an exam table?”

Aidan murmured in his ear, “I’ll show you later,” and bit his earlobe. 

***

Indeed, Aidan showed him what it was.  Dean found himself on his back on the small table, hands restrained above his head, legs restrained in stirrups holding his knees up and wide open.  There was even a strap across his waist so he couldn’t squirm too much.  Aidan tangled one hand in his hair, kissing him softly, while he used the other hand to lightly tease him.  Dean felt exposed and vulnerable and loved every minute of it.

Dean murmured against Aidan’s mouth, “Please, I want you.”

“What do you want from me, love?  This, maybe?”  A twist of Aidan’s wrist made Dean gasp.

“No, Aidan, I want you inside me, now, please?”  Dean tugged against the restraints, but he could barely move. 

Aidan stepped away for a second, and then Dean felt the cool slickness of lube being applied.  He spared a second to think that he was glad that Aidan remembered to have it in easy reach.  Aidan bent back over him, kissing him again.  “You want me inside you?”

Dean nodded frantically.  Aidan used one finger, barely sliding it into Dean, teasing him.  He pulled back, watching the expressions flit across Dean’s face.  Frustration, want, and need were clear to see. 

“I adore seeing you like this.  I love having you helpless and desperate, knowing I can do whatever I want, you can’t stop me, and that you are willing to let me do this to you.”  Aidan slid that finger farther inside, crooking it just so, hitting that sensitive spot inside Dean.  Dean gulped, and Aidan commanded him, “Tell me what you want.”

“You, Aidan, please, I want you!”  Another crook of that finger made Dean moan.

“But I’m right here.  You’ll have to be more specific.”  He never stopped watching Dean’s face, or the relentless teasing.

Dean panted, trying to press against that taunting finger, “I want you to fuck me, quit tormenting me!”

Aidan laughed, and bent back down to kiss him.  He whispered against Dean’s mouth, “I haven’t even begun to torment you, love.  And I want you to _beg._ ”

Before it was all over, Dean begged, indeed.

Later, in bed, Aidan was rubbing Dean’s shoulders.  “We are going to have to find a position to tie you in that won’t make your arms hurt if I leave you there a while,” the taller man said. 

Dean hummed, noncommittal, then asked, “Why don’t you let me tie you down one day?”

Aidan froze for a second, then resumed rubbing.  In his trying-to-be-casual voice, he asked, “Do you want to do that?”

Turning his head to try and see Aidan, he replied, “I wouldn’t mind trying it, if you want.”

Without looking up, Aidan replied, “You know I sometimes have control issues.”  Dean nodded.  “I just don’t find the idea of being restrained and having no control at all appealing.”  After a minute, he quietly said, “If it is really important to you, maybe we could find someone else for you to do it with.  I’d want to be there, though.”

At that, Dean rolled over and grabbed Aidan’s hands.  “It isn’t important to me at all.  I just thought that you might like to be on the receiving end of things for a change.”

Aidan looked relieved and gave Dean a smile.  “If you could see yourself from my point of view, you’d realize I’m already receiving more than I ever thought possible.  I’m lucky to have you in my life, love.”

***

Dean had an appointment to take portraits for a couple who wanted them done in a building downtown.  They got permission to be there after hours, since the couple worked at an office there.  Dean was fortunate to find a parking spot nearby so he didn’t have to lug his equipment too far. 

He was there for a couple of hours, until finally he got some shots that he thought everyone would be happy with.  He packed his equipment back up, and walked out with the couple, letting them know when the final portraits might be ready for viewing. 

Suddenly he stopped short.  This was where he had left his car.  The parking spot was empty except for some shattered glass on the ground.  He double checked, hoping maybe he was mistaken, and his car was in another spot.  His clients helped him look, but it became apparent that his car had been stolen. 

One of them went inside to get the security guard, while he called the police on his cell.  The guard hadn’t seen anything, and explained that the cameras only covered inside the parking garage and building.  Dean called the police and went inside to wait for them to show up.  While he was waiting, he called Aidan to come and get him. 

Dean answered the police’s questions as best as he could.  The car was older, and didn’t have a lo-jack or OnStar system.  They checked, and it had not been mistakenly towed away.  All of them asked around, but there were no witnesses.  The car insurance didn’t cover theft, since he figured no one would steal an old car anyway.  The police gave him a copy of the report and a case number, telling him he could call the station to find out if any progress had been made in finding it.  They didn’t offer much hope though, saying that usually if an older car was stolen, it was either cut into parts, or usually found wrecked. 

Aidan finally made it there, and he just wrapped Dean in a big hug.  “I’m so sorry, love.”

Trying not to be maudlin, Dean gave him a small smile, “At least they didn’t get any of my camera equipment.”

“It still sucks.”  After thanking the security guard for all his help, Aidan got Dean settled into the car and took him home.

Dean was distraught about his car.  He flopped on the couch, in a sulk.  Granted, it was old, and had seen better days.  But he had owned it forever.  And it was _his._   Aidan tried to comfort him, but there was only so much to be done. 

“You know you can use my car any time you want, love,” Aidan reminded him.  He pulled Dean into an embrace.

Sighing, Dean said, “Yeah, I know.  Still, this is the first time I have been without a car in years.  I can’t believe someone stole it.  Who steals old cars?”

“We will see about getting you another one, okay?”  Aidan rubbed soothing circles on Dean’s back. 

“I suppose so.  I don’t really have the money to do it right now.  In between setting everything up for my business, then the wedding, I am kind of tapped out.”

“I know.  Well, maybe it won’t be right away, but we will get you another car.  I promise.”  Aidan held him tight. 

Dean decided to quit wallowing in his misery.  He had his cameras and equipment, no one had gotten hurt, and things would eventually work out.  He looked up and gave Aidan a deep kiss.  “How about you take me to bed and make me forget all about it?”

“I think I can manage that,” Aidan led him to the bedroom with a smile.   “At least I’ll do my best.”

***

One night in bed, Aidan gave Dean a box.  Touching his necklace, Dean gave Aidan a questioning look. 

“Don’t worry, it isn’t another necklace, exactly,” Aidan reassured him.  “Open it.”

Inside was a collar.  It was made out of black leather to match his cuffs.  It was lined and about two inches wide, with several O-rings on it.  It had a buckle which came with a small padlock.  Dean and Aidan inspected it for a minute, and then Aidan asked him to try it on. 

Dean removed his necklace first so it wouldn’t get damaged.  He allowed Aidan to buckle the collar around his neck.  Aidan sat back, admiring it. 

“That is so sexy,” Aidan breathed.  “Will you wear it for me sometimes?”

When Dean agreed to do it, Aidan hooked a finger through one of the rings and pulled him in for a kiss.  Grabbing Dean by the arms, he flipped them until the blonde was under him on the bed. 

After a deep kiss, Aidan asked, “What if I got you a leash?  Would you wear that for me too?”

“That depends on where you want me to wear it.  I don’t see any harm in wearing it around the house on occasion.”  Dean had to smile at the look of pure heat Aidan gave him. 

***

Lee called Dean with another party invitation.  He said he had already checked with Aidan, and wanted to see if Dean was okay with coming too.  Thinking of how relaxed the last party had been, Dean had no qualms about agreeing to go. 

Lee said, “There are going to be a few people doing exhibitions and tutorials this time.  I’m hoping you choose to participate some, but there's no pressure.”

Wondering what exactly Lee wanted him to do and tutorials on what, Dean just answered, “We’ll wait and see what happens.”

That seemed to please Lee.  He sounded happy as he said goodbye.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains consensual violence. 
> 
> Also, let me stress, do not swing poi. I'll stress that again: DO NOT SWING POI. If you absolutely feel the need to take it up as a hobby, then find a class. Meetup.com sometimes has stuff about it. People who do it are usually fun, smart, and more than willing to show others how to play with fire without accidentally turning themselves into a human torch. And still, things can go wrong, and you want to have people around you who will not panic and know what to do if that happens. Trust me, I am speaking from experience on this.

Watching television, Aidan looked over at Dean and said, “Are you still willing to do my fantasy?”

Thinking furiously, trying to remember, Dean asked, “Which fantasy was that?”

Swinging a leg over to straddle Dean’s lap, Aidan replied, “The fantasy where I get to hold you down and ravish you.”

Dean couldn’t help but feel a spike of anxiety.  Pushing Aidan away a little, he said, “I thought you already did that.”

Aidan took Dean’s hands and held them.  “No, I watched you ravished by someone else.  I want to do it myself.”

Sitting back, trying to look Aidan in the face, Dean clarified, “So just you and me?  No one else involved?”

“I promise no one else will touch you,” Aidan bent to nibble his ear.

Relieved, Dean asked him, “When would you want to do it?”

“I’ll surprise you.”

***

Dean was running late when Luke arrived to pick them up for the party.  He put on his shoes while Luke was peering at the plates of goodies he was bringing this time. 

“What are these, exactly?”  Luke had a dubious look on his face.

Dean pushed him out of the way.  “Don’t look like that until you taste them.  They are bacon guacamole deviled eggs, and they’re delicious.”

“Bacon guacamole?  Wait… so we could call them green eggs and ham?”  He burst out laughing at Dean’s frown.  “Sorry, sorry.  I’ll behave, and taste them later, okay?”

“Here,” Dean said, sticking a plate into Luke’s hands.  “For that comment, you get to play pack mule.  Carry the blondies.”  Dean chose to ignore Luke sneaking one off the plate.

Of course, Luke had his duffle bag, and Aidan brought along his backpack.  Dean and Aidan had talked about it before hand, and Dean agreed to wear the cuffs and the collar.  He left his pearl necklace at home for safekeeping.  He allowed Aidan to go ahead and fasten all the cuffs to him before they left the house.  It was just easier than trying to maneuver around and do it in the car. 

Lee greeted all of them when they arrived, and took a moment to admire Dean’s new collar.  Looking Dean up and down, Lee pointed out, “You should take off your shirt.  It would look much more striking against your skin without the distraction.”

Luke and Aidan were both nodding agreement.  Aidan said, “Only if you want to, love.  It’s up to you.”

Looking around at people in various states of nudity, he figured going without a shirt was not such a big deal.  He peeled it off and gave it to Aidan to stick in the backpack so it wouldn’t get lost.  He even took off his shoes too, blowing Luke a kiss and giving him a cheeky grin.  Once he was wearing nothing but his pants and the cuffs along with the collar, he made his way to the kitchen to drop off his snacks. 

He greeted his friends that were in the kitchen.  Eventually Dean decided to wander around though, so bid them farewell and went exploring. 

He found himself back in the room with the man and the violet wand.  He watched for a while, and never noticed Lee until the man was right beside him.  Leaning over to Dean, Lee said quietly, “Aidan is looking for you.”

Not quietly enough, it seemed, because the man with the wand said, “Leave him be, Lee.  He’s just watching.”

“Ah, I see you have met Mikael, then?” to Dean, somewhat surprised. 

“Not exactly met, no, but we have seen each other around a few times now.”  Dean smiled at the man and introduced himself. 

Aidan stuck his head in the door, and looked relieved.  “There you are!  I was starting to get worried.”  Looking around for the first time, he asked, “What’s this?”

Mikael beckoned for Dean to take a seat on the table.  “Come here and we can show you.”

Dean went ahead and lay down while Mikael explained the violet wand, how it worked, and how to use it.  Then he told Aidan to watch, and lightly ran it up Dean’s arm.  Dean couldn’t stop the shiver or the gooseflesh that broke out across his body.  Mikael was saying that different things had different effects too.  He laid a garland of metallic silver tinsel across Dean’s body, winding it back and forth.  When the wand was touched to one end of it, he couldn’t help but bow his back up with a gasp.  After a few more demonstrations, Dean had to call for a break. 

He went to get a drink and step outside for a second.  Aidan followed him, asking, “Have you let him do that before?”

“Once or twice,” Dean replied.  “Nothing quite that intense, though.”  He missed the dark glance Aidan gave him. 

They went back into the house.  They sat with Lee and Luke for a while, then Dean went in search of a snack.  He was in the kitchen talking with people when Lee came to get him. 

Taking Dean by the arm, Lee told him, “Aidan and Luke are already outside.  We have a couple of people doing an edge play exhibition, and I thought you might want to see.”  Dean started to pull away, but Lee just clung to his arm.  “It isn’t like those other idiots, I promise.  No drugs, no knives.  It will be a bit violent, but it is all completely consensual.”

Night had fallen, and there were paper lanterns hung from the trees, and tiki torches dotting the yard.  A loose circle of people had formed, with two men standing in the middle of it.  One man was fully dressed, and the other was wearing nothing but a pair of shorts.  He was also holding a tennis ball.  The dressed man was walking in a circle around the other one, not saying anything. 

“That’s Maru and his boy,” Lee said in a whisper.  “Oh, and there are Luke and Aidan,” pointing them out across the circle.   Dean noted that both men were watching Maru intently. 

Maru stopped in front of the other man.  He said something quietly, and the man nodded.  A bit louder, Maru asked, “Are you sure?”  Again, a nod from the other man, who never looked up from the ground.  Without warning, Maru punched the other man in the stomach hard enough to drive the air from his lungs in a whoosh. 

Dean gasped and started forward.  He wasn’t sure what he was planning on doing, but instinct had him wanting to make it stop.  Lee grabbed his arm, hard, and pulled him back.

“Watch,” Lee hissed into his ear in a whisper, not releasing his arm.

Maru asked the man, “Again?”  Another nod was followed by another blow, to the side of the face this time. 

Dean tugged on his arm, trying to get away from Lee to intervene, but couldn’t escape. 

“This is completely consensual, Dean.  See how Maru keeps asking him if he wants it?  See how he keeps agreeing?”  Lee whispered this all in his ear.  Even as Dean watched, it happened three more times.  “See the ball he is holding?  If he drops that ball for any reason, it is over.  It means he is either so far out of it he can’t concentrate on holding the ball any more, or he can’t handle it any more.  It is his version of a safeword.”

“But Maru is really hurting him.”  Dean could see one eye starting to swell shut from here.

“Just because you don’t like it, doesn’t mean other people don’t like it.  Look around,” Lee instructed. 

Dean glanced around at the other people watching.  What caught his eye was Aidan, standing by Luke.  Aidan was almost panting, his mouth open, eyes gone dark with lust.  Dean heard another blow land, and saw Aidan lick his lips.  His gaze shot to Luke and that wasn’t any better.  He had the same hungry expression as Aidan. 

Dean looked to see Maru standing over the other man, who had fallen to his knees.  Maru wasn’t asking anything anymore, but the man was still holding that ball.  Maru grabbed his hair, jerking his head back, raising a fist.

Looking away, he saw Aidan again.  Aidan was biting his lower lip, hard, and had balled his hands into fists.  Suddenly Dean couldn’t stand there and watch any of this for one more minute.  He mumbled some excuse to Lee, and fled around the side of the house.  He wound up sitting alone on a corner of the front porch. 

He couldn’t get the expression on Aidan’s face out of his mind.  He buried his face in his hands, and jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  It was Lee, holding out a bottle of water. 

“Are you okay?” Lee asked.  Dean shrugged, not knowing if he was okay or not.  This was entirely out of his scope of experience. 

Lee sat next to him.  “I’ve seen a lot of people who are into a lot of different things.  We have had furries out here, and people who are into age play.  Some folks are into scarification, or piercings, or tattoos.  We had one guy who was into branding, but I made them quit doing it here because I couldn’t stand the smell.”  Looking at Dean, he continued, “My point is that everyone is different.  Everyone gets into different things.  Just because it doesn’t appeal to you, that doesn’t mean that we should try to stop it, if it is done between consenting adults.  That’s why I enjoy having these parties.  People know they can come out here and not be judged.  And if it is something that other people don’t like, they don’t have to watch.  They can do exactly what you did and just walk away.”

Dean thought about it for a minute.  Quietly he said, “Aidan seemed to enjoy watching it.”

Nodding, Lee agreed, “Yes.  And I suggest you talk to him about that, and decide if it is something you might want to explore with him.  If you don’t, it might blow up in your face in unexpected ways someday.”

They sat in silence for a while longer, until Lee looked at his watch.  Getting up, he tugged on Dean’s arm.  “They are done by now.  I want you to see the tutorial.  I think you will enjoy that one.”  He laughed at Dean’s doubtful look.  “I swear there is no punching, violence, or bloodshed this time.  It’s really fun, and I’ll be doing it too.”

Dean allowed Lee to lead him into the backyard again.  Maru and his companion were gone.  Instead, there was a man setting up a few things on a table, and a few different buckets on the ground.  Several buckets seemed to be filled with water, and a few with sand. 

Lee took Dean up to the man, to introduce them.  The man’s name was Jed.  Dean watched for a few minutes, and then asked what he was going to do. 

“Have you ever heard of poi?” Jed asked, still organizing his equipment. 

“Isn’t that something they eat in Hawaii?” Dean was confused.

Laughing, Jed replied, “Well, yeah, but that isn’t what I mean.  I mean flaming poi.”  Dean admitted he had never heard of it.

“Want to be my assistant slash student for the lesson, then?”  Jed took a long stick with something that looked like a cotton ball on the end of it, dipped the ball into a jar of fluid, and set it on fire.

“I can try, I guess,” Dean said nervously. 

“Don’t worry.  It looks more dangerous than it is.  Watch.”  Jed dipped a finger in the liquid, and then ran it across his own arm.  He touched the flame to the trail of liquid, and it burst into flames.  He let it burn for a moment, then ran his hand down his arm, extinguishing it.  “The fuel burns, not you.  You barely feel the heat.  Want to try?”

Dean nervously stuck his arm out, letting Jed run a trail of the cool liquid across it.  The flame touched, and it caught fire.  Jed quickly ran his hand down to extinguish it, and Dean laughed.  “That didn’t hurt at all!”

“The secret is to do it sort of fast.  If you let the flames set for too long, it can hurt.  And don’t do it on any areas that are hairy and might catch fire.”  He held Dean’s arm straight out to his side, and trailed the fuel from the shoulder to the elbow, then lit it.  Dean just watched, fascinated.

“Now, these are poi.”  Jed picked up two things that looked like balls of cloth at the end of chains.  “We call this spinning poi.  Step back a second.”

Dean backed up a few steps, and watched as Jed lit the balls on fire.  After adjusting them in his hands and correcting his stance, Jed started to spin them around.  He started off slowly, in a simple pattern.  Gradually he sped up until the flaming balls were just a blur in the dark night.  Then he started changing the pattern, switching angles, sometimes swirling them overhead, sometimes side by side, and once shortening the chains until they were flying within inches of his face.  Eventually he stopped, dropping both burning balls into a bucket of sand.

Dean cheered, amazed.  He had been so caught up watching Jed that it startled him to realize other people were standing around watching too.  He stepped back up, looking at the balls in the bucket. 

Jed came over to him and asked, “So, you ready to learn?”  Dean enthusiastically agreed. 

Handing Dean an unlit poi, Jed tried to demonstrate a simple swing.  Dean tried it a few times, but was either swinging it too fast, which Jed said would make it go out, or swung it too slow and wound up hitting himself with it. 

Finally Jed said, “Look, do it like this,” and stepped up behind Dean, molding himself against the blonde’s body.  He wrapped one arm around Dean’s chest, telling him to keep a tension in the center of his body to balance against the weight.  He took Dean’s hand, and guided it into swinging the poi properly.  After a few moments practice, Jed asked if he was ready to try it for real.

Nervously, Dean asked, “Can you still help me?”  Jed agreed, and lit a poi on fire.  When he handed it to Dean, he pressed against the back of his body again.  Jed wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist, other arm guiding the hand swinging the poi.    

Dean felt reassured by the directions from the other man, and never noticed Aidan watching from the outside of the circle.  He never noticed the ominous look on Aidan’s face.  Dean was having too much fun, and trying to master swinging the flaming ball. 

Finally Jed decided Dean was ready to try two poi at the same time.  Again, he pressed against Dean’s back, guiding his movements.  When Dean got the hang of it, he released Dean’s hands.  He didn’t step back, however.  Jed stayed molded against Dean’s back, putting his hands on Dean’s hips.  Jed leaned forward to murmur encouragement into Dean’s ear.  Dean never saw Aidan turn away with a look of anger and walk off. 

Finally, Dean’s arms started getting tired, so with some help from Jed, he dropped the poi into a bucket of sand.  Excited, he gave the man a hug, thanking him for teaching him to do all that. 

Dean found Aidan and Luke sitting inside chatting with Lee.  Still wired, he eagerly told them all about Jed, and how the man had promised to bring his equipment back and show Dean how to do more complex moves, and how he couldn’t wait to work with him again.  He was so enthusiastic he never noticed how quiet Aidan had gotten. 

Eventually Luke said they had to be going.  Lee gave everyone a hug goodbye, and told Dean he was glad he had fun with Jed, saying maybe next time he could play with Jed again, that it didn’t look like Jed would object.  Dean missed the glare Aidan shot their way, but Lee saw it and just smiled. 

Dean was ebullient all the way home, animatedly talking about the fires, and spinning poi, and hoping he gets to do it again.  Luke just dropped them off when they got to their house, declining to come in.  Dean thanked him again for the ride, and followed Aidan inside. 

Dean found Aidan in the kitchen, and asked him to remove the cuffs and collar. 

Aidan hooked a finger in the collar, pulling Dean closer for a kiss.  “Actually, I was thinking we could spend a little time in the basement first.  Will you join me?”

Dean pulled Aidan in for a hug, placing a line of kisses along the taller man’s jaw.  “I’d love to.”  Taking Aidan’s hand, he led the way down the stairs with a smile. 

 


	25. Chapter 25

Aidan told Dean to get undressed.  Once he was naked except for the collar and cuffs, Aidan led him to something that looked like it was a gymnast’s vault.  It was padded, and curved down on one end.  Aidan gave him a gentle kiss, and then positioned Dean face down on the device.  With a few minor adjustments to the height of the table, and moving Dean around a bit, Aidan was finally satisfied.  Dean found himself bent over at the waist, chest resting on the padded vault, legs spread, arms hanging down to either side. 

“Comfortable?” Aidan asked.  When Dean nodded yes, Aidan quickly fastened the cuffs in place, then brought a slim chain up and ran it through one of the rings on the collar, pulling it taut.  Now Dean couldn’t move, except maybe to wriggle his hips a bit. 

Aidan laid his head down on the table beside Dean, facing him.  “I love you so much.  I don’t think you even realize how much.”  Aidan gave him another kiss, then slid the ball of the gag into his mouth.  “This position shouldn’t make your arms ache as much as when we had them over your head.”

Dean hummed an agreement.  Aidan sat back up and disappeared from sight.  Dean could hear him moving around, but couldn’t turn his head to see what was happening.  He felt a hand trail up the inside of his thigh, reaching between his legs to play with him.  Once he was fully hard, he felt Aidan slip on the cock ring.  He made a protesting noise.

Aidan laughed, and said, “Oh no, love.  I have plans for you tonight.  Did I tell you I bought you another present?”  Coming back around to the head of the table, Aidan laid a plug in front of Dean, so he could get a good look at it.  It wasn’t as long as Aidan, but it was thicker, before narrowing then flaring to a wide base.  There were two cords coming from it, but before Dean could look to see where they went, Aidan moved it from his field of vision. 

Aidan carded his fingers through Dean’s hair, and then tightened his grasp, pulling harder until Dean made a small pained noise.  Aidan licked between Dean’s shoulder blades, saying, “Have I told you how much that turns me on?  That little whimper you make?”  Aidan bit Dean’s shoulder, causing him to cry out again, muffled by the gag.  “That sound, right there.  It makes me wonder how far I can go before I make you cry.  It makes me wonder what I would have to do to you to make you scream.  You are always so self-possessed, so composed.  You have no idea how much I want to watch you break.”

Aidan released his hair, and slipped the blindfold over Dean’s eyes.  He lay down against Dean’s back, the warmth of his body pressing Dean into the padding, one hand pushing on the back of Dean’s head until it was almost painful.  “I saw you tonight, you know.  Letting those other men put their hands all over you, whispering in your ear, grinding up against you.  I think you forgot something.  You forgot who you belong to.  _You are mine._ ”  Aidan pushed himself up and away. 

There was silence for a long time, and then he felt Aidan’s hands back between his legs.  That hand taunted and teased him until he was rolling his hips, trying to find more contact.  The hand was suddenly gone, and he felt the coolness of lube slicked fingers against him.  There was nothing gentle about those fingers, Aidan opened him roughly.  Still, when he felt Aidan’s blunt heat nudging against him, he arched his back, wanting more.  Aidan held his hips tight so he couldn’t even wriggle, then started moving slowly, rubbing against that spot in Dean.  Dean almost came, until he was stopped by the ring that was still tight around him.  He made a frustrated noise.

Aidan laughed then.  He pressed one hand against the small of Dean’s back, and held the back of Dean’s head with his other hand, pressing his face into the padding.  He began thrusting hard and fast, taking his own pleasure and disregarding Dean’s desires.  When he finished, he pulled out abruptly, making Dean whimper again.  Aidan stepped away.

Dean could hear him moving around, walking off then coming back.  Suddenly there was the familiar snap and sting of the flogger against Dean’s back.  It startled him, and made him jump.  Another minute of silence, then the sting came on the back of his thigh.  A few more stings and Aidan stopped. 

The chill of more lube being applied made Dean shiver.  Aidan used his fingers on Dean, until he had the blonde writhing and gasping.  Aidan laid his arm across Dean’s lower back, rendering him even more immobile than he already was from the restraints.  “Try to relax, love,” Aidan murmured. 

Dean felt the cool, blunt tip of the plug nudging at him.  He couldn’t help but tense up.  He made a noise, and Aidan rubbed his back for a moment, shushing him.  Still, Aidan was relentless, and didn’t stop until it was about halfway in.  He paused then, just barely rocking the toy in and out of Dean, giving him a second to try and adjust.

“I wish you could see yourself right now,” Aidan sounded breathless.  “Tied down, stretched out, taking what I am giving you.  This plug is wider than I am.  Brace yourself.”  Slowly, ruthlessly, Aidan pushed the plug in, until it was completely seated in Dean. 

Dean let the table support his weight, and just lay there panting for a moment.  It had been uncomfortable, but now that his body was adjusting, he felt so full.  He wriggled his hips a bit, but even that was almost too much. 

“I love the flogger,” Aidan said, starting to run his hands across Dean’s ass and down the back of his thighs, “but right now I feel like a more hands on approach.”  Suddenly he slapped one hand against the side of Dean’s hip.

It startled Dean, making him jump, which in turn jostled the plug, making him roll his hips.  Aidan pressed against him, grinding and jostling the plug more, making Dean writhe and moan.  “Oh, I like that,” he said, pressing harder against Dean.  Dean tried to arch back, but Aidan stepped away. 

Without warning, Aidan started spanking Dean in earnest.  He concentrated on one side, in the same area, until Dean was squirming, trying to get away.  Finally he stopped, running his hand over the sore area.  He bent and laved the burning spot with his tongue.  He reached his hand around, teasing Dean’s painfully hard cock. 

“Are you ready to come, love?”  Aidan laughed when Dean nodded frantically, rocking his hips, trying to find more friction.  He pulled his hand away, telling Dean, “Not just yet.  Did I mention that your new toy is inflatable?”  Aidan did something that caused the plug to swell inside Dean. 

Dean cried out, and felt his knees start to tremble.  Aidan grabbed his hips again, and ground against him, pressing the toy in harder.  After doing this a few times, he stepped back, telling Dean, “Oh look.  Only half your ass is red.  We need to fix that.”

Using his hand again, Aidan spanked the other cheek, until it was burning like the other one.  Eventually he stopped, rubbing his hands over Dean’s burning flesh, occasionally slipping a hand around to tease Dean even further.  Dean was trying to move as much as he could, but Aidan kept his touches soft, tantalizing Dean. 

Finally, Aidan stepped back, leaving Dean sucking air in though his nose so fast he thought he might hyperventilate.  It felt like his entire body might just melt.  The lack of sight and not being able to say anything just heightened the sensation of being helpless and at Aidan’s mercy.  His hands were clenched into fists with the need to touch himself, or Aidan, anything at all.  His legs were shaking, and he wanted to come so badly he thought he would explode. 

Aidan stood there in silence.  It seemed like forever to Dean.  At long last, Dean felt a hand tangle in his hair, twisting his neck to the side.  Aidan bit his earlobe, and whispered, “I need to tell you one more thing about your plug.  It also vibrates.”

Aidan flipped the switch and turned it on.  Dean’s legs gave out, and if he were not supported by the padded bench, he would have hit the floor.  His back bowed, and all he could do was wail behind the gag.  Aidan did something and it made the plug inflate just a tiny bit more.  He reached down, and barely wiggled the plug, making Dean keen.  He stepped back again. 

“Maybe I should leave you here for a while.  Leave the plug in so you are open and ready for me.  Come down here when I want to use you as my fuck toy.  Do you think you’d remember who you belong to if I did that?  Or maybe I could invite your new friend to come and play too.  It’s only polite to share your toys, isn’t it?  I’m sure Luke wouldn’t refuse if I offered him a turn again.”  The words barely registered on Dean, he was so overstimulated.

Eventually Dean felt the sting of the flogger.  Aidan kept at it, but with no set rhythm.  He varied where the strikes would hit, too.  Several of them would come in a row on his back, then a few on his abused ass.  Occasionally Aidan would give the plug a vicious twist, or wriggle it back and forth a bit.  Ultimately, Dean was sobbing and writhing, groveling behind the gag. 

He was barely aware of when the stinging bites of the flogger stopped.  The plug was turned off and deflated.  Aidan eased it out of him. 

Lying across Dean’s back, he asked, “Are you ready to come for me now?”  Dean nodded frantically, trying to press back against Aidan.  Pulling the gag down around Dean’s neck, he asked, “Are you going to let anyone else put their hands all over you again without asking my permission first?”

Barely coherent, Dean replied, “No, never again, no,” in a chant. 

Gently biting Dean’s ear, Aidan asked, “And who do you belong to?”

“You, I’m yours, yours, Aidan, _please,_ ” Dean was gasping. 

Aidan reached down and carefully removed the cock ring.  “If I have to remind you of that again, next time I won’t be so merciful.  Instead of the flogger, I’ll use a cane.”  He laid a gentle kiss on Dean’s neck.  “You come on my cock alone, or you don’t get to come yet.  And I will leave you tied down here and torture you some more until I am ready to fuck you again.  Do you understand?”  Dean was nodding frantically.  “Tell me who you belong to again.”

Dean couldn’t even think when Aidan entered him.  Aidan kept one hand pressed in the middle of Dean’s back.  Aside from those two points of contact, the man didn’t touch him.  All Dean could manage to say was “yours” and “please,” chest heaving for air.  When he finally came, he screamed Aidan’s name.  When Aidan came, he pulled out and shot his release across Dean’s reddened ass. 

All Dean could do was lay limply across the vault bench.  He couldn’t have moved if he wanted to. 

Aidan told him, “I wish you could see yourself, love.  You look wrecked and totally wanton, your ass is all red and covered in my seed, skin flushed and panting.  You are amazing.”

After another minute, Aidan wiped him off with a towel, unhooked him from the bench, and helped him stand up.  Dean’s legs still didn’t want to cooperate, so he ended up on the floor.  Aidan just sat down with him, holding him close, making soothing circles on his back and cooing nonsense phrases.

Dean started shaking and couldn’t stop.  He buried his face in Aidan’s chest, and started crying.  He was dizzy, overwrought, and emotional.  He felt like he was flying and drunk.  This was almost too much for him to handle. 

“Are you hurt?  How are your arms?”  Aidan was trying to see if there was any damage. 

“No, I am fine.  My arms are fine,” Dean couldn’t find the words to describe it.  “It was just really intense.”

After a while, Aidan helped him get upstairs.  He drew Dean a bath, and while the tub was filling, he made Dean drink some juice, and eat a snack.  He got Dean into the tub, and carefully washed him off.  He got Dean out and wrapped in a towel, then tucked him in bed. 

Aidan took a quick shower, and then joined Dean in bed.  He pulled the smaller man close, wrapping around him.  “That was wonderful love,” he whispered against Dean’s back. 

Dean didn’t have the energy to do anything but nod before he fell asleep. 


	26. Chapter 26

The next morning Aidan woke him with breakfast in bed.  Dean groaned when he sat up.  He was sore, but in a good way.  Nonetheless, Aidan insisted on inspecting every inch of him, making sure there were no serious injuries.  Dean still felt euphoric, and was relaxed and peaceful.  Aidan spent the day pampering him. 

Curled against Aidan’s chest on the couch later, Dean told him, “Maybe we can do stuff like that more often.”

A bit surprised, Aidan asked him, “Are you sure?  You seemed like it was too much for you last night.”

“It was too much,” Dean was uncertain how to explain it.  “It was too much in a good way, though.  It was overwhelming and erotic and devastating in the best kind of way.”  Dean wriggled, trying to get closer to Aidan.  “I still feel like I am floating.”

“Do you remember what I said last night?”  Aidan held Dean tighter. 

Dean remembered some of it.  He remembered Aidan threatening to leave him tied there, to use him.  He didn’t really remember much else of what was said, he had been in such a daze.  He nodded though, and said, “I remember I’m yours.” 

With a smile, Aidan kissed the end of his nose.  “Yes, you are.  I’ll love you forever, you know.  I meant everything I said last night.  Understand?”

Getting a bit drowsy, Dean wrapped up in a blanket, burrowing closer to Aidan.  He just nodded in answer to Aidan’s question.  He heard Aidan say something else, but he was already dozing off.

***

Over dinner one evening, Dean told Aidan, “Adam called.  He has floor tickets to the concert!  He’s invited us.  He and I have gone to see this band every time they are in town.  It’s practically a tradition.  Luke’s going too.  Please say you want to go?”

Looking doubtful, Aidan asked, “Floor tickets?  I haven’t seen them live, but I have seen videos.  Doesn’t that get a little rough?”

“It can, sometimes,” Dean agreed, “but if you stick to the edge, you can mostly avoid the moshing.  Adam clings to the wall like a kid at his first school dance.”

“What about you?”

“I usually stay away from the worst of it, but I still like to dance.  Every now and again I go in the pit if it isn’t too bad.”  Dean gave Aidan puppy dog eyes.  “So, please say we are going.”

Aidan picked up Dean’s hand and kissed it.  “If you really want to go, then we will go.”  He couldn’t help but smile at Dean’s excited exclamation, and listened to the stories of the shows the band had done in the past.

***

Dean was craning his head, trying to look at his rear in the mirror.  “I think married life is making me fat.  These pants are a little more snug than I remember.”

Aidan came to see.  “Wow.  You didn’t tell me you have leather pants.  And they fit perfectly.”  He took a moment to run his hands across Dean’s ass.  “Maybe you can wear these just for me sometime.”

Laughing, Dean told him, “Wait until after the concert when I am all sweaty and sticky.  You’ll have to help me peel them off.”

“Oh, I don’t have any problems with that idea,” Aidan pulled him in for a kiss.

“You will once you smell sweaty leather.”  The doorbell rang then, and Dean asked, “Will you go let them in while I finish dressing?”

Once Dean joined them in the kitchen, Adam laughed, “I can’t believe you still can wear those!”

“Hey!  These pants have saved my ass more than once, need I remind you,” he teased Adam.  At Aidan’s questioning look, he explained, “If you get knocked down in the pit, the leather keeps you from scraping your knees, and offers a bit more protection than just denim.”

“Well, if you weren’t insane enough to be in a mosh pit, you wouldn’t have to worry about it, would you?” Adam said primly. 

With a shrug, Dean said, “It can be fun.”

They kept up the good natured bickering all the way to the concert venue. 

Once they finally made it through the line and search, they wandered around the floor for a while before deciding on a good spot to stand.  It was close enough to the stage to see without being crushed against any barrier, and off to the side so Adam could avoid the crowds.  Luke and Aidan were watching Dean and Adam with amusement at how excited they were.  Dean’s natural outgoing friendliness had him talking to everyone standing around them.  He was chatting with a guy wearing a purple and black kilt and a Mohawk dyed to match when the lights dimmed, signaling the start of the show. 

Dean cheered and grabbed Aidan’s hand.  Leaning over so the taller man could hear him, he told Aidan, “I think you will like it.  They always do a great show!”  Aidan just smiled, enjoying Dean’s excitement. 

The opening act was good, and did a fairly short set.  People were dancing around, and a few were shoving each other back and forth.  There was nothing like a mosh pit going on yet, but Dean noticed that Luke had positioned Adam between himself and the wall to protect the smaller man from being jostled.  Dean was glad, since it meant he could dance and not worry about his friend getting hurt.  He got Aidan to dance with him a bit, but mainly was bouncing and gyrating alone, while Aidan looked on. 

The lights came on again after the openers were done, and the crew began setting up for the main act.  Aidan told Dean he was going to go get them a round of drinks and find the bathroom.  Dean decided to stay with Adam and Luke, eager for the headline performers to start. 

The lights dimmed before Aidan made it back.  Dean checked to see if Adam would be staying in the same spot on the wall, and then told him he would meet them back there.  He made his way into the crowd, jostling a bit, and squeezing up closer to the stage.  Soon he found himself a good place to be able to see, in the middle of a group of people.  He stayed there for a few songs, dancing and bouncing around with the crowd, then made his way back to where he had last seen Adam. 

Aidan was waiting there, looking a bit anxious.  He handed Dean a beer, asking, “Where did you get off to?”

Still bouncing a bit to the music, Dean replied, “I was just dancing.  Want to come with me?”  He was eyeballing an area where it looked like a pit was about to start. 

Laughing, Aidan told him, “Go on ahead.  I’ll help Adam and Luke hold up the wall.  Just don’t wander too far, yeah?” 

Handing the beer back with a quick kiss, Dean headed back off into the crowd.  He joined in the pit for a couple of songs, and then made his way back to Aidan so he could catch his breath.  Dean and Aidan were standing side by side, arms around each other’s waist.  They were watching the band when someone slammed into Dean’s shoulder, hard enough to make him stumble forward.  He would have fallen if Aidan hadn’t grabbed his arm. 

“Sorry about that, lover boy,” some large bald man said sarcastically.  “Why don’t you get your boyfriend there to kiss it and make it all better?”  He and his friends walked off laughing, muttering slurs just loud enough to be heard over the music. 

Aidan started after them, but Luke grabbed his shoulder.  “It isn’t worth it.  Just let them go,” he advised Aidan. 

Dean agreed, saying, “I’m fine, and we’re not going to let it ruin our evening.  Let’s just enjoy the show.”  With one last glare sent after the bald man, Aidan agreed.

After a few minutes, Dean decided he wanted to go dance again.  With a wave, he headed into the crowd.  This time he found himself in a mosh pit, with everyone good naturedly shoving around.  He accidentally caught an elbow to the ribs, but the man who did it grabbed him to see that he was okay.  Assuring the man he was fine, Dean threw himself into the middle of the pit with abandon.

Sweating, dancing, having fun, throwing himself around with everyone else, Dean was lost in the sensation of the press of bodies, the thumping of the music so loud he could feel it in his bones, smiles and laughter of other people a whirling blur.  This was what he loved about being in a pit: the sounds, the loop of energy between the dancers and musicians, the excitement feeding into more energy, the laughter and fun.  He gave himself over to it all.

Unexpectedly, there was a hard shove against his back, throwing him forward.  He was caught around the waist, and found himself face to face with the bald man that had pushed him earlier.  With a sneer, the man brought his forehead down hard into Dean’s nose.  When Dean reeled back, he felt someone grab his hair.  A voice growled, “Fucking faggot” into his ear, then there was a hard blow to his kidney.  He started to fall forward and the bald man punched him in the stomach.  The hand grabbed his hair again, jerking his head up, and a fist crashed into his mouth. 

Dean collapsed to his hands and knees, choking and spitting out blood.  He saw someone step in front of him, pushing the bald man away.  Someone else bent down, offering Dean a hand, trying to help him up.  Before Dean could reach out, he was kicked in the stomach hard enough to flip him to his back.  A boot slammed down on his wrist, then the bald man sat on his chest, heavily enough to make Dean fight for breath. 

He saw the bald man raise his fist, ready to land another blow, and then suddenly Aidan was there.  Aidan grabbed that upraised fist, jerked the man off of Dean, and slammed him face down into the ground.  Dean watched while Aidan dropped both knees into the man’s back, pinning him down, and jerking his head back.  He heard Aidan snarl at the man, “You don’t ever touch what’s _mine,_ ” then Aidan slammed the man’s face into the concrete floor once, twice, again.  The bald man’s friend pulled Aidan off, and Aidan was more than willing to transfer the violence to him.  He grabbed the man’s shirt and began repeatedly punching him in the face, until the man fell to his knees. 

Dean blinked, and abruptly Adam was bending over him, looking anxious.  Looking over, Dean saw that Luke had a grip around Aidan’s chest, pulling him away from the other men.  The men who attacked Dean were both on the ground still, and looked unconscious.  Aidan was unharmed except for bruised and skinned knuckles. 

Grabbing Adam, Dean whispered, “Get Aidan out of here.  We will meet them at the car.  Tell Luke to get him out fast.”  Dean knew that security would be there any second, and with Aidan completely unharmed, it wouldn’t look good.

Adam went and spoke to them, and Aidan only agreed when Adam said he would stay with Dean.  Almost as soon as they had left, security came, making everyone back up, and calling over paramedics.  Soon Dean found himself in the security office, being poked at by an EMT, trying to explain what happened.  Luckily, there were several witnesses eager to explain that the other men attacked first, were using homophobic slurs, and had been harassing several other people throughout the night. 

The paramedics made him sign a waiver that he refused to go to the hospital against medical advice.  He also had to sign a statement about the attack.  Finally he was free to go. 

Adam had never left his side the entire time.  When they left the small office, one of the men who had tried to help Dean was waiting outside.  He followed them a few steps away from the office, and then quietly told Dean, “I didn’t mention your boyfriend to anyone.  I figured those bastards deserved what they got.  Still, you might just want to keep this incident in mind.”

When Dean asked what he meant, the man shook his head.  “It might be nothing.  Still, he told one of them that no one is allowed to touch his property.”  Giving Dean a very serious look, he said, “You are not property, and you don’t belong to anyone.”  He gave a wave goodbye, then walked off. 

Dean had to lean on Adam, and was having a hard time walking.  After a few minutes of silence, Adam asked Dean, “Do you remember when you and Aidan first started dating?  The men who had attacked you in that alley?” 

Dean nodded, saying, “How can I forget?”

“They were attacked with a lead pipe.”  After a few seconds, Adam asked his friend, “Do you think Aidan could have done it?”

Dean had to stop to catch his breath.  After a minute, he asked, “What do you think?”

Adam leaned against the wall next to Dean, and then answered, “He got really angry when he saw those guys attack you.  I don’t think I have ever seen him like that.”  Quietly, Adam said, “I think if he had the chance, then yes, it could have been him.  What would he have done tonight if Luke hadn’t pulled him off of those men?  I saw his face, Dean.  He was enjoying it.  He liked hurting those men.”

They sat in silence for another minute, and then started slowly making their way back to the car.  Very quietly, without looking up, Adam asked, “Has Aidan ever hurt you?”

“No!” Dean answered quickly.  At Adam’s look, he amended that to say, “At least nothing that hasn’t been consensual.”  He had a sudden memory of Aidan tying him down and cutting his clothes off with a knife.  He remembered the look on Aidan’s face when Maru hit his partner at the party.  He remembered the recent threat that Aidan made, to share him with Luke again.  He resolutely stuck that out of his mind.  Aidan didn’t mean all that, he wouldn’t do it.  Aidan loved him.

They were almost to the car, and could see Aidan and Luke waiting anxiously.  Before they were in earshot, Adam said quietly, “Just remember that I am always here for you if you need anything.  _Anything at all._   I mean it, Dean, day or night.”

Dean gave Adam a quick hug, then the other men were there, fussing over them both.  They all piled into the car, and headed home. 

 


	27. Chapter 27

The ride home seemed to take no time at all.  Dean was lying in the back seat with his head in Aidan’s lap.  Aidan just ran comforting hands through his hair, and lightly rubbed his neck.  Once they got home, Aidan waved away offers of help, saying he would get Dean cleaned up and tucked into bed.  After promising Adam to call tomorrow and let him know how Dean was, they finally found themselves alone. 

Aidan helped Dean undress.  It was a little painful, but not as bad as it could have been.  He sat on the edge of the bed while Aidan went to get a moist towel to try and clean some of the blood off his face. 

When he came back, he held Dean’s chin in one hand, and started trying to wipe the blood away with the cloth.  Aidan rubbed a little too hard across Dean’s lip, causing the blonde to hiss in pain and pull back.  Touching his fingertips to his mouth, he said, “I think it is bleeding again.  I’m going to go get in the shower.”

Before he could stand up, Aidan straddled his lap, and pushed him back on the bed.  Pinning Dean’s hands down, he gave him a rough kiss.  Dean whimpered, and tried to turn away.  “That stings, Aidan.  Let me go get cleaned up.”

“Wait,” Aidan said, pressing harder on Dean’s wrists, making him squirm.  “Do you remember what I told you?”

Tugging a bit, but not really trying to get away, Dean said, “What are you talking about?”

“You had asked about my fantasy.  You always have so much control of yourself.  I want to take you apart until you don’t even know your own name and make you lose that self-control.”  Aidan licked the corner of Dean’s mouth where it had started bleeding again, then bit his lip.  “I want to ravish you while I do it.  I want you to fight and bleed.  I want to break you. I told you that I wanted it to be a surprise.”  Aidan licked a wet stripe up the side of Dean’s neck, then murmured in his ear, “Well, love, _surprise._ ”

Suddenly angry, Dean bucked Aidan off of him.  Getting up, he said, “This is a really bad joke, Aidan.  I am filthy and I want a shower.  If you still want to talk about this when I get done, then fine, we can talk.”  He tried to stalk out of the room, but was still having problems walking, and it is hard to do a dignified exit when you are limping and naked.

From right behind him, Aidan purred, “Where do you think you’re going?”  He wrapped his arms around Dean’s chest, grinding his arousal into Dean’s ass.  “Maybe I should let you run.  I’d like the chase.”  Popping Dean off the floor, he said, “We can do that next time.  I want you too much right now.” Turning, he dropped the blond back on the bed.

Dean wheezed when he landed on his stomach, jostling his ribs.  Aidan grabbed him by the shoulders, turning him on to his back, kicking his legs apart and settling down between them.  Dean shoved him back, but Aidan grabbed him by the throat, pressing him harder into the mattress. 

“Don’t bother to struggle.  Here is what is going to happen,” Aidan said very quietly into Dean’s ear.  “I am going to go get a couple of things.  You are going to stay here on the bed until I get back.  Do you understand?”

“Aidan, you are starting to scare me,” Dean said, trying to keep his voice calm.

“No, love, what should scare you is what I will do to you if you are not on this bed when I get back.”  Aidan kissed him gently, then licked the spot on his lip where it had been bleeding.  “If I have to punish you for it, I promise you won’t like it.  I, on the other hand, will enjoy it very much.”  He bit Dean’s lip hard, and it started bleeding again.  “It’s your choice.  It’s the only choice you are getting tonight.”

Aidan got up and left the room.  Dean thought about leaving, but he realized that there would be no way he could get dressed and out of the house before Aidan came back.  He stood up, trying to decide what to do.  Maybe he had time to call Adam or someone. 

Before he could make a move, Aidan came back in.  “Oh, look at you.  You aren’t on the bed.”  With a smile, he came over to Dean, pushing him back down. 

“Aidan, wait, please,” Dean gasped.  His ribs were hurting, his lips were swollen, and he had dried blood all over him.  Aidan paid no attention, quickly fastening the cuffs to Dean’s wrists, and pulling his arms up over his head, tethering him to the headboard. 

With no preparation, and minimal lube, Aidan roughly pushed himself into Dean.  Dean cried out in pain, and by the time Aidan was fully inside, he had tears in his eyes.  Aidan held his jaw tightly, and kissed the tears away. 

“God, you are so sexy.  You’ll be mine forever,” Aidan told him as be began to thrust. 

“Wait, Aidan, it hurts.”  Dean had tears running down his face now, from shame as much as pain.

“I told you there would be a punishment, didn’t I?”  Pulling out for a minute to apply more lube, Aidan told him, “Shhh, love, this isn’t much.  You can take it for me, I know.  I love you.”

Dean tried to relax a bit.  It was less painful and easier with the additional lubrication.  It wasn’t enjoyable, exactly, but at least he didn’t feel like he was going to rip in half. 

Aidan let his weight rest on Dean, and wrapped a hand around the blonde’s throat.  “Did you think I wouldn’t notice you dancing tonight?  Grinding on every man who wanted it, rubbing yourself all over them.  You practically fucked them on the floor.”

Aidan propped himself on his arms, looking down at Dean.  “I don’t like you throwing yourself at other men.  If you do it again, I’ll punish you.  And next time I have to punish you, I am tying you down, gagging you, and Luke and I are going to take turns fucking you until you are loose and gaping.  Maybe we will just fuck you at the same time.  Then I am going to fist you until you scream for me.” 

Leaning on one arm, Aidan reached down between them, and started playing with Dean’s cock.  Almost against his will, he felt his body responding.  “Aidan, wait, please.”  He jerked his arms against the restraints, but there was no escaping. 

“Tell me how much you want me to stop.  _Beg_ me to quit.”  Aidan was relentless, knowing exactly how to please Dean.  When he had Dean fully aroused and squirming, he stopped what he was doing with his hands.  He started roughly thrusting into Dean again.  Lying back down against him, he bit Dean’s split lip hard.  When Aidan came, he grabbed the tender spot on Dean’s ribs, making him cry out in pain. 

He withdrew from Dean, and leaned down.  Using his hands, he quickly helped Dean find his own release.  Aidan sat back and watched Dean panting for breath.  “You are so beautiful like this.  Covered in sweat, come, and blood.  I don’t think you have ever been sexier.  I wish I could keep you here like this forever.”

Aidan took off the cuffs, and helped Dean to the shower.  When it became apparent that Dean was too sore and dizzy to stand for long, Aidan got in the shower with him, supporting his weight and washing him off carefully.  After getting Dean back into bed, Aidan checked him over head to toe. 

He went to the kitchen, and came back with a couple of bags of frozen peas.  He gingerly pressed one bag against Dean’s sore ribs, and told the blonde to hold the other one against his face. 

“What is it with you and peas?  Why do we even have peas?  I don’t remember buying them,” Dean wondered.

“It is better than ice.  If the peas melt, they won’t leak everywhere and leave a cold wet spot,” Aidan explained with a smile. 

After a moment, Dean quietly said, “You gave me peas on our first date, too.”  Aidan nodded, remembering.  “Do you remember those guys?  The ones in the alley?”

Aidan’s expression grew dark.  “I won’t ever forget.  I was scared I wouldn’t be able to get out there and help you in time.”

Without looking at Aidan, Dean said, “Did you….” Suddenly he lost his nerve.  “Did you ever hear anything about who attacked them?” 

Bending over and giving Dean a gentle kiss, he replied, “Does it matter?  They got what they deserved.”

***

The next day, Adam came by the house with a pot of homemade chicken and dumplings.  He gasped when he saw Dean.  “You look like a human Rorschach test!  What did the doctors say?”

Slowly shuffling back to the couch, Dean told him, “I didn’t go to the doctor.”

“Are you nuts? Why not?”

“Aidan says it is just bruised.  There isn’t a lot they can do for a bruise.”  Dean settled back down with a sigh of relief. 

“Oh, so now Aidan has x-ray vision?  What if your ribs are broken?”  Adam helped Dean wrap himself back up in the blanket.

“If it was broken I imagine I’d be spitting up blood by now,” Dean tried to joke.

Adam had a stern look, saying, “Not funny, Dean.  That is not funny at all.”

Dean sighed, and then winced when the deep breath hurt.  “I tell you what.  If I get worse, or it starts hurting more, I swear to go to the doctor.  Okay?”

“If that is the best I can get, I’ll take it.”  Adam changed the subject, trying to cheer Dean up. 

***

When Aidan came home from work, he brought a gallon of Dean’s favorite ice cream.  He helped Dean take a hot bath, washing his back and hair.  Once Aidan got Dean dried off, he settled him in bed, and gave him a massage, carefully avoiding the sore spots and injured ribs. 

Finally they settled down to get some sleep.  Aidan spooned against Dean’s back, holding him carefully. 

Dean asked, “Did you mean what you told me last night?”  He was thinking of the threats of punishment Aidan had said.

“I always mean what I tell you, love.  You were magnificent,” Aidan murmured against his neck.  “Thank you for doing that for me.”

Dean didn’t ask if Aidan meant the threats.  He was afraid of the answer. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Greek mythology, Hyacinth (or Hyacinthus ) was the son of Clio and Pierus, King of Macedonia. Hyacinth was a beautiful youth beloved by the god Apollo. According to myth, the two attempted to beat each other in discus. They took turns throwing it, until Apollo, to impress his lover, threw it with all his might. Hyacinth ran to catch it, to impress Apollo in turn, and was struck by the discus as it fell to the ground - he died.
> 
> Apollo made the hyacinth flower from his lover's blood.

One day Aidan brought a planter full of purple flowers home for Dean.  When Dean asked what the occasion was, Aidan shrugged and looked a little sheepish.  “I saw them and thought of you, that’s all.”

“What are they?” Dean asked, sniffing them.

“Hyacinths.  They are named after a Greek god or something.”  Looking anxious, he asked, “Do you like them?”

Dean set them on the table, and then gave Aidan a big hug followed by a kiss.  “They’re beautiful.  I love them.”

***

Dean decided to swing by the bookstore and see if he could find anything interesting.  He was browsing when he heard someone call his name.  He turned around to see Orlando, his friend with benefits back before he had met Aidan.  They hugged, and decided to grab a coffee and catch up on each other’s lives. 

There was a coffee shop inside the bookstore, so they sat there to chat.  Dean told Orlando all about Aidan, and getting married.  Orlando confided he was dating a woman, it was pretty serious, and she had a child from a previous relationship that he adored.  All in all, they enjoyed talking.  They may have had the benefits, but beneath it all, they had always been friends. 

Before they even realized it, hours had passed.  Orlando said he had to go pick his girlfriend’s son up from preschool.  They hugged, and separated with a promise to stay in touch.  Dean got Orlando’s number and programmed it into his phone. 

Dean went and purchased his books, then went to the grocery store.  By the time he had gotten all his shopping done, it was late.  He decided to just order a pizza for dinner, and called it in so he could pick it up on the way home. 

Later in bed, as they were snuggling and getting ready for sleep, Aidan was spooned around Dean in his accustomed position.  Very quietly, he said, “Dean? Are you still awake?”

Humming an acknowledgement, Dean nodded, drowsy.

“Do you ever think you would be better off without me?”

That got Dean’s full attention.  Turning to face Aidan, he said, “What?  No!  I love you!  What brought this up?”

Aidan pulled him closer, holding Dean tight.  “Sometimes I wonder if you would be happier if I wasn’t around.  I know that you don’t like some of the things I like.  I know I am messed up sometimes.”

“Hey,” Dean kissed him and held his face, making Aidan look at him.  “I love you.  I can’t imagine where I would be without you.  Everyone is messed up sometimes.  It is just stuff we will have to work though together.  So don’t even worry about something like that, okay?”

Aidan nodded, “Okay.  I don’t think I could live without you.  I love you so much.  I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

“Well, you are stuck with me.  For better or worse, right?”  He smiled at Aidan.

That finally got a smile in return.  “Right.”  Aidan took Dean’s hand, and kissed his wedding ring. 

***

Another package came in the mail.  This time it was a leash, made to match the collar Dean already owned.  Dean gave Aidan a questioning look.

“Well, you did say you would wear one for me sometimes,” Aidan said with a grin.  “Grab your collar.  Let’s see how it looks.”

Dean allowed Aidan to put the collar on him and attach the leash.  He felt a little foolish, but the look on Aidan’s face was worth it. 

Gently pulling Dean towards him by the leash, Aidan breathed, “Holy shit, that’s hot.”  When Dean was within reach, Aidan gave him a passionate kiss.  “Let’s go to bed early.”  Standing up, he tugged on the leash, pulling Dean after him. 

***

Dean met Adam for lunch.  After a while, Adam asked, “Did you ever ask Aidan if he knew anything about what happened to those guys that attacked you?”

Prevaricating a bit, Dean answered, “I brought it up, yes.”

“What did he say,” Adam pressed.

“We didn’t talk about it much.  He did say that he thought they got what they deserved.”  Dean changed the subject, “Did I tell you I ran into Orlando?”

The look on Adam’s face said he knew exactly what Dean was doing, but he let him get away with it anyway.  They discussed Orlando, and his girlfriend, then some gossip about the customers at the coffee shop. 

Before they left, Adam gave Dean a hug, telling him, “Just remember I am here if you need anything, okay?”

Dean just squeezed Adam tighter, saying, “I know.  And that goes two ways, you know.”

***

That night, Aidan wanted to play in the basement.  It had been a while, so Dean readily agreed.  In short order he found himself bound to the Saint Andrew’s cross.  Aidan began using the flogger, gently at first until he got warmed up, then harder.  Soon, Dean was panting, wanting it to stop, and never wanting it to end, all at the same time. 

Suddenly, Aidan dropped to his knees, and using his hands to spread Dean’s cheeks wide, started teasing Dean with his tongue.  When Aidan pushed his tongue inside, Dean could only keen and cling to the restraints.  Finally Aidan stood up and replaced his tongue with his fingers.  He teased Dean, keeping the sensation going, but never enough to push him over the edge.  When Dean was reduced to begging and making incoherent noises, he pulled away entirely. 

He watched Dean writhe in the restraints for a moment, then pressed his body against him.  Grabbing his hair, and tugging Dean’s head to one side, he bit the blonde’s earlobe, and asked him, “Do you want me to fuck you?”  Dean nodded as enthusiastically as he could while Aidan held his hair.  “I am going to use the flogger again.  Every time I hit you, I want you to ask me for more.  Understand?”

Aidan stepped back, and lashed out with the flogger.  Dean asked for another hit.  Every time a blow landed, Dean asked.  He asked for another lash, he asked to be fucked, he asked to be touched.  In the end, all he could do was just say “please” over and over.

An eternity passed before Aidan dropped the flogger again.  He pressed up against Dean’s back, and murmured in his ear, “You’ve been such a good boy.”  He felt the cold slick on Aidan’s fingers as he applied the lube, then the blunt heat of Aidan.  He tried to press back against that heat, but in between the restraints and Aidan holding his hips, it was impossible. 

Aidan just barely slid the tip inside, teasing Dean, watching him squirm.  He slid in another inch, and then stopped.  He grabbed Dean by the hair, pulling back hard, making Dean’s back bow, taut against the restraints.  “You wouldn’t ever cheat on me, would you, love?”

Dean could hardly make sense of the question.  All he could do is shake his head no. 

“Good,” Aidan growled.  “If I ever caught you with someone else, I would probably kill you both.”  He shoved Dean forward against the cross, and then thrust into him hard.  Aidan finished quickly, but Dean was still unsatisfied. 

Aidan released the restraints, but then turned Dean around, and refastened them so his back was against the cross.  He gave Dean a deep kiss, and then commanded him, “Watch me.  Don’t take your eyes off of me.”  He dropped to his knees and took Dean’s length into his mouth.  After a few minutes to give himself time to adjust, he swallowed Dean’s entire length into his throat, nose pressed hard against Dean’s pubic bone.  He never broke eye contact with Dean. 

It was just too much for Dean.  The third time Aidan deep throated him like that, he came with a shout.  He watched, mouth open, gasping for air, as Aidan swallowed every bit of his release.  Finally he was done, and Aidan stood.  Before releasing Dean from his cuffs, he gave the blonde a deep kiss.  Dean moaned to taste himself in the other man’s mouth. 

When Aidan released him from the restraints, all he could do was cling to the other man for a moment.  Eventually, Aidan helped him upstairs, and helped him wash off in the shower.  Aidan got Dean settled in bed, and sat beside him, giving him sips from a juice box and playing with his hair.

When the juice was gone, Aidan curled around Dean, lightly rubbing on his shoulders.  “I love how pliable you are after we have a scene.  I can feel how much you trust me.”

Dean laughed a bit, “I’m glad.  You should know how much I trust you.  I wouldn’t let most people tie me down, beat me, then fuck me senseless.”

Aidan hugged him, laughing.  “I was thinking we both enjoy the flogger, right?”  Dean hummed agreement.  “Maybe we could try some other things too.”

“What did you have in mind?” Dean was curious.

“Well, I was thinking maybe we could start with a riding crop.  I’d also like to try a cane.”

Dean thought about it for a second.  “I wouldn’t mind trying a crop, if you want.  I don’t know about a cane, though.”  He was thinking about that time at Luke’s place, and how uncomfortable he was the next day.

“There are different types of canes,” Aidan explained.  “Some of them can do some damage, but some of them are thin and flexible.  They just sting a bit.”

Dean was quiet for a few minutes, then asked, “Is this something you are really interested in trying?”  Aidan nodded.  “Does Luke have any of these canes?”

Aidan said, “I think he has a few, yes.  Why?”

Turning to look him in the face, Dean told Aidan, “I’ll make you a deal.  I’ll let you use them on me on one condition.  You let Luke try them on you first so you know how they feel.  And I want to watch.”

Aidan looked surprised, then doubtful.  “I don’t think I could handle being tied down like that.”

“Then you don’t have to be tied down.  But you have to let him really use them on you at least once, not just a gentle tap.  If you can’t handle it, then you can stop and step away.  Before you use them on me, I want you to know how it feels.  Deal?”

With a smile, Aidan agreed, and then gave him a gentle kiss.  After a moment, he burst out laughing.  When Dean gave him a questioning look, he explained, “I just think that’s going to be a hell of a favor to ask of my best friend.”


	29. Chapter 29

The next poker night was at Graham’s house.  Dean decided to make char sui bao to take along.  When he set them on the table, Jimmy looked at them, making a face.  “What’s this, then?” he asked, picking one up and smelling it. 

“Barbeque pork buns,” Dean replied, breaking one open to show Jimmy.  “It’s a Chinese dish.  Taste it.”

After sampling one, Jimmy grabbed three more, piling them on his plate.  “When did you start cooking Chinese food?”

“When I found a recipe I wanted to try.  I need a wok to try some of the others, though.  I have fun trying new stuff, and I notice none of you ever complain.”  Dean stuck his tongue out at Jimmy.

Jimmy nudged Aidan, telling him, “Buy the man a wok.  Just invite me over for dinner when you do.  Be glad you already married him, or I might have proposed myself.”

Laughing, Aidan said, “I’m sure your wife would have appreciated that.  Besides, he’s mine, so you missed out.”

Later in the evening, Luke found Dean alone.  He said, “Aidan told me that you had talked about trying some new things.  He mentioned that you wanted me to help do them to him first.  Is that right?”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed.  “I figured if he wants to do them to me, I want him to know what it feels like too.”

“That’s a good idea.  Don’t you want to be the one to do it instead?”

Dean thought about it for a second, then shook his head no.  “That isn’t really my thing, I think.  Besides, I wouldn’t even know what to do.”

Curiously, Luke asked him, “Are you sure?  I mean, have you guys tried it the other way around?  From everything I’ve seen you are always on the sub end.  You aren’t curious about being the dominant for a change?”

“I’ve thought about it sometimes,” Dean shrugged.  “Aidan just isn’t too interested though.”

“So you want to what, observe?  Or are you willing to play along a bit?”  At Dean’s quizzical look, Luke explained, “I thought if we are going to do it, we can at least make it a little enjoyable for Aidan and for us too.  It should be fun instead of the equivalent of a sample tray at the grocery store, don’t you think?”

Dean had to laugh at that mental image.  “What did you have in a mind?”

Luke explained, describing a few things, but saying they would wind up mostly playing by ear.  Dean found himself agreeing to go along, on the condition that if Aidan wanted to stop, they would.

Luke concurred, asking for Aidan’s safe word.  When Dean admitted they didn’t have one, Luke gave him an incredulous look.  “You still don’t have one either?”  Dean shook his head no.  “What do you do if you need to stop?  What if something happens and you get seriously hurt?  This is pretty important, Dean.  You need to talk to him about that.”

“Aidan would stop if I needed it, or if I got hurt.”  Dean resolutely did not think about what Aidan told him, about wanting to watch him break and bleed.

Adam called from the other room, asking if Luke would bring him a drink.  “This conversation isn’t over,” he said quietly to Dean before taking Adam his drink. 

***

Orlando called Dean.  His girlfriend’s son was graduating from preschool, and his birthday was the same day.  They were planning a big circus themed party, and Orlando wanted Dean to come and take photos of the whole thing.  They talked for a bit, discussing what they wanted, and how they were going to set it up.  They eventually decided Dean should get there before the party to get pictures of the boy in his graduation gown and suit, take pictures of the actual ceremony, then stick around and get candid shots of the party. 

Aidan walked in, getting home from work, just as Dean was finishing up.  Dean waved a greeting to him, saying into the phone, “Okay Orli, I’ll be there a little earlier to set my equipment and everything up before the thing is turned into a total zoo.  This should be fun, though.  I’m looking forward to it!”

Dean was making some notes about what equipment he wanted to bring and some of the shots he wanted to set up before a group of six year old children were too hyper on cake to be able to sit still.  He thought he would bring several cameras.  The expensive ones he could use for the posed portraits then use his cheaper cameras for the candid shots in case someone accidentally spilled something on them. 

Aidan called from the kitchen, “Did I hear you talking to Orli?  Wasn’t that the name of the man you dated before we met?”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it dating.  We hung out together, and had some fun every now and again,” Dean answered, still distracted by his notes. 

With a mocking tone in his voice, Aidan said, “Ah, one of _those_ types of friends.”

“I guess so.  We have been friends for quite a while.  We just occasionally did the ‘with benefits’ part.”  Finally finished with his list, he asked, “How was work today?”

“Not too bad.  Can you come to the kitchen for a minute?”

When Dean went into the kitchen, he saw Aidan had set up a present for him.  It was a hand hammered carbon steel wok, with a stand so it could stay on the stove without having to constantly hold it.  Aidan had tied a big red bow on the lid’s handle.   Sitting next to it were several wok accessories including a skimmer, ladle, spatula, and brush.  He also saw a stack of dim sum steaming baskets, a hot pot setup, and a beautiful set of knives.  There was also a tiny lucky cat figurine sitting on top of a cookbook.

Aidan ran the end of the bow through his fingers and told Dean, “Red is supposed to stand for happiness and fire.  And the cat is supposed to be good luck.”  He tapped the figurine’s upraised paw, and it started to wave up and down.  “Do you like it?” 

Dean looked at the items, and told Aidan, “Of course I like it.  I love it.”  Picking up a knife, he added, “I probably don’t want to know how much you spent on all of this.  The knives alone must have cost a fortune.”

“The guy at the store said good knives are the most important thing to have in a kitchen.  Besides, they will last forever,” Aidan said, watching Dean.

“Thank you, Aidan,” Dean said, putting down the knife and turning to give him a hug.  “This is magnificent.  It’s too much.”

“If you are going to get something, then get something good.  You are worth more than a few knives.”  He bent his head to claim a kiss.  “Not to mention, I get to reap the benefits,” he teased with a smile.

***

Luke called Dean, asking if they still wanted to do a trial of some of his equipment.  When Dean said yes, Luke told him, “I have something else I’d like to do too, if you are willing to go along with it.”

Curious and more than a little cautious, Dean asked, “What do you have in mind?”

“It bothers me that neither one of you have a safe word.  Aidan seems to think you don’t need one at all.  I’d like to show him that you do, even if you never use it.”  Luke briefly explained his plan. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Dean questioned.  “I don’t know how happy Aidan will be with that.”

“That’s the whole point.  It also sounds like you could use a lesson in the importance of safe words too.  I’m not going to hurt you or anything, I swear.  Still, pick a word to use if you need it.”

“Didn’t we agree on red?” Dean tried to remember. 

“Yeah,” Luke said, “except this time pick another one that Aidan doesn’t know about.  It’s just for this scene.”

Looking around, Dean saw the hyacinths Aidan had given him.  “How about flowerpot?”

Laughing, Luke asked, “Flowerpot?  Sure, as long as it is something you will remember.  Be sure to not tell Aidan what it is.  At some point, I want you to use it.  I’m asking you hold off for a while before you use it though, okay?”

“You’re starting to make me a little nervous, Luke.”

“Good, it’ll be more fun that way,” Luke replied with a chuckle. 

“Ha ha,” Dean said sardonically.  “Hey, I’ve been curious about something.  How much does Adam know about all this?”

“All this that we are currently planning, or all this in general?” Luke inquired.

“Both, I guess.”  Dean frowned a bit, saying, “I never know what to say to him, and he’s my best friend.  It makes things awkward.  Does he even know you work at that club?”

“Yes, and he knows that I sometimes have scenes with other people that don’t include sex.  He knows I did do a scene that included sex one time, but he does _not_ know that it was with you.”  Luke paused for a second, and then went on.  “He’s told me that if it is something I need and he won’t do it, then I can get my needs taken care of with someone else.  He asked that I still do it with the same person, though.”

“Oh, okay.”  It took a second for Dean to realize that Adam had basically given Luke permission to have sex with him.  “ _Oh._ Well.  Um, I haven’t mentioned that to him at all.  And I sort of doubt that I ever will.”  He could feel his face growing hot. 

“Actually, I was thinking of taking him to the club one night.  Maybe you and Aidan could come along too.  I think it might make him more comfortable to have other people he knows with us.  You probably remember it can be a little overwhelming on your first visit,” Luke told him.

Dean wasn’t sure that he was comfortable with that idea or not, but he promised to think about it.  They set up a time for Aidan and Dean to go to Luke’s place, and Luke gave him a short list of things he wanted Dean to bring along. 

When they got off the phone, Dean was a little amused by the idea of Luke having permission from Adam to have sex with him.  He knew Aidan wouldn’t exactly be elated with that notion.  His amusement quickly fled, though, when he remembered that not only had Aidan watched the one time it had happened, but he had actually told Luke to do it.  Well, it didn’t matter, because this was not a conversation he’d be repeating to anyone, and that included Aidan. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, all the recipes I name in the story are real. Bacon guacamole deviled eggs are delicious, too!


	30. Chapter 30

Dean brought the backpack with his cuffs and collar in it to Luke’s house.  Aidan had wanted him to wear them.  When Dean protested that he wasn’t going to be the guinea pig for the night Aidan had just told him that he thought it looked sexy and to wear them anyway.  He said he would compromise and wear them in the basement. 

Aidan had gone ahead to the basement, but Luke held Dean back for a second.  “I’m going to try not to hurt you, but it is going to be a little rough, okay?”  Dean nodded, suddenly nervous.  “Tell me your safe word again?”

“Flowerpot.  Are you sure this is a good idea?”  Dean was starting to second guess this whole thing.

“He’ll either realize the importance of a safe word, or he’s going to kill me,” Luke said with a smile.  “Either way, it’s going to be an entertaining evening.  I’m not going to stop until you say your safe word, no matter what else you say.  Keep that in mind.  So if you just say no, or if you struggle, I won’t quit.  Understand?”

Mouth suddenly dry, Dean nodded.  He reminded himself that he trusted Luke to stop, to not actually hurt him.  He was worried about how Aidan was going to react to this whole scenario.  He couldn’t deny that he found the thing a little exciting, too.  He wondered how the hell he allowed himself to get talked into these situations.  Taking a deep breath, he followed the other men into the basement. 

Dean pulled off his shirt and shoes, and allowed Aidan to fasten the cuffs on him.  Aidan locked them on, but instead of wearing the keys around his neck, he dropped them into a pocket on the backpack.  Then he took off his own shirt and shoes. 

“Well, this already feels different,” Aidan said.

Luke eyed them both, then instructed Aidan to take off his pants too.  When Aidan raised his brows, Luke explained, “If you are using this stuff on Dean while he is naked, you should be too.  You can keep your underwear on though.”

With a sarcastic, “Gee, thanks,” Aidan stripped down until he had on nothing but his boxer-briefs.  He joined Luke in looking over a selection of things Luke had pulled out for them to try. 

Dean just sat on a bench, watching them.  He couldn’t help but be amused as they seriously discussed the benefits of a certain type of whip, or the effects of different canes.  Finally they picked out a couple of things to try, and Aidan stepped over to the cross.  

Luke positioned Aidan where he wanted him, saying, “I won’t restrain you yet, but stay there.  Got it?”

Aidan nodded, and Dean was gratified to see that he looked nervous too.  Luke beckoned Dean over, and told him to stand in a spot where he was close enough to watch, but wouldn’t get in the way. 

The first thing Luke picked up was a wooden paddle.  He gave Aidan a few firm swats with it.  Aidan glanced back and said, “That isn’t so bad.”

Luke asked, “Really?” then gave Aidan a wallop hard enough to raise him to his tiptoes.  Aidan yelped, and started to turn around.  Luke pressed a hand to the back of his neck, saying, “I told you not to move.”

Luke released Aidan’s neck, and gave him two more firm swats, followed quickly by another hard one.  Aidan had a white knuckled grip on the wood of the cross, and his eyes were shut tight.  Dean found himself biting his lip, watching.  He had to admit, it was an erotic sight.

Crooking his finger, Luke motioned for Dean to join him.  Without saying anything, Luke handed Dean the paddle.  Dean grinned, and gave Aidan a few gentle taps, followed by a hard swing.  That got another pained noise from Aidan.  Dean dropped the paddle, and stepped closer, running his hands over Aidan’s ass.  Aidan jumped in surprise, and started to turn around.  Dean leaned against him, pinning him in place.  “You were told to stay put,” he murmured.  He stepped back with one last caress. 

“This one is going to sting,” Luke warned.  It was a thin, flexible cane that looked almost like it could have been part of a fishing pole.  Luke didn’t swing it hard, but it still cut through the air with a whistle before cracking across Aidan’s back.  Aidan jerked, hissing a curse.  Luke swung three more times, each hit leaving a reddened stripe on the skin where it landed. 

Luke handed the cane to Dean, telling him, “You have to be somewhat gentle with this one.  If you are too rough, it will break the skin.”  He guided Dean’s hand a couple of times before allowing him to use it on Aidan.  Even trying to be soft, Dean could see the skin turning red.  Aidan stood stoically, not flinching or making a sound.  Dean paused for a moment, and then sliced the cane through the air much harder than before.  He felt satisfied when Aidan cried out. 

Luke stepped up next to Aidan, inspecting his back.  Looking at Dean, he said, “That last one is going to leave a welt.”  Dean nodded with a smile. 

Luke picked up something that looked like a flogger, except the falls were much longer, and some of them had knots tied in them.  He gestured for Dean to move out of the way.  After a few practice swings, he flicked the ends across Aidan’s back.  Aidan jerked and cried out, but still didn’t release his grip on the wood. 

“This is a scourge,” Luke explained.  “This one isn’t too bad, since it is all leather.  You can get them with metal barbs on the ends, or wooden beads.  Honestly, I suggest you not use one of these.  If you aren’t very careful, you can flay the skin right off someone’s back.”

Without turning around, somewhat breathlessly Aidan said, “Yeah, let’s skip that one.  I don’t mind if we get a few welts.  I draw the line at permanent scarring.”  Dean agreed.

Luke went back to his closet of goodies, and Dean went to Aidan.  Leaning his forehead against the middle of the taller man’s back, he lightly traced the marks that were still there from the cane.  “I’m starting to see why you enjoy this so much,” he said, gently kissing the marks. 

“I don’t think I could do this too often.  I am about at my limit,” Aidan confided. 

“Ready to stop?” Dean asked.  When Aidan nodded, he told him, “Give me a kiss, then.”  Aidan turned in his arms, kissing him softly.  He made a small noise when Dean suddenly squeezed hard against the tender area of his back. 

Luke took Aidan’s hand, pulling him away from Dean.  “I have something else to show you.”  He laughed at Aidan’s pained look, and told him, “You get to sit down for this one.  No more whippings.”

Leading Aidan to the weight bench, Luke positioned him so he was seated straddling the bench.  Stepping behind Aidan, Luke quickly handcuffed him to the bench. 

“What the hell?  Wait, are these real handcuffs?”  Aidan tugged on them, making the metal clatter. 

“Yep, they’re real,” Luke affirmed.  “And don’t freak out, the keys are right over there,” he pointed them out on top of a table.

“Real funny, Luke.  Now let me out.”  Aidan tugged on the cuffs again. 

“Quit pulling on them or you’ll hurt yourself.  I’ve already told you I’m not going to hurt you, so relax.  I just want to talk to you for a second.”  Luke motioned Dean to come closer. 

Dean went, but stopped a few feet away from Luke.  He could feel his heart in his throat.  He was nervous, but reminded himself he could stop this at any time, and Luke was not really going to hurt him.  Well at least not much. 

Talking to Aidan, Luke was saying, “You and I have talked a lot about some of this stuff.  We’ve shared a lot of secrets, and some things that are not so secret.  Right?”

With a cautious look on his face, Aidan agreed.  “We talk about everything, pretty much.  You haven’t felt like you had to tie me down to talk to me before, though.”  He rattled the handcuffs again. 

“This time I want to make sure I have your attention.  Dean’s told me that you still don’t use a safe word.  Why not?”

Looking exasperated, Aidan told Luke, “We don’t do that much rough stuff.  He doesn’t need one.”

“No, Aidan.  _You think_ he doesn’t need one.  Have you even asked him what he thinks?”  Luke grabbed the cuff on Dean’s wrist, pulling him closer.  “I know some of the things you fantasize about doing to him, and about watching things done to him.  Have you forgotten that I helped you act out one of those fantasies in this very room?”

Aidan had quit tugging at the cuffs, and had gone still.  “No, I remember.  What’s your point, Luke?”

Instead of replying, Luke stepped behind Dean, wrapping his arms around the smaller man’s waist, pressing against his back.  Nuzzling against the side of Dean’s neck, Luke asked Aidan, “Does _Dean_ know any of your fantasies about him?” 

Luke began kissing the side of Dean’s neck, reaching up with one hand, holding his jaw to tilt his head to one side.  He was still using the other arm around Dean’s waist, holding him close.  Luke pressed against him, and Dean could feel how hard he was.  Dean’s eyes fluttered closed. 

“What Dean knows doesn’t matter. This isn’t funny anymore.  Get your hands off of him.”  Aidan’s voice had gotten very serious. 

Luke ran his hand from Dean’s jaw down his bare chest, stopping to lightly pinch his nipple.  Dean shivered and broke out in gooseflesh.  He allowed his head to fall back, resting on Luke’s shoulder.  Luke trailed that hand down farther, finally stopping when he reached the waistband on his jeans.  After toying with it for a second, he popped the button open.  Aidan made a sound that could only be described as a growl. 

“I think Dean should know about your fantasy.  You’ve said you already told him,” Luke purred.  He gently held Dean’s shoulders, turning him so they were face to face, and he could no longer see Aidan.  Luke twined a hand into Dean’s hair, and pulled him close with the other hand on his hip.  He tenderly kissed Dean, deepening the kiss, earning a small mewl when he ground his arousal against Dean. 

Breaking off the kiss, Luke pulled Dean’s head to the side to expose his neck.  He left a trail of soft bites from Dean’s ear down to his collarbone.  He sucked there briefly, then stopped and rested his chin on Dean’s shoulder.  Luke watched Aidan as he ran his hand down from Dean’s waist to the swell of his ass, cupping it for a moment.  Dean was glad that he couldn’t see Aidan’s face at the moment.  He heard Aidan tug against the handcuffs again, making them rattle. 

“You see, Dean,” Luke said in a soft voice as he continued to watch Aidan, “your husband wants you ravished.  Not only ravished.  He wants to see you helpless, brutalized, and degraded.  He wants to watch as you are mauled and completely wrecked.  He wants to hear you beg for mercy, knowing you won’t get it.  Aidan wants you viciously raped, and he wants to watch.”

Dean was shaking now.  He couldn’t help it.  He had known Luke was going to do something like this, he just hadn’t known the details.  He knew he had his safe word, and he reminded himself again that Luke will stop, that no one was going to be seriously hurt, it was just to prove a point to Aidan.  Still, he was on the edge between fear and excitement.  He started to step away, but Luke fisted the hand in his hair, and used his other arm to pull Dean tightly back against him.  Dean raised his arms to try and push away, saying, “Luke, wait….”

“Aidan told me all this,” Luke interrupted, “and he knows that Adam doesn’t have a problem with me getting certain needs met outside of our relationship.”  He pulled Dean even closer, grinding against him, making it perfectly clear what needs he was talking about.  “And now Aidan has delivered you to me, all wrapped up like a pretty package.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Aidan snapped, jerking against the handcuffs again. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Luke told Aidan with a sneer.  “Did you want to help?  Maybe the next round.  This first time though, he’s mine.  Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Luke kissed Dean again, this time rough and punishing.  Dean was pressing against Luke’s chest, trying to push him away, but Luke’s hand was still gripping his hair.   Luke jerked him around, shoving him a few steps, slamming him against a wall.  Dean used the leverage of the wall at his back, and thrust Luke away from him, telling him, “Knock it off!”

With a laugh, Luke replied, “Make me,” and pinned Dean against the wall with his body.  Luke bent his head down to nip at Dean’s neck, and Dean was able to see Aidan.  Dean thought that they should have used something besides metal handcuffs.  If this went on much longer, Aidan was going to hurt himself pulling against them. 

Before Dean could say anything, Luke tugged him forward, tripping him and knocking him to the floor.  Dean had time to be grateful that there was a mat to land on, and then Luke had him pinned on his back. 

Dean kicked out, but Luke just dodged the blow, and forced himself between Dean’s legs.  Dean bucked and twisted, saying, “Get off of me!”

Luke let Dean struggle for a moment, and then dropped his full weight down hard enough that it made it difficult for Dean to breathe.  Luke took advantage of the moment of breathlessness, pulling Dean’s arms above his head and tethering the cuffs to the bottom of a bench.  He told Dean, “Not that I don’t enjoy when you fight back, but enough of that.”

Grabbing Dean by the throat, Luke gave him another violent kiss.  Dean couldn’t see Aidan, but he heard the chain rattle again.  Trying to throw Luke off again, Dean said, “Luke, stop!”  Luke rose up enough to slip his hand between their bodies.  When he felt his zipper opened on his jeans, Dean decided it had gone far enough. 

Luke was sliding his hand into Dean’s pants and bending down to kiss him again.  Dean said, “Flowerpot!” but it came out hardly louder than a whisper.  Luke didn’t stop, and Dean had a moment of panic.  This time, he yelled out his safe word, and Luke froze.  In a more normal tone, Dean said again, “Flowerpot, Luke.”

Luke nodded, and Dean could feel him trembling.  Luke sat up and backed away from Dean.  He stood up, breathing heavily, and looked at Aidan.  “ _That_ is why you need a safe word.  Give me a moment.”  Still visibly trying to get himself under control, Luke walked out of the room. 

Wide eyed, Aidan looked at Dean.  “Are you okay?”

Still catching his breath, Dean assured him, “I’m fine.  He didn’t hurt me.”

“You knew he was going to do this.”  Aidan was trying to sound neutral, but Dean could hear the thread of anger in his tone.

“Not quite this, exactly,” Dean explained, “but I knew he was going to do something.”

Luke came back in, saying, “We didn’t exactly have a script.”  He went and released Dean, helping him up from the floor. 

“Fine, I get your point.”  Aidan sounded sulky.  “We’ll use a safe word.”

“Do you really get my point?”  Luke took the key to the handcuffs and stood by Aidan, but didn’t release him yet.  “He asked me to stop several times, and I didn’t.  It was part of the game.  As soon as he said his word, I knew that he meant it, and then I stopped.  What if I wanted to play the same game with you, Aidan?  You don’t have a safe word.  You’re already tied down.  What do you think would happen?”

Aidan looked startled at the idea.  He looked from Luke to Dean and back again.  “I don’t know,” he eventually said. 

Luke nodded, then handed Dean the key to the handcuffs.  “I’ll meet you upstairs,” he said as he walked off. 

Dean quickly unlocked the handcuffs, trying to see if Aidan had hurt himself.  Aidan pulled his hands away, and stood up to wrap himself around Dean in a hug.  “I swear, one day you are going to give me a heart attack,” he muttered into the blonde’s hair. 

Returning the hug, Dean told him, “Luke just thought it was important that we use a safe word.  He said he’s tried to talk to you about it before.” 

With a small laugh, Aidan said, “Well, he made his point.  Flowerpot?”

Dean poked him in the ribs.  “I was looking at the hyacinths at the time.”

“Flowerpot it is, then.”  Aidan bent down and gave Dean a kiss.    


	31. Chapter 31

Orlando called four more times before the party.  The second time, he apologized but said he just wanted everything to be perfect.  The third time, Dean asked him if he was getting so worked up over a preschool graduation and sixth birthday party, then how was he going to react if this kid ever got married.  Dean thought he might hyperventilate at the idea. 

“Look, Orli,” Dean said, “You have a cake and presents, right?  And you are doing a circus theme, so you will probably have a pony too, right?” 

“We also have some clowns, a petting zoo, and some other entertainers.”  Orlando sounded like he was starting to calm down, or at least not pass out.

Dean assured him, “Then don’t worry.  This is going to be the best party of his life.  He’s only six, for god’s sake.  You could just give him some cake and stuff him in one of those bouncy castles.” 

“Oh no!  The castle!  I knew I was forgetting something!”  Orlando hung up on him. 

Dean went to grab a drink, rubbing at his forehead.  This job was starting to give him a headache, and that was just from dealing with Orlando.  He hadn’t even had to be around the kids yet. 

Aidan took one look at him, and made him sit down.  He sat, and Aidan started rubbing his neck and shoulders.  “Want to talk about it?”

“It’s just this mess with Orli.  I know he wants everything perfect, but he is starting to turn into one of those helicopter parents.  He isn’t even married to the mom yet.  I can’t wait to see him once that kid hits a major milestone in life.”  Dean groaned, leaning back into Aidan’s touch.  “I’m telling you now, if Orli wants me to do a portrait for the kid’s first kiss, I may beat him to death with a camera.”

Aidan found a particularly tense knot, and rubbed on it for a few minutes before he said, “I have to admit, I am a little jealous.”

“Of what?  A kid’s party?”

“Not the party.  Orlando.  I’m just sort of uncomfortable that you were lovers.  Now you are going to be spending all this time with him,” Aidan said.

Dean turned to face him.  “I don’t even think you could have called us lovers.  We are friends, and we were both single.  It was like scratching an itch.  Now I am married to you, and he is devoted to his new family.  There is nothing there to be jealous about.”

Aidan nodded, but didn’t look entirely convinced. 

“You can come along if you want,” Dean offered.  “Adam was going to go and help, but if it will make you more comfortable, you can go too.”

Aidan gave him a kiss.  “No, love, that’s okay.  I trust you.  Besides, I think I will pass on the circus party.  Clowns and a bunch of kids hopped up on sugar sounds like a nightmare.”

***

The party wasn’t completely horrible, but Dean was exhausted by the time Adam finally dropped him back at home.  They had stayed after all the children had either gone home or been put to bed, reviewing some of the pictures and drinking a beer.  It had gotten really late before any of them noticed the time. 

After thanking Adam for helping, Dean carted all his equipment back inside and just left it by the door.  He figured he could put it away tomorrow.  He didn’t want to create too much noise and wake Aidan. 

Trying to be quiet, he got undressed and slipped into bed. 

“You’re home late,” Aidan said.  Dean could tell by the sound of his voice that he hadn’t been asleep. 

“Sorry, we got distracted talking.  I got some great pictures, though.”  Dean rolled over and snuggled up against Aidan’s chest.  “We are going to have to see about getting me another car.  Adam won’t be able to help all the time, and you need yours for work.”  He yawned so widely his jaw popped.

Hugging Dean close, Aidan told him, “We can talk about it tomorrow.  I was just a little worried.  Next time call if you are going to be so late, okay?”

Dean nodded, already dozing off.

***

The next thing Dean knew, he was being grabbed.  Without thinking, he lashed out, feeling his elbow connect with something.  He shoved against what was pinning him down, and rolled away.  He finally came fully awake when he hit the floor, flat on his back. 

He lay there, trying to catch his breath and figure out what happened.  Aidan’s head appeared over the edge of the bed. 

“Dean? Are you awake now?” Aidan’s voice was cautious, and his mouth was bleeding. 

“What happened?” Dean sat up.  “Why are you bleeding?”

“You were having a nightmare.  I tried to wake you up and you elbowed me in the face.”  Aidan wiped at his mouth, then grabbed a tissue from the nightstand.  “Are you okay?”

Dean rubbed his hands across his face.  “I think I should be asking you that.”  He got up and went to get a washcloth from the bathroom for Aidan.  He came back and sat on the side of the bed, gingerly dabbing at Aidan’s mouth. 

“I’m fine,” Aidan said, taking the cloth.  “What were you dreaming about?”

Shaking his head, Dean said, “I can’t remember.  Something grabbed me and the next thing I knew I was on the floor.”

“I think maybe I was the thing that grabbed you.  Sorry.”  Aidan hugged him. 

“Don’t apologize when you are the one bleeding.  Let’s just try to get some more sleep, okay?”  Dean lay down, pulling Aidan down next to him.

***

The next day, Aidan’s lip was swollen, and he had a bruise on the side of his jaw.  Dean felt horrible and apologized several times until Aidan asked him to stop. 

Luke and Adam came over for dinner.  Both of them exclaimed over Aidan’s face.  Aidan laughingly told them, “Dean got a little carried away and hit me.”

“Don’t say that,” Dean protested.  “You’re going to make people think I beat you or something.” 

“Well, to be fair, you did,” Aidan said, leaning over to give him a kiss, but wincing at the attempt. 

Later, after Adam and Luke had left, they were cleaning up in the kitchen.  Aidan came up behind Dean and wrapped his arms around him.

“Luke told me Lee is having another party.  We’re invited.  I told him we’d go.”  Aidan nibbled on Dean’s ear.  “He also told me your friend is going to be there again.”

Dean pulled away a bit to turn and look at Aidan.  “Which friend is that?”

“The guy with the fire.  He asked about you, if you were going to be there.”

“You mean Jed?  I don’t know if I would call him my friend, exactly.”  Dean turned back to the sink.

Aidan nuzzled against his neck, saying, “He seemed friendly enough last time.  He had his hands all over you.”

Abandoning his attempt to finish the dishes, Dean turned to face Aidan.  “He was showing me how to do something.  Are you jealous?”

“Very,” Aidan murmured, bending to kiss him.  “You’re mine.”

Pulling back a bit, Dean told him, “There is nothing to be jealous about.”  Aidan only replied with a kiss. 

That night in bed, Dean was on top of Aidan.  He pinned Aidan’s wrists to the bed, and stopped moving.  “You are the only one I want,” he said, when he was sure he had Aidan’s attention.  “You have no reason to be jealous, okay?”

Aidan bucked his hips up, causing Dean to gasp.  “I know, love.  It isn’t something logical, though.”

Releasing Aidan’s wrists and leaning back, Dean started to move again.  “Then remind yourself of this the next time you get jealous.”

“I can do that,” Aidan said, grabbing Dean’s hips, rocking with him. 


	32. Chapter 32

They went to Lee’s party, and Jed was there again.  This time he did a demonstration with a fire whip first.  Dean stood with Aidan, watching.  Luke leaned over and whispered, “You have to admit it looks cool.”  Grudgingly, Aidan nodded. 

When he finished with the whip and started setting up the poi, Dean gave Aidan a kiss and asked, “Are you going to have fits if I go play?”

With a sigh, Aidan told him, “No, go have fun.”  Still, he stayed close by, keeping an eye on Dean. 

Dean did his best to ignore Aidan, and soon enough forgot he was there at all.  He needed to concentrate so he didn’t wind up hurting himself.  Jed was just as hands on in his teaching approach as last time.  Aidan didn’t say anything about it though.  When they were done, Jed gave Dean a couple of practice poi to work with, strictly telling him those were not to be set on fire.  Dean gave him a hug and thanked him, and then it was time to go. 

Aidan was quiet in the car.  Dean finally told him, “I would think you’d be happy that I have a new hobby.”

“A new hobby where you stand a good chance of catching yourself on fire with an instructor that can’t keep his hands off of you.  Sure, what’s not to like?”  Aidan glared at Luke when he laughed.  Looking at Dean, he said, “Just promise me you will be careful.”

“Of course.”

***

Adam called to see if Dean wanted to go to the movies.  They decided to get lunch at a place by the theater first.  Dean sent Aidan a text to let him know he would be gone until later. 

While they were eating, Adam got a call from work.  Two people had called in sick, and he was needed to go help cover a shift.  Apologizing, he offered to drop Dean back by his house.  Dean declined, deciding to go ahead and go to the movie. 

After he was done eating, Dean had a little time to kill, so was browsing in the mall the theater was in.  He cut through a department store, and got sprayed with cologne by one of those women with too much enthusiasm.  Dodging a second dose of the stuff, Dean hurried past.  He thought that it smelled too much like a wet dog, but she had hit him in the chest with the sample, so it was all over his shirt.  He wouldn’t be able to just wash it off. 

After the movie, he thought about calling Aidan to come and get him, but then decided to walk home.  It was only a couple of miles and the exercise would do him good.  As a result, he got home much later than he had originally planned. 

Aidan was on the couch, watching television.  Dean called out a greeting and headed to the kitchen to get a drink. 

Following him, Aidan asked, “Where have you been?  I’ve been trying to reach you for hours.”

“I told you I went to the movies,” Dean replied, pulling out his phone.  He realized he had forgotten to turn it back on when he left the theater.  “I’m going to go take a shower, I’m a mess.”  He headed to the bedroom. 

Aidan followed him.  “You told me you were going to the movies with Adam.  I saw Adam today at work.”  He reached out and grabbed Dean’s arm, pulling the smaller man to a halt.  “Where were you?”

Tugging his arm away, Dean replied, “That was the plan, but Adam got called in to work.  I went to the movies alone.”

Aidan caught his arm again, this time pushing Dean back, pinning him against the wall.  Leaning against him, Aidan asked very quietly, “Do you think I’m stupid?”

“No,” Dean was confused.  “What are you talking about?”

Aidan’s grip on his arm tightened.  “You said you were going to the movies with Adam, but he was at work.  You don’t answer your phone all day.  You come home hours late, sweaty and covered in someone else’s cologne.  _Where were you?_ ”

“I was at the movies, I said.”  Dean pulled his arm away, getting angry.  “I went alone when Adam had to go to work.”

Aidan grabbed his shoulders, slamming him back against the wall.  “Don’t lie to me!” he snarled into Dean’s face. 

“Screw this,” Dean said, and slipped out of Aidan’s grip.  He pulled his phone back out, walking out of the bedroom.  He could call Graham and Richard.  They would come and get him. 

Aidan was right behind him, asking, “Where are you going?”

Without stopping, Dean shot back, “Away from you.”

Before Dean could hit the button to place the call, the phone was snatched out of his hand.  Aidan threw it across the room.  He was watching his phone in disbelief, so he never saw the blow coming.  Suddenly there was a blinding pain in his side, and he was hunched over, gasping for breath.  Another blow, and there was pain in his ear and the side of his head.  He fell to his knees, and Aidan knocked him over.  He rolled to his back, his side felt like it was on fire, and he was still out of breath. 

Aidan straddled him, dropping heavily on to Dean’s stomach, pinning his wrists.  “Is this what I am supposed to remember?  Because all I want to know right now is who else have you been fucking like this!”

Dean couldn’t reply.  He was struggling not to vomit and trying to breathe past the pain in his ribs.  Aidan released his arms, but then there was a hand on his throat and no air at all.  Aidan leaned down, saying, “You are _mine.”_  

Clawing at Aidan’s hand was only making him tighten his grip, so Dean punched him as hard as he could.  His fist caught the bottom of Aidan’s chin in an uppercut, knocking him back and off of Dean. 

Aidan landed against the couch.  He looked surprised, then as he watched Dean take a wheezing breath, his expression turned horrified.  “Oh Christ,” he whispered.  A little louder, he said “Dean?”  He started to reach out, but Dean knocked his hand away.  He sat on the floor, eyes filling with tears, watching as Dean caught his breath. 

When he was able, Dean sat up, and leaned against the wall.  They stared at each other for a moment.

“Dean, I’m so sorry,” Aidan said.  “Are you okay?”

Without saying anything, Dean pulled something out of his back pocket and threw it at Aidan.  It fluttered to the ground, landing between them.  It was the ticket stub to the movie he had seen. 

Dean tried to stand up, but a shooting pain in his side made him freeze.  Instantly Aidan was there, saying, “Let me help.”

Since he couldn’t even stand straight, Dean let Aidan help him up and to the bedroom.  He couldn’t raise his arm too high without pain, so Aidan helped him undress.  He gingerly lay down on his good side.  Aidan insisted on looking at his ribs and throat, so he allowed it. 

Aidan’s hands were trembling, but were gentle as he first ran his fingers across Dean’s throat, then his side.  In a shaking voice, he asked Dean to try to take a deep breath.  He left the room, and then came back with bags of frozen peas.  He carefully laid a bag against the back of Dean’s head, one on his ribs, and one against his throat. 

Voice still shaking, he told Dean, “I don’t think anything is broken.  You might have a separated rib, though.  I don’t think you need to go to the hospital but I will take you if you want.”  He pulled a blanket up over Dean’s legs.

Dean’s throat was raw, so in a whisper, he asked, “Can they do anything about it?”

Without looking up, Aidan replied, “Not really.  They can give you pain killers and x-ray it.  That’s about it.”

“I’ll skip it, then.”  Dean tugged the blanket up a little higher.

“Can I get you anything?  Do you want a drink or something?”  Aidan helped him with the blanket. 

“Something cold would be good.”  Dean winced when Aidan got up, bouncing the bed.  Aidan promptly returned with a bottle of water and some aspirin.  Dean took them, and the drink soothed his throat a bit.  “I want my phone.”

Aidan’s eyes flew to his.  “Your phone? Why?”

Still unable to talk above a hoarse whisper, Dean told him, “I am calling Graham to come and get me.”

“What?” Aidan’s voice was panicked.  “No!  Dean, please, you can’t leave me!”  Aidan grabbed his wrist, saying, “I’m sorry, please don’t go.”

Dean pulled away, rolling onto his back.  “I only think it’s a good idea for us to spend the night apart.”

Aidan leaned over him, pinning Dean’s shoulders down, being careful of his hurt side.  Tears in his eyes, he said, “I’m so sorry, love.  Please, I’m begging, don’t leave me.  I love you so much.  Please.”  He kissed Dean, gently at first, but then the kiss grew desperate.  Aidan abruptly sat up and jerked his shirt off over his head, then bent back down to kiss Dean again. 

Dean pressed a hand against Aidan’s chest, saying, “Aidan, wait.”  Aidan shook his head no, kissing him hard. 

Dean turned his head away, and Aidan began kissing his neck, murmuring, “I love you so much, I need you, please, I need to be in you,” while kicking off his pants. 

Aidan was gentle, but relentless.  He was trying not to jostle Dean too much, but it still hurt.  After, he helped Dean take a shower, and changed the sheets because a bag of peas had burst open and got everywhere. 

When they finally got settled back in bed, Aidan spooned himself around Dean carefully.  Whispering against the back of Dean’s neck, Aidan told him, “I’ll do anything you want.  Don’t leave, please.  I don’t think I could live without you.”

Thinking about it for a minute, eventually Dean asked him, “Would you go to therapy?”

“If that’s what you want, then yes.”  Aidan held him closer, until he made a noise from the pressure on his ribs.  Loosening his grip, he promised again, “Anything you want.  I love you.”

“I love you too.”  It took Dean a long time to fall asleep that night.  When he finally did, it was while he was still being held close by Aidan.


	33. Chapter 33

Aidan called in to work the next day to stay home with Dean.  Dean didn’t want to admit it, but he needed the help.  It hurt to move and he still couldn’t talk.  When he looked in the mirror, he saw a huge bruise on his side, and a bruise on his throat shaped like a hand.  There were other bruises too but those were by far the worst.

Aidan heated up some soup for lunch.  Dean ate some at his insistence, even though he wasn’t very hungry.  Afterwards, Aidan helped him settle on the couch with a drink and the remote control. 

Dean was dozing when he heard a knock.  Aidan answered the door, so Dean decided to just stay put.  He could hear Luke’s voice, and hoped Adam wasn’t with him.  He just couldn’t deal with seeing either one of them, or the drama that would follow.  It was too much effort right now to even open his eyes.  It sounded like it was only Luke, so Dean continued to doze.  He let the murmuring of their voices lull him.

Closer, Dean heard Luke exclaim, “What the hell, Aidan?  He looks like you tried to kill him!”

Dean suddenly wished he had on something besides a pair of shorts.  It had been too painful to try and get dressed though.  He heard Aidan shushing Luke, and decided to pretend to still be asleep.  He didn’t want to have to try and cope with any of this right now. 

In a quieter voice, Luke asked, “What did the doctor say?”

“He didn’t want to go,” Aidan answered.  “Don’t look at me like that.  I offered to take him.”

Dean heard them move into the kitchen.  He could still hear them talking. 

“He wants to leave me, Luke.”  Aidan sounded plaintive.  “He was going to leave last night.”

“I’m amazed he’s still here, frankly.  How did you talk him into staying?”  Aidan muttered something Dean didn’t hear, but he heard Luke reply, “Have you gone completely insane?  He isn’t a dog you can chain to a post to keep him from running away!”

“What am I supposed to do?” Aidan sounded frustrated and angry. 

“You fix this!  Then you never do anything like this again!”  Luke’s voice dropped, and Dean couldn’t hear the rest of what he said.  They continued talking, but quieter, and their voices became background noise once again. 

Dean must have fallen asleep, because he startled awake when a hand fell on his shoulder.  He jumped, which made his side hurt again.  His eyes flew open, and he saw Luke kneeling next to the couch. 

Luke lifted his hand saying, “Sorry, it’s only me.  How do you feel?”

In the raspy whisper that was all he could manage today, Dean replied, “Hurts.”

“Yeah, I bet.  Here,” Luke held out two pills, and set a bottle on the coffee table.  “They are leftover from a prescription I had.”

Dean took the pills, and looked around. 

“If you are looking for Aidan, I asked him to take a walk around the block.”  Luke looked at Dean for a moment, and then asked, “Have you talked to Adam?”  Dean shook his head no.  “Do you want me to call him?  He’d come over here in a heartbeat.”  Dean shook his head more definitely, mouthing no.  “Okay, I won’t.  I think you should go see a doctor though.  I’ll take you if you want.”

Dean thought about it for a minute.  “They can’t help.  And Aidan’s job.”

Luke looked puzzled for a minute, but then got it.  “I could take you to a different hospital.  We don’t have to go where Aidan works.”  Dean shook his head no again. “Will you at least promise to go if you get worse?  Or if your throat doesn’t start getting better in a day or two?”

Dean nodded.  The painkillers were starting to kick in and make him woozy.  He wondered what they were, then decided he just didn’t care.  He struggled to sit up, and Luke gave him a hand.  Being upright felt like an accomplishment. 

“Aidan told me you asked him to get therapy.  He says he will.  Are you going to go too?”

Dean thought about it for a second, and shrugged then nodded.  Maybe couples therapy would be what they needed.  It couldn’t hurt. 

“Are you going to leave him?”  When Dean didn’t respond, Luke added, “I know it isn’t any of my business.  I’m just worried about you.  About both of you.  Will you call me if you need anything?”

That made Dean look across the room where his phone had landed.  He had forgotten about it.  It wasn’t there.  “My phone’s gone?”

“I’m not sure.  Maybe Aidan has it.”  Luke’s voice sounded grim.  “I’ll ask him.”

Dean nodded, and then tried to stand up.  Luke stood and gave him a hand.  “Going to lay down,” he explained. 

Luke helped him into the bedroom, and got him into bed.  He set Dean’s drink on the nightstand, along with the bottle of pills.  “You can have two more of these in about four hours if you need them.  And call me if you need anything at all, okay?”

Dean nodded agreement.  Luke said farewell, and walked out of the room.  Dean waited a moment, and then reached for the pill bottle.  He figured a couple more now wouldn’t hurt, and would help him sleep.  He took them, and then burrowed into the blankets.

The next thing he knew, Aidan was waking him, asking if he wanted anything for dinner.  He wasn’t hungry, but Aidan brought him another drink.  After a glance at the clock, Dean took four more of the pills Luke had left, and went back to sleep. 

When he woke again, Aidan was gone to work.  He was feeling a little better, so went to make some coffee.  Dean’s phone was on the counter, and Aidan had written a note.  The screen on the phone was cracked.  The note said, “I’m sorry.  We’ll get a new one tonight.”  Dean turned on the phone.  It still worked at least.  He thought about calling one of his friends, but his throat still hurt.  Sending a text seemed like too much work.  He left the phone on the counter. 

Dean got dressed, but then was at a loss.  He didn’t know what to do with himself.  He got on his computer for a while, but nothing held his attention.  He walked around the house aimlessly, then wound up in front of the television.  He sat there flipping through the channels until he realized he had gone through the lineup three times.  He turned it off, and stood up, but then didn’t know what to do. 

He heard the mailman drive by.  Getting the mail would be something to do.  He stopped at the front door without opening it, though.  He didn’t want anyone to see him like this: bruised, sore, tired.  He didn’t remember if he had even combed his hair yet.  The mail could wait. 

Grabbing a book, he settled on the couch.  He gave up trying to read it after reading the same page repeatedly.  He was just sitting there holding it when Aidan came home from work. 

Aidan sat next to him on the couch, and Dean flinched.  Aidan noticed and insisted on looking at his ribs and throat again.  Dean claimed he was fine, but Aidan wanted to check anyway.  After gently prodding, he gave Dean a hug, whispering, “Forgive me?”

After a moment, Dean mutely nodded.  This was Aidan, his Aidan, his husband, and they loved each other.  They would go see a therapist, and try to talk to each other more about things.  Dean would try to quit making Aidan so angry.  They would get through this. 


	34. Chapter 34

“Isn’t tonight poker night?” Aidan asked.

Dean replied, “I called Richard and begged off.  I told him I wasn’t feeling well.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.  I just didn’t feel like going, that’s all.”  Dean went back to watching television. 

Looking concerned, Aidan came to sit by him.  “You haven’t felt like going anywhere in a few days.  Is everything okay?”

Dean nodded.  He knew how many days it had been since he left the house.  Ten days.  Ten days since he went to see that stupid movie.  Ten days since their fight.  Ten days since they have had sex, since he has gone to the store, since he has done anything with his photography.  Ten days since his hands started shaking at the idea of leaving the house, since he started jumping at loud noises, since the idea of being outside made it feel like he couldn’t breathe. 

Yesterday he had been watching a documentary on television with Aidan.  Something about seals and whales, he didn’t remember.  What he remembered was seeing all that open water under the blue sky, how it seemed like so much empty space, and suddenly his chest was tight.  He had to go into the bathroom and close the door before he could breathe again. 

He hadn’t seen anyone except for Aidan and Luke in ten days.  He had spoken to his friends on the phone, or texts.  He had declined offers of lunch or dinner, or poker, or just hanging out.  He told them he was busy, or that he had other plans.

A few days ago, Dean had made a list and asked Aidan to go to the store for him.  He hadn’t done that before.  Usually he was particular about what he bought, preferring to cook with certain brands, picking only the fruit and vegetables he thought were good enough.  Now the thought of having to go to the store, walk around, deal with all those people while trying to find everything was too much for him to handle.  He wondered how much a grocery delivery service would cost.

Aidan had wanted to take him to get a replacement for his phone.  At first he declined because of the bruises.  Then he made excuses.  Finally Aidan got him a new phone and brought it home. 

Dean knew Aidan was starting to worry.  He kept asking Dean to go places, to do things.  The bruises had faded enough that Dean could no longer use those as a pretext.  How could he explain it to Aidan when he couldn’t even explain it to himself?  Aidan wasn’t pressuring him, but he could still see the concern. 

***

Aidan spread a blanket on the floor, turned off the television, and told Dean to strip.

Looking at him like he had suddenly started speaking a different language, all Dean managed was “Huh?”

“Strip, as in take off your clothes.”  Aidan waggled a bottle of something at him, saying, “You’ve been entirely too tense lately, so I am giving you a massage.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Dean replied, reaching for the remote. 

Aidan grabbed it before he could, telling him, “I know I don’t have to, but I want to.  Humor me, please?”  Aidan made that puppy dog face, which meant he was not above resorting to dirty tricks to get his way on this.  Dean hated when he made that face.  It usually meant that Aidan was prepared to wheedle until Dean caved. 

With a muttered curse, Dean gave into the inevitable and took off his shirt.  He started to lie down on the blanket, but Aidan told him, “No, pants too.  I don’t want to get them greasy.”  He stripped off to his boxers and lay down on his stomach on the blanket. 

Dean turned his head to see what Aidan was doing.  Aidan caught the look and frowned.  He handed the bottle to Dean, and got up.  Dean noted that it was a bottle of almond oil, and then Aidan was back again.  He handed Dean the blindfold and took back the bottle.  Dean looked doubtfully at the blindfold.

“You are supposed to relax, not watch me.  Trust me, please?” Aidan used those puppy dog eyes again.

There was really only one response to that, wasn’t there?  With a sigh, Dean slipped the blindfold over his eyes.  It earned him a murmured thanks and a light kiss on the back of his neck. 

He was expecting a backrub, so when Aidan wrapped a warm hand around his ankle, he jumped.  Aidan patted the back of his leg soothingly, and pulled his foot up.  He felt a drizzle of oil on the sole of his foot, which sort of tickled, then Aidan started rubbing.  The foot massage felt surprisingly good, and Dean groaned and pillowed his head on his arms. 

Aidan rubbed one foot and rested it in his lap while he rubbed the next.  Before he released that foot, he licked Dean’s toe.  Dean made a surprised squeak, and Aidan laughed and sucked the toe into his mouth.  Dean gasped and his hips rolled against the floor involuntarily. 

Aidan laughed again, saying, “Interesting reaction, but not the one I was going for.  I want you to loosen up.”  He placed Dean’s feet back down, and started rubbing his calves.

Dean tried to relax and ignored the fact that his cock was half hard.  Mentally he wasn’t sure if the toe thing was weird or fun, but physically his body was in total agreement about wanting more of it.  Aidan rubbing his way up the back of his legs, occasionally applying more oil, wasn’t helping the situation.  He wound up with his legs splayed, Aidan kneeling in between them.  He was disappointed when Aidan stopped at the bottom edge of his boxers, and moved around on the blanket. 

Aidan gently tugged one of Dean’s arms out from under his head.  Applying more oil, he rubbed Dean’s hand for a minute, and then licked one of his fingers.  Playfully he said, “The oil tastes good.”

Dean grabbed Aidan’s hand and pulled it to his mouth.  He drew first one, then two fingers into his mouth, licking the oil off of them.  He didn’t miss the way Aidan’s breath caught.  He rubbed the fingers across his lips, then released Aidan’s hand.  “You’re right,” he murmured, licking his lips, biting the bottom one.  Aidan’s breath hitched again and Dean knew he was watching, so he slowly ran his tongue along his bottom lip again. 

After a second, Aidan took his other hand and started rubbing it.  Dean could hear that his breath had sped up a little though.  Dean hid a smile. 

He was glad for the massage now, glad for this sudden wanting.  He was glad for the feel of Aidan’s slick hands sliding up his arms.  He was glad for feeling something other than afraid all the time.  When Aidan started to massage the back of his neck, he pushed the thoughts away and groaned. 

By the time Aidan finished rubbing his neck and started to move down his back, Dean felt like a puddle of goo.  Aidan straddled his legs and started rubbing his back in earnest.  When those hands slicked over his lower back, Dean groaned again.  Aidan lightly pulled at the waistband of his boxers, asking, “Do you want me to stop?”

“Don’t stop,” Dean told him, trying to shimmy out of the boxers without knocking Aidan over.  Aidan gave a small laugh and moved out of the way.  He ended up kneeling between Dean’s open legs again.   

Aidan ran his hands up the back of Dean’s thighs, across his ass, against the small of his back, and down his hips.  He applied a little more oil and smoothed it into the skin, putting it everywhere except where Dean wanted it.  By the time he reached for the oil again, Dean’s breath was labored from the effort to hold still. 

Finally Aidan ran a finger into the cleft of Dean’s buttocks.  Dean’s hips popped off the blanket, raising him up, he couldn’t help it.  Aidan ran his finger across that tight ring of muscle, not seeking entrance, just lightly massaging.  “Is this okay?” he asked.

“More, Aidan, please,” Dean whispered, rolling his hips again.  He frowned when Aidan removed his finger, but then gasped when it was replaced with his tongue.  He moaned and arched his back when Aidan’s hands pulled at his cheeks, holding him open, licking and mouthing at him.  Soon he was panting, hands fisted in the blankets.

Aidan sat back, telling Dean, “Roll over.”  Dean flipped over on the blanket.  Aidan squeezed his hand around Dean’s hard length, asking again, “Okay?”

“Yes,” Dean was nodding, “Don’t stop.”  He sucked a breath in through his teeth when Aidan’s mouth wrapped around him.  Aidan sucked harder and it just felt so good.  Suddenly Dean ripped off the blindfold, propping himself on one elbow, grabbing Aidan’s hair, telling him, “No, wait, stop.”

Aidan pulled back immediately, asking “What’s wrong?”  He looked obscene with his lips red and wet, eyes wide, hair fisted in Dean’s hand. 

“If you don’t stop I’m going to come,” Dean explained breathlessly. 

“I fail to see why that’s a problem,” Aidan said with a smile.  He lowered his head again, keeping eye contact with Dean.   Dean stayed like that, hand tangled in Aidan’s hair, watching him, until it became too much.  He had to let go or he was going to just ram himself down Aidan’s throat.  When he came, every muscle was tense, hands clenched on the blanket with the effort not to do it anyway. 

Aidan didn’t stop until Dean pulled him off, saying, “Too much!”  He crawled up Dean’s body, nipping at his neck then kissing him. 

Dean ran his hands under Aidan’s shirt, then around the waistband of his jeans.  Aidan pulled his hand away, smiling against Dean’s mouth.  “Nah, I’m good.  I wanted this to be about you tonight.”  He rolled them until he was on his back, Dean pressed against his side, head cradled on his shoulder. 

Dean shifted around until he was able to pull up Aidan’s shirt.  He wound up with his head on Aidan’s stomach, arms around the taller man’s waist.  Aidan tugged on the blanket until he was able to flip part of it over their legs.  He had one hand on Dean’s back.  Aidan’s other hand was idly playing with Dean’s hair. 

Dean suddenly had an absurd urge to cry.  This was home.  The scent of Aidan, the warmth of his skin, the sound of his heartbeat under Dean’s ear, that was all home.  Where else would he go?  He couldn’t imagine he had been thinking about leaving.  The idea made him start to shake. 

“Are you cold?” Aidan asked, trying to tug the blanket up around them a little more.  Dean shook his head no, and hugged Aidan, pressing up against him even more.  “I have an idea.”  Dean’s mind started racing to come up with an excuse why he didn’t want to go anywhere.  Aidan continued, “Why don’t we just order a pizza for dinner and watch a movie tonight?  You don’t even have to get off the blanket if you don’t want to.  Sound good?”

Dean froze, and that was when the first tear fell. 


	35. Chapter 35

Aidan had panicked when Dean started crying.  He thought Dean was hurt.  Dean was trying to reassure him and get himself under some sort of control.  Aidan was trying to inspect him to see if his ribs or something had gotten jostled.  By the time everything had been sorted out, Dean was rolled into a ball in Aidan’s lap, wrapped up in the blanket.  He was still sniffling, and Aidan was hugging him gently. 

After a while, Aidan told him, “Sorry, love, but I need to move.  My legs are asleep.”  Dean shifted, and Aidan lay back on the floor, wiggling his feet.  Dean curled up beside him, still wrapped in the blanket.  “Are you going to be okay?”  Dean nodded, and Aidan tugged on the blanket until his head was on Aidan’s chest.  “Is there anything I can do for you?”

Dean shrugged, trying to relax into Aidan’s warmth again.  It wasn’t working now, though.  His mind kept racing, going over all the things he needed to do, and throwing up things he had done wrong.  That tightness was starting to settle back in his chest.  Mainly he just wanted a way to shut his brain off. 

But he had a way, didn’t he?  It seemed like when he was feeling things, he wasn’t thinking as much.  He squirmed around, trying to get out of the blanket, but Aidan was on it, and he was caught.  Finally he freed an arm, and was trying to pull the blanket down.  In an amused tone, Aidan asked, “Do you need some help there, love?”

Dean poked him and told him, “Yes.  I want you.”

Aidan raised his head to look at him, a surprised expression on his face.  “What did you say?”

Wondering if stupidity was contagious, Dean repeated himself.  “I want you, I said.  Help me get out of this damned blanket.”

Instead, Aidan hugged him, essentially trapping him.  “We don’t have to have sex.”

Huffing, Dean said, “I know we don’t have to.  I want to.”

Kissing the top of his head, Aidan told him, “Maybe it isn’t such a good idea tonight.”

Dean was taken aback.  In all the time they had been together, he could probably count on one hand the times Aidan had rejected sex.  Most of those had been because of illness of some sort.  “What are you talking about?”  Yes, apparently stupidity was contagious.  Maybe next they could discuss something with depth, like how to use a spoon.  Just keep them away from the pointy objects. 

“I just don’t know if it is a good idea tonight.  Your ribs probably need a few more days to heal.  I don’t want to hurt you.”  Aidan hugged him closer. 

“You aren’t going to hurt me.”  When there was no response from Aidan except a shrug, he asked, “What if I want you to?”

Aidan pulled away, frowning.  “Huh?”

“I love this elevated discourse we have going tonight, by the way.  I said what if I want you to hurt me?” 

Giving him a glare, Aidan got up from the floor, moving to sit on the couch.  “That isn’t funny, Dean.”

Finally able to sit up, Dean let the blanket pool in his lap.  “I’m not joking.  As a matter of fact, where are the cuffs?”

“No.  We aren’t using the cuffs,” Aidan’s voice was strained, and he was pointedly not looking at Dean. 

“Fine, we don’t have to.”  Dean got up and padded over to Aidan, still naked, blanket forgotten.  Strangely, the more disconcerted Aidan acted, the more confident Dean felt.  He sat on the couch, deliberately crowding Aidan.  “Don’t you want me?”

“That’s not the problem,” Aidan shot him a quick glare then looked away again.  “The problem is I don’t want to accidentally damage you.  What if your rib breaks this time?”

Dean leaded into Aidan, kissing him on the shoulder.  “So we will be careful.”

“And if I can’t?”  Aidan’s voice was low.  “What if I hurt you and can’t stop?”

“That hasn’t been a problem before.”  Dean raised himself on one knee to lean over and mouth at Aidan’s earlobe. 

“What if I don’t want to stop?”  Aidan still wasn’t looking at Dean. 

Dean was starting to get frustrated.  He swung his leg over, straddling Aidan’s lap.  Tugging on dark curls, he finally got the man to meet his eyes.  “I want you to pound me through the mattress.  I want you to fuck me until I can’t walk.  I want to be able to feel it for days.  I certainly don’t want you to stop.”  He was hard just thinking about it.  He bent forward and lightly bit Aidan’s bottom lip, pulling at it with his teeth.

Aidan’s pupils were wide, making his eyes look black.  Dean could feel that he was aroused.  Still, he slid his hands between them, wrapping around Dean’s erection.  “I could do it like this,” Aidan murmured. 

Angry now, Dean knocked his hand away.  “I can do that myself.  Is this some sort of penance?  Not having sex?  Because I am not willing to pay it too.”

Aidan closed his eyes, saying, “I just don’t want to accidentally hurt you again.”  He leaned his head forward, resting it on Dean’s chest. 

“Accidentally?   So doing it on purpose is fine?”  Dean felt Aidan flinch at that, and his voice softened.  “You’ve never hurt me during sex.  Well, not anything I didn’t want or couldn’t take, anyway.”

Aidan just sighed.  Dean gave him another few minutes.  When he still didn’t say anything, Dean stood up.  Running a hand through Aidan’s hair, he told him, “Okay.  I’ll be in bed.  You keep telling me I’m yours.  Come prove it.”  He walked off without looking back. 

Thirty minutes later, there was still no sign of Aidan.  Dean was fed up and frustrated.  He finally gave up and decided to take matters into his own hands, so to speak.  And he had both of those hands busy when he heard the bedroom door open. 

He didn’t pause.  Dean knew what a sight he must be right now.  On top of the covers completely nude, legs spread wide, knees up, one hand slowly stroking his cock while he worked a finger in and out of himself.  He threw his head back, eyes squeezed shut, and pushed another finger in. 

He heard Aidan’s sharp intake of breath.  Dean let his legs fall open even more, making sure Aidan could get a good eyeful.

Dean felt the bed shift under the other man’s weight.  He stopped his movements and told Aidan, “Sorry, you must be tired.  I’ll just go finish this in the living room so you can go to sleep.”

He made to get up, and Aidan grabbed his hair, pulling him back.  Aidan growled, “Don’t you _dare_ ,” before crashing his lips against Dean’s in a kiss that was more teeth than anything else. 

Aidan shifted until he was on top of Dean, legs tangled.  Dean sighed under the familiar weight, and finally felt that tightness in his chest loosen.  He pulled at Aidan’s shirt until it was gone, and with that skin against his, he felt like he was able to take a deep breath for the first time in days.  He nipped at Aidan’s neck, holding him close and inhaling the smell of home. 

Aidan started to pull back, asking Dean, “Am I too heavy?”

Dean grabbed a handful of curls and locked a leg around his hips.  “No, and don’t even think about stopping.  I want you inside me.”  He bit Aidan’s neck hard enough to leave an imprint of his teeth. 

Aidan gasped and started fumbling with his pants, trying to get them off.  He grabbed the lube, but Dean told him, “I’m ready, I want you now.”

Aidan hopped up long enough to kick off his jeans and apply lube to himself, and then was back between Dean’s legs.  “Are you sure you’re ready?” Aidan asked.

Dean nodded, but he wasn’t ready enough.  It hurt when Aidan pushed into him, and he couldn’t help the small noise he made.  He buried his face against Aidan’s neck again. 

Aidan quit moving as soon as he heard the noise.  “Dean?”

“I’m fine, don’t stop,” Dean whispered, rolling his hips against the pain.  “Keep moving!”

In a strained voice, Aidan asked, “Flowerpot, right?”

“Right, now _move_ ,” and Dean moaned when Aidan thrust forward.  It still hurt but it also felt good.  He dug his fingers into Aidan’s hip, urging him on. 

Aidan ended up pinning his hands down.  It was rough and hard, exactly like Dean wanted.  When he came, it felt like an explosion, sudden and violent and shattering. 

When Aidan finished, they both just laid there breathless for a minute.  Dean hugged Aidan to him, not wanting it to end.  Aidan eventually lifted his head and asked, “Are you okay?”

Dean was still winded, but started to chuckle.  Aidan got an offended look and Dean laughed harder.  Aidan rolled off of him and pulled him into a hug.  “You know, love, if you keep having these emotional reactions every time we have sex, I don’t know if my ego can handle it.  I don’t know which one is worse.”  That made Dean laugh until he was starting to wheeze. 

Finally Dean got his giggle fit under control.  He gave Aidan a quick kiss and got up, telling him, “I’m fine.  That’s exactly what I wanted.  Do you think it’s too late to order that pizza now?”  He reached over, grabbed a tissue from the nightstand, and cleaned Aidan off. 

Aidan laid there like a lazy cat, stretched out across most of the bed.  “I’m not sure.  I can call and see though.”

“Do that.  I’m going to take a shower.  I smell like sex and almond oil.”  Dean took the tissue with him into the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet.  And if there was some blood on it, no one else needed to know. 


	36. Chapter 36

That tight feeling stayed in his chest most of the time now, but at least Dean was able to get out of the house.  Some places were easier than others.  Jimmy’s house was the easiest.  Dean couldn’t say why.  It was just something about his family, the casual acceptance of everyone, the same caring disregard given to everyone who came by from the neighborhood children to a stray dog.  If you showed up, you were counted as a part of things.  No one was an outsider at Jimmy’s house. 

Adam’s house was easy too.  Dean had spent so much time there that it was a second home.  He knew where everything was, and Adam was predictable.  They had known each other far too long and were comfortable with each other. 

Other places were not so easy.  Dean would go shopping early in the morning or late at night to avoid the crowds.  New places were often a nightmare.  If he could look it up online and know what to expect, and they went when it wasn’t crowded, then he could handle a new place. 

Dean’s photography suffered as well.  He tried to do some work for the modeling school, but going there was difficult without a car.  Plus it felt like they all wanted to sit around and watch him take pictures.  He briefly entertained the idea of having them come to his house, but quickly dismissed it.  He had a hard time opening the door for the delivery guy.  He couldn’t imagine having a stranger in his house, walking around. 

Aidan didn’t say anything about it, beyond asking if there was anything he could do for Dean.  There wasn’t, really, so they didn’t discuss it.  Occasionally Dean would turn to Aidan, half frantic, using him to try and get his mind to shut off for a little while.  Aidan would go along with those times too, although he usually was more careful than that first time after the fight. 

Dean felt like his life was divided in two: before the fight and after the fight.  On the surface, everything still looked the same.  Underneath, he felt brittle, ready to snap at the slightest pressure. 

One day Aidan announced, “I made us an appointment.”

“For what?”

“Therapy.  It’s couples counseling, but she wants to see us individually first, and do background stuff, history, that sort of thing.  I thought you could go see her first,” Aidan suggested. 

Dean had forgotten all about the therapy idea.  He would have been just as happy to completely ignore it.  Meeting someone new, even in a professional setting, was not going to be pleasant.  He couldn’t dismiss the idea now that Aidan had made the appointments.  Plus he wondered if this was Aidan’s not so subtle way of trying to fix whatever was wrong with Dean. 

Dean just smiled and agreed, “Sure.  I’ll go see her.”

***

Dean had gotten there almost an hour early.  Before he left the house, he looked up directions, and read everything he could find about this therapist and her practice.  He was as prepared as he could get.  Still, his stomach was churning. 

He got in the office and filled out all the paperwork, and settled in to wait.  It felt like forever before a woman came to the door and called him into her office. 

After a handshake and introductions (“Please call me Evi”), Dean sat down and waited to see what would happen.  He hadn’t seen a therapist before.  He had no idea what to expect.  He was just relieved there wasn’t a couch in the room. 

After a few moments of thumbing through the paperwork, she sat back, and asked Dean, “Tell me what brings you in today.”

“Well,” Dean thought for a moment, “I guess my husband.  We’ve been having a few problems and decided to get some help.”

Evi made a noncommittal noise, and asked, “What sort of problems?”

“We got in a big fight a few weeks ago.”  Dean wasn’t exactly sure where to start, or what information she was looking for. 

“Tell me about your fight?”

So, Dean told her.  He was honest, and open, thinking that if therapy was really going to work, she needed to know everything.  He told her about the fight, and about the fear, and about the tightness in his chest all the time.  He told her about not wanting to go anywhere, or deal with new people.  He admitted that it had been difficult for him to even come in to see her today. 

During all this, Evi had been taking notes.  She jotted something else down, and then asked Dean, “And it only happened this one time?”

“We’ve had other arguments before, of course,” Dean said.  “I mean, who doesn’t occasionally argue?”

“I mean the physical aspect of it,” Evi said.  “I notice you have a bruise on your wrist.”

“Oh,” Dean could feel himself blushing.  “Um, that was from something different.”  Evi made that noncommittal noise again, so Dean felt obligated to explain.  “That was from something… consensual.”

She made another note, and without looking up asked, “Are you sure?”

“Am I sure of what?  The bruise?  Yeah, that’s how I got it.” 

“I mean are you sure it was consensual?”  Evi looked up at him, finally. 

Dean could feel his face get even redder.  “Yes, I’m sure.  We, uh, experiment sometimes.”

“Whose idea is it to experiment?”

This was starting to get extremely uncomfortable.  “Sometimes his, sometimes mine,” Dean muttered, looking down.

She started at him for a moment, and then asked, “Have you ever thought about leaving your husband, Dean?”

“After that last fight?  Yes.  Briefly.”  Now he was starting to develop an active dislike for her. 

Evi made that vague noise again and wrote down something else.  “I’m going to refer you to a psychiatrist here in the office.  Have you ever heard of post-traumatic stress disorder?”

“Yes,” Dean said, “but wait.  Why are you referring me to a psychiatrist?”

“I think you have PTSD and would benefit from medication,” she said, writing something on a slip of paper. 

“I thought people got PTSD in war or something, and I don’t want medication.” 

“PTSD can occur when any traumatic event happens in a person’s life,” Evi explained.  “And it is more common with people who have ongoing events, such as abuse.  Would you be willing to tell the police what you have told me here today?”

“ _What?_ ”  Dean had heard enough.  “No!  I don’t have PTSD, I don’t want drugs, and I don’t want to talk to the police.  I came here hoping to find… I don’t know anymore, maybe a better way to communicate or something.  Or something to help deal with stress.  _This_ is not helping anything.”

Dean could feel his chest tightening up.  This conversation wasn’t helping at all.  Evi kept looking at him like he was a germ under a microscope while she was making that stupid noise, or writing notes about who knew what in that file.  She was writing something else now. 

“I think we are done here,” Dean said, standing up.

Evi looked up in surprise.  “We have about ten minutes left.  Let me finish making out this referral form.”

“That won’t be necessary.  I don’t want it,” Dean turned to go.

“Oh,” Evi looked nonplussed.  “Well, you can schedule your next appointment at the front desk.  And here, take this.”  She thrust a pamphlet of some sort at him, and he took it on reflex.

Dean made his escape, and stopped at the front desk to cancel Aidan’s appointment.  He declined making another appointment for himself.  He glanced at the paper Evi had handed him, and saw it was about post-traumatic stress disorder.  He left it sitting on the front desk when he left. 

***

Aidan was relaxing on the couch when Dean walked in.  With a smile, he greeted the blonde, “How did it go?”  Dean didn’t know what expression was on his face, but it must not have been pleasant.  “Ugh, that bad?  C’mere, love.” 

Dean went willingly to his arms.  After hugging Aidan a moment, he asked, “Where did you find that woman?  She was awful.”

Sounding sheepish, Aidan replied, “The phone book.”

“Seriously?  You work around doctors and you couldn’t get a referral?”  Dean was incredulous.  “Well, at any rate, we aren’t going back to her.  We’ll find someone else.”

Aidan nuzzled against his neck.  “Whatever you want, love.”


	37. Chapter 37

Lee called Dean.  “You two haven’t been to one of my parties in weeks.  Jed’s asked about you, and I miss seeing your cute little butt.  Have you decided on a white picket fence vanilla lifestyle now?”

Dean couldn’t help but grin.  “Hardly.  I’ve just been having some problems.  That’s all.”

“Aw, what’s wrong?  Tell Papa all about it.”

“Did you really just call yourself Papa?  That’s disturbing,” Dean laughed.  Still, he wound up talking on the phone with Lee for almost two hours.  The man was astute, and easy to talk to when he wasn’t going out of his way to be flirty.  Lee extracted a promise that Aidan and Dean would come over for dinner with Luke.  In exchange, he gave Dean the names and numbers of some therapists, doctors, and psychiatrists who were “lifestyle friendly” as he put it. 

“They won’t assume you are being beaten if you happen to show up with a bruise,” Lee explained.  “Or I guess they might, but they won’t just assume it is not consensual.” 

“Well, that’s a step in the right direction.  Maybe they won’t threaten to call the police,” Dean sighed.  “Anyway, is there anything you want us to bring for dinner?”

“I wouldn’t refuse some of those peanut butter cookies you make.”

***

Dean had a death grip on the plate of cookies.  He didn’t understand why he felt so anxious.  They were just going to Lee’s place for dinner.  It was only going to be the four of them there.  It wasn’t a new place.  Still, he was struggling to breathe and felt like he was going to vomit.  He was glad he was in the backseat.  Aidan and Luke were talking in the front.  They didn’t notice him shaking. 

Lee did.  When they got there, Lee took one look at Dean and asked if he could help in the kitchen.  After instructing Aidan and Luke to make themselves at home, Lee whisked Dean away. 

“You weren’t kidding about having a hard time away from home, were you?” Lee murmured as he got Dean situated on a chair.  He dampened a dishcloth and pressed it against the back of Dean’s neck. 

Dean sat for a minute.  The cool cloth was soothing, and Lee was rubbing his back in slow circles.  Finally, he felt like he’d be able to talk without throwing up. 

“Thank you,” he told Lee.  “The dishcloth helped.” 

“I’ve had my own share of panic attacks,” Lee said.  “Have you tried meditation?”

“Wait, what?”

“Meditation.  It can help if you just focus on your breathing.”  Lee kept rubbing his back.

“No, not that,” Dean said.  “You get these too?”

“A lot of people get these, Dean,” Lee said.  “It’s probably a lot more common than you think.”

Dean hunched his shoulders a bit.  “I thought I was going crazy.  Then that woman wanted me to see a psychiatrist, and that sort of cemented the idea.”

Lee tugged him over for a hug.  “You aren’t crazy.  You just need to learn a few new coping skills.”

Letting his head fall on Lee’s shoulder, Dean whispered, “I’ve just felt so alone.  I didn’t know anyone else felt like this too.”

Lee started to say something else, but Aidan came in the door, saying, “Hey guys, mind if I grab a… Dean?  Is everything okay?”  Aidan stopped by the door, eyes flicking from Dean to Lee.

Dean had jerked upright at the sound of Aidan’s voice, but Lee’s arm was still around his shoulders.  He saw the look on Aidan’s face when that arm registered.   Dean’s stomach sank when he saw Aidan’s eyes narrow. 

“Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.  Can I get you anything?” Lee asked.

“No, I’m fine.  Are you okay, Dean?” Aidan searched Dean’s face.

Dean nodded, “Yeah, I’m okay.”

After an awkward moment of silence, Aidan said, “Well, I’ll go tell Luke supper’s about ready.”  He stomped out of the kitchen. 

Lee watched him go, and then asked Dean, “He’s always been jealous, but has he always been this possessive too?”

Dean sighed and said, “No, some days he is worse.”

“You know the flowerbed next to the guesthouse door?” Lee asked.  “There is a brown rock in it.  The guesthouse key is under that rock.  In case you ever want to take a break and get away or anything.  I don’t think anyone would think to look for you here.”

Dean didn’t know what to say, but Lee didn’t wait for a reply.  He just checked on whatever was in the oven, and then set about making a salad. 

After they ate, Aidan was being so clingy it was almost smothering Dean.  Aidan made sure they sat together on the loveseat, and kept holding Dean’s hand.  When Lee offered to show Dean something outside, Aidan trailed along, obviously stepping between Lee and Dean a few times.  It got bad enough that even Luke was looking at him funny.  Eventually Luke pulled him away, and when they came back Aidan quit hanging on Dean.  He still had a sulky look however. 

On the way home, Luke asked Aidan what the problem was.  Aidan was quiet for a few minutes before blurting out, “He doesn’t have to keep touching Dean all the time!”

Dean looked at him, startled.  “He doesn’t touch me all the time!  It was one hug!”

“One hug in the kitchen, and hugging you when we first got there, and sitting next to you all the time, and putting his arm around you, and playing with your hair… do I need to go on?”  Aidan sounded like he was pouting now. 

“Lee pretty much does that with everyone,” Luke quietly pointed out.  “You’re being ridiculous.”

Aidan heaved a big sigh, and then shot Dean a look over his shoulder.  “Sorry, love.  I know it’s stupid.  It bothers me, is all.”

Later, Aidan was spooned around Dean in bed.  He asked, “Do you remember when you told me to surprise you?”

Dean thought for a second, and replied, “You’ll have to be more specific.  You’ve surprised me several times.”

“Mostly good, I hope.”  Aidan paused for a second, then continued, “I mean when we were talking about the whole acting out a fantasy thing.”  Dean made a vague noise, and Aidan pushed on.  “You told me to surprise you with acting it out.  Only I want something that I don’t really want to be a surprise.”

“You’re starting to confuse me, Aidan,” Dean huffed.  “What is it that you want?”

Aidan hugged Dean closer to him, and said, ”Remember when Luke showed me why we need a safe word?”  Dean nodded, and Aidan continued, “I want that.  Only with Luke and me, both of us.  And to not stop.”  He kissed the back of Dean’s neck. 

“Oh,” Dean muttered weakly.  He wasn’t sure what to say.  “Does Luke know?”

“He didn’t know I’d be asking you about it tonight,” Aidan kissed the back of Dean’s neck again.  “He knows about the idea in general, though.”

“What’s he say about it?”

“He won’t do it unless he can talk to you about it first.”  Aidan hugged him again.  “So, can he talk to you?”

“Yeah, he can talk to me I guess.”  Dean figured talking wouldn’t hurt.  “No promises though.”

***

A few days later, Luke called Dean. 

“Aidan said you were open to the idea of getting attacked,” Luke said first thing.

“Well hello to you too, Luke.  I’m fine, thanks for asking.  And how are you today?” Dean said.

Laughing, Luke apologized, “Sorry, sorry.  I was just surprised you agreed to go along with this thing, that’s all.”

“I haven’t agreed to go along with anything yet.  I only agreed to talk to you, so far.”  Dean wanted that clear.  “Aidan told me you wanted to talk about it.”

“Yeah.  I want to know if you are actually on board, and what limits you have on this thing.  Aidan wants it to be kind of rough.  I need to know what you want.”

“Aidan’s going to be there too.  He knows what I like and don’t like.”  Dean thought about it, and he didn’t remember having a conversation like this before, ever. 

“Aidan isn’t going to be the one who is held down and raped,” Luke explained patiently. 

Dean flinched.  “That sounds a little harsh.”

“Maybe, but it’s still true.  I know we’ll just be acting, but explain that to your body when that adrenaline rush hits.  It will feel real.  I want to know what lines you have that you don’t want crossed so it doesn’t actually become real.”  Luke waited silently while Dean thought about it.

“No knives.  Nothing that causes bloodshed, actually,” Dean mused.  “Nothing too weird or gross.  No permanent marks or anything like that.  I don’t know.”

Luke sighed.  “That isn’t very specific.  There is still a whole world of hurt that I could inflict upon you within those parameters.”

He toyed with the thought of asking for details, and then decided he probably didn’t want to know.  Especially if some of those hurts were going to be inflicted on him.  “I trust you and Aidan to not do anything too crazy.”

“What’s your safe word again?

“Flowerpot.”

“Oh yeah.”  Dean could hear the smile in Luke’s voice.  “Well, it will be like before.  I won’t stop unless you say flowerpot. So object or fight back all you want.   Understand?”

“Got it.”  Dean asked nervously, “When are you going to do it?”

“I’d like it to be a surprise.  I can talk to Aidan to schedule things.”

“Okay.  Where do you want to do it?”

“Any preference?”

Dean thought that the idea of this thing happening out of the blue at a strange place wasn’t so great.  It was already hard to leave the house.  “What about doing it here at our house?”

“That works for me, except not in your bedroom.  A spare room or something is fine though.  That’s my line drawn.”  Luke’s voice was firm.   “So are you agreeing to this thing?”

“I guess so,” Dean said.  He had a knot in his stomach.

“You don’t sound too certain.  Look, I’ve made it no secret that I find you attractive since I first saw you.  This isn’t a hardship for me.  Why are you going along with it?” Luke asked. 

Dean wasn’t quite sure what to say, so he replied, “You aren’t exactly hard on the eyes either.”  Which was the truth.  Just not the whole truth.  “I want Aidan to be happy, that’s all.”

“Do you think this will make him happy?”

“He says it will.”  Dean sighed, “Yeah, I am agreeing to it.”

“Are you positive?”  Luke asked, keeping his voice level, but Dean thought he could hear eagerness there.

“Yes, I’m positive.”  Dean kept his voice firm.

“I’ll talk to Aidan, then.”


	38. Chapter 38

Dean had been working in the backyard all day.  He got the grass mowed, the weeds pulled from the flowerbeds, and everything edged.  He finally sat back and looked around when Aidan brought him a bottle of water.  Satisfied that everything was as done as it was going to be for now, he drank and then hit the shower. 

When he got out, Dean threw on a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, and headed in search of Aidan.  He found the taller man in the kitchen.

“What do you want for dinner?” Dean asked, heading to the refrigerator to see what the options might be. 

“I have an idea of what I want to eat,” Aidan murmured in his ear, pressing up against his back. 

With a smile, Dean turned to him.  “Oh really?  And what might that be?”  He laughed when Aidan pulled his shirt over his head. 

“How about I show you?”  Aidan gently bit Dean’s bottom lip, tugging on it a bit before releasing it.  “You know I love you, right?”

“Right.  Now kiss me,” Dean whispered against Aidan’s mouth.

Aidan obliged.  He kissed Dean, running his hands down Dean’s arms.  Aidan took Dean’s hands and pulled them to cross at the small of his back. 

Dean was savoring the feel of those warm, slightly chapped lips, exploring Aidan’s mouth with his tongue.  The next thing that registered was a clicking sound, then a cold weight against his wrists.  And just like that, he was handcuffed. 

Dean jumped and spun around.  Luke was standing there with a smile on his face.  Dean backed up and bumped into Aidan.  He knew there would be no help from that area, so he slipped past.  He felt his mouth dry, and he realized that he was already pumped with adrenaline, gulping air. 

“Hi honey!  I’m home!”  Luke cheerfully greeted Dean.

Dean backed up a couple of steps, keeping both men in his line of sight.  “Oh, fuck,” he whispered. 

Luke shrugged and said, “Well, if you insist.”  Luke’s smile turned predatory, and he took a step towards Dean. 

Dean promptly took another step away.  Luke’s smile widened, and he stalked the blonde until Dean was backed against the counter.  Luke kept coming until he was pressed against Dean.  He put his hands on the counter to either side, effectively trapping Dean.  He nuzzled Dean’s ear, murmuring, “No place left to run, pet.”  Luke pulled back a bit, and gave Dean a peck on the forehead.  “Say your safe word for me,” he commanded. 

That wasn’t what Dean had been expecting.  “Why?”

“If you can’t say it for me now when we haven’t even gotten started, how can I be sure you can remember it later?”  Luke pulled back a few inches.  “Or just don’t say it at all, and this is over before it begins.  Your choice.”

Dean was handcuffed, half naked, and cornered in the kitchen, and they hadn’t even begun?  He thought about not saying it, accepting the easy way out he had been given.  He looked over Luke’s shoulder and saw Aidan.  Aidan was carefully keeping a neutral expression on his face, looking at the floor.

Dean looked at Luke.  He wasn’t sure what he expected, but Luke just looked back at him, waiting patiently for Dean to make up his mind.  Dean realized that the knot of tension in his stomach was gone.  Other things had replaced it.  Anticipation, fear, and desire battled to see which would win.  His pulse was racing and his breathing was fast, but it was not from that wad of anxiety that he always seemed to carry now.  He was still anxious, true, but at least this bout of nerves had a cause. 

Still looking at Luke, Dean muttered, “Flowerpot.”  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Aidan’s head whip up. 

Luke smiled at him.  “That word is the only thing that’s going to stop this, at least until I am done.  Okay?”

“Okay.”  Dean was glad that his voice didn’t waver.  He may have been ready to explode from tension, but he sounded sure and certain. 

Luke leaned into him, and gave him a soft kiss.  Then Luke took a step back, grabbed Dean by the hips, and spun him around.  Luke pushed Dean’s head down.  Suddenly Dean found himself bent over against the counter, held in place by Luke’s hand on the back of his neck.  Dean mumbled, “Oh god.”

Luke heard him, leaned over, and licked the side of his face.  “Too late for prayers now, pet,” he told Dean.  Standing back up, he asked Aidan “Is there a room where everything isn’t quite so breakable?  The kitchen isn’t the best place.”  He kept Dean pinned to the counter. 

“We can go to the basement,” Aidan suggested.

“Works for me,” Luke said, and pulled Dean upright. 

The next thing Dean knew, Luke had picked him up and was carrying him down the stairs.  Dean had a good view of Luke’s rear, because he was slung over the man’s shoulder like a sack of grain.  He wriggled, trying to get more comfortable since Luke’s shoulder was digging into his stomach.  He got a hard slap on his ass for his trouble. 

“Don’t squirm, I don’t want to drop you,” Luke warned.  Dean held still, since he didn’t fancy that idea either. 

Luke didn’t set him down until they were down the stairs and across the basement.  Dean found himself propped against the wall, Luke leaning against him lightly, holding him in place.  He watched as Aidan went to a bag, and started pulling out the leather cuffs. 

Aidan held up the gag and blindfold, asking Luke, “Do we want these?”

“Not the gag,” Luke replied.  “I want to hear him beg.”

Dean told himself he wouldn’t make a sound.  He didn’t know how long that promise would last, but he would try.

Aidan crossed the room, bringing the restraints.  He paused when Luke held up his hand, motioning for him to wait.

Luke pulled Dean away from the wall, and told him, “I have a deal for you, pet.”  Sliding behind Dean, he pulled out the key to the handcuffs.  “I’m going to take these off.  If you can make it out of the house, you are free to go.”  Luke unlocked the cuffs and tossed them aside.  He leaned forward, and in a low voice, told Dean, “Run.”

Dean was in motion before the word was completely out of Luke’s mouth.  The adrenaline was pumping, and he was in full fight or flight mode.  He didn’t even think about it, and was halfway across the basement before he realized he was moving.  He actually made it three steps up the stairs before a pair of arms caught him around the waist, picking him up.  When his feet hit the floor, he let his body go limp, sliding to the ground and out of those arms.  As soon as he was free, he jumped back up and dashed for the stairs again.  He was hauled back, and he tried to slide out of the grip again.  This time his captor followed him down. 

Flight hadn’t worked, so Dean fought.  It wasn’t a conscious decision, he just did it.  He threw his arm back and his elbow caught someone in the stomach.  With a harsh exhalation of breath in his ear, Dean squirmed his way free from the loosened grasp.  Another set of arms caught him around the chest, and Dean threw a fist, but his arm was grabbed before it made contact. 

It took both of them, and a little effort, but eventually Dean was stripped of his sweat pants and subdued.  He found himself on his stomach on a mat on the floor.  Aidan was pinning his arms down, and Luke was plastered to his back, between his legs.  All three of them were panting.  Dean tried to get a leg under him to buck them off, but Luke just kicked them apart again, not allowing Dean to get leverage.  He tried pulling his arms away, but Aidan just pressed down harder. 

Luke laughed breathlessly.  “Wow, you’re a feisty one, aren’t you?”  He grabbed a fistful of Dean’s hair, pulling his head back.  “Here’s the rules, pet.  Good boys get rewards, bad boys get punished.  Aidan’s going to get those cuffs and put them on you.  How this night goes is up to you.”  Luke nuzzled the back of Dean’s neck, asking him, “Understand?”

Dean closed his eyes and pressed his lips together, refusing to even acknowledge that Luke was speaking. 

“Going to be the strong, silent type?” Luke mocked him.  He took Dean’s earlobe between his teeth, gently at first, but increasing pressure.  Finally Dean whimpered, and Luke laughed.  “Oh, this is gonna be fun,” he whispered.  “Maybe tonight you’ll scream for me.”

Dean silently swore that he wouldn’t scream.  No matter what, he was not going to scream. 

They got the leather cuffs on his wrists and ankles, and the collar on too.   Dean soon found himself restrained on his back, hands behind his head, wrists attached to the collar, ankles together and propped up on a table.  It was almost relaxing, or it would have been if Luke hadn’t been standing above him holding a flogger. 

“You are always asking me if I have a foot fetish,” Luke told Dean.  “Not exactly.  It’s only that feet are usually so sensitive.”  He lightly draped the falls of the flogger across the soles of Dean’s foot. 

It tickled, and Dean tried to jerk his foot away reflexively.  He was tied to the table though, and the jerk got him nowhere.  He ground his teeth, enduring the tickle while Luke lightly swung the flogger back and forth across his feet, tangling it around his toes. 

Watching him, Luke asked, “Not very ticklish?  That’s okay too.”  Luke pulled the flogger away, then snapped it back. 

Pain burst across the sole of Dean’s foot.  Immediately after, the sole of his other foot erupted as well.  His whole body jerked, and Dean gasped.  He bit his lip, trying to keep from making a sound. 

“It stings, I know.”  Luke watched Dean’s face.  Changing the angle of his swing, he warned Dean, “Not nearly as much as this will, though.”  He lashed out, snapping the flogger across the top of one foot, then the other.

It felt like someone had set Dean’s feet on fire.  The flogger had never hurt this badly on other areas of his body.  He bit his lips harder, hands clenched in fists, eyes squeezed shut, trying to not make any noise.  Finally the pain began to abate, and he opened his eyes to see Luke smiling at him. 

“Being stubborn tonight, pet?”  Luke sat the flogger on the table, and kneeled on the ground by Dean’s head.  “Open your mouth.” 

Dean kept his mouth shut, lips pressed together, defiantly staring at Luke. 

Luke ran his thumb across Dean’s mouth and laughed.  He bent down, and playfully licked the tip of Dean’s nose.  “That’s fine with me.  I don’t mind working for it.  It’ll make it sweeter when you break.”

Dean kept his first promise for almost two hours before he started to beg.  It was three and a half hours before he screamed the first time.  Some unknown amount of time after that he was on his knees in front of Luke, covered in sweat and other things, looking up adoringly. 

“Open your mouth for me, pet,” Luke ordered.

Dean willingly complied, his eyes rolling back in his head as Luke ran a thumb across his swollen lips and into his mouth.  He curled his tongue around the intruding digit, suckling on it a bit. 

Luke ran his other hand through Dean’s hair, telling him, “That’s a good boy.”  Dean nuzzled into that hand, enjoying the touch. 

By this time, Dean was so far gone that he couldn’t have said his safe word if he wanted.  He might have had a hard time saying his own name.  For hours now he had been nothing but pet and boy.  He had never felt so high in his life, not even after he drank whatever was in that flask at Lee’s party.  He wanted to just roll on the ground and luxuriate in the sensation like a cat rolling in catnip.  At the same time, he wanted this to never stop. 

Dean moaned when Luke pulled his hands away, but Aidan was there, kneeling in front of Dean, kissing him.  When Aidan pulled back, Dean stayed where he was, waiting to be told what to do. 

Dean looked down when Aidan ordered him to do so, and felt a tugging at his neck.  He didn’t realize the collar was coming off until Aidan lifted it away. 

Luke was sitting behind him, and pulled Dean down to sit between his legs, his chest against Dean’s back.  He kissed the back of the blonde’s neck, whispering, “Relax now Dean, it’s over, you’re okay.”

Slowly, Dean let himself sink against Luke, eyes half open, watching Aidan as he removed the cuffs.  He wound up with his head leaning back against Luke’s shoulder, limp and exhausted.  Luke kept murmuring soothing things, and told Aidan something.  Dean was only aware of Aidan leaving for a few minutes, then returning with a juice box and a light blanket.  Luke rubbed his shoulders while Aidan coaxed him to drink all of the juice. 

Eventually they all ended up lying on the mat.  Dean was on his side with Luke pressed up tight against his back.  Aidan was lying face to face with Dean, foreheads touching, occasionally kissing him.  They were all under the blanket.  Dean enjoyed the warmth, and the contact.  He didn’t want to move, and that was okay, since he doubted he could walk yet. 

After a while, Aidan pulled back.  Dean looked up to see that blinding smile Aidan had when he was happy.  Dean returned the smile, simply glad that Aidan was happy. 

“That was incredible, love,” Aidan told him.  “I don’t even have words to describe how amazing that was.  It was unreal.  Thank you.”  He dropped a kiss on Dean’s forehead, then pulled the blonde into a hug and laughed.  “I can’t even imagine how we are going to top this next time.”

Dean heard Luke murmur something, but he didn’t pay attention.  He let the voices wash over him, and snuggled deeper into the blanket against Luke.  Pulling Aidan closer, he dozed, feeling like he was floating. 

Eventually they got up from the floor and stumbled up the stairs.  They all wound up in the spare bedroom, tangled in sheets and blankets and each other.  Dean fell asleep with Aidan on one side, Luke on the other, and feeling more serene than he had ever felt before. 


	39. Chapter 39

The next morning, Dean was still floating along on that cloud of bliss.  He woke alone, and was reluctant to get up.  He stayed in bed until his stomach growled, reminding him he hadn’t eaten since brunch yesterday.  Finally he crawled out of bed and made his way to the shower.  He was still disgusting and sticky from last night. 

The hot water felt good on his aching muscles, but stung in several spots where his skin was broken.  Trying to assess the damage, he thought that while the gymnastics mats were good to fall on, they were not exactly gentle on the skin.  His hands and knees were raw.  Plus there were spots along his back that he couldn’t see.  He didn’t know if it was from the mat, or other things: flogger, cane, teeth.  Thinking about it made him shiver. 

He slipped into an old t-shirt and shorts, and made his way to the kitchen.  There was no coffee made, and it seemed like too much effort at the moment.  He grabbed a coke from the fridge and wandered into the living room.  Aidan and Luke both looked up from their spots on the couch. 

“It’s alive!” Aidan flashed one of those dazzling smiles his way.  “How do you feel, love?”

Dean plopped on the couch, then swung around, laying his head in Aidan’s lap and propping his feet up in Luke’s lap.  “I’m hungry.  What’s for breakfast?”  His voice was hoarse and his throat hurt.  The cold soda helped soothe it, though. 

“I think you mean dinner.  You’ve been asleep all day,” Luke said, rubbing one of Dean’s feet. 

“Call it whatever you want, just feed me.”  Dean set the soda on the coffee table and relaxed, enjoying the touch. 

Aidan pushed at Dean’s shoulder.  “Roll over and let me see your back.”  He slipped out from under Dean’s head. 

Dean wormed around until he was face down on the couch, feet still on Luke.  Aidan tugged his shirt up, finally getting exasperated and telling Dean to take it off.  Dean pulled it over his head, letting the shirt fall to the floor.  Aidan and Luke both made a noise.

Concerned, Dean started to sit up, but they both pressed him back down on the couch.  Aidan got up and headed to the bathroom.

“Are you hurting?” Luke asked Dean, resuming the foot rub.

“I’m achy, and it stings in spots, but that’s about it.”  Dean debated asking what his back looked like.  He didn’t bother to look in the mirror when he showered earlier.  He decided he’d wait and see for himself. 

Aidan returned with an antibiotic ointment.  “This might burn a little,” he warned Dean.  He started dabbing it on spots on Dean’s back.

It did burn, but mostly it was cool and soothing.  Luke kept rubbing his feet.  Dean relaxed into the couch, feeling boneless.  It didn’t matter what his back looked like.  Aidan and Luke would take care of him.  He started to doze a bit. 

Luke said quietly to Aidan, “I told you to take it easy with the cane.  He isn’t going to be able to move tomorrow.”

Sounding subdued, Aidan replied, “I know.  I guess I got carried away.”

Luke stopped rubbing Dean’s feet and poked Aidan.  “You don’t get to _get carried away_ like that.  Ever.”  His voice was still low, but Luke sounded angry. 

Dean buried his face in the cushion and wiggled his feet in Luke’s lap.  He still felt content and didn’t want to have to listen to anyone argue.  Luke started rubbing his feet again, and Dean hummed appreciatively. 

“What do you want to eat, love?” Aidan asked as he continued to rub medication on Dean’s back.  “We could go pick something up if you like.”

That sounded like entirely too much effort.  Dean suggested, “What about the delivery place with the good pad thai?”

“Sure, I’ll order it in a minute.  Take off your shorts for me.” 

Dean wriggled out of them, and stayed on the couch.  Aidan kept putting the ointment on him, getting all the spots that had been covered by the shorts. 

When he got done, Aidan patted Dean’s leg.  “You can get dressed again if you want.  Are you staying for dinner, Luke?”

Dean pressed his feet down into Luke’s lap, trying to hold him in place.  “He’s staying.  Order some spring rolls too.”  He wasn’t willing to give up this sensation of tranquility yet.  He hummed with satisfaction when the other men agreed.

***

Unfortunately, Luke was right about being sore the next day.  Everything hurt.  Dean was pretty sure even his hair hurt.  It felt like someone had made his skin too small and tight while he was asleep. 

Aidan was gone to work by the time Dean hobbled into the kitchen.  There was a note on the coffee maker though.  It told him there was a sandwich prepared for him in the fridge, and to just try to relax and enjoy his day.  Dean snorted and threw it away.

He decided to take a hot bath and see if that would help.  While the tub was filling, he inspected himself in the mirror.  It was not as bad as he had imagined, considering the way he felt.  Still, it was pretty bad.  He was a little shocked at how bad it was. 

Sure, it was fun while he was doing it.  He enjoyed the peacefulness he felt afterwards, too.  Was it really worth it, though?  Dean was starting to think the answer was no. 

Later, Aidan looked him over again.  Applying a little more medication to Dean’s back, Aidan was talking about not using that cane again.  He mentioned finding a different cane, one that was a little thicker so it wouldn’t break the skin so easily.

“Maybe we should give up the cane idea.  We can do other things,” Dean suggested. 

“I’m sure we’ll find a cane that suits,” Aidan replied.  “We just might have to try a few first.”

***

The next day, Dean was still sore and stiff.  It wasn’t as bad, though.  He looked horrible, however.  The bruises had darkened.  He didn’t even want to look at himself in the mirror.  He looked too much like a victim.

Dean lay back in bed, thinking.  He remembered what Aidan had said in the basement.  _I can’t even imagine how we are going to top this next time._ He thought about the remark about trying a few canes to find the right one.  He thought about all the bruises and marks.  He thought about the times that Aidan wanted Luke to be there. 

He admitted that Luke helped Aidan control himself.  What kind of marriage did they have if they needed a spotter?  Even that seemed to be failing now.  Luke had told Aidan to be gentle with the cane.  What did Aidan say?  _I guess I got carried away._ Luke had told Aidan several times.  In fact, he had even told Aidan while it was happening. 

Things seemed to be escalating.  Each time seemed to be more violent.  Then he thought back to the time Aidan cut his clothes off with a knife.  Dean didn’t know if they were escalating so much as changing.  What would Aidan have done with that knife if Dean had been gagged at the time?  It had seemed like Dean’s voice was what had jolted Aidan back to reality. 

Dean wondered what would happen now, if he were tied up and Aidan had a knife.  He had to admit that if Aidan was as angry as that night, he didn’t know.  That scared him. 

While he was facing some hard truths, he might as well admit that the night after he was drugged at Lee’s party was completely unexpected.  His mind shied away from the word rape.  He didn’t think Luke and Aidan had done it intentionally.  Well, he was sure Luke hadn’t anyway.  What about Aidan?  He thought hard, but he couldn’t convince himself that Aidan had set him up for that.  He honestly thought it was a misunderstanding on everyone’s part.  This most recent scene, he had agreed to do.  He even told Luke he agreed, so there was no question about it.  It had been Aidan’s idea though. 

When had Aidan developed this fetish for seeing him with other men?  No, not other men… just Luke.  Aidan got jealous of anyone else.  Dean remembered his reaction to Lee’s hug.  Now that he thought about it, most of these suggestions about Dean sleeping with Luke happened after Aidan had some attack of jealousy.  Aidan always wanted them to be forceful, too.  It had to be violent. 

Dean wondered where the line was.  When would this stop?  He had done everything Aidan wanted, trying to make him happy.  He had gone along with the plans, ideas, and fantasies.  Again, Aidan’s voice in his mind said, _I can’t even imagine how we are going to top this next time._ Next time.  Did that mean that Aidan wanted to do it again?

This wasn’t going to stop.  Aidan would keep doing it as long as Dean allowed it.  It wouldn’t stop until someone was seriously hurt.  Or dead, the small voice in the back of his mind insisted.  Dean shoved that thought away, banishing it to the same place as the suspicion he had… that if Dean didn’t allow it, Aidan might tie him down and continue anyway. 

Dean told himself that Aidan wouldn’t.  Aidan wouldn’t tie him down and do things to him, especially if he definitely said no.  Aidan wouldn’t kill him.  At least not on purpose, that damned small voice unhelpfully added. 

Suddenly Dean couldn’t breathe.  He got up and went to the bathroom.  Bending over the sink, Dean ran cold water over his hands, splashing some on to his face.  He caught sight of himself in the mirror, and stopped to stare. 

“I can’t keep doing this.”  The sound of his own voice startled Dean.  He snapped out of whatever state he was in, and headed back to the bedroom.  He grabbed his phone and went to the closet, already placing the call when he pulled the suitcase out.

***

Lee let Dean into the guesthouse, telling him, “There is a mini fridge out here, but for cooking you have to go to the main house.  Here are the keys to both houses.”

Dean took them silently, and sat his suitcase inside the door.  He placed his laptop on the table, and looked around. 

Lee watched him for a minute, then asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Dean shook his head no. 

“Well,” Lee said, “you are welcome to stay as long as you want.  I won’t tell a soul you are here.”

Dean thanked him.  Lee hugged him and left after offering to fix dinner for them both later.  When Lee was gone, Dean sat on the edge of the bed.  He was at a loss.  He had no idea what he was going to do now. 

 

 


	40. Chapter 40

Dean sat on the bed, staring blankly. He had no idea how long he had been like that when his phone rang. He was expecting it, but it startled him anyway. He answered cautiously.

“I found your note.” Aidan’s voice sounded very small and uncertain.

Dean wasn’t expecting that. He thought Aidan might rage, or cajole. He didn’t think of how much pain could be expressed in a tone of voice.

“Good,” Dean replied, and then stopped. He didn’t know what to say.

“Can I ask where you are?”

“I’d rather not say right now.” That knot of anxiety was back in Dean’s stomach, so big he could barely breathe.

Aidan’s voice got smaller until Dean could barely hear it. “Are you leaving me? For good?”

“No!” Dean’s throat was tight with the effort not to cry. “I’m not leaving. I meant what I put in the note. I just need a little time to think. A little space. That’s all.”

“When will you come home?” Now Aidan sounded like he was crying.

Dean hated to hear him sound so defeated. He hated knowing that he was the cause of it even more. He wanted to tell Aidan to come and get him, he’d go home right now. But he couldn’t keep pretending that everything was fine, because it wasn’t. So instead he said, “I don’t know yet.”

Aidan sniffled and was quiet for a moment before saying, “I love you.”

“I love you too. I’m going to go now though.”

“Can I call you later, at least?”

Dean sighed, “I don’t know. Yes, you can call. I may not answer, though. Okay?”

Aidan made a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “None of this is really okay. I’ll call later.”

After saying goodbye, Dean laid down on the bed. He finally gave in and cried until he fell asleep.

He woke up to a tapping on the door.

“Dean?” Lee’s voice came through. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Dean called. “I’m fine.” He rubbed his hands over his face.

“Dinner is ready. It’s on the table. Will you come eat?

“Sure.” Dean sighed, and then heaved himself out of bed.

Dinner was simple, only soup and a salad. Lee kept the conversation light, telling Dean he could talk if he felt like it. Dean didn’t, so Lee talked instead. Dean picked at his food and listened.

After dinner, Lee asked that Dean join him for a while on the back porch. “It’s the best place to sit and watch the sun go down. Sometimes the sunsets are amazing. I try to watch whenever the weather permits.”

Dean agreed, and found himself sitting in a rocker with a cold beer. Lee sat silently, nursing a beer of his own. They watched as the sun sank below the horizon.

While the sky was still pink, Dean started to talk. He told Lee how he met Aidan, and how they met Luke. He spoke about the arguments, and the jealousy. Then he told Lee about the fun they have together, how sweet Aidan can be, how he could be such a giving person.

Lee listened to everything, occasionally nodding or making a sound to show he was paying attention. After Dean wound down and stopped talking, Lee reached over and patted his shoulder. They sat in companionable silence, watching the stars start to appear. Eventually Lee got up, and told Dean, “I’m here if you need me.” After giving another pat, Lee went inside.

Dean sat for a few more minutes, and then went back to the guesthouse. He had just shut the door when his phone started ringing.

It was Adam. “You left Aidan?”

“When did people decide to ignore phone etiquette?” Dean wondered aloud. “Hello to you too, Adam.”

“Screw your etiquette,” Adam replied. “You left Aidan and I had to find out from Luke?”

Dean sighed, and replied, “I just wanted to keep you out of it. I’m sorry.”

Adam’s voice softened as he said, “You are my best friend, you idiot. You know I’m always here for you. Do you have a place to stay?”

“Yeah, I am staying at a friend’s house.” Dean didn’t mean to be evasive, but he knew Adam had no guile. The man couldn’t keep a secret if his life depended on it, and Dean didn’t want to put him in that position.

Adam knew it too, so he didn’t press for details. “Do you want to talk?”

“Not tonight. I just need some time to think.”

“You know how to reach me if you do.”

After they hung up, Dean opened his laptop and fooled around a bit online. He was debating watching a movie when his phone rang again. It was Aidan. He debated not answering, but picked up before his voicemail could intercept the call.

“Hi,” Aidan’s voice was soft. “Did you have supper yet?”

“Yeah. Did you?”

“I wasn’t hungry.” Aidan sighed.  After a moment, he said, “I know you don’t want me to know where you are. Can you at least tell me if you are somewhere safe? I worry about you, you know.”

Dean couldn’t help the smile he got at the exasperation in Aidan’s voice. “I’m perfectly safe,” he reassured Aidan. “You don’t have to worry.”

“I know I don’t have to, but I do anyway,” Aidan huffed. There was another pause, then he said, “Would it help to say I’m sorry?”

“What would you be apologizing for?” Dean asked.

“For being so rough. For hurting you. I didn’t mean for things to get out of hand, and I’m sorry.” Aidan sounded contrite.

It made Dean angry. “You mean you are sorry right now,” he said flatly. “That will last for a few days, right? Or maybe a few weeks? Then something will happen, you’ll get jealous again, or another fantasy of yours will pop up and you’ll want me to fuck Luke again. I still love you, but I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep sleeping with other people because you want to watch. This is killing me.”

“What?” Aidan sounded shocked. “You left because of Luke? You could have said no and that would have been it. He wouldn’t have been upset.”

“I did it for you! Hell, Luke did it for you too! I just wanted to see you happy! It feels like no matter what I do, it won’t ever be enough.”

Now Aidan was angry too. “Don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy it. You didn’t even want Luke to leave after the last time.”

“Oh no. You don’t get to act like you are on the moral high ground here. Yes, I enjoyed it, because both of you are amazing in bed. But you do not get to literally tie me up and give me to your best friend, then act all high and mighty about it.” Dean was fed up with all of this.

“I did it for you!” Aidan ground out. He took a deep breath, and then continued in a more normal tone. “I love you, and I did it for you.”

Now Dean was stunned. “What do you mean you did it for me?”

“I was worried you were bored with me,” Aidan said, sounding tired. “I’d see you flirting with other people, or letting them hang on you like that damned guy with the fire at Lee’s place. I was worried you’d leave me to find someone new. And now you’ve left me anyway.”

“Jed? You wanted me to sleep with Luke because you thought I was going to sleep with Jed?” This whole thing was giving Dean a headache.

“When you say it like that, it sounds really stupid,” Aidan groused.

‘That’s because it _is_ really stupid!” Dean was trying not to yell. “For someone who is so smart, how can you be such a blathering _idiot?_ ”

“Didn’t you ever wonder why I always wanted it to look like you were being forced?” Aidan didn’t want for an answer. “It was because if I had to watch you sleep willingly with another man, it would kill me. Even if it was Luke, it would have torn apart my heart.”

Quietly now, Dean told him, “You wouldn’t have had to watch that at all. I never wanted to sleep with someone else. I had no intention of cheating on you. I hadn’t planned to leave you.”

“Yeah, well, but you are gone anyway, aren’t you?” Now Aidan sounded bitter.

“I just need some time to think. I love you. Just please give me some time, okay?”

“I love you too. Okay. I’ll try. Can I call you tomorrow, though?”

“Call me after dinner.”

***

The next few days were the same routine. Dean would play around online for a while, or watch television. Sometimes he would just stare at the wall and think. Each evening there would be a tap on the door, and he would eat dinner with Lee. Then they would sit on the porch to watch the sunset while they talked. After that, he would wait for Aidan’s call.

Dean had to admit he looked forward to those phone calls. He and Aidan were actually talking things out and communicating. It wasn’t easy, but he felt like there was progress being made at least.

One day there was a knock on the door early. Wondering if everything was okay, Dean opened it. He was a little shocked to see Luke. His eyes automatically flew over Luke’s shoulder to see if Aidan was there too. Instead, he spotted Lee.

Before Luke could say anything, Lee spoke up. “I told him he has to leave if you don’t want to see him. Are you okay?”

He couldn’t help but smile at Lee’s protective tone. “I’m fine. Come on in,” he said to Luke.

Lee walked off with a wave. Luke came inside, and relaxed a bit when Dean closed the door.

“Thank God,” Luke muttered. “I was worried he was going to use that damned taser on me.”

Dean burst out laughing, and Luke gave him a serious look, telling him, “I am not joking one bit. I’ve seen him tase someone before.”

That just made Dean laugh harder. Finally he got himself back under control. Motioning for Luke to take a seat, he asked, “Not that I am not glad to see you, but why are you here if you are afraid of Lee’s taser?”

“Hey, you could do worse than to be adopted by Lee. He is as ferocious as a mother bear. And I’m here to see for myself that you are safe and sound. Aidan asked me to check on you,” Luke said as he sat at the table.

“He sent you to find me?” Dean didn’t know if that was something he should be worried about or not.

“He knows where you are,” Luke told him. “Adam called to make sure he is okay. Aidan found out you were not with any of them. So, he figured you must be out here.”

“And he sent you to see if I was shacking up with Lee?” Dean asked bitterly.

“No,” Luke replied. “He really is worried about you. He wants to know you are safe, that’s all. He also is trying to respect that you want space, or he would have been out here himself.”

Dean sighed. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m safe. You can report back that I’m not sleeping with anyone else.”

Luke crossed to him, and held his shoulders. “Don’t be like that. Aidan isn’t the only one who is concerned about you. Graham actually threatened to punch me if I didn’t at least check on you. Richard stopped him or he might have done it anyway. Adam is up in arms too. And Jimmy says you can stay at his house if you want.”

“Oh god,” Dean groaned. “I was hoping to leave everyone out of all the drama. At least until things got settled.”

Luke turned red and looked sheepish. “Yeah, about that… I think it’s my fault. I didn’t know you hadn’t told Adam you were gone. So I asked him if you were at his place. Sorry.”

Dean just waved the apology away. “It’s done, so whatever. Tell everyone I am fine, and I will call them once I get right in my own head.”

Luke sat down and searched Dean’s face. “Do I owe you another apology?”

“For what?”

“Is this my fault?”

Now it was Dean’s turn to blush. “No, it isn’t. I think it was just a mistake on my part, and Aidan’s part too. We are trying to talk it over.”

“Let me know if I can help, okay?” Luke paused for a moment, and then told Dean, “Aidan has an appointment tomorrow with one of the therapists Lee recommended.”

“Really?” Dean mused. “He hasn’t mentioned it.”

“I don’t know if he would appreciate my bringing it up, either. I thought you might want to know, though. You are both my friends, and I just want what is best for both of you. I think the therapy might do him some good. Anyway,” Luke said as he stood, “I’m off. Do you need anything?”

Dean assured the man he was fine. After a hug goodbye, Dean went up to the main house. He sat on the porch looking at the yard. There was a lot to think about.


	41. Chapter 41

It had been over a week since Dean left. He had talked to Aidan on the phone every day. Aidan would also send him random texts when he got a chance at work, or sitting at home. He got one of those texts while he was talking with Lee one evening.

“You still love him,” Lee stated.

Dean hadn’t realized he was smiling at his phone until then. He blushed and admitted, “Yeah, I do.”

“Finding love can be hard. Are you going to go back to him?”

Lee was the least judgmental person Dean had ever met. His life motto seemed to be if everyone was a consenting adult, go for it. Still, Dean couldn’t help but feel a little defensive. “Love isn’t going to mend a broken rib if he loses his temper again.”

“I know,” Lee soothed. “I’m simply curious.”

Frowning, Dean said, “I don’t know if I am going back to him or not. I feel like I am waiting for some sort of sign or something.”

“What sort of sign?”

“I guess one that shows me he is changed. Or one that shows that he is at least working on it. Or wants to change at all. Something, I don’t know.”

***

During their nightly phone call, Aidan told Dean, “I won’t be able to call at the same time tomorrow.”

“Why not?”

“Um,” Aidan sounded embarrassed, “I went to go see this guy and he set me up with classes.”

“What guy?” Dean was curious now. “And what kind of classes?”

Half mumbling, Aidan replied, “Anger management classes. It was one of the guys from the list Lee gave you. A therapist.”

This was the first time Aidan had mentioned it to Dean. “How did the therapy go?”

“Not too bad,” Aidan told him. “He asked a lot of questions and stuff. He told me to go to these classes, and set me up with a self-help group. That meets during the day, so I go on my lunch break. I’ve already been to two meetings.”

Dean wasn’t sure what to say. He wanted to ask questions, but at the same time, he didn’t want to pry. “Are you going to see the therapist again?”

“Yeah, I have an appointment the day after the class. It’s set up that way for the next few weeks. Class one evening, then an appointment the next day.” Aidan paused, then added, “I could set an appointment up for you too, if you’d like. I mean one of your own, not one with me. Unless you want to go with me, and then we can.”

Dean thought for a second, and then told him, “Maybe when you go the next time you can make one for me. Is it helping you, do you think?”

Aidan laughed and said, “I’ve only been to one therapy session and two group meetings. I don’t think anything has had enough time to help much yet.”

***

Dean had come to value his nightly talks with Lee on the porch. Some days he talked and Lee just listened. Other days Dean didn’t want to talk, so Lee filled the silence. He spoke of Orlando and his new family. In return Lee told him about the idea of safe, sane and consensual. Dean talked about his photography, and Lee confided about his ex-wife. Dean talked about cooking and Lee discussed gardening. They talked about everything and anything.

Luke came by again. He brought Dean’s camera. Dean had told Aidan last night that he wished he had it. He also brought a card from Aidan. It was simple, just something picked up at the drugstore with a hastily scrawled “I love you and miss you” inside. Still, it put a smile on his face.

Dean learned some meditation tips from Lee, and looked a few more up online. Slowly, that knot that was always in Dean’s chest began to grow smaller. Every now and again it would flare back up. A loud noise or something on the television might set it off. If that happened, Dean would just try to concentrate on his breathing. Sometimes it helped, other times it didn’t.

Aidan told Dean that there was an appointment with the therapist for him in a week. Dean just said thank you, and they dropped the subject. Dean was still trying not to pry.

Later though, he couldn’t help but ask if Aidan thought it was doing anything. He was surprised when Aidan said yes, it was making him look at things a little differently.

***

One evening Lee had left to go on a date, so Dean was fiddling around in the guesthouse with his camera. When there was a knock, he figured maybe Lee’s date had gone badly.

“Wow, you’re back early,” Dean called, walking to the door. “He must have been a complete jerk to have driven you away already.”

Dean opened the door, and stopped in surprise. Aidan was standing there with his hands behind his back. His face lit up when he saw Dean.

“I’m glad you’re here! There wasn’t an answer at the main house,” Aidan said, giving Dean one of those sunny smiles.

“Yeah, Lee’s out tonight,” Dean said absently. “Aidan, what are you doing here?”

“Oh! Here,” Aidan said, bringing a small pot out from behind his back. He handed it to Dean, saying, “It’s a tulip. I was going to get you some roses, but this looked so cheerful I couldn’t resist.”

Dean smiled and traced a yellow petal with his fingertip. “Thank you, it’s lovely. But, you haven’t answered my question. Why are you here?”

Aidan looked sheepish, and scuffled his feet a bit while answering. “I missed you. I’m sorry, and I know I said I’d try to respect your space and all. I just wanted to see that you are okay.” He kept watching his toes like the expected them to do something interesting.

Dean thought for a second, and then said, “Well, this time of day I usually watch the sunset with Lee. He’s gone though, so would you like to join me?”

He was rewarded with another blinding smile when Aidan said, “I’d love to.”

Setting the plant on a table, Dean asked, “Would you like a beer?”

“Um,” Aidan was acting embarrassed again, “I quit drinking.” At Dean’s look of surprise, he added, “No one ever gets drunk and makes good decisions. So, I thought I’d quit. The therapist agrees that it is probably a good idea.”

“How about a soda then?” asked Dean. At Aidan’s nod, he grabbed two of them, and led the way to the porch.

They each took a seat, looking at the yard, watching the sunset, drinking their soda, and not looking at each other.

Finally Dean sighed. “You know,” he said, “considering we are married, this feels awfully like an awkward high school date.”

Laughing, Aidan added, “One of the times your dad wouldn’t let you borrow the car, so you couldn’t go anywhere.”

They both grinned at each other. Dean said, “At least our parents aren’t hovering inside to see if we kiss or not.” With the tension broken, he took Aidan’s hand. “I’m glad to see you.”

“I’m glad to see you too.”

“So, tell me about this therapist. He’s the one I will be seeing too, right?”

Aidan told stories about the therapist, the anger management classes, and the self-help group. He was in the middle of talking about work when the door to the house burst open, and Lee stormed out clutching something.

Lee came to a halt when he saw them. “Dean! Are you alright?”

Dean was gripping Aidan’s hand, trying to concentrate on his breathing. “I’m fine. You just startled me, that’s all.” He was distracted by what Lee was holding. “You actually have a taser? Seriously?”

“You never know what to expect,” Lee said unabashedly. “Aidan, how are you?”

“Fine,” Aidan said as he cautiously rose from his seat. “I’m glad to see you, Lee. I owe you an apology.”

Lee just arched an eyebrow at him and waited for him to continue.

Aidan gamely pushed on. “I know I was a jerk sometimes, and acted like a possessive idiot. I’m sorry. I appreciate you being here for Dean, though. You’ve been a good friend to him. Thank you. And I can’t blame you for being suspicious,” he finished, eyeing Lee’s taser.

Lee and Dean exchanged a glance. Neither one of them had been expecting that. After a second, Lee said, “I’m glad you understand. Apology accepted.” He turned to Dean and told the blonde, “I’ll be right inside if you need anything.”

After Lee had gone back in the house, Aidan sat down again. He and Dean looked at each other for a moment.

In a stage whisper, Dean said, “It looks like Dad’s home.”

They grinned at each other and kept holding hands, watching the stars come out.

Eventually, Aidan reluctantly rose to leave. “I have work in the morning.”

Dean stood to tell him goodbye. They stood staring at each other, awkward again. Finally Aidan asked, “Can I kiss you?”

Dean nodded agreement. Aidan leaned forward, gently tilting Dean’s face up with one hand. He placed a soft kiss on Dean’s lips. When Dean leaned into it, Aidan deepened the kiss. After a few minutes, he pulled back.

“I better go,” Aidan whispered. “Can I come see you again?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah. I think I’d like that.”

With one last smile, Aidan told him, “I love you,” and left.

***

The next day, Aidan sounded subdued when they spoke on the phone. After a few minutes, he told Dean, “I owe you an apology.”

“For what?”

“We were talking in my group meeting, and I mentioned that I had gone to visit you. They pointed out that I keep saying I am trying to respect your space. In reality, I am not respecting your space at all. I barged in on you without an invitation. I asked Luke to take you your camera and that card. I keep calling you and texting you.” Aidan paused, then sighed. “I’m trying. I really am. I just don’t know what I am doing, so I’m sort of flailing around in the dark here. I’m sorry.”

“That’s… more self-awareness than I expected from you.” Dean realized how snarky that sounded, and started to apologize.

Laughing, Aidan cut him off. “No, you’re right. It’s more self-aware than I would have expected myself. Maybe the groups and classes and therapy are actually working. At least they have made me realize how messed up I am, and how far I have to go. I have a lot of things I need to work on. Apparently being clingy is one of them, and I’m sorry.”

“Thank you. For apologizing I mean.” Dean didn’t know what to say to all of that.

“Well, how about tomorrow night I wait and you can call me for a change?”

“Deal. I still like getting your texts, though.”

“So I can text you?” Aidan had a smile in his voice.

“Yeah, please do.” Dean was smiling too.

***

Dean borrowed Lee’s car and made it to his therapy appointment with time to spare. He filled out all the paperwork, but didn’t have to wait long before he was called back to an office.

The therapist introduced himself as Bret, and started by saying, “I know you are Aidan’s husband. I want you to know that whatever we talk about won’t be discussed with him. Both of you have confidentiality. If it is something that you discuss with each other, that’s fine. Or if you decide to have couples counseling and bring it up there, that’s fine too. It just isn’t something that will be brought up by me. So, with that out of the way, what brings you here?”

Cautiously, Dean told him, “Aidan and I had a disagreement and I left him.”

They started talking, and eventually Dean admitted to having that knot of anxiety. Bret seemed easy enough to talk to, but Dean was remembering his previous therapy appointment. He was just waiting to be told he was crazy and needed to be medicated.

Instead, Bret asked him, “Have you tried yoga?”

“Yoga?” That wasn’t what Dean expected to hear. “No, but a friend suggested meditation, so I’ve been working with that.”

“Meditation’s great too!” Bret was enthusiastic about the idea. “Yoga can tie into that, if you like. There are free classes at the community center. They have one class that is for men only, if you are not comfortable doing it in a room full of women. Or you can find a guide online.”

As they spoke, Dean slowly started to relax. Bret was easy enough to talk to, and seemed laid back. Finally, Bret asked, “What are you hoping to get out of therapy?”

Dean thought about it for a second, and said, “I’m hoping Aidan and I can learn to communicate better. Maybe build up a little more trust.”

“So, trust and communication between the both of you?” Dean nodded, and Bret went on, “What about for just you? Do you have any goals specifically for yourself?”

Dean hadn’t thought about it. He was thinking of therapy as something for his marriage, him and Aidan as a couple, not for himself. After staring blankly at Bret for a few seconds, he shrugged.

“That’s okay. It’s something for you to think about. You can decide if you have anything you want to work on, or if you just want to focus on your relationship. It’s up to you,” Bret told him.

When his time was up, Dean stopped at the front desk to check out and made another appointment. It couldn’t hurt, and Bret seemed nice enough.

That night, when he called Aidan, Dean felt carefully optimistic. He still loved Aidan, of course. He missed being at home. Maybe they could get this mess sorted out. Right then, he wanted nothing more than to be able to give Aidan a hug.

 

 


	42. Chapter 42

Of course, it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. One day Dean called Aidan and they got in an argument. He couldn’t even remember what happened, or what it was about. They both wound up shouting, though.

Suddenly Aidan said, “I’ll have to call you back.” Then he hung up, leaving Dean staring stupidly at his phone.

About fifteen minutes later, Dean’s phone rang. It was Aidan.

“Sorry,” Aidan said, sounding a lot calmer. “I’m still trying to get a handle on this anger management thing.”

“You hung up on me.” Dean was frustrated, but also a little impressed. He wasn’t pleased about being hung up on, but he was happy Aidan was trying to work on this.

“I know, and I’m sorry. I’ll try not to do it again, okay? One of the things they tell us to do is to take a step back when you start getting too angry. Stop and take a breath,” Aidan informed him.

“They are big on breathing techniques, aren’t they?” Dean asked wryly. They laughed, and just like that, the anger was gone.

***

Dean was talking to Lee on the porch. He asked, “Do you mind if I invite Aidan over for dinner one night?”

Lee languidly waved a hand. “Of course not. Mi casa es su casa and all that jazz. How do you feel about it though?”

With a shrug, Dean answered, “I miss him.”

“Do you want me to leave when he gets here? I can go visit friends or something. You can have the place to yourself. Or I can stay. Or I can hang out with you and chaperone. It’s up to you, let me know what you want.”

“I don’t think we need a chaperone,” Dean laughed. He thought about it for a few minutes, and asked, “Maybe you can stay though?” He didn’t have the words to explain. He wanted to be alone with Aidan, but the thought made him a little nervous. It was stupid, but it was how he felt.

Lee didn’t need an explanation, though. He just patted Dean on the shoulder and told him, “Let me know when.”

***

A few nights later, Dean was hovering over the stove. Lee was watching with amusement. Dean shot him a glare and said, “You can wipe the smirk off of your face now. Why don’t you finish fixing the salad?”

“Because when I tried to toss it earlier you yelled at me.” Lee made no effort to move.

“Well, it’s a layered salad, not a tossed salad. Oh, never mind. I’ll do it.” Dean pulled out some things from the refrigerator and told Lee, “Here, clean the strawberries.”

They worked in silence for a few minutes, and then Lee said, “I don’t think I have ever seen you quite this flustered before.”

Dean thought about that. Finally he said, “It feels like a date. I know that’s silly, but…”

“Not at all,” Lee interrupted. “It isn’t silly. And this is important, I know. I’m sorry for teasing.”

“Don’t be. I think it’s a sign of the apocalypse if you quit harassing people.” Dean hip bumped him as he walked by. The two men exchanged a smile.

“I tell you what. If you trust me to finish cleaning up the fruit, you can run and go get dressed.” Lee popped a strawberry in his mouth and started peeling a kiwi.

“Deal, if you can manage not to eat it all.” Dean headed back out to the guesthouse.

He took a shower, and then spent several minutes in front of the mirror trying to decide which shirt to wear. He finally picked one, and was checking to see how it looked, turning from side to side. He was debating changing to the purple when he looked at himself in the mirror and said, “You are being ridiculous. You look fine. Aidan’s seen you a million times. You don’t have to impress anyone.” He took a deep breath, then muttered, “Screw it,” and swiftly changed into his purple shirt.

Butterflies did somersaults in his stomach when the doorbell rang a short while later. Lee took the potholders from Dean and pushed him towards the door. Dean took a deep breath, trying to settle his nerves, and opened the door.

When he saw Aidan, he was glad he had taken care with his appearance. Aidan was wearing those skinny jeans that Dean liked, and a dark blue shirt. He had obviously taken pains to try and tame the mop of curls. When Dean leaned forward to kiss him in greeting, he smelled the aftershave he liked too.

Aidan thrust a small pot with a flower in it at Dean, saying, “Hi! I got you this.”

Seeing Aidan acting awkward and visibly nervous settled Deans’ anxiety a bit. At least he wasn’t the only one who felt unsure. Smiling, he invited Aidan in and led the way to the kitchen.

Lee was setting the table, but came to say hello to Aidan. He took the little potted plant from Dean, saying, “What a lovely orchid! Did you know they stand for beauty and perfection?”

Aidan stuttered and turned red. Just like that, Dean’s anxiety was gone. He gave Lee a grateful smile, and offered Aidan a soda.

After dinner, Lee excused himself, and Dean and Aidan went to sit on the porch. They talked for a while about nothing of importance. It had started to get late when Aidan decided to go home. Dean walked him out to his car.

Dean gave Aidan a kiss goodbye, and then hugged him. He was overcome with a sudden reluctance to let go. He nuzzled his face into Aidan’s neck, enjoying the smell, listening to the sound of Aidan’s heart speed up under his cheek.

Aidan seemed in no hurry to leave. He relaxed into Dean’s hug, and lowered his face into the blonde hair. They stayed that way for a while, and then Aidan murmured, “Will I be able to see you again soon?”

Dean nodded, whispering, “I’d like that.”

One last kiss, then Aidan left.

***

The next day, Dean was talking to Lee on the porch, watching the sun set. “Aidan is going to come by again this weekend. Is that okay?”

“I wish you’d quit asking me that,” Lee told him. “You should know by now I don’t care. Are you cooking again?”

“He said he’d take care of dinner. I guess he is bringing a pizza or something.” Dean shrugged. “I didn’t ask.”

“Do you want me to leave? Or did you want me here?”

Dean felt bad about asking, “Do you have plans? I mean, if you stay that would be great. But if you have a date or something, that’s fine.” Honestly, he wasn’t sure if he wanted Lee to be here or not. He felt safe with Lee around, but he couldn’t use the man as a security blanket forever. And he wasn’t afraid to be alone with Aidan… was he?

Dean stopped to think about that. Is he afraid of Aidan? He loved Aidan. The thought of being alone with him after so long made his toes curl a little, but in a good way. There was anticipation, excitement, and a good kind of nervousness in his stomach.

He thought of going home, being alone with Aidan there. That sent a little spike of anxiety down his spine. Why should he be worried about going home, if he wasn’t scared of Aidan? This might be a good topic to bring up in therapy.

***

So, he brought it up to Bret, and waited to see what the man had to say.

“Do you think it is the house itself?” Bret asked him.

“What, like am I scared of the house? It’s just a house.” Dean was a little confused.

“But it isn’t just a house for you, is it? It’s your home, one you share with Aidan.”

Dean thought for a second. “I don’t think it’s the house.”

“What do you think it is, then?”

“Expectations,” Dean answered promptly. He felt that familiar tightness in his chest, and knew he was on the right track.

“Has Aidan asked anything of you? Is he the one with the expectations?” Bret asked.

Dean shook his head no. “Aidan hasn’t asked really anything of me. He’s asked to come and visit a couple of times. And when I first left, he asked when I was coming home. He asked that a lot, actually.” He thought about it for a minute, and then added, “He hasn’t asked me to come home in a while.”

“Do you want him to ask you?”

“I don’t know.” Dean sighed. “What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if he thinks this is all too much work?”

“Have you spoken to him about any of this?”

Again, Dean shook his head no. What if he asked Aidan to take him home, and was told it was too late? Aidan was changing. What if he changed enough to quit loving Dean? What if he found someone else? Sometimes people grew apart. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It happened. Is that what is happening to them?

Bret sat silently for a few minutes, letting Dean consider everything. Eventually he said, “Tell me what you are thinking.”

Dean told him. After he had listed all of those concerns, he added on that he was worried about his photography business, since anything he had built up has probably faded by now. Plus he didn’t have a car anymore. He also hadn’t seen his friends in a few months.

Dean finished by saying, “Sometimes it feels like I have lost everything. It feels like I don’t have anything left.” That was the truth, right there. That was the thought that had his throat tightening up, that caused that lump in his stomach.

Logically he knew it wasn’t true. His friends would welcome him back with open arms. He could get another car. He could find another job, or build up his portfolio again. And if he had to, he could find another place to live and move on, alone and single.

He knew he could do all of those things. But he didn’t want to.

“I want Aidan back,” he confessed. “I want to go home.”

“Do you think Aidan has changed?”

“Yes. I’ve changed too. I think we can change together, though,” Dean said. “I think we can work on things together and make our relationship better.”

“Maybe you should talk to Aidan, and see what he thinks. Are you comfortable doing that yet?”

“He’s supposed to be coming over this weekend. I’ll see if I can talk to him about it then.” Dean decided to see what Aidan wanted. When they had dinner this weekend, they would talk. At least then he would know what was going on. Even if Aidan didn’t want him back, knowing had to be better than wondering about it.

Either way, he had to get his life back together.

***

Dean decided he wanted to build his portfolio back up. He started carrying his camera with him everywhere. He took pictures of flowers, bees, cars, toys, anything that caught his fancy, really.

Lee was relaxing on the porch when Dean started taking his picture. Lee just laughed and waved him away. Dean ignored that, and kept shooting.

After a dozen or so pictures, Dean stopped to review them.

“The camera loves you,” he told Lee, showing him the pictures on the tiny camera screen.

Lee shrugged and laughed. “I look horrible. I need to shave, my hair needs trimming, and my clothes aren’t exactly haute couture.”

Suddenly energized, Dean insisted he go change clothes. He followed Lee to the closet, and picked out a suit for him to wear. Dean rummaged around, and found a tie and a white shirt. He told Lee not to shave, though.

While Lee was changing, Dean set a stool in front of a blank wall. When Lee came back, Dean arranged him in the stool and took a few shots. After checking, he made a face and told Lee to take off the jacket. A few shots later, he told Lee to take off the tie.

Lee rolled his eyes, but he laughed and pulled the tie off anyway. “This isn’t going to turn into one of _those_ types of photo shoots, is it? Do you need a casting couch or something?”

Dean stuck his tongue out, but kept shooting the entire time. He’d check to see, but he thought that he just got the shot he wanted. After another fifteen minutes or so of telling Lee to stand a certain way, or to not smile, or to smile, or to sit back down, Dean was done.

When he pulled the pictures up later on his computer, sure enough, he was right. The best shot was when Lee was taking off the tie, laughing at him, head ducked down a bit, blush coloring his cheeks. He printed out a copy to give to Lee, along with a few others.

 


	43. Chapter 43

Lee was definitely being a mother hen. He watched Dean put on his shirt, saying, “Do you want me to come and check on you? I can come out an hour after he gets here. Or longer, if you’d like. Just to make sure everything is okay.”

Dean smiled at him, “Maybe we can set up a code word. If I call you and say the word sausages, it means he locked me in his trunk and is driving me out to the desert.”

Lee arched a brow. “Ha ha, very funny, smart ass. I’m trying to look out for you.”

Dean sighed and told him, “I know, I’m sorry. It’s only that this is Aidan we are talking about. Not some random guy I’m meeting that might roofie my drink.”

“If you felt perfectly safe, you wouldn’t be here, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” Lee reminded him.

“Well, I’m hoping we won’t have to deal with this much more. I plan on talking to him about it all tonight after dinner.” Dean turned to Lee and asked him, “How do I look?”

Lee ran a critical eye over him, and then said, “You should wear the green button down. That brown makes you look washed out.”

Dean huffed, but changed his shirt.

Lee went back to the main house, and Dean finished getting ready.

Dean opened the door when he heard the knock, and Aidan was standing there with a big smile. “Hello, love.”

“Hi,” Dean replied, moving so Aidan could walk in the door. “How are you doing?”

“Better now.” Aidan turned and reached for Dean’s hand. “I’ve missed you.”

Dean couldn’t stop the goofy smile he had on his face. “I’ve missed you too. What did you have planned for supper?” Whatever it was, Aidan was bare handed.

Aidan cupped the side of Dean’s face with one hand. “Actually,” he purred teasingly, “I was hoping you’d help me with this little fantasy of mine…”

Before Dean realized he was moving, he was on the other side of the room, fists clenched, heart in his throat.

Aidan looked startled. “Dean? What…” his voice trailed off and his brow furrowed as he thought about what he had said. “Oh… no no no, Dean, no, nothing like that. I’m sorry, shit, that was a poor choice of words. Daydream? Thought? Idea? Is any of that better? I’m sorry. I am fucking this all up. I only wanted it to be a fun surprise.” He hung his head and sighed.

Trying to keep his voice from shaking, Dean said, “Why don’t you just tell me what you have in mind.” He didn’t go closer, however.

“Will you just step outside for a second?” Aidan looked at him, hopeful. “You can see for yourself. It’s nothing bad, I swear.”

Dean thought that he was probably overreacting. Not trusting his voice, he nodded.

Aidan went outside first, leaving the door ajar. Dean followed, but at a distance. He stopped when he got outside, looking at the stuff in the yard.

There was a blanket spread out on the ground, and two more blankets folded and set to the side. It seemed like there were a hundred pillows scattered around by the blankets. There was a cooler and a hamper. Already out on plates was a selection of fruit, a few cheeses, and what might have been a quiche. It looked like a bakery had been raided as well, judging by the loaves of bread, cookies, and selection of cupcakes. A candle flickered inside a jar half full of sand.

Dean took a step nearer and asked, “What’s this?”

Aidan stood by the blanket and told him, “It’s a picnic. I was hoping we could eat out here. Tonight’s a meteor shower, and I thought we could watch it.” He gestured to the picnic, but made no move to get closer to Dean. “My fantasy was to be able to sit with you and watch the stars fall. That’s it.” Aidan was watching Dean now.

“You made this?” Dean relaxed a little, and edged closer.

“Yeah. Well, I set it up. I didn’t exactly make it. You know I can’t cook. Food poisoning wasn’t a part of that little daydream I had.” Aidan crouched down by the cooler. “Do you want a drink?” He held out a soda, acting like he thought Dean might bolt if he made a sudden move.

Sadly, Dean realized, it was close to the truth. He hated feeling so damned skittish. He hated this fear he always seemed to have with him. He couldn’t help it though. It’s something he needed to work on. Meanwhile, he said, “Sure, a drink sounds nice.”

Dean took the can, and sat on the edge of the blanket. Aidan smiled, and brought a soda of his own as he sat down too. It was obvious he was trying not to crowd Dean.

He gave a little mental snort, but Dean appreciated it. Aidan was trying to set him at ease, and it was working.

“Are you hungry?” Aidan asked.

Dean wasn’t very hungry yet, and probably wouldn’t be until his stomach had settled down more. He didn’t want to say so, however. “Maybe something light?”

Aidan started digging around in the hamper, and pulling snacks out. Dean watched this for a few minutes, but then had to laugh. When Aidan looked up to see what was funny, Dean asked him, “How many people were you planning on feeding?”

Aidan blushed and said, “I didn’t know if you wanted Lee to eat with us. And I wasn’t sure what you would be in the mood to eat. Here, try this.” He passed a small sandwich to Dean.

“What is it?” Dean asked, and then took a bite.

“Ham, apple, and brie on rye. That’s something I actually made.” Aidan watched anxiously as Dean chewed.

Dean smiled at the nervous look. “It’s really good. I thought you didn’t care for brie, though.”

“I’m still not a fan, but I know you like it.” Aidan went back to pulling things out of the hamper.

Looking at the sandwich, Dean felt the urge to cry. He gave himself a mental shake, sternly telling himself he wasn’t going to start weeping over the fact that Aidan remembered he liked a type of cheese. He’d let his therapist medicate him until he couldn’t move if he started crying over cheese.

Dean looked up in time to catch another anxious glance from Aidan. He gave the man a smile, and took another bite of his sandwich.

Slowly, Dean was able to loosen up as they ate and chatted. He and Aidan both wriggled around somewhat unconsciously, until they were sitting side by side.

Aidan bit into a cookie and moaned. “This is fantastic. Want to taste?” He held the cookie out for Dean to take.

Instead, Dean leaned over and took a bite. He closed his eyes and agreed, “Mm. That is good. Where did you get it?”

Dean licked his lips to catch a stray crumb. When no answer was forthcoming, he opened his eyes to see Aidan staring at his mouth. Amused, he licked his lips again, and saw Aidan mirror the gesture.

Well, at least he still wants me, he thought to himself. Yeah, or maybe he just hasn’t gotten laid in a while, and any willing body would do, that hateful small voice in the back of his mind chimed in. Suddenly uncertain, he looked away.

“Um,” Aidan stammered, “I got them at the bakery by the hospital.”

Soon, they had eaten their fill, and gotten the leftovers packed away. They sat watching the sky to see if they could see a falling star. Aidan caught Dean rubbing at his neck, and insisted on arranging pillows so they could lay back.

Dean reached over and took Aidan’s hand. “Thank you. This is nice.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

A meteor shot through the sky, leaving a blazing trail. It was gone almost as soon as Dean saw it. Excited, he asked Aidan, “Did you see it?”

“No, I missed it.” Aidan answered.

Dean turned to look at him. Aidan wasn’t watching the sky at all. He was watching Dean, a soft smile playing on his lips.

“Did you make a wish?” Aidan asked. Dean shook his head no, and he went on. “You’re supposed to make a wish on a falling star.”

“It’s a meteor, though.” Dean couldn’t help but return the smile.

“That doesn’t take away the magic,” Aidan declared. “There are those dimples. Have I told you lately how gorgeous you are?”

Dean could feel his cheeks warm. “You’re just saying that because it’s dark and you can’t see properly,” he teased.

“Sunlight, moonlight, starlight, it doesn’t matter. You’re gorgeous. I could be blind and you’d still be gorgeous.” Aidan was suddenly serious.

Dean turned and slowly leaned toward Aidan, giving him plenty of time to signal if this wasn’t wanted. When all he got was an encouraging smile, Dean scooted a little closer, and pressed his lips against Aidan’s. Aidan kissed him back, but otherwise didn’t move. Dean reached a hand up to cup the side of the other man’s face, deepening the kiss. When he pulled back, they were both breathing a little heavier.

Dean lay back against the pillows. “You’re going to miss out on your wish if you don’t watch for it.”

They both watched the sky for a while, and saw a few more falling stars streak past. Dean asked, “Did you make a wish?”

“Yeah.”

“What was it?” Dean was curious.

“Can I kiss you again? Then I’ll tell you.” Aidan smiled at him.

Dean returned the smile, and nodded, giving permission. Aidan turned, and leaned over Dean, lightly kissing him. Dean pressed up into the kiss, wrapping one arm around Aidan’s neck. They were both breathless when Aidan drew back enough to whisper against Dean’s mouth, “That was one of my wishes.”

Dean asked, “What was?”

“Being able to kiss you,” Aidan responded with a smile. “May I do it again?”

“Please do.”

Aidan did. This time, Dean pulled him closer. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed this part of their relationship too. He was already growing hard just from a kiss.

Running his lips along Dean’s jaw, Aidan tapped the top button on his shirt. “May I?”

Dean replied, “Please.” Aidan pulled the button free and widened the neck of Dean’s shirt. He ran his lips down the column of Deans’ throat when the blonde tilted his head back to allow better access.

Aidan tapped the next button, murmuring, “May I?”

Dean nodded and whispered, “Please,” and that button was undone. Aidan pushed the shirt wider, and ran his tongue over the exposed skin.

Another tap came on the next button, and another murmured, “May I?”

“Please,” another whispered reply. Dean was trying to remember how many buttons were on this shirt. Aidan did something with his lips that made Dean shiver, and he couldn’t remember for the life of him.

Tapping, and “May I?”

“Please.” Dean lifted his head to watch as Aidan unbuttoned that one. The look of heat on Aidan’s face gave him gooseflesh. He suddenly wanted to rip his shirt off, along with the rest of his clothes. Aidan’s clothes needed to go too, while he was at it. He stayed where he was though, enjoying Aidan’s game.

“May I?” with another tap.

“Please,” and then his shirt was opened all the way. Hallelujah.

Aidan dipped his tongue into Dean’s navel, causing another shiver. He mouthed his way back up the blonde’s chest, and hovered on his hands and knees over Dean. Aidan dipped his head down for another kiss, but Dean held a hand to his chest, stopping him.

“Can we take this off too?” Dean asked, tugging on Aidan’s shirt.

With one of those blinding smiles, Aidan sat back and pulled the shirt off over his head. Dropping back down, he hovered over Dean again, murmuring, “May I?” as he leaned down.

“Please,” whispered Dean, and then Aidan was kissing him. Dean wrapped his arms around Aidan’s waist, pulling him down until they were chest to chest. Aidan moaned at the contact. Dean shivered again at the sound.

This wasn’t enough. Dean cocked his leg, and rolled them over until Aidan was on his back, Dean straddling his hips. Dean ground down, and both men made a noise.

With a mischievous grin, Dean tapped on the button of Aidan’s jeans. “May I?”

Wordlessly, Aidan nodded.

Dean tugged Aidan’s jeans and underwear down over his hips, pausing long enough to pull off his shoes. Soon he had Aidan naked, laying on that blanket under the stars, looking like some pagan god.

He kneeled over Aidan’s body, bending his head. He stopped, almost touching, and murmured, “May I?” He glanced up to see Aidan watching him, nodding. He smiled, and then slid his mouth over Aidan’s erection.

Aidan made a strangled noise, and Dean glanced up to see him with his head thrown back, gripping the pillow behind him. He bent his head to his task, but it was only a few minutes before Aidan was pulling him up with a curse.

“I don’t want to come yet,” Aidan explained. He pulled on one of Dean’s belt loops and asked, “May I?”

This time, Dean’s answer was to stand up, kick off his shoes, and quickly strip out of his remaining clothes. He straddled Aidan again, then realized they didn’t have any lube. He started to say something, but Aidan’s hand wrapped around him, and all thought flew.

The feeling of Aidan’s hand, then his hard length pressed against him, was overwhelming and Dean froze, motionless. It just felt so good, so hot, and he was trying to hold back. Aidan kept moving his hand, though. It seemed like almost no time at all, and Aidan came with a curse. He still didn’t stop moving his hand, and Dean followed almost immediately after.

Aidan kept moving his hand, and Dean’s arms quivered with the effort to hold him up, until he couldn’t take any more. He pulled away, and fell to one side so he wouldn’t crush Aidan.

After wiping his hand and chest off as best as he could with the corner of a blanket, Aidan pulled Dean close to curl up against his side. Dean rested his head on Aidan’s shoulder, and it felt like coming home. Aidan idly played with his hair, and they sat in silence for a few minutes.

Finally, Aidan hugged him, and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

That wasn’t what Dean was expecting. He started to sit up to see Aidan’s face, but the brunet held him tight.

“Wait, please,” Aidan was still whispering. “Can I just hold you for a minute? I didn’t mean to do that, that’s not why I came out here, and I’m sorry.” Aidan sniffled. “Just… please don’t go yet, okay? I’m sorry.”

“Are you _crying_?” Now Dean was alarmed. “Why are you crying? Don’t cry.” He tried to sit up again, but Aidan kept his arm locked around Dean’s neck. He quit trying to sit up, and instead pushed at Aidan’s arm.

“Oh god,” Aidan groaned and whipped his arm away like he had been burned. “I’m sorry! Look, I’ll just… god, I keep fucking everything up, don’t I? I don’t blame you for being mad. I’m sorry. Don’t be mad, please. I’ll leave, okay?” He sat up.

Dean sat up too, and grabbed his arm. Aidan froze at the touch, but didn’t look at Dean.

“Why are you apologizing?” Dean tugged on his arm, but Aidan sat, unmoving. “Talk to me, please.”

“I didn’t come out here for this!” Aidan burst out, and looked at Dean wild eyed. “I wanted us to have a nice evening and have some fun and be able to relax! I didn’t come out here to… to _molest_ you and then force you to cuddle with me! And I’m sorry!” Aidan was almost shouting at this point. When he finished, he buried his face in his hands.

Dean gaped at him. He had the urge to either laugh, or choke Aidan to death. Possibly both at the same time.

“Hey,” Dean said softly. When Aidan didn’t look up, he leaned against the taller man, shoulder to shoulder. “I’m not sorry. I’m not mad, either. I enjoyed it.”

“You don’t have to patronize me to spare my feelings,” Aidan groused though his fingers.

“I just came all over your chest. Did that feel like I was patronizing you?”

Aidan dropped his hands and looked at Dean. “I didn’t come out here to try and get in your pants.”

“I don’t regret it. Do you?” Now that insecurity was back.

It didn’t last, though. Aidan blurted out, “No! I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything, that’s all.”

“You didn’t make me do anything. You didn’t pressure me. I enjoyed it. Can we snuggle some more now?” Dean lay back down and patted the blanket next to him.

Aidan lay back too, and Dean wasted no time in curling up next to him, head back on his shoulder, their legs tangled together. Aidan held Dean close, and Dean hugged him.

Dean had started to doze a little bit when Aidan murmured, “There goes another shooting star.”

“What did you wish for?”

Aidan dropped a kiss on top of his head and told him, “I already got most of it.”

They stayed like that for a long time. Dean asked Aidan to stay the night. They scooped up clothes, blankets, and all the food and dropped it inside the door of the guest house. When they had finally gathered everything up, they collapsed into bed.

Aidan spooned around Dean, pressing against his back. Dean wormed even closer, and pulled Aidan’s arm to wrap around his chest. He fell asleep surrounded by Aidan, and slept better than he had in a long time.

 


	44. Chapter 44

Dean woke early the next morning. Aidan was still sound asleep, so he quietly got up and threw some clothes on. Trying not to wake the other man, he slipped out the door and went to the main house.

Lee was already awake and dressed too. He greeted Dean and poured a cup of coffee. Handing it to the blonde, he said, “I trust last night went well?” At Dean’s questioning look, he shrugged and said, “Aidan’s car is still here.”

“Yeah, it went well.”

Searching Dean’s face, Lee said, “I have to tell you, I heard Aidan shouting last night. Something about forced cuddling? I peeked outside.”

Dean blushed, and stammered an apology.

“Nonsense, nothing to be sorry for. Yours is not the first bare ass I’ve had in my yard, and it won’t be the last.” Lee smiled at Dean’s discomfiture, and added, “I was just worried about you.”

“Everything is fine. We ended up fooling around a little and I guess it caught Aidan off guard. He said he didn’t come for that.” Dean stared at his coffee.

“You don’t look very cheerful for someone who spent the night in the arms of his beloved. What’s wrong?”

With a shrug, Dean told him, “I didn’t get a chance to talk to him about going home.”

Lee waited, but Dean didn’t say anything else. After a while, he said, “You are always welcome here. If you want to wait and talk to him later, that’s fine. Or if you don’t want to go back at all, that’s fine too. It’s up to you.”

There was a tap at the door, and Lee let Aidan inside. Lee excused himself, giving Dean a sympathetic look.

Aidan was bleary eyed, with his hair going everywhere. He had put on his clothes from last night, but he was still barefooted. He dropped into a seat by Dean and laid his head on the table.

Dean looked at him, amused, and asked, “Why are you even out of bed when you look like you are still asleep?”

“Woke up and you were gone,” Aidan mumbled. “Missed you.”

“Want something to drink?” Dean got up and poured a glass of juice, setting it in front of Aidan.

Aidan blinked at the glass for a minute, then sat up and drained it. He stayed upright, but didn’t look much more awake.

“Do you want to go back to sleep?” Dean asked.

Aidan nodded, saying, “Come with me?”

So Dean went back to the guesthouse, and found himself being snuggled tightly. They didn’t bother to undress this time, and Dean started to sweat. Still, he was reluctant to move.

Dean felt a kiss on the back of his neck, and he whispered, “Are you awake?”

“If I say yes, do we have to get out of bed?” Aidan whispered back.

“We can stay here for a bit.”

“Then yes.” Aidan nuzzled his face into Dean’s hair. “You smell good.”

“Can we talk?”

Aidan’s arms tightened briefly around Dean, then relaxed. Aidan murmured, “Is it too late to say I am sleeping?” Dean shot a look over his shoulder, and Aidan sighed and told him, “Of course we can talk.” He started to sit up, but Dean held his arm and pulled him close again.

Dean didn’t know how to start. “I’m just wondering where we stand, I guess.”

Aidan stilled, and asked, “What do you mean?”

“I mean us, our relationship.” Dean thought for a second, and then whispered, “Do you still love me?”

Aidan pulled on his arm, “Hey, roll over and look at me, please?” Dean flipped over so they were nose to nose. Aidan took his hand and told him, “I still love you. I’ll always love you. I can’t imagine a world where I don’t love you. What’s this about?”

“You haven’t asked me to go home in a while. Do you still want me back?” Dean hated that his voice sounded small and quiet. He couldn’t help it though.

Immediately, Aidan said, “More than anything. I haven’t asked you because I want you to come home because you want to be there, not because I pressured you into it.”

“What if I wanted to go back today?”

“You want to go home?” When Dean nodded yes, Aidan broke out of his dazzling smiles. “Now? We can go now, if you want! Or later, whenever you want to go.” He pulled Dean into a bone crushing hug.

Dean couldn’t help but laugh at Aidan’s enthusiasm. “I thought you wanted to go back to sleep."

“I can’t sleep now. I’m too excited to sleep!” Aidan pulled back, and gave Dean a kiss. Suddenly serious, he hugged Dean again, burying his face against the blonde’s neck. “I’m scared.”

Dean held him and asked, “Why are you scared?”

“What if I screw things up again? What if you leave again, and next time you don’t come back?” Aidan whispered, not letting go of Dean.

“We’re both going to screw up. We’re only human. We can talk it out, right?” Dean hugged Aidan, trying to get over his own insecurity.

Aidan nodded and then pulled back to kiss Dean. “Whenever you are ready to go home, I’ll take you.”

***

Being at home felt weird, Dean decided. Everything was familiar and he was happy to be there. Only he had been gone long enough for everything to also feel new. He walked all over the house, reacquainting himself with everything. Aidan trailed behind him like he was reluctant to let Dean out of his sight. Dean hoped that wouldn’t become a habit, or it would drive him nuts.

Dean ended up out in the backyard. He was looking at his flowerbeds, which were in miserable shape.

“Sorry,” Aidan said from behind him.

“What for?”

“I’m not much of a gardener. I forgot all about your plants.” Aidan came up and hugged Dean from behind. “Honestly, I’m not sure which is a weed and which is a plant.”

“I can show you, if you’d like.” Dean relaxed into the hug.

“I’ll leave that to you. You can tell me what to do, and I’ll help.” Aidan held him for a moment, and then asked, “Is there anything you want to do?”

“How about we curl up on the couch and order a pizza?

“Deal.”

***

They settled back into a routine. Some days Dean would drive Aidan to work so he could keep the car. Then he’d go out to the modeling school and do head shots for the students’ portfolios. Some days he’d go to the park, and take pictures of children at the playground and email the photos to the parents who wanted them. Soon he started getting calls about more portfolio shoots, or personal portraits, or events. Gradually, he got his photography business up and running. He had a wedding scheduled for next month, and a bar mitzvah after that.

Dean looked around a bit, and finally found a car he wanted. It was used, and a little beat up, but he loved it. After spending some time dickering over the price, he was finally able to come to an agreement, and bought it. He hadn’t realized how much it would affect his sense of independence.

He and Aidan both started going to the yoga class for men at the community center. Dean wasn’t sure about it affecting his mental well-being, but it was exercise at least. Plus it was relaxing, and physically challenging. He started to notice he was becoming more flexible, as well.

They both kept seeing Bret individually. Aidan kept going to his classes and self-help group meetings.

One thing they didn’t do was spend time in the basement. They still had sex, but it was more of the vanilla variety. Aidan kept treating Dean like he might break. Dean didn’t object to this new tenderness, but he felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He didn’t know how to bring it up, though, so he kept quiet about the matter.

He mentioned it to Bret at a session, though. Bret asked him what he wanted to do, or if he wanted to do anything at all.

After thinking it over, Dean said, “I wouldn’t object to playing. Only not so rough, I guess.”

“It sounds like you discovered your limits. Maybe you need to talk to Aidan and set some boundaries,” Bret suggested.

Dean agreed, and decided he would think about it. Once he figured out what he was willing to do, and what was out of the question, he’d talk to Aidan. In the meantime, everything was going nicely. He didn’t want to rock the boat just yet. Everything seemed to be going just fine.

One day Aidan sent a text. <<Picking up dinner, do you want soup or a salad with it?>>

<<Salad I think. Get extra dressing tho.>>

A few minutes later: <<Sorry, alrdy got soup>>

For some reason, this annoyed Dean. He tried to ignore it, but it kept bothering him. His mind kept returning to it like a tongue poking at a sore tooth. He tried to forget about it, and that didn’t work. Eventually he was seething at the dinner table.

Aidan noticed he wasn’t eating. “Is something wrong with the food?”

Dean exploded. “Why did you even bother to ask me what I want? You just go ahead and get what you think I should have anyway. I didn’t want the damned soup!”

Aidan gaped at him. “I tried to ask, but you weren’t answering. There was a line, and they were waiting for me to order. I didn’t know you wanted the salad.”

“I answered as soon as I got the stupid text!” Dean realized he was shouting now, and shut up.

“Next time I’ll call before I get in line. Okay?” Aidan asked. He had an expression on his face like he was just waiting for Dean to lash out again.

Dean nodded and excused himself from the table. He went in the bathroom and ran cold water over his hands, trying to concentrate on his breathing. They may have come a long way, he realized, but they still had a long way to go.

***

They were going to bed, and Aidan was spooned around Dean in his customary place. Dean figured there was no time like the present.

“Are you awake?” he whispered. When Aidan said he was, Dean went on, “I wanted to talk to you about the stuff in the basement.”

A cautious “Oh?” was all Aidan said.

“Are you still interested in doing… all that stuff?”

“I haven’t really thought about it much,” Aidan said.

“It’s only if you are, I think we need to set some ground rules.”

“What ground rules did you have in mind?”

Dean pushed on, but was starting to feel embarrassed. “Only some boundaries or something. Like nothing that causes actual bloodshed. And no other people involved, just you and me. Plus if we want to try something, we talk about it first and see if we are both interested in doing it, and how far we want to take it.”

Aidan was quiet for a minute, then said, “So you are willing to play some more?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, “as long as we can respect each other’s boundaries.”

***

“Were you really angry about the soup?” Bret asked.

“I didn’t even want the soup,” Dean complained.

“I understand that,” Bret persisted, “but do you think you were angry about something else, and the soup was just convenient? Was there some anger transference going on?”

Dean felt a flash of resentment when he realized Bret was right. Then he immediately felt stupid. The man got paid to be perceptive. It’s his job. Getting angry about that is ridiculous.

Dean sighed and told Bret, “You’re right. The soup wasn’t the problem.”

“What was the problem, do you think?”

Dean didn’t want to say. “It’s stupid.”

Bret shrugged. “Feelings just exist. We may feel dumb for having them, but they are still how you feel. So no matter what, your feelings are still valid.”

After a minute of thinking about it, Dean muttered, “I’m just waiting for something to happen.”

“Something like what?”

“Aidan’s being so nice. We agree about a lot, and when we disagree we talk it out. We have gone out a few times and he hasn’t acted jealous at all. We have started to get in an argument a few times, and he just goes for a walk or something and calms down.”

“So it sounds like he might be getting a handle on his anger. What do you think about that?”

“I’m just waiting for it to stop.”


	45. Chapter 45

“Can you come here, love?” Aidan called.

“Sure,” Dean replied, going into the kitchen. He didn’t see Aidan, though. “Where are you?”

“The basement.”

“What did you need?” he asked, stopping at the doorway. They hadn’t done anything in the basement since he had gotten home. He wasn’t sure if the knot in his stomach was anticipation or nervousness.

“Come down and I’ll tell you.” Aidan sounded nervous, too.

With a sigh, Dean went down the stairs.

Aidan was standing there, barefoot and shirtless, next to a table. On top of it were the leather cuffs, a blindfold, and a gag. He gave Dean a small smile. “I thought we could try something different for once.”

“Like what? Aidan, I think…” Dean’s voice trailed off as Aidan picked up a cuff, and started to put it on his own wrist. “What are you doing?”

“Putting on the cuffs,” Aidan said, like it was perfectly obvious.

“I see that,” Dean huffed. “Why? You don’t like being tied up.”

“Normally, no I don’t.” Aidan picked up another cuff and started putting it on his other wrist. “But, I trust you, and I would like to try this.” He got that cuff fastened, and looked at Dean. “Can we?”

Dean thought that Aidan looked half hopeful and half terrified. He knew Aidan had control issues, and wondered what this was costing him. “We don’t have to do this.”

“I know, but I want to.”

After a moment, Dean asked, “What did you have in mind, exactly?”

And Aidan told him. While he was speaking, he took off his pants and stripped down to bare skin. Sitting on top of the table, Aidan buckled the remaining cuffs on to his ankles. When he finished speaking, he held the tiny padlocks out to Dean.

“Why now? Why do you want to be tied up now, when you didn’t ever before?”

Still holding the padlocks out, Aidan explained, “I’ve wanted to try it for a while, I guess. It’s hard to give up the power though. There wasn’t anyone I trusted enough. Except you. I trust you. And maybe we will both hate this and never want to do it again. But I wanted to try it with you. If you want to try it, I mean. If not, that’s okay too, love. We can forget it.”

Dean knew exactly how it felt to be naked and wearing those cuffs. He thought Aidan must be feeling even more vulnerable, since he hadn’t done this before. Dean couldn’t deny he found the idea intriguing. Maybe more than intriguing, since he was already half hard just thinking about it. He took the locks, and snapped them on the cuffs. Aidan gave him a smile, but was still a little wide eyed.

Dean stepped closer, and hugged Aidan, and then kissed him until he felt the other man relax a little and start to respond. Dean led him to the cross, and restrained him. He slid the blindfold over Aidan’s eyes, but stopped before he put on the gag.

“I won’t do the gag. I need you to be able to tell me if this isn’t working. Okay?” Dean waited until Aidan nodded. “Flowerpot’s our word, right?”

“Right,” Aidan murmured.

Dean went to the chest where they kept all their equipment. He stirred things around, making sure to rattle them and make noise. He saw Aidan’s breath speed up and his head turn, tracking the sounds.  

Aidan had suggested the flogger, but Dean didn’t trust his ability to wield it. This might be his only chance at this, so he wanted it to be fun and memorable. He didn’t want to have to spend time trying to figure out how to use a flogger only to end up tired and frustrated. He picked up a riding crop instead.

Dean walked back over and stood behind Aidan for a long moment. He reached out and lightly ran the tip of the crop down Aidan’s spike. Aidan shivered, and Dean did it again.   Then he ran the crop down Aidan’s side and watched the skin prickle into gooseflesh.

“I’m in control now, right?” Dean asked. He wanted to make sure Aidan was okay with that idea. Aidan mumbled something. Dean lightly tapped his back with the crop. “I didn’t catch that.”

“Right, you’re in control,” Aidan said a little louder.

“So if I deviate from your script, that’s okay?”

Aidan nodded and said, “Yes.”

Dean ran the tip of the crop up the inside of Aidan’s thigh. Aidan shivered again. He turned and tossed the riding crop on the table, and Aidan jumped at the noise. That might have been Aidan’s suggestion, but Dean had other ideas.

Silently, Dean dropped to his knees. Spreading Aidan’s cheeks apart with his hands, he leaned forward and ran his tongue down the cleft of Aidan’s ass. Aidan made a choked noise that only encouraged Dean. He kept on, licking, sucking, gently biting, until Aidan was gasping and rolling his hips for more. When he finally pulled back, Aidan whined.

The noise made Dean chuckle. He untied the cuffs from the cross, and guided Aidan back and then down until he was lying on the mat. Dean swiftly fastened Aidan’s wrists to the table leg, restraining them above his head. Then he stood up and grabbed the lube, tossing it onto the mat beside Aidan.

“Do you know how stunning you look?” he asked, stripping off his clothes. “Seeing you all laid out like that just makes me want to eat you up.”

Kneeling beside the bound man, Dean dipped his head and began to make good on his words. When Aidan was bucking his hips and writhing, Dean reached over and got the lube. After making liberal use of it, he slowly pressed a finger into Aidan.

Aidan made a sound that had Dean pulling back, asking, “Aidan? You okay?”

Nodding frantically, Aidan told him, “Don’t stop! It feels good, I’m just not used to it, please don’t stop.” He rolled his hips down against Dean’s hand.

Obliging, Dean pressed his finger back into Aidan, carefully watching the other man’s face. What he saw was encouraging, so he bent his head down again.

He kept teasing Aidan with fingers and hands, tongue, lips, and teeth, until they were both covered in sweat and Aidan was begging to be fucked. He continued until Aidan was almost ready to come, then pulled away. He watched Aidan squirm as he applied lube to himself. Aidan stopped when Dean settled between his legs.

“Ready?” Dean asked.

Sounding exasperated, Aidan replied, “I’ve been ready for _hours!_ I want you inside me,” and wrapped his legs around Dean.

“So eager,” Dean murmured, and pressed forward slowly. They both gasped, and Aidan threw his head back. Once Dean was completely seated, he held still.

It seemed like forever until Aidan rocked his hips and asked Dean to move. He started slowly, but was encouraged by Aidan’s soft words. After a few minutes, he pulled one of Aidan’s legs up to rest on his shoulder, and thrust forward hard. He was rewarded when Aidan cried out. He kept that angle, pegging that sensitive spot inside Aidan.

Soon, Aidan was begging him not to stop, and to touch him, make him come. Dean kept the pace he had set though, watching Aidan. He felt like everything was magnified. He almost thought he could hear the sweat running down the brunet’s skin. He continued until Aidan was desperate, then he propped himself on one arm, reaching between them to wrap his hand around the other man’s erection. He began thrusting harder.

It seemed like no time at all, and Aidan came with a shout. Dean didn’t stop, and was only able to last until Aidan was finished. He came with a shout of his own. For a minute, all he could do was lay on top of Aidan and pant.

When he thought he could move again, Dean reached up and grabbed a towel and the keys from the table. He untethered the cuffs, helping Aidan move his arms down. After he wiped them both off a bit, he pulled the blindfold from Aidan’s face. He unlocked the padlocks and took the cuffs off, setting them aside.

Aidan gave him a goofy smile. “That was incredible.”

Dean lay back on the mat, pulling Aidan against him. Aidan came willingly, and rested his head on Dean’s chest.

“That was fun,” Dean agreed.

“Now I don’t remember why I was so worried about being tied up.” Aidan hugged him tight, and asked, “Can we do that again?”

“I think I may need a nap first. And a drink.”

Laughing, Aidan assured him, “I didn’t mean right now. I don’t think I have it in me right now either. I mean sometime. We can do it again sometime, right?”

Dean dropped a kiss on Aidan’s forehead and told him, “Yeah, we can do it again sometime.”

***

In a session with Bret, Dean told him, “I had another panic attack last night.”

“Do you know what set it off?”

“Kind of,” Dean said. “I was doing dishes and Aidan came up behind me. He hugged me, and it startled me. I freaked out and ended up hyperventilating in the bathroom.” Dean huffed and then said, “I hate this. Will I ever get over those?”

Bret looked at him for a moment, then asked, “What would you do if you broke your leg?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean if you fell when you got home and broke your leg, what would you do?”

Dean didn’t see the point of the question. “I’d go to the doctor and get a cast, I imagine.”

“What if you became diabetic?”

“I guess I’d learn to give myself a shot, or whatever. Why are you asking me this?”

“I’m wondering why you are so opposed to the idea of medication when it is no different from diabetic needing insulin to live. Or from using a crutch when you break your leg. Or from getting treatment to fight cancer. Medications can be a life saver for people.”

Dean could see his point, but still, “I just don’t want to be doped up all the time.”

“With the rate of anxiety, depression, and other mood disorders, I can promise you that you know at least one person who is on medication,” Bret gently pointed out. “Do any of your friends act doped up all the time?”

Dean thought about that. Lee had admitted to having panic attacks too. He didn’t seem doped up. None of his friends acted doped up. In fact, he couldn’t name a single person he knew that acted like they were doped up. He sighed and shrugged.

“There is a medication you can take on an as needed basis,” Bret went on. “If you are having bad anxiety or a panic attack, you can take it, and it will help. You don’t have to take it if you don’t feel like you need it. Will you consider it?”

After a few minutes, Dean started asking questions. He wanted to know side effects, dosages, what to expect, and everything he could think of. Bret answered all his questions. If Bret didn’t know the answer, he had a book on medications he referred to, or he looked it up on the computer on his desk.

When all his questions were answered, Dean took a deep breath and said, “Fine. I’ll do it.”

Bret gave him a reassuring smile, saying, “You sound like you expect to be shot or something. This isn’t a permanent solution. It’s no different from using a crutch. You use them when you need them, and then stop when you don’t. Okay?”

“Okay,” Dean agreed.

Later, at home, he was staring at the bottle. He didn’t know if it was the power of suggestion, or if he was really having anxiety, but that knot was sitting in his stomach, and he had a hard time getting a deep breath.

“No time like the present, I guess,” he murmured, shaking out one of the pills. It didn’t look like much, just a tiny blue oval. He tossed it in his mouth and chased it with a swig of water. Then he stuck the pill bottle in the cupboard by the sink.

He started puttering around, deciding what to fix for dinner. He was chopping vegetables at the counter when Aidan came in.

He heard the door shut, but it didn’t startle him really. That’s when he realized that knot in his stomach was gone. He didn’t know if the pill really worked or if it was a placebo effect. He didn’t care. Either way, the knot was gone for the first time in what felt like forever.

Dean set the knife down, and went in search of Aidan. He found the brunet in the bedroom, changing into a pair of sweatpants.

“Hi, love. How was your day?” Aidan greeted him.

With a smile, he said, “Hopefully about to get a whole lot better.” He pushed Aidan back to sit on the bed, and then straddled his lap.

Aidan returned the smile and told him, “Well, I’ll see what I can do.”

Dean laughed, and then bent his head for a kiss.


	46. Chapter 46

Dean went to visit Lee. He wasn’t sure what time he’d be back, so he wrote a note and left it on the table for Aidan.

He wound up spending more time out there than he had planned. It was nice to be able to talk to Lee. At one point he confessed to taking medication. Lee just said good, because he takes it too. It made Dean feel a little better about the whole thing.

When Dean got home, he found Aidan sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

Aidan jumped up and wrapped himself around Dean. “You came back!”

“Um, yeah, I did. I went to Lee’s for a bit. Didn’t you find my note?” Dean was perplexed.

“I read it. It just said you were going to Lee’s. I thought you had left again,” Aidan murmured into his hair.

“Oh no, Aidan, I’m sorry,” Dean hugged him tight. “I just went to visit. I’m not leaving again.”

Aidan sniffled, and Dean held him.

***

The next poker night was at Adam’s house. Dean was barely breaking even, so he decided to take a break. He went to the kitchen to get a drink. Richard and Graham soon followed.

“How are you doing?” asked Richard. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine,” Dean tried to reassure them. “Aidan and I are working out our problems.”

Adam slipped into the kitchen behind Dean, and Jimmy squeezed in as well. It was starting to feel a little crowded.

“Next time, let us know if you need some help or a place to stay, anything at all,” Adam poked Dean in the ribs.

“You know you can always come to us for help, Deano,” added Jimmy.

“Or we can just have Graham beat him up for you,” added Richard.

“What? Don’t volunteer me to beat people up. Why me?” Graham frowned at Richard.

“Because you’re such a manly man,” simpered Richard. “You are just so big and strong,” He squeezed Graham’s bicep and batted his eyes.

“Stop that,” Graham said, pulling his arm away.

Richard flung himself backwards into Graham’s arms. Graham caught him, and it looked like an awkward dip in a dance. Richard cooed, “Oh, Graham, you’re my hero!”

“Stand up and quit acting like an idiot!” Graham muttered, turning red.

“And leave the shelter of your arms? Never!” Richard blew kisses.

“Whatever.” Graham got an evil grin, and then opened his arms.

Richard landed flat on his back in the middle of the kitchen. The look of surprise on his face was priceless. The rest of them dissolved into laughter while Graham sauntered off, calling everyone a bunch of morons.

Dean gave Richard a hand up. Once he was upright, the taller man gave Dean a hug, telling him, “Seriously, it is good to have you back. We missed you.”

“I missed you too. Are you going to let me win a hand now?”

Richard gave him a smile and clapped him on the back. “I didn’t miss you that much.”

***

The wedding shoot turned into the job from hell. The bride got drunk even before the wedding started, and had to basically be poured into her dress. Dean was supposed to be taking sweet pictures of the bridesmaids helping her put on her dress and veil. Instead, she was drinking wine like she expected to never see another glass of the stuff. As the only man in the dressing room, he was starting to get very uncomfortable with the jokes and innuendo. A few of the women didn’t bother to be subtle, and one flat out propositioned him. Finally the mothers of the bride and groom arrived and put a halt to that. Dean was able to get a few photos, then retreated to the crowded chapel.

After the wedding, he got the traditional portraits taken care of, and headed to the reception hall. Finally he was done with all the official things, and started circulating, getting candid shots. This wedding had gotten started later than expected, and now was running overtime. He made a mental note to make a clause about that in the next contract.

At the end of the night, he found himself in the kitchen. At least someone had been considerate enough to provide him and the videographer with a meal. They talked as they ate, and wound up exchanging business cards. Dean enjoyed working with her, and they hoped they could team up again. She said she had a meeting with a few potential clients, and was more than happy to refer them to Dean for the portraits. Dean offered to return the favor if he could.

Dean didn’t get home until very late. Or maybe by that time, it was early in the morning. He wanted nothing more than to shower and crawl into bed. Trying to be quiet, he carried in his bags of equipment, and set them by the door.

“Where have you been?” Aidan’s voice startled him.

“Sorry, did I wake you? The wedding took a lot longer than I expected,” Dean said. He looked at Aidan standing in the hall. Dean took note of the tension in Aidan’s shoulders, the clenched fists, the lowered brows, how the muscle in Aidan’s jaw was twitching. He felt his heart sink.

“I thought it was supposed to be over around one.” Aidan came closer.

“It ran over, and then I got caught up talking to some of the staff,” Dean said. He could hear the quaver in his own voice, and hated it.

Aidan must have heard it too. He stopped where he was and took a deep breath. “I’m going to go make us some tea,” he said, and whirled away, heading for the kitchen.

Dean leaned back against the door, trying to concentrate on his breathing. He ended up sitting on the floor, knees up, head down. It wasn’t working. Every time he thought of the anger on Aidan’s face, his throat tightened up a little more. He told himself that everything was fine. Aidan had control of his anger. They weren’t even having an argument. They would have a cup of tea, he could tell Aidan about the fiasco of a wedding, they would laugh about it and go to bed. His body didn’t believe him, however.

“The tea is ready…. Dean? Are you okay?” Aidan’s voice held nothing but concern. “Do you want me to grab one of your pills for you?”

Dean nodded, and Aidan left, then came back almost immediately with a pill and a bottle of water. Dean took them, swallowed the pill, and then put his head back down on his knees. He heard Aidan sit down on the floor next to him. A few minutes later, he was able to finally draw a deep breath. Aidan reached over and rubbed his back.

“I’m sorry,” Aidan said. His voice was so low Dean could hardly hear it. “This one was my fault, wasn’t it?”

Dean didn’t want to say yes, so he only shrugged.

Aidan wasn’t fooled. “Yeah, it was. Can I hug you?”

Still not quite trusting his voice, Dean nodded, and leaned into Aidan’s side, allowing the other man to put his arm around Dean’s shoulder.

Aidan held him for a minute, and finally said, “I am still trying to get a grip on this stuff. I was worried, and ended up turning that into anger. It was inappropriate and I’m sorry. Will you be okay?”

Dean looked up and told him, “Yeah, it’ll be okay. Do you think the tea is still warm?”

With a relieved smile, Aidan said, “If it isn’t, I’ll make you some fresh. Do you want to talk about your night?”

Dean was starting to think that maybe he didn’t have to wait for the other shoe to drop after all. Maybe Aidan really was starting to get a grip on his anger. Now if he could only get a better grip on his own issues, things would probably be a lot better.

They had a cup of tea at the kitchen table, unwinding while Dean told Aidan about how bad the wedding had been. Finally they had both relaxed enough to get tired, and went to bed. Dean fell asleep with Aidan warm against his back.

***

Lee called to tell Dean he was having another party. “I haven’t told Luke or Aidan yet. I wanted to run it by you first. Also, Jed was asking about you. He’s going to be having another lesson if you are interested.”

Dean thought about it for a second. He remembered that Aidan had always been jealous of Jed. While it may be petty, he thought that maybe this could be a small test of sorts. If Aidan could handle Jed’s innocent flirting without flying off the handle, then maybe he really has changed.

“We’d love to be there. I’ll let them know. Do you want me to bring anything specific?” Dean asked.

“Do you think you could make some of your rumaki?”

“Consider it done.”

“Shall I tell Jed that you are coming?” Lee teased.

“You can if you like,” Dean said, but then added, “Just don’t give him any false hope. He seems like a nice enough guy, but I’m not interested.”

***

That weekend, Dean found himself in Luke’s backseat again, balancing a pan full of rumaki, and a plate full of peanut butter kiss cookies. Aidan has the backpack with the restraints in it, along with a few other toys. He and Dean had already discussed that, though. Dean said he would consider putting them on, but it depends on how he felt when they arrived. He wasn’t willing to wear them all night. Aidan said he wasn’t comfortable wearing them around anyone else. So, the things may just stay in the bag all night, and they were both okay with that decision.

Dean had also told Aidan that Jed would be there, and he was going to join in on the lessons. He had practiced a little with the unlit beginner’s poi Jed had given him. He was hoping to be able to try it lit tonight without help. Aidan didn’t seem exactly thrilled, but was resigned.

When they got there, Lee took his accustomed place, hanging on Luke. Dean took his goodies into the kitchen, and was warmly greeted by the people he recognized.

Jed walked in to get something, and his face lit up when he saw Dean. “I was wondering what happened to you! Where have you been?”

The greeting had Dean feeling bad. He liked Jed, but didn’t want to encourage him to think something beyond a friendship was possible. He tried to subtly hint that when he said, “My husband and I were working out a few things. You’re doing another workshop tonight, I hear?”

“Yep! Are you gonna come play?”

“I’d love to.”

This time Jed had brought fire fans too. After watching for a bit, Dean stepped up to see how to use them. Jed was still doing his hands on approach to teaching, but Dean didn’t say anything. He noticed Aidan and Luke standing to one side, but he put them out of his mind to concentrate.

After a few minutes, Jed asked if he felt like he could use the fan alone, and Dean told him yes. He spun it around like Jed had shown him, and started to gain confidence. He decided to try one of the flips, but when the fan came back, the angle was wrong. The end of the metal by the wicking was glowing red hot, and landed against the inside of his arm. With a gasp, he jerked away, dropping the fan on the ground.

Jed threw a bucket of water on the flames before they had a chance to spread. Aidan was there, insisting he look at Dean’s arm. Luke helped Jed, and Lee brought a first aid kit from the porch. Dean was starting to get a little embarrassed by all the fuss.

He found himself ushered inside and instructed to hold the burn under cool water. He took the opportunity to introduce Jed and Aidan, since he couldn’t remember if they had ever actually met.

Aidan checked his arm, and decided to bandage it. After the first aid was finished, Aidan threw his arms around Dean’s neck, hands trembling. Dean returned the embrace as best as he could with one arm.

Later, on the way home, Aidan told him, “That really scared me. I had a mental image of you catching on fire.”

Dean tried to reassure him, “It’s not a bad burn at all. It probably won’t even scar.”

Aidan rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. “I guess it’s too late to ask you to do something else for a hobby. Stamp collecting is supposed to be fun, right?”

That night in bed, Aidan clung tightly to Dean. Dean was about to ask him to ease his grip when he said, “I don’t like you playing with fire. I don’t like Jed, either. I think he’s more than a little interested in you.”

Dean wasn’t sure what to say, so he started with Aidan’s first statement. “The burn was an accident. It could have happened to anyone, and now I know what not to do, and how to be more careful.”

Aidan kissed the back of Dean’s neck, telling him, “I know, love. I don’t like it though. Will you promise me something?”

Dean asked, “What?” He expected Aidan to ask him to quit, not talk to Jed, and just forget about the whole idea of playing with fire.

“Don’t do it alone. If you insist on doing this as a hobby, let Jed show you how. He seems to know what he is doing. And if you practice in the yard, let me know. Have someone around in case something goes wrong. Okay?” Aidan sounded resigned.

Surprised, Dean rolled over to look at Aidan. “That isn’t what I expected you to say.”

Aidan gave him a rueful grin. “Yeah, well, I’m still working on this clingy and possessive thing. I’d prefer you not do it at all, but I know you enjoy it. So I will ask that you be careful and take precautions so you don’t turn into a human torch or something. Deal?”

“Deal.” Dean sealed their bargain with a kiss.


	47. Chapter 47

Watching television after dinner, Dean turned to Aidan on the couch and nuzzled his ear. “Why don’t we go to bed a little early tonight?” the blonde asked.

Aidan pulled back with an apologetic grin. “I really want to see the end of this show, love. If you like, you can go ahead. I’ll be along as soon as it’s over, okay?” He gave Dean a swift kiss, and then turned back to the television.

Nonplussed, Dean agreed and headed to bed. He got undressed and crawled under the covers, figuring Aidan would be along shortly. He fell asleep waiting.

Aidan was already gone to work when Dean woke up the next morning. He found a note on the coffee maker though, saying that he had looked so peaceful Aidan hadn’t wanted to wake him. With a snort, he threw the note away.

The next time it happened Aidan wanted to finish a chapter in the book he was reading. A couple of days after that, he wanted to get to a save point in his video game. Then he wanted to stay up to watch the weather report on the nightly news. One night Aidan said he was exhausted and went to sleep directly after dinner. Soon it felt like Dean was going to bed alone more often than not, or Aidan was already there and asleep.

One day Dean was listening to Aidan come up with some other stupid excuse about not going to bed yet, and he snapped. He stood up and said, “You know what? I don’t care. Stay out here and watch your show, or read, or whatever the hell you do that is so important to you that you don’t want to sleep with me. Do you even know how long it’s been since we had sex?” Aidan started to say something, but Dean interrupted. “I’m sick of hearing it. I’m spending the night in the spare room.”

Dean turned his back on Aidan’s astonished face, not interested in hearing any more excuses. He went to the guest bedroom, but then realized he didn’t have anything to sleep in. Since he didn’t want to go into the bedroom and possibly have to deal with Aidan, he decided to sleep naked, and stripped off to bare skin.

He was draping his pants on the chair when the door burst open. Aidan stalked in, shoved Dean backwards, and pinned him up against the wall. Dean lifted a hand, unsure if he was going to push Aidan away or pull him closer, but before he had a chance to do anything, Aidan grabbed that hand, and pinned it beside his head. Aidan tangled his other hand in Dean’s hair, and pressed his body hard against him, until Dean could barely move.

“I know exactly how long it’s been since we’ve had sex,” Aidan growled in his ear. “I’ve been trying to be nice.” He tightened his hand in Dean’s hair, pulling harder. “I’ve been trying to be sweet.” He pulled Dean’s head to the side, baring the blonde’s neck. “I’ve been trying to keep myself under control, when all I want to do is hurt you and watch you writhe.” He set his teeth into Dean’s bared neck, slowly increasing the pressure, until Dean whimpered then cried out. “I love that noise you make.” He released his grip on Dean’s hair, reaching down between his legs instead. “I love how your body responds for me. And I love that all I have to do is look at you, and it makes me hard. So don’t ever, _ever,_ think that I don’t want you.” He grabbed Dean by the shoulders, jerking him away from the wall, and then caught both of his wrists behind them. “And if you think you are sleeping in here, away from me,” Aidan pushed Dean forward, not releasing his wrists, “then you are sadly mistaken, love.”

Aidan marched Dean into their bedroom. He shoved the smaller man face down on the bed, and then settled down on top of him, pinning his wrists down. Aidan ground against Dean’s ass, letting him feel how hard and eager he was to be there. Dean shuddered.

Aidan stopped, and rested his head against Dean’s back. After taking a minute to catch his breath, Aidan asked, “Flowerpot is the word, right?”

Dean nodded and then murmured, “Yeah, flowerpot.”

Aidan licked a wet stripe up Dean’s neck, then instructed him, “Don’t move. I am going to get something, and I expect you to be right here when I get back. Understand?” When Dean didn’t answer immediately Aidan bit his neck, getting another cry. “I asked you a question. Do you understand?”

This time Dean answered yes. He felt Aidan rise, and heard him walk off. Dean stayed where he was, and in no time at all, Aidan returned. Without saying anything, Aidan put the cuffs on Dean’s wrists, and then fastened them together behind his back. He kicked Dean’s legs apart, and knelt between them. First he used his mouth and tongue, then his fingers, and teased and worked Dean open until the blonde was squirming and begging.

“I don’t think you want me enough yet.” Aidan reached over and grabbed something else. Dean couldn’t see what it was, but he soon felt it. It was the prostate stimulator. Aidan slowly slid it into position, but didn’t turn it on. Instead he pulled Dean until he was off the bed, kneeling in front of Aidan.

“Look at me,” Aidan commanded. When Dean looked up, Aidan started undressing, talking the entire time. He pulled off his shirt and said, “You have no idea what this does to me.” He kicked off his shoes, still watching Dean. “Seeing you on your knees, knowing you are at my mercy." He grabbed the remote to the stimulator, and clicked it on to the lowest setting. Dean gasped and closed his eyes, but Aidan was there immediately, pulling his hair and growling, “I said look at me!”

Dean looked back up, but could barely keep his eyes in focus. His breathing was coming quicker, and he was fighting not to arch back into the vibration.

Aidan unbuttoned his pants, saying, “I love knowing that look on your face is from the things I am doing to you.” He flicked the vibrations up another notch, and Dean cried out. Aidan laughed and pulled off the rest of his clothing. “And I love knowing that by the time I am done with you, you will be completely ruined.”

Aidan stepped closer and grabbed Dean’s hair, telling him, “Open your mouth.” Aidan slid his hard cock into Dean’s mouth slowly, until he bumped against the back of the blonde’s throat. He pulled back a bit, enough so Dean could breathe comfortably, and then flicked the vibrations up as high as they would go.

Dean cried out around Aidan’s length, and would have fallen over if it wasn’t for Aidan’s grip in his hair. Aidan trust shallowly into Dean’s mouth, still leaving the vibration on high. Soon Dean was moaning and whining, rolling his hips, trying to find relief.

Aidan flicked off the vibration and stepped away. Dean sagged forward, panting, but Aidan didn’t give him any time to relax. He grabbed Dean by the neck, forcing his head down, keeping his ass in the air.

Dean felt the stimulator removed, and had a brief flash of embarrassment. That quickly faded when Aidan reached between his legs, lightly rubbing his erection. Dean arched his back, trying to get more contact. Instead, Aidan pressed harder on the back of his neck, and slapped his ass.

“You’ll get what I want to give you. Don’t be greedy.” Aidan started teasing him with one finger. Dean tried to hold still, but soon he was rocking his hips, trying to get more. “Tell me what you want.”

“Fuck me, Aidan, I want you to fuck me,” Dean asked, breathless. He moaned when he felt Aidan’s blunt heat line up, and cried out when Aidan thrust forward hard.

It was rough, hard, fast, brutal, and exactly what Dean wanted. Aidan kept him pinned down by the back of his neck, and he couldn’t do anything but lie there and take it. He came so hard he couldn’t even make a sound, and shortly after that, Aidan came with a shout.

They both collapsed on the floor in a sticky, sweaty heap, unable to do much more than pant. Aidan got the cuffs off of Dean and fell on to his back. Dean rolled over, and laid his head on Aidan’s chest.

After they started to catch their breath, and their heart rates started to return to normal, Aidan pulled Dean close. After a few minutes, Aidan sighed and said, “I’m sorry.”

Dean pulled back to see his face, asking, “Why?”

“I know you said you were willing to play around like this, but only if we talked it over first. I didn’t give you much of a chance to talk. And I’ve been trying to stay away from you for a while, because this was all I’ve been able to think about lately. I don’t know if I can go back to having just vanilla sex.” Aidan didn’t look Dean in the face as he said all this.

Dean sat up, and poked Aidan in the side. “I never asked you to just have vanilla sex. I did ask you that we discuss it if we were going to try anything new. And I said I wanted it to only be us, no one else. I’ve already told you that I don’t mind this stuff.”

Now Aidan was watching Dean’s face carefully. “I know. I told you I don’t mind bottoming, or wearing the cuffs. I just don’t think that I can do it too often.”

“When I told you that I was willing to play around in the basement and stuff, I didn’t mean with me always in charge. I’m flattered that you trust me enough for that, and that you will consider doing it again. But that wasn’t all I had in mind when I agreed. Because honestly, I love what we just did. I love when you tie me down, dominate the hell out of me, and blow my mind.”

“Are you sure?” Aidan sounded so uncertain it made Dean’s heart hurt.

“Absolutely positive. I just want us to be able to talk about doing different things and decide together if we both want to try them. I want us to know our boundaries and respect them. This is something we should explore together, the two of us, not just spring on each other. Don’t you think?” Dean didn’t really want any more surprises that involved someone else.

“So what if I want to try something new?” Aidan was still watching Dean like he expected the blonde to jump up and run away at any second.

“Then we will talk about it and see if we both want it. Okay?”

Aidan gave him one of those trademark blinding smiles. “Okay, that works for me. Now how about we get off the floor?”

Dean stood up, and helped Aidan to his feet. They staggered off, arms around each other, and took a quick shower to rinse off.

When the finally wound up in bed, Aidan was spooned around Dean. Dean fell asleep surrounded by everything Aidan, with a smile on his face.

 


	48. Chapter 48

Dean got a call from Cate, the videographer he had worked with at the wedding that had turned into a fiasco. She told him that she had shown a client his sample portfolio, and they wanted to hire them as a team for an anniversary party. It was short notice, but Dean agreed to take the job. After getting all the information and emailing the paperwork, Dean was happy that his networking skills seemed to be working out.

Aidan was playing around on his computer, and Dean told him about it. He asked if Aidan wanted to come along and help. “You can be my assistant for the night. I could probably use a little help carting things around.”

Aidan paused his game and turned to Dean. “I’m sorry love, but I already offered to cover a shift at work. I won’t be off in time to help.”

“Oh, that’s okay…” Dean started to say, but Aidan had already turned back to his game.

Dean tried asking Adam, but he had a hot date with Luke. One of Jimmy’s kids had a basketball game that night, and he couldn’t miss it. Finally Dean reasoned he could do it by himself. He’d done it before, after all. One day he’d have to hire an assistant, though. Maybe Jimmy’s oldest daughter wouldn’t mind making a little extra money here and there.

***

The party was being held in the same building where Dean and Aidan had their wedding reception. When he pulled up, he didn’t see any cars, and the place looked empty and dark with the curtains drawn shut. He drove around back and was relieved to see Cate standing by her van.

Dean got out and greeted her. “I’m glad to see you! I was worried I might be in the wrong place.”

Cate glanced at her watch and said, “We might be a little early. I thought I saw someone moving around inside when I drove up. Let’s see if we can go ahead and get set up, or if they want us to wait.”

Walking to the door, he told her, “It’s a beautiful spot. This is where my reception was.”

“Good!” she replied. “Then you know the layout. Lead the way.” She followed Dean as he went down the hall into the main room.

After fumbling a bit, Dean found the switches, and flipped the lights on.

“SURPRISE!” A shout came from all directions, and Dean froze like a deer in the headlights. His first thought was that he had accidentally ruined someone’s party.

That idea vanished as soon as he saw Aidan standing in front of everyone, holding out a bouquet of flowers. All of his friends were there: Richard and Graham, Adam and Luke, Jimmy and his wife, along with their entire brood of kids. Lee was there and had brought Jed as his date. Several of Aidan’s coworkers were there, and some of Dean’s favorite students from the modeling school.

Aidan came forward and gave Dean a big hug. “Are you surprised, love?”

Dean hugged him back, but was confused. “I’m very surprised, since it isn’t my birthday, and I have no idea what’s going on.”

“We’ve never had a chance to have an anniversary party, so I wanted to throw one,” Aidan explained.

Now even more confused, Dean pointed out, “It isn’t our anniversary, either.”

Sounding anxious, Aidan said, “I know, and I’ll explain that in a minute. This is okay, though, right? I mean… you’re okay with it?”

Trying to reassure him, Dean said, “Hey, I thought I would be stuck working tonight, and instead I find a party. What could be the problem with that?” He was rewarded with one of Aidan’s blinding smiles.

Dean accepted a glass of wine, and caught Cate as she was edging toward the door. “Where are you going?”

“My work here is done,” she stated. “I was just supposed to get you here.”

“Oh no, you don’t get off that easy,” Dean said, latching on to her arm, and pulling her into the party. He introduced her to Jimmy’s wife, who immediately adopted her. When he saw the two women were getting along, he knew Cate was in good hands, so he went in search of his husband.

Dean found Aidan talking to a few of his coworkers. As soon as he could, he pulled Aidan away. “Not that I don’t appreciate all of this, but you promised to explain the reason behind a not-anniversary party.”

“It’s a very merry unbirthday, too,” Aidan said with a grin.

“If I find a drowsy dormouse in a teapot, I am not going to be too thrilled,” Dean laughed.

Aidan led Dean to a table, and asked him to sit and wait there. After a short time, Aidan returned with a giant fruit basket. He set it on the table, and beamed at Dean.

“Wow,” Dean was trying to think of something to say, “that is… a lot of fruit. Um. Thank you.”

Aidan laughed and told him, “The traditional gifts for this anniversary are flowers and fruit.” He pointed to the bouquet and basket, saying, “I think we have those covered. But since we’ve never exactly stuck to tradition, I got you these, too.” He pulled an envelope out of his back pocket, and passed it to Dean.

Dean opened it and pulled out two tickets for a cruise. He just looked at them for a minute, until Aidan asked in an uncertain voice, “Do you like them? We can always do something else, or go somewhere else if you want.”

Dean jumped up and threw his arms around Aidan’s neck. “I _love_ them. I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise. Thank you.”

Relieved, Aidan hugged him back, telling him, “That’s why we are having the party tonight. We will be on a ship for our actual anniversary.”

Jimmy walked by, calling after one of his children. When that failed, he thrust a baby at Dean, and took off after whichever child was in trouble this time.

Dean had gotten used to holding children of various ages over at Jimmy’s house, so he just started to walk around with the little girl, bouncing her a bit and cooing to her. He told her, “That’s your uncle Aidan. Can you say Aidan?” The wide eyed child looked at Aidan for a moment, then broke out in a huge smile and made a noise that might have been a word of some sort.

Aidan grinned back and told Dean, “She tried to say my name!”

“Sure she did.” Dean laughed and rolled his eyes.

“Hey, don’t start! The child obviously knows her handsome uncle when she sees me,” Aidan cooed and tickled the baby, then laughed when she blew a spit bubble.

Jimmy had gotten his other child sorted out, and came to reclaim the baby from Dean. Aidan watched them walk off, then wrapped one arm around Dean’s shoulder.

“Love? I was just wondering something,” Aidan said, in that oh so casual tone of voice that he got when he was going to try and talk Dean into something.

Dean wasn’t sure if he should dread that voice or welcome it. “What were you wondering?”

“Have you ever given any thought to being a father?” Aidan asked, still watching Jimmy holding the baby.

Dean gaped at him, speechless.

Aidan glanced at Dean, then hurriedly said, “I don’t mean any time soon.”

Dean closed his mouth, and then pointed out, “We are missing something if we plan on having a baby. Mainly, you know, a _woman._ In case you hadn’t noticed, neither one of us has the parts for that.”

Aidan poked Dean in the ribs and told him, “Don’t be a wise ass. I was thinking about adoption. And it wouldn’t have to be an infant. There are lots of children out there who need a home, and someone who cares about them.”

Watching Jimmy playing with his kids, Dean wasn’t sure what to say. “Isn’t this a little out of the blue?”

“Yeah,” Aidan said in that casual tone, “but it’s something to think about, isn’t it?”

“I guess so.”

***

A few months later, Dean was leaning on a balcony outside their cabin. The sight of all that water, all that open sky, with nothing else around made his throat tighten up a bit. He looked down at his feet and concentrated on his breathing for a few minutes until it passed. He had his medication in his suitcase. He just wanted to avoid taking it if he could.

Aidan came out and put his arm around Dean’s waist. They stood in companionable silence for a few minutes. Finally Aidan asked, “Is there anything you wanted to do first? They are having a show tonight. And the nightclub opens in a couple of hours if you want to go dance. Or we could go to the pool and swim. Someone told me that they are having a sing along in the piano bar, and a movie on one of the decks. Name it, and we’ll do it.”

Dean took Aidan’s hand, and told him, “I’d like to sit out here with you and watch the sun set.”

With a brilliant smile, Aidan said, “I think that can be arranged.”

So they sat, hand in hand, on the tiny balcony. The sunset looked amazing, reflecting off the water, turning the sky shades of pink and orange, finally deepening to violet, and then black. They watched as the lights from the ship reflected off the water, and the stars came out. They were talking about going back in and finding an activity to do when a star shot across the sky.

“Did you see it?” Aidan asked with a smile. When Dean nodded, he asked, “What did you wish for?”

Dean thought about when Aidan had first came into the café where he worked and gave him a bear hug because he was excited. He thought about their little house, and the gardens he had finally gotten back into shape. He thought about their arguments, and the therapy, and that they could discuss something now without it turning into a shouting match. He thought about everything they had gone through, and everything they had put each other through. He thought about all his friends, both old and new. He thought about his business, and the stuff he hoped to plan with Cate. Then he thought about the future. It was uncertain, but he was hopeful. He knew he had a lot of things he needed to work on, but he thought he could do it.

Aidan was still looking at him expectantly, waiting to hear about his wish.

Dean leaned over and gave him a soft kiss. “I haven’t made a wish yet. I’m saving it for a rainy day.” Aidan laughed, and Dean gave him another kiss. “I have an idea about what we can do, though.”

“Oh? Did you finally decide? Just please don’t tell me you want to play bingo. I don’t think I am up for that.” Aidan gave him a mock pout.

“Oh, I think you’ll be up for what I have in mind.” Dean stood, and pulled Aidan up. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Dean.”

With a smile, Dean tugged Aidan to the bed.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you to everyone for all the kudos and comments and encouragement. I never would have made it through all this without you. Special thanks for all of you that have stuck with me since I started this whole thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, kudos, and comments! 
> 
> As always, I am over at Tumblr. Feel free to come say hi! 
> 
> [[My personal blog]](http://myseri.tumblr.com/)   
>  [[My writing blog]](http://saucywenchwritingblog.tumblr.com/)   
> 


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